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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

September, 2012

UFC Tonight & Ultimate Insider Recap: Updates on Rory MacDonald, Jon Jones, and the Greatest Flying Knees in the UFC

Another Tuesday night has come and gone which means Fuel TV was the destination of choice for most MMA fans. At least it probably was, if A.) you are lucky enough to have the channel and B.) weren’t too busy watching Tosh.O or Sons of Anarchy. Now that I think of it, I’m guessing a total of four of you actually watched last night. Not to worry, Potato Nation taters you guys, we watched UFC Tonight and UFC Ultimate Insider for you and laboriously jotted down all the juicy news and rumors for your enjoyment. Here’s what you missed:

Reminder: UFC on Fuel 5 starts at 4pm ET this Saturday. Plan your weekend accordingly.

Speaking of UFC on Fuel 5, one half of the main event Stefan Struve attempts 4.5 submissions per 15 minutes of fighting but has 0% takedown defense. That is not a typo. He has been grounded each of the four times an opponent has attempted to take him to the canvas. I’m no expert, but isn’t that a little troubling? Maybe it’s all just a part of “Skyscraper”‘s master plan considering 16 the BJJ purple belt’s 24 victories come by way of submission. It’s kind of hard to argue with results like that.

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Point/Counterpoint: “Playing the Game” and Whether Selective Enforcement of the Rules is Good for MMA


(“No, God Damn it, we’re on the Y part of the song, not the A! Have you guys even heard The Village People before?!”

We’re only three weeks into the NFL regular season, yet fans all over the country have become infuriated with the league over the blown calls and inconsistency of the replacement referees who have been officiating games during the referee lockout. The fact that last night’s Seahawks vs. Packers game was literally decided by the poor interpretation of the league’s simultaneous catch rule has been the focus of water cooler discussions all over the country – even here. Yet this inconsistency is hardly unique to the replacement referees, or even professional football. As MMA fans, we see this all the time.

Case in point: During the main event of Saturday’s UFC 152, Vitor Belfort threw a kick at the head of a “downed” Jon Jones. Despite this being against the rules, ”Big” John McCarthy simply said to Jon Jones “You wanted to play the game.” Is this selective enforcement of the rules good for our sport? Today George Shunick and Seth Falvo will make the arguments for and against this practice.

The Argument For, by George Shunick:

Let’s get this out of the way; the phrase “you’re playing the game” stems from a fundamental dissonance in the Unified Rules of professional Mixed Martial Arts. Namely, that stomps, soccer kicks and knees to the head of a downed opponent are maneuvers that should be allowed in accordance with the philosophy of the sport, but can’t due to certain political realities and, arguably, health and safety concerns. So certain situations arise, like Vitor Belfort throwing a head kick at a crouching Jon Jones, which defy the rules, but not the spirit of them.

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Street Fight of the Day: “Bumblebee” Digs “Big Red” A Shallow, Snowy Grave [VIDEO]

Here at CagePotato HQ, we’ve decided to take a break from our regularly scheduled programming to bring you this street fight video. On the scale of Worst…Street Fight…Ever to Redneck Defends Fiance’s Honor, Wins on Points, we’d have to rank it somewhere above the latter, if only for the decisive, not to mention completely unexpected finish it provides. Plus, an onlooker shouts, “Kick his ass, sea bass!” and there’s even a very audible “F*ck him up!” tossed in for good measure, so this video basically appeals to all audiences.

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Armchair Matchmaker: UFC 152 Edition


(Matt Hamill plays airplane with his freakishly large, Progeria-ridden child after defeating Roger Hollett earlier in the evening.)

It may be a futile effort to draft up these Armchair Matchmakers given the chaos that injuries are creating at every turn these days, but God damn it, a comedic MMA website has to have its principles! So with that in mind, we decided to scour through the wreckage left behind by UFC 152 and provide some potential opponents for the UFC to consider when booking the night’s biggest winners down the line. Join us and voice your opinions in the comments section, won’t you?

Jon Jones: Despite his best trolling efforts, it appears as if the UFC will actually show some common sense and wait to see if Chael Sonnen can at least defeat one “contender” at 205 (you know, the one he’s supposed to face) before expediting him right to a title shot because the fans apparently control the matchups all of a sudden. We were all for Sonnen/Jones on 8 days notice, but it’s clear that Jones only has two opponents truly worthy of getting ground into dog meat by him next. The first is Dan Henderson, who Jones blamed for the whole UFC 151 fiasco in the first place. He’s clearly next in line in a division that is suddenly absent of marketable contenders (sorry, Alex) and will hopefully be back to his normal H-bombing self before osteoporosis sets in and we have to go through this all over again. The second option…well, let’s just say that he would give Jones an offer that he could neither refuse nor defend. Specifically, “Five of these across the sneeze.”

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Gina Carano to Star in ‘All-Female’ Version of The Expendables


(With her continued film success, we may never get to see Gina weigh in for a fight again. Alas…)

Former MMA champ Gina Carano has been tied to yet another Hollywood major motion picture, according to Variety:

As ‘Haywire’ star Gina Carano continues to establish herself as an action heroine with an upcoming turn in ‘The Fast and the Furious 6,’ the former MMA fighter has become attached to topline an all-female riff on ‘The Expendables.’

And you thought you were turned on by watching the original Expendables flicks, nation. We can get behind this project for sure.

We don’t know much else about the film yet but Adi Shankar, who produced The Grey, Dredd 3D and Brad Pitt’s new mobster movie, Killing Them Softly, is going to be producing it.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to make a movie that is supposed to be the female version of ‘The Expendables’ without Gina Carano in it,” Shankar was reported as saying. “It would be like making Twix without caramel or Jamba Juice without jamba.”

Yeah, those are two really weird examples to use as analogies but we’re excited to see Carano in anything that involves her kicking ass in very little or at least tight clothing.

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Despite What “Rampage” Jackson Says, Linear Knee Strikes Are Much Ado About Nothing


(Who knew keeping your back against the cage was effective defense? This kept Vitor’s knee from ending up like Willis McGahee. Pic Props:Ryan Kightlinger)

By Jason Moles

Yesterday on The MMA Hour with Ariel Helwani, your all too friendly, neighborhood reporter-humping, cage fighter made an appearance. And, as per usual, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson left the MMA world with a lot to talk about after withdrawing from UFC 153 and using TRT to trading verbal jabs and “F*ck you!”‘s with former TUF 10 contestant, Matt Mitrione. What was more notable from the interview was Jackson’s criticism of light heavyweight champion Jon Jones and his dirty, dirty knee kicks.

Vitor took the fight on short notice, and this is how you respect him, by kicking his knee backwards and stuff like that? He’s supposed to be a man of God. You can injure somebody, you can sever their career. You can mess people up for life kicking their knee back like that and he does it repeatedly, over and over. To me that has no honor. I take a lot of honor in fighting. He has no honor.

The former Pride and UFC champion went on to question why the athletic commission even allow “stuff like that” to be legal, arguing that if Jones keeps fighting dirty like this, he’ll put everyone on the shelf and won’t have anyone left to fight. As it would turn out, he’s not alone. TheScore.com’s Adam Martin took to twitter to voice his displeasure of the use of linear kicks to the knee as well and reminded his followers that the CSAC already bans the technique.

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Cut Man Says Charles Oliveira Injured Knee Warming up Backstage Before UFC 152


(On the topic of painful leg injuries…)

We all saw lightweight Charles Oliveira get dropped and finished by Cub Swanson Saturday night at UFC 152. What we didn’t see, according to cut man Jacob “Stitch” Duran, was Oliveira injure his knee just before fighting Swanson while warming up in the locker room.

“I do know that in preparation for going out there, warming up, he twisted his knee,” Duran told MMA Junkie.

Duran also said that Oliveira needed assistance walking up the steps into the Octagon to fight Swanson. Junkie could not immediately reach Oliveira or representatives of the fighter but pointed out that “medical suspensions made public…on the Association of Boxing Commission’s official record keeper, mixedmartialarts.com, stated that Oliveira has drawn an indefinite term and needs a CT scan or MRI to be cleared to fight.”

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Design the Next CagePotato T-Shirt and Win Some Cash!


(The unofficial first submission, via Wads.)

You know, Jared’s right — we could use a fresh CagePotato t-shirt design around here. And while I don’t necessarily agree that our next shirt should feature the bizarre catchphrase of a diabetic XARM fighter, it’s always fun to see what the artistic types in the Potato Nation can come up with when presented with a challenge.

And so, we hereby announce the Tater Williams Memorial CagePotato T-Shirt Design Contest of 2012, Bitches. The rules are simple…THERE ARE NO RULES. Well, maybe there’s a couple rules. Shirt designs can be based on anything MMA-related, but must incorporate our name and/or logo (image links below), and must be e-mailed to contest@cagepotato.com by October 16th. That gives you three full weeks to find inspiration and hustle something up. We’ll announce the winner(s) by the following Monday.

If we actually use your design to produce shirts, we will give you $100 cash, straight up. Plus, there’s the whole pride-of-victory thing, and the knowledge that your creation could end up being seen in literally tens of sports bars and gyms one day. Sound good? Any questions, let us know in the comments section.

- CagePotato logos white/black (PDF)
- CagePotato white logo (lo-res jpeg)

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[VIDEO] Ed O’Neill a.k.a. Al Bundy and The Gracies Breakdown Vitor Belfort’s “Nearacle” Armbar


(O’Neill, seen here earning his brown belt the hard way.)

Until Ron Swanson graced the small screen with his mustachioed, government busting, breakfast food-loving presence, Al Bundy was considered to be far and away the manliest man ever created in the history of television, bar none. Perhaps in an attempt to live up to his character’s Polk High legendary athlete status, portraying actor Ed O’Neill took up BJJ some 22 years ago and received his black belt under Rorion Gracie in 2007. An avid MMA fan, we’ve seen O’Neill talk shop with such legends as Chuck Liddell on Fox Sports’ Barfly, but recently, he decided to join Ryron and Rener Gracie for one of their infamous Gracie Breakdowns to discuss and demonstrate Vitor Belfort’s near miracle (or the shortened “nearacle” as we’ve dubbed it) armbar of Jon Jones in the first round of their fight at UFC 152.

And we gotta say, Bundy O’Neill definitely knows his stuff. His assertion that Jones may actually welcome wrist control from the guard as a way of setting up an elbow strike is an incredibly astute observation to make and one I hadn’t personally considered when dissecting Jones’ game, so a kudos is in order for the Emmy-nominated star of Modern Family. Although Vitor has admitted to easing off the armbar when he heard Jones’ arm pop, the Gracies believe that had Jones not attempted to slam his way out of the armbar, Belfort would have never even come close to pulling it off in the first place. We know Jones claimed that he needed to embrace his Jiu-Jitsu a little more after the fight, and perhaps moments like this confirm that, but the fact that the champ was able to submit a black belt like Belfort with a picture perfect Americana shows that he surely knows a thing or two about the ground game when he needs to.

Check out the full video, which also breaks down Jones’ fight-winning Americana, after the jump.

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Ronda Rousey Tweets Photo That Was “Too Sexy” For Oxygen Magazine


(Now if only Ronda could play the saxophone…)

It’s hard to imagine that bits and pieces can still impress you so much once you’ve seen the whole thing, but that is clearly the case for Ronda Rousey. The Strikeforce Women’s Bantamweight champ recently stripped down to this little number for the cover of women’s fitness magazine Oxygen , and according to the tweet she sent out that accompanied it, her photos were apparently “deemed too sexy” for a magazine whose covers often look like this:

Picture shot by @paulbuceta (http://paulbuceta.com ) deemed “too sexy” to use for @oxygen_magazine 

Say what you want about Rousey being a one-trick pony in the ring, but she is clearly coming into her own as a model. I mean, just look at her face here. It’s seductive, yet controlled, inviting yet distanced, like a stripper who is trying to act interested as you complain to her about those damned TPS reports. This woman is clearly well-rounded in the art of looking hot.

All we’re saying is if this fighting thing doesn’t ever take off for Ms. Rousey, she has a solid career to fall back on.

-J. Jones

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