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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

September, 2012

Mondays Suck, So Here’s Arianny Celeste in Various States of Undress [VIDEO]

No, I did not alter the title of this photo.
(“OK, Ms. Celeste, we want this calendar to reflect both your future and your past, which is why I’m going to need you to kick in the window of that Ferrari for this next shot.”)

Allow me to take you through my thought process whilst attempting to determine a worthy enough post this morning:

OK, Jared, another weekend, another dead hooker in the trunk, but that’s not important, you must focus on an MMA-related topic for the time being…let’s see here, Nick Ring has his next fight booked against Constantinos Philippou at UFC 154, but no one cares about that………dammit, Latisha, you just had to threaten to call Big Ron again, didn’t you?! Focus, focus…uh…Marloes Coenen said Ronda Rousey has “no balls”…I suppose that is true, but not really newsworthy, because bitches be crazy, right Latisha? *attempts high five, receives no response*….think Jared, what would the Potato Nation like to start their Monday off with? *looks over to Latisha once again*…TITS. Of course, it’s so obvious! Time to break out the lime, I mean computer, and get started!

So while it may not be all that significant that a behind-the-scenes video of Arianny Celeste’s 2013 Calendar shoot was recently released online, please trust that this is probably the most captivating bit of news you could come across this morning given the options at hand. So just shut up and enjoy Ms. Celeste rocking no shirt like only she can.

Video after the jump. 

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CagePotato Video Tribute: 11 Insane MMA Fighter Movie Cameos


(‘Here Comes the Boom’ trailer, via FilmsActuTrailers. It’s basically like Warrior, but with barf.)

Kevin James has been one of the UFC’s most visible celebrity fans, and he clearly called in a few favors for his upcoming MMA comedy, Here Comes the Boom. The movie centers on a 40-something science teacher who turns to cage-fighting to raise money for his school, and features our hero Bas Rutten in a supporting role, as well as cameos from Jason Miller, Krzysztof Soszynski, Joe Rogan, and Bruce Buffer. With Boom slated to hit theaters on October 12th, we decided to round up a bunch of our favorite MMA fighter movie cameos. And as you’ll see, they’re usually not hired for their acting ability…

Movie: Blood and Bone (2009)
Fighter: Gina Carano

You know, it’s nice to see women entering the world of underground illegal fighting rings. Before she was Mallory Kane, Gina Carano got her feet wet in the movie business as a badass female street-fighter. Later, she asks Michael Jai White to call her, maybe.

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Lorenzo Fertitta Breaks Down UFC’s India Strategy


(During international expansion negotiations, UFC CEO Lorenzo Fertitta lets his pecs and arms do the talking.)

MMA Junkie has an interesting item up on their site from UFC CEO Lorenzo Fertitta where the owner/executive discusses the organization’s expansion into India. If you’re anything like this writer, your initial reaction to the news that the UFC was looking to break into the sub-continent nation with The Ultimate Fighter: India was, “Yeah, that’s a huge market! What with all their people, and such. Wait, do they like MMA in India? Are there Indian MMA fighters?”

Perhaps you’re much more worldly and cultured than I (more than likely) and didn’t think that. But in the Junkie article, Fertitta admits that the UFC is starting from scratch in India. He just believes that there are cultural forces and trends that might make Indians of a certain age very receptive to MMA and the UFC.

“It’s a market we think has a lot of potential, but we are literally starting from ground zero,” Fertitta said. “People (there) really don’t know anything about this sport or the UFC.”

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[VIDEO] Manhoef and Minowa Snap Losing Streaks Against Less-Than-Worthy Competition at Road FC 9


No, the legendary Super Hluk title was not on the line.

At a glance, these fights could have just as easily been included in this morning’s can-crushing roundup. Both fights featured established names taking on little-known Korean fighters with less-than-stellar records- one of which ended rather predictably. But perhaps that wouldn’t be a fair interpretation of the phrase “can-crusher.”

Over the past three years, Melvin Manhoef has deteriorated into a fighter who is only capable of defeating his own shins, having gone 1-4 (1) since 2009. Last night, Manhoef was matched up against 14-9 (2) Korean fighter Jae Young Kim. Despite his mediocre record, Kim had won ten of his fights by knockout and wasn’t lost on the ground, either; his most recent fight was a victory by North-South choke against Hee Seung Kim.

The duo produced an entertaining three round fight that saw Manhoef walk away with a split-decision victory. Manhoef may have looked slow at times, but his ground game appears to be less of a liability than it has usually been, as he was taken down but never submitted. He now stands at 25-9-1 (1) overall.

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[VIDEO] Can-Crushing Roundup: Pudzianowski and Blachowicz Victorious, Panajotovic Pulverizes Pathetic Foe


*sigh*

Sometimes, there’s no shame in being a can crusher. As much as we love watching close fights between our sport’s top fighters, some of our sport’s most entertaining finishes came to fruition because a fighter of reasonable competence was locked in the cage with an utterly hopeless ham-n-egger. There’s nothing wrong with pounding the bejesus out of a hapless jobber every once in a while, which is exactly what Mariusz Pudzianowski, Jan Blachowicz and Dusan Panajotovic did yesterday. Fortunately for us, they filmed it for posterity as well.

At thirty-five years old, “can crusher” is probably the ceiling for five-time World’s Strongest Man Mariusz Pudzianowski’s MMA career. The odds of him ending up in the big leagues outside of his home country are pretty slim- which is perfect, because he seems more than content to smash freaks and nobodies in front of enthusiastic Polish fans. At yesterday’s KSW 20, Pudzianowski faced 4-1 Greek American prospect Christos Piliafas. All of Piliafas’ fights have ended by TKO- four of which in the first round. A technical grappling clinic this would not be, as Pudzianowski scored takedowns and eventually punched out Piliafas 3:48 seconds into round one. Unfortunately, videos of this scrap have quickly been taken off of YouTube. We know, we’re just as heartbroken as you are.

But as a consolation prize, we’re going to offer you KSW Light Heavyweight Champion Jan Blachowicz’s successful title defense against Houston Alexander from the same card. A win over Alexander may not mean too much anymore, yet Blachowicz never appeared in trouble throughout the fight. Unfortunately, save for an armbar at the end of round one and a triangle choke at the end of round two, neither did Alexander. Okay, so it’s a pretty lousy consolation prize. Whaddayagonnado?

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Best GIFS of The Day: LFC 14


I’ve been trying all day, but I can’t seem to find *any* opportunities for sophomoric humor. Props to Zombie Prophet for the GIFs

The Legacy Fighting Championships promotion may anywhere near the most famous or popular MMA organization out there but hot damn their fighters put on a great show Friday night in Houston Texas. Since you probably didn’t see LFC14 last night, we’ve got you covered with some of the best GIFS from the event.

Crazy chokes, power punches and even a honest to God sidekick to the head that lands cleanly…in MMA competition! Catch it all after the jump.

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‘The Ultimate Fighter 16′ Episode One Recap: One Step Closer to the End


Meh.

Perhaps you are part of the ever-diminishing group of people who chose to watch The Ultimate Fighter on a Friday night before going into town on a taxi, having a couple of drugs, having dinner, having a threesome, going home again, having a shower, going out again, more drugs, more threesomes – basically living the rock n’ roll lifestyle of the 18-34 year olds that this show targets. Or perhaps you are straight edge, in which case TUF serves as a warm-up for your night of  Mr. Pibb (or some other beverage, if you enjoy missing all the cool things), lines of Pixy Stix and threesomes. You know, standard practice.

If you tuned in during the first episode, the good news is that you were treated to a night of actual fights instead of drunken arguments, disturbing pranks and more of the stuff you hate about the show. Sure, we still had multiple dudes entering the cage sporting Tatanka/Jorgensen hawks, but not everyone can pull off a normal haircut, I guess.

Right off the bat things get awkward between Dana White and Roy Nelson. Before the fights, Big Country informs the fighters that it’s important to entertain the fans, but winning should be their main priority. Dana White lets Shane Carwin address the UFC hopefuls before he tells the fighters how wrong Roy Nelson is for saying that. That moment probably would have been pretty effective in building interest in the Roy Nelson vs. Dana White storyline if Dana White hasn’t been telling everyone who will listen how fed up he is with Big Country.

As for the actual fights, we’ve got results after the jump, including team selections.

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Chael Sonnen is Training to Fight Jon Jones Next Week!

(What has 2 thumbs and can muffle a fart on the first date?)

By Nathan Smith

Dan Henderson’s knee injury and the refusal by Jon Jones to fight his chosen replacement, Chael P. Sonnen on 8 days notice, forced the first UFC event cancelation in history and the infamous Dana White conference call to announce the goings-on took the MMA world by storm. DW chastised and spewed vitriol towards JBJ’s unwillingness to step up to fight Sonnen which infuriated the UFC brass as a whole. Likewise, it enraged the Bones nuthuggers and haters who in turn inundated the CP comment section for more than a week with well-reasoned arguments but mostly sophomoric jabs involving nipples.

Now Lyoto Machida Vitor Belfort has been named JBJ’s next opponent but that is not stopping Sonnen from getting ready to fight the man that turned down his challenge. The American Gangster expects to walk to the octagon and go mano y mano with Bones next weekend.

Dana White told mmajunkie.com:
Chael Sonnen is in full training camp right now. He’s been training since he got offered the Jones fight. He said, ‘I’m in full camp right now because Vitor will get hurt and pull out, and it will be Jones vs. Sonnen, anyway.’”

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News Flash: Dana White and Shane Carwin Can’t Stand Roy Nelson


(He’s just jolly. Who could begrudge him that outlook?)

Since tonight marks the premiere of TUF 16, coached by UFC heavyweights Roy Nelson and Shane Carwin, and featuring Uncle Dana on backup vocals, it seems like a good time to round up all the vitriol spewed at Nelson by Carwin and White, as well as preview all the drama to come. In recent interviews, both Shane and the Baldfather spoke about their distaste for Big Boy Roy.

Carwin is succinct in telling Bleacher Report, ”I hate [Nelson]. I dislike him. I hate him as a person. That’s just it.”

Apparently, Shane feels that Roy poses as a hardworking blue-collar guy, but instead spends most of his time complaining. “He always has an excuse for everything. He claims to be this average, normal guy and that’s who he tries to reach too, the blue-collar workers,” Carwin tells BR.

“Well, that’s me. That’s where I came from. I was the one working at 15 years old and working concrete in construction, working at meat packing plants, throwing boxes and things like that. He hasn’t had a job in his life. This is the only thing he has ever done. He’s the farthest thing from a blue-collar worker that he claims to be.”

While Carwin chastises Nelson for not doing enough chores around the family farm as a kid, White has his own reasons for criticizing the more rotund TUF coach:

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Report: Dan Henderson vs. Lyoto Machida Targeted for LHW #1 Contender Match


(Machida has a lot riding on this fight: A UFC title shot, the respect of Brazil’s fans, and a chance to one day sit on the Cool Guy Bench.)

The UFC’s light-heavyweight title picture has become quite a twisted web over the last few weeks. When Dan Henderson blew out his knee before his scheduled title challenge against Jon Jones at UFC 151 (R.I.P.), the call went out to Lyoto Machida to meet Jones at UFC 152, since the Dragon was officially next in line. But then Machida declined the offer, and yada yada yada, we now have an aging middleweight looking to shock the world next weekend.

So does that mean that Henderson keeps his spot at the front of the 205-pound contender-line when he heals up? Not exactly. According to a new report from Dave Meltzer on MMAFighting, UFC president Dana White now intends to have Hendo and Machida fight each other to determine the true #1 LHW contender. The planned booking seems to be motivated at least partly by anger. As Meltzer writes:

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