(The punch may have missed, but Dillishaw’s stank bref definitely found its mark.) 

It is not a good time of year to be a struggling UFC fighter, Potato Nation.

Just a day after it was made public that Charlie “Big Hair” Brenneman (nickname pending) had been released from the UFC following a pair of losses to Kyle Noke and Erick Silva, the UFC has announced that four more UFC fighters will have to significantly cut back on their children’s wish lists this Christmas. Spoiler alert: Most of the names will not surprise you, unless you were unaware that some of them were fighting in the UFC in the first place, or even a person at all, which is likely the case with a couple of these guys.

And the nominees for saddest fighter of the day are…

-Michihiro Omigawa: Following an 0-2 stint in the octagon between 2007-2008, the DREAM and DEEP veteran reentered the UFC in February of 2011. Unfortunately for him, his second run didn’t go much better than the first. He would drop his first fight to future title challenger Chad Mendes by way of unanimous decision at UFC 126 and get absolutely screwjobbed out of a victory in his second fight against Darren Elkins at UFC 131. A UD victory of his own over Jason Young at UFC 138 would be his first and his last under the Zuffa banner, as he would suffer back-to-back unanimous decision losses to Iuri Alcantara and former WEC featherweight title challenger Manny Gamburyen at UFC 142 and UFC on FOX 4, respectively. Omigawa’s record currently stands at 13-12.

(When Bruno Carvalho told Marius Zaromskis about his secret foot fetish as a child, he never expected that it would be used against him some twenty years later.)

When you’ve followed MMA for as long as we have, you can’t help but often feel as if you’ve seen it all in terms of striking techniques in the ring. Sure, every now again some dude will nearly cartwheel kick some other dude’s face off, or springboard off the cage and almost kick some dude’s face off, but for the most part, it’s your standard display of roundhouse kicks, knees, and punches that do most of the damage come fight night (not that we’re complaining).

Until you come upon the somersault kick, that is, as demonstrated by Marius Zaromskis in the above video. You see, the somersault kick is a move so dangerous, so batshit insane, that you’d have to be high on bath salts to even consider attempting to pull it off. Hence why it was first popularized by Harold Howard and has been responsible for over 453 deaths worldwide since 1998.

So you’ll forgive us for acting a bit hysterical while delivering this news, but it appears as if someone out there was not only crazy enough to attempt this maneuver in competition on two separate occasions over the course of a month, but successfully landed the kick both times, knocking out both of his opponents in the process.

Those knockouts are after the jump.

(Now that Anthony Johnson competes at light-heavyweight, we can all stop freaking out about this photo.)

You don’t call yourself the “World Series of Fighting” without lofty aspirations. The upstart MMA promotion launched by former K-1 star Ray Sefo (!) will be hosting its first event on November 3rd at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas, and has already inked a deal to air its first card live on the NBC Sports Network (?!?).

And to give viewers a reason to tune in, the WSOF has been hard at work snatching up as many big name ex-UFC fighters as possible, and putting them in surprisingly competitive fights. Here’s a little taste of what the matchmakers have planned for World Series of Fighting 1…

- In the night’s main event, Andrei Arlovski will be returning from his no-contest/moral victory against Tim Sylvia to face Strikeforce vet Devin Cole, who won unanimous decisions over Shawn Jordan and Gabriel Salinas-Jones in his last two appearances.

- Anthony Johnson, now 2-0 as a light-heavyweight, will look to make it three in a row against 14-3 moneyweight DJ Linderman, who holds the Cage Warriors heavyweight title and was a semi-finalist in Bellator’s season 4 light-heavyweight tournament last year.

(“Fightin’ Dudes,” via Daniel S. I would wear this. I would wear this so hard.)

Last week we sent out the call for a new official CagePotato t-shirt design, and so far you guys haven’t let us down. But it never hurts to cast a wider net, so if you have an idea for a new CPtee (and have the artistic ability to execute it) please e-mail your submission to contest@cagepotato.com by October 16th. We’ll announce the winner(s) shortly after, and if we actually use your design to produce a shirt, we’ll pay you $100.

Complete rules are here, and two more front-runners are after the jump…

(Reason #6: To get your lady in the mood, obviously.) 

Keeping in line with last weekend’s UFC on FUEL 5 event, the UFC is casually dropping off another heavyweight sure-to-be-slugfest in our laps with this Friday’s UFC on FX: Browne vs. Bigfoot card, which, while not as stacked as the Nottingham affair, does provide plenty of reasons to tune in to a channel that half the country actually has. Plus, it goes down in the state who once had the balls to elect this man Governor, so even if the fights somehow end up sucking, there’s a good chance that the crowd will make up for it in the stands. Opal’s Glamorama, motherfuckers!

Let’s get started.

#1 – Fists Will Fly, Titans Will Fall

Yeah, we know it sounds cheesy, but there is simply no better way to describe the likelihood of extreme violence that Friday’s main event will bring. Antonio Silva has served little more purpose than a 265-pound punching back in his last two performances, dropping brutal losses to Daniel Cormier and Cain Velasquez under the Strikeforce and UFC banners. We’re not sure how a chin straight out of Tango and Cash is somehow being questioned, but needless to say, “Bigfoot” is probably going to be looking to utilize his BJJ background and devastating ground and pound to secure a victory against an undefeated KO artist like “Hapa.” The question is, will he be able to take it to the ground? Browne is no slouch on the mat, and has picked up nine of his thirteen victories in the first round, including five in the first minute(!!!!), so Silva better look for the takedown early if he values life on the outside of Dr. Moreau’s island.

(Props: MMAInsideTheCageTV)

How can I describe Nate “The Train” Landwehr? Imagine an evil government experiment in which the combined DNA of Clay Guida, Riff Raff, and Ric Flair were mixed together in a petri dish and left to ferment in a sock drawer for like three weeks. He’s a fully hyped up sumbitch, and he does his best work directly after his fights, whenever a microphone is aimed near his face. This clip came after Nate’s second-round TKO win over Chris Wright (“I mean Chris Wrong”) at XFC 20 on Friday, which began with some trash-talk and ended in a near-brawl inside the cage. During the post-fight interview with our bros at MMA:ITC, he’s a bouncing ball of adrenaline, who appears ready to break out a freestyle rap verse at any moment. He’s the anti-Gunnar Nelson.

Two more of Landwehr’s post-fight interviews are after the jump, along with his first XFC win over Billy Mullins in June, which ended in a horribly late stoppage.

(Bellator 74 video highlights, via YouTube.com/BellatorMMA)

By Sean Cunningham

Pride Fighting Championships. International Fight League. Affliction. M-1 Global. As each rival organization has been gobbled up or at least driven from American shores, the Ultimate Fighting Championship has inched closer to ensuring that in this land, “MMA” means “UFC.” The only thing standing between them and total North American domination is Bellator Fighting Championships. Bellator currently airs fights on MTV2 and in 2013 will shift to Spike TV, the cable network where the UFC dwelled before leaving for plush new Fox Network accommodations. With the UFC going through some growing pains — witness the cancellation of UFC 151 and UFC President Dana White calling his most promising star’s trainer a “sport killer” — it seems a perfect time to check in on the competition.

My girlfriend Maggie and I attended Bellator 74 at Caesars in Atlantic City. In general, Bellator treads a less-glamorous path than their rival, with upcoming events at Hammond, Indiana; Windsor, Ontario; Reading, Pennsylvania; Dayton, Ohio; and Rama, Ontario, while the UFC journeys to Minneapolis, Seattle, and Montreal and leaves the continent entirely for Rio de Janeiro and Macau. Atlantic City is common ground for both promotions, with Bellator holding multiple events there yearly and the UFC having returned in June after a seven-year absence. (Incidentally, with the rise of gambling in neighboring states causing local gaming revenue to plummet from $5.2 billion in 2006 to $3.3 billion in 2011, A.C. needs every MMA event possible.)

Growing up in Nevada and New Jersey, I attended a good number of casino fights. (It was a deeply wholesome childhood, filled with apple picking, fireflies, and demanding that the cocktail waitress bring me a Long Island iced tea while the dice were still hot.) The fights were divided into two categories: mega-bouts and ballroom events. Bellator 74 was a ballroom event, meaning a ring was assembled in the middle of a ballroom, chairs were put around the ring, and there you are.

(Well, at least he’ll be really funny!) 

It’s no understatement to say that the fight between Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar at the TUF 1 Finale basically saved the sport of MMA from those damned dirty machines. What machines are we referring to? These machines. But as you all know, our ambitiously misguided Skynet overlords have continued forward in their quest to replace man on the top of the food chain nonetheless. Lucky for us, the universe is about give birth to the John Connor that will eventually save the sport of MMA, nay, the world, from the cold, lifeless grip of the cyborgs. And by “universe” we mean Stephan Bonnar’s wife, Andrea, and by John Connor we mean Griffin Bonnar, a name so coincidentally similar slash awesome that only this man could have come up with it.

Yahoo! Sports has the details:

UFC fighter Stephan Bonnar will become a first-time father sometime in October. Bonnar and his wife, Andrea, haven’t decided definitively upon a name for their unborn son, but one name they’ve kicked around is Griffin. As in, Griffin Bonnar.

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I’m a bit puzzled, Potato Nation.

You see, when I sat down at my computer after lunch, I was under the assumption that I was still participating in this thing we call Planet Earth. Little did I know that, while reheating the few scraps of ground beef that managed to survive Meatloaf Monday, I had apparently been thrust into some sort of magical UNICEF fantasy world in which everyone was twelve stories high and made of radiation and Cub Swanson can claim that he would kick Jose Aldo‘s ass 10 times out of 10.

Confused? Well just listen to what Cub told Sherdog’s “Beatdown” radio show and prepare to be even more bewildered:

I know that I could win that fight 10 out of 10 times if we did it again. It’s not even an issue to me anymore. I’d actually like my brother — would love for my brother — to fight him, who’s an up-and-comer, which I feel is more of a fair fight. I don’t really feel like [himself vs. Aldo] would be a fair fight at all.

Call me old fashioned, but when I make some contrived, ridiculous, he’s-got-to-be-joking statement, I’d like to think I did the math right when making said statement. This isn’t Vietnam, Cub, there are rules here. AND YOU CAN’T JUST START THE FIGHT COUNTER WHEREVER YOU WANT.

But since you’re a man of numbers, allow me to throw one at you. Eight. You lasted eight seconds with the dude the last time around. According to Michael Bisping, that is 14 minutes and 52 seconds less than a typical virgin lasts on prom night. And now you want your brother to be next in line at the slaughterhouse? It looks to me like somebody completely missed the point of The Hunger Games. 

(Noke had carefully selected his training partners to mimic how Brenneman would look on fight night. / Photo via neurovisual)

In the space of two fights, UFC welterweight Charlie Brenneman went from co-headliner to curtain-jerker. So where do you go next if you get TKO’d in 45 seconds by a non-contender on the Facebook portion of a card? The unemployment line, son. Don’t let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya.

That’s right, Brenneman has been released by the UFC after taking his second consecutive first-round stoppage loss to Kyle Noke at UFC 152, which followed his submission loss to Erick Silva at UFC on FX: Johnson vs. McCall in June. With his most recent loss, “The Spaniard”‘s overall UFC record dropped to 4-4, including decision wins over Jason High, Amilcar Alves, Rick Story, and Daniel Roberts, and previous TKO losses to Johny Hendricks, and Anthony Johnson. In other words, his victories were mostly forgettable, but his losses were all highlight-reel material. Not a good look.

Brenneman was disppointed but hopeful after getting the news, telling Bloody Elbow’s Steph Daniels:

(Vince Lucero vs. Tim Sylvia at a 2010 CFX event. We’re not sure if we’ve ever seen a more pathetic ending to a fight in our lives. On second thought…) 

Like many MMA fans out there, we are of two minds when it comes to Dave Bautista. On one hand, we should be applauding the former WWE star for having the cojones to step into the cage and give a sport as laborious and intense as MMA a try despite both his age and experience level saying that he should do just the opposite. On the other hand, he represents little more than another splash in the recent wave of professional wrestlers looking to exploit a sport they have little experience in and little desire to actually further.

More often than not, guys like Bautista, Bobby Lashley, and Brock Lesnar to a degree (TO A DEGREE) are not professional fighters in the purest sense of the word; they are opportunists who crossover to MMA looking to make a decent buck and get out before they hurt themselves too badly. For if they were seriously seeking a new career path, they would logically test themselves on the amateur circuit before diving head first into a sport in which ill preparation can lead to serious health issues in both the immediate and distant future. Although their participation in MMA in turn draws legions of new fans to the sport, it also cheapens the value of what it means to call oneself “a professional fighter.” Not to get on our soapbox here, but that is a title that should be earned through hard work and dedication, not a few months of sparring and pure name value.

So when it was announced that Bautista would be debuting against a guy who was clearly picked because his name resembled a certain former UFC champion, the world reacted with a collective “ugh.” But if you think that’s bad , just wait until you hear the story that led to Bautista’s new opponent, the 22-22 Vince Lucero you were introduced to in the above video.

(Just remember, Jay — no matter how many setbacks you suffer in life, there are still people who are much, much worse off than you are.)

By Andreas Hale

Last month, Jay Hieron (23-5 MMA, 0-2 UFC) was days away from making his return to the UFC for the first time in seven years when the proverbial rug was pulled out from under him. The now infamous series of events that resulted in the cancelation of UFC 151 left Heiron and others out in the cold as he was prepared to face Jake Ellenberger in a welterweight showdown that marked his first fight in the Octagon since 2005. But while many of the fighters on the 151 card panicked and wondered when and if they’d get the opportunity to fight again, Hieron took it in stride, patiently waited, and was rescheduled to face Ellenberger at UFC on FX 5: Browne vs. Bigfoot this Friday, October 5.

The Las Vegas-based fighter has been in this situation before. He was supposed to fight on the Affliction: Trilogy card in 2009 that ended up being canned, and a Strikeforce welterweight title shot against Nick Diaz later that year was shuttered after Diaz failed to get licensed by the California State Athletic Commission. It’s like Hieron walked under a ladder and broke a mirror while a black cat crossed his path.

“People were saying that I am cursed,” the Xtreme Couture fighter says with a hearty laugh. “At the end of the day, if there isn’t a twist on it for me then something isn’t right. I’ve learned to embrace all these things that surround the fight game. I’m never surprised.”

So, seriously, what’s a few more weeks when you’ve waited seven long years since your last UFC fight?

(What if they threw a mattress into a pool…and nobody came? / Props: CageWall.com)

I’m sure a lot of you couldn’t care less how many people are watching The Ultimate Fighter — and yeah, we’re beginning to sound like a broken record at this point — but you’ll have to forgive us, because we have a perverse, car-crash-rubbernecker fascination with how low these numbers are dropping. As MMA Junkie informs us, episode 3 of TUF 16: Team Carwin vs. Team Nelson took in just 775,000 viewers, which sets a brand-new record for lowest viewership of a TUF episode. The previous record-holder was the eleventh episode of last season, which pulled in 821,000 viewers.

TUF 16′s viewership numbers have sunk about 18% from the premiere’s, which were shaky to begin with. While the 0.5 rating that Friday’s episode drew in the Adult 18-49 demographic was good enough for #4 in its timeslot among cable programming — behind re-runs of American Dad, Law & Order: SVU, and Diners, Drive Ins & Dives — it finished 98th out the top 100 shows on Friday night in terms of total viewers.

As Dana White might say, that’s an absolute home run and we should shut the fuck up. But still, the audience is simply not sticking around from week to week. So instead of making a new post every time TUF hits a dubious new ratings record, we’ll just ask you: How low will the viewership get this season? Throw your guesses in the comments section, and the closest guess wins a CagePotato t-shirt at the end of the season. We’ll start: 660,000. Your move.

(In retrospect, this news should not come as a huge surprise.)

While appearing on a recent edition of MMAFighting’s The MMA Hour, former light heavyweight champion Forrest Griffin informed Ariel Helwani that following his UFC 101 loss to Anderson Silva back in 2009, he failed his post-fight drug test. No, not for elevated levels of testosterone, but for Xanax of all things:

I failed my drug test I think for Xanax. I had a doctor’s prescription, I was just, I didn’t do it before the fight, I did it the night before, I was nervous and I couldn’t sleep.

Why this failed test was not made public by the Pennsylvania State Athletic Commission is anyone’s guess, but we’re going to assume that Griffin was simply given a pass because he was essentially fed to the wolves over an open flame. That, and it seems that the idea of fighting Silva is enough to make any of his opponents at LHW become suddenly dependent on an outside prescription for one thing or another. Just ask James Irvin.

(Karo Parisyan: A beast when he wins, a Hollywood cliche when he loses.)

Did someone say King of the mountain?

It may be a long time before we see Karo Parisyan competing in a top level promotion again, but he took one step closer by utterly destroying Anonymous Tatted-up Opponent #237 (known professionally as, we shit you not, Tiger Bonds) at Gladiator Challenge: King of the Mountain over the weekend. It was Parisyan’s second victory in his past three contests, which is only made less than impressive when you consider that his other win came over Thomas Denny. And that he had dropped four of his past five before that. But hey, we’re taking the optimistic approach today, so all you haters can suck a bag of dicks.

Video after the jump.

(Props: caposa on the UG)

This gif comes to us from Saturday’s Jungle Fight event in Sao Paulo, where Nova Uniao product Ari Santos made short work of opponent Robert Fonseca, finishing him in just 63 seconds. Anytime the Seagal Kick is landed in MMA competition, it’s worth mentioning — but Santos picks up mad style points by dazing Fonseca with a front kick, then lowering the boom with a jaw-crumbling flying knee. Ari Santos, you are officially on our radar!

If you’re interested in seeing a very crappy, TV-shot version of the complete fight, we got you covered after the jump.

Aside from displaying a much improved striking game in his second round TKO win over up-and-coming prospect Stipe Miocic last weekend, veteran heavyweight Stefan Struve put to rest all of the speculation regarding his chin (at least for the moment) by successfully eating the Clevelander’s best punches without looking much worse for the wear. But what most of the general public was completely unaware of heading into last weekend’s main event was the plight of Struve’s father, who had been diagnosed with cancer just a couple months ago and has been battling the disease ever since.

Obviously the news did not come easy to Struve, who was training for his fight with Miocic at the time, but the Dutchman managed to push through the onslaught of emotions and turn in a Brett Favre-esque performance on Saturday night. It wasn’t until his victorious post-fight interview that Struve brought everything to light, breaking down in heartrending fashion:

My dad [found out he had] cancer two months ago. He’s in therapy. He’s doing well, but, still. Yeah, I’ve been wanting to go home. It will be good to go home and see him again.

Having recently lost a family member to cancer, I can tell you first hand how difficult a process it is to deal with for all parties involved. I’m sure many of you readers could say the same. But like Struve said, his father is doing fine for the time being, so Struve should rest assured that he will be bringing his biggest victory inside the octagon home with him. We here at CP would like to let the Struve family know that our thoughts and prayers are with them in this difficult time. If Stefan’s performances inside the octagon are any indication, we imagine that his father will likely beat that pussy cancer inside of three rounds.

After the jump: A full video of the UFC on FUEL 5 post-fight press conference in which Dana White discusses his broner for Brad Pickett, pokes fun at the emotionless cyborg known as Gunnar Nelson, and tells everyone who thought the card sucked to stick it “right up your ass.” If only the President of this great nation could be so frank.

(It’s not that Rashad hasn’t been training — it’s that he’s only been training in the loosest, most Hawaiian sense of the word.)

Has Glover Teixeira become the most ducked fighter in the UFC? Mauricio “Shogun” Rua allegedly wanted nothing to do with him. Stephan Bonnar refused to fight him on the basis of twitter count. And now Rashad Evans has admitted to turning down a proposed match against the Brazilian light-heavyweight up-and-comer at UFC 153, due to the short-notice nature of the fight.

If you’ll recall, Teixeira was originally supposed to face Quinton Jackson at the October 13th event in Rio, before Rampage went down with an elbow injury. The UFC then asked Evans to come in as a replacement, but couldn’t make a deal with him. As Evans explained on the UFC on FUEL TV 5 post-fight show:

“They offered me a fight, but it was against Glover Teixeira and I only had three weeks to fight and I haven’t been training. I was like, ‘no way, not with that notice in Brazil.’”

Perhaps the fans weren’t as supportive of this choice as Rashad was expecting them to be, because he got on twitter yesterday to explain himself even further:

(If James Irvin was a super-hero, his arch-nemesis would be Dr. Fitchtopus. / Photo courtesy of fcfighter.com)

Last week, we described Stefan Struve as “one of the least decision-prone fighters on the UFC roster,” and after he ended yet another fight this weekend before the final bell, we started to wonder — how accurate was that statement, anyway? And who else ranks near the Dutch heavyweight in terms of low decision ratio within the Octagon? So, we assembled a list of the UFC fighters (past and present) who have been least likely to meet the judges; for the purposes of this list, we only considered fighters who have made at least eight UFC appearances.

[Update: After having some knowledge dropped on us by @MMADecisions, we've expanded this list beyond a top-ten.]

As it turns out, Struve comes in at #5 among active UFC fighters, and shares the same decision ratio (8.33%) as Royce Gracie. But there are 11 fighters in front of him on the all-time list, led by welterweight crowd-pleaser DaMarques Johnson, cursed slugger James Irvin, and UFC pioneer Don Frye, who all managed to make it through 10 UFC appearances without ever going to decision. And now, the leaderboard…

DaMarques Johnson: 10 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio
James Irvin: 10 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio
Don Frye: 10 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio
Drew McFedries: 9 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio
Charles Oliveira: 8 UFC fights*, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio
Ryan Jensen: 8 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio
Jason Lambert: 8 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio
Gary Goodridge: 8 UFC fights, 0 decisions, 0% decision ratio
Jason MacDonald: 14 UFC fights, 1 decision, 7.14% decision ratio