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21 Incredible Minimalist Movie Posters

November, 2012

Bantamweight Interim Champ Renan Barao Will Likely Defend His Title Against Michael McDonald


(Don’t fart…don’t fart…don’t fart…don’t fart…)

Well here’s a bit of good news for once.

If you’re like us, you’re probably sick to death of watching interim champions all but refuse to defend their titles while the actual champions remain on the shelf. So when Renan Barao’s camp announced that he would be taking the Carlos Condit approach to the interim title, we here at the CP offices let out a collective groan before pouring another round of Johnnie Walker Blue Label on the rocks — also known as our HR department — and prepared for a long winter of semi-meaningful-but-not-really bantamweight fights. Thankfully, Dana White is a Johnnie Walker man, and after he smashed a bottle of it over Danga’s head, we managed to come to an agreement regarding the UFC’s last remaining interim champ.

White recently told MMAWeekly that Barao will likely be defending his belt before champion Dominick Cruz is back in action, and his potential opponent should come as a surprise to no one.

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Corn Nuts Are the Official Corn ‘Nut Sack’ of the UFC, According to Bruce Buffer [VIDEO]


(Sadly, this was the only interesting moment of the Lawlor vs. Carmont fight. Props: ybrekyert via Reddit MMA)

Even the suavest sons-of-bitches occasionally make mistakes. UFC cage-announcer Bruce Buffer — the sharply-dressed Trigg-abusing card-shark who has long showcased his golden throat and trademarked catchphrases as the “Veteran Voice of the Octagon” — made quite a verbal boner during the main card of UFC 154 on Saturday. Honestly, it’s not his fault. When your product slogan includes the phrase “nut snack,” you’re setting yourself up for unfortunate accidents.

Prediction: Following his triumphant performance as the ShockmasterTom Lawlor will show up to his next UFC weigh-in appearance as a corn nut-sack.

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Knockout of the Day: Justice is Served to Another Fake Glove-Tapper


(Skip to the 1:30 mark to watch Karma work its magic.) 

There is perhaps no greater a hooley-hoo punk-ass jabroni in the MMA world than the guy who fakes the glove tap and immediately tries to knock his opponent out/take him down. It’s a garbage ass maneuver, perpetrated by only the soggiest of floor turds, but the one good thing that can come from such blatant bitchassery is watching it backfire in said jabroni’s face. Paul Kelly tried it against Donald Cerrone at UFC 126 and was promptly strangled for his efforts. JR Fuller tried it against Jonathan Harris and was promptly dicknailed. But today’s cheap-shotter, Adam Fyfe, almost got away with this bitch move when he pulled it on fellow ammy Alex Thorne at Absolute Adrenaline: Platinum on November 4th. Almost. 

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Out of the Blue: The Explosive Rise of Johny Hendricks


(Destroys some of the UFC’s toughest welterweight contenders; still afraid of spiders. / Photo via Esther Lin of MMA Fighting)

By Jason Moles

At the end of 2011, UFC Magazine (now known as UFC 360) released their Complete Fighter and Event Guide for 2012, highlighting who they thought were the movers and shakers in each division. Surprisingly absent from the list was welterweight wrestler-turned-knockout-specialist Johny Hendricks. Fast forward a year and he’s next in line to face Georges St. Pierre for the gold. After his 46-second KO of Martin Kampmann at UFC 154, Hendricks’ emergence as a legitimate threat to and rise to the top of the 170lb. division is undeniable.

Although this past year has seen the Oklahoma native’s stock price triple — thanks in large part to his powerful left hand — he was anything but an overnight success story. To hear Hendricks’ diehard supporters tell it, he’s always been this good; we’re just now noticing it. One quick Google search is all it takes to confirm; the two-time NCAA Division I National Champion (2005, 2006) has been just as dominant in the cage as he was on the mats, though he no longer seems to be interested in playing the bad guy.

Starting his professional MMA career in 2007, Hendricks only competed on regional cards in Oklahoma at first, racking up a 3-0 record with all wins by stoppage. That was until he signed a multi-fight deal with the now-defunct World Extreme Cagefighting where he continued his winning streak against Justin Haskins by TKO in December 2008. Three months later at WEC 39, Hendricks was featured in the last welterweight bout in company history, defeating Alex Serdyukov in a Fight of the Night performance. After Reed Harris and company announced their intentions to focus solely on the lighter weight classes, Johny Hendricks was in need of a new home. Although his fights in the blue cage were few, they were the perfect appetizer for the next stage of his slow-cooking career.

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Literary Sensation Alert: Tank Abbott’s ‘Bar Brawler’ Is the Greatest Debut Novel Ever Published by a Former UFC Fighter


(Actual un-spellchecked book cover, via Amazon.)

Gunslinger of the bars, where a duel was a fist-fight without weapons or you backed down by calling the bouncers. It was just kicking ass or getting your ass kicked. The gunslinger didn’t care if he won or lost, but only about his personal integrity and being satisfied when he woke up in the morning that he had delivered justice to a deserving cockroach.”

Those are the first lines from the prologue of Bar Brawler, a 306-page semi-autobiographical novel by personal CP hero David “Tank” Abbott. We first heard about this writing project way back in January 2008, when Tank casually mentioned it during an EliteXC press conference before his fight against Kimbo Slice. Bar Brawler was finally published this June, but it flew under our radars until yesterday, when this Sherdog article revealed that the book did in fact exist, and that it’s actually the first in an already-completed trilogy.

So believe it or not, Tank Abbott is already the most prolific novelist in UFC history. But is the book any good? We’ll get to that in a minute. First, here’s the description from Bar Brawler’s Amazon page, which doesn’t inspire much confidence in the quality of the work:

Walter Foxx, Happening* Beach, California’s most feared bar brawler, works at Sea Lion Beach Liquor at night, attends Wong Beach State College in the day, and dishes out street justice in his spare time to the scumbags, posers, wannabes, and bullies of the world who violate his personal code of honor. Driving a 1987 Chevy Sprint with his faithful pit bull Adolf** riding shotgun, Walter and his twisted crew of Poppa Chulo, Rolando, Big Cal, and Gonzo hold court at the Dead Grunion bar where they take on all comers…

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In Case You Missed It: Marcin Held Tapped Rich Clementi With a Toe Hold at Bellator 81 [VIDEO]


(The Simpsons Imanari did it!) 

Catch it while it’s still up, Taters.

Although most of us were too busy watching the resurgence of one Georges St. Pierre last weekend to even realize that a Bellator event was happening, well, a Bellator event totally happened last weekend. In the evening’s main event, UFC veteran Rich Clementi squared off against rising prospect Marcin Held in the lightweight tournament semifinals.

The match was rife with the kind of grappling exchanges that could make a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu fan out of Seth Davis (although ironically, the amount of heel hook attempts alone in this fight would have given Rousimar Palhares an erection so strong that he would have had to hate-fuck your Mom’s cankles like a dog in heat to quell it), but it was the finishing toe hold that really caught people’s attention. It was undoubtedly the most effective use of the technique we’ve seen since Frank Mir fought Tank Abbott, so check it out before it gets taken down.

With his fifth straight win (fourth in Bellator) under his belt, Held will now face Dave Jansen for the right to meet lightweight champ Michael Chandler — who defeated Held by arm-triangle in Held’s Bellator debut — next.

After the jump: A gif of yet another Bellator referee sleeping on the job and allowing a fighter to absorb way more punishment than necessary, because that’s kind of their thing these days.

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Bold Statement of the Day: Pablo Garza Is 10 Pounds Away From Being the Jon Jones of Bantamweight


(Sure, dude. Just trim off some of that disgusting excess fat, and you’ll hit 135 no problem. / Photo via MMAJunkie)

Standing 6’1″ and carrying a 73-inch reach, Pablo Garza is already a freakish physical anomaly in the UFC featherweight division. His Mr. Fantastic-esque body-type has been a key element to his UFC victories, from his flying knee KO of Fredson Paixao during his Octagon debut at the TUF 12 Finale to his manhandling of Mark Hominick at UFC 154 on Saturday.

Garza’s latest win wasn’t just the greatest moment of his MMA career — it also saved him from a possible dismissal from the promotion, as he was coming into the match on a two-fight losing streak. So what’s next for the Scarecrow? Well, he’s going to try to shed 10 pounds of bone and gristle off his already-meager frame, because he’s sure he can be champion at 135. As he told MMA Weekly:

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Book Review: Betting on MMA By Jason Rothman Provides a Succinct Yet Thorough Examination of “Value Investing” and Its Relation to MMA Gambling

By Jared Jones

I appreciate honesty in writing. I am also a tremendous hypocrite, which is why I often resort to trickery, tomfoolery, and outright fabrications when discussing this thing we call MMA with you Taters. I’m less a blogger, more a magician — a line that I would never suggest you use to pick up women with — and more often than not I resort to a near constant influx of red herrings and other intentional misdirects to even make it through a post. But amidst all the deceit and double-crosses, I do actually manage to squeeze in a few instances of genuine honesty with you readers, more often than not in the Gambling Addiction Enabler pieces I contribute when Dan “Get Off Me” George doesn’t feel up to it.

So when I turned to the introductory page of Jason Rothman’s Betting on MMA to find the statements located directly below, I was pretty much assured that I’d be getting exactly what I wanted out of his look into the world of MMA gambling.

This book is about making money from betting on the sport of mixed martial arts. And that is the only thing this book is about.

If you do not know what a triangle choke is, then this book is not for you. 

And indeed, Rothman’s guide analyzing everything from money line odds to fighter attributes to the power of hype makes no attempt to wow you with its prose. The writing style, though sometimes cryptic and a bit repetitive, is simply a means to an end. That end is making you money, and although I have yet to put any of Rothman’s teachings into practice, I can assure you that Betting on MMA offers enough genuine insight and real-life examples to make it a must own for any MMA fan who fancies themselves a gambler.

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SI Writer & CBS Analyst Seth Davis Hates MMA, Loves Homophobia


(The douchebag in question. Photo via KJHK.org)

Sports Illustrated writer and CBS analyst Seth Davis may have gotten himself in a little hot water yesterday in a particularly 21st century way — being an idiot on twitter. Evidently Davis is not a fan of mixed martial arts and he used some good old-fashioned homophobia to make his point.

One tweet from Davis’ @SethDavisHoops account Sunday read (props to Stephen Douglas of TheBigLead);

Looking on news sites showing picture of two muscular bloody men in homoerotic fighting pose….Sorry, I’ll never get this UFC thing.

We can’t imagine what kind of trauma Davis may have sustained that makes the CBS personality have erotic thoughts while watching two men covered in blood hitting each other, but we are truly sorry for any pain that the writer has to live with.

Another similarly idiotic tweet of Davis’ read:

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Poll: Who Should GSP Fight Next?


(“First off, I’d like to thank my brother, Thor, for if he hadn’t transmitted the power of his hammer into my left hand, none of this would have been possible.” Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

The UFC has never been an organization that takes pride in its subtlety. The same can be said about Dana White. So when they forced one of their cameramen to spend the entirety of the incredible GSP/Condit fight shooting Anderson Silva’s reactions (and Lyoto’s pedostache), you’d have to be pretty thick-skulled to not realize what they were angling at. However, GSP’s hesitance to commit to the fight, combined with Johny Hendricks’s brutal declaration of #1 contendership, have seemingly put a halt on these superfight rumors, if only temporarily.

In either case, we figured we would dedicate one post as the official battlegrounds for this debate, with you, the most distinguished and intelligent audience an MMA blog could ever ask for. So join us after the jump to vote on the poll that dares to ask: Who should Georges St. Pierre fight next now that he has successfully put the kibosh on this whole interim champ/actual champ nonsense? After you’ve finished voting, make your case in the comments section, using as much profane language, personal attacks, and outright trolling attempts as possible. Seriously, we kind of miss that stuff, so don’t get soft on us Taters.

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