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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

December, 2012

[VIDEO] Vitor Belfort Seduces All the Women Via Song in New ‘UFC on FX 7′ Trailer

In light of recent events, it perhaps makes sense that the UFC would pull out all the stops to stir up some interest in the ever-elusive female demographic. That being said, the idea of having Vitor Belfort seduce our girlfriends/wives right out from underneath us, while clever, could have the opposite effect on the male demographic that basically built the sport from the ground up.

Regardless, the new trailer for UFC on FX 7: Belfort vs. Bisping – which goes down on January 19th in Sao Paulo, Brazil – forgoes the typical knockout-heavy highlight reels in favor of Belfort, a flamenco guitar, and a voice that will turn your woman’s pantalones into the Typhoon Lagoon at DisneyWorld. We’ll give them props for originality, but at the same time, they better deliver Ronda Rousey on a stripper pole when the UFC 157 promos start rolling out or there are going to be some serious problems.

We hear they shot a similar promo featuring Michael Bisping going apeshit on a turntable while “Ooonts! Ooonts! Ooonts!” blared in the background, but it was later scrapped for being — as the head of the UFC’s marketing department put it — “Way too Goddamned douchey.”

-J. Jones

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[VIDEO] Watch a Young Junior Dos Santos Score His Only Professional Submission Victory

Junior Dos Santos Shane Carwin
(Beats your face to a bloody pulp… personally stitches you up after.) 

Most of us tend to forget that UFC heavyweight champ Junior Dos Santos is a BJJ black belt under the Nogueira brothers, probably because we’d like to continue living in a world where we can convince ourselves that a 6’4″, 240 pound killing machine has some discernible weakness other than being a really nice guy when he’s not caving in your face like a Silver Shamrock Halloween mask. That’s right, I just referenced Halloween 3. I’m less a writer, more a prophet.

But unfortunately, the video that awaits you after the jump proves once and for all that JDS is, like me, an absolute master of his trade. In the video, we see a young Junior competing in his second professional MMA fight against Eduardo Maiorino, who sadly passed away from a heart attack just two days ago at the tender age of 33. After opening the fight with a signature flurry of punches, Dos Santos secures a takedown and is able to latch onto a guillotine choke from half guard that seems to be less technique and more Junior using his cyborg strength to vice grip his hapless opponent into submission.

Video below. 

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Heads Up: Stop By CagePotato at 4 p.m. EST For a Live Video of the UFC 155 Press Conference


(It was around roughly the fourth punch to Velasquez’s dome that Big John began to question the validity of Junior’s CPR certificate.)

Today at 4 p.m. EST, the UFC 155 press conference will kick off live from Las Vegas, Nevada. It will no doubt feature Junior dos Santos doing his typical “Baby Huey trapped in the body of Jason Voorhees” nice guy routine and Cain Velasquez repeatedly stating that “Yes, I will in fact bring a different gameplan into this fight, so for the love of God, stop asking me this question” while Dana White tries to comment on how great of a fight this is without dropping fourteen consecutive f-bombs in the process. All in all, it should be pretty entertaining as far as press conferences go, so join us after the jump to catch all the action (or lack thereof) starting at 4 p.m. EST.

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Gambling Addiction Enabler: UFC 155 Edition


(If you ever needed a sign that Photoshop is out of control in this country, look no further than the Koopa Troopas facing off in this photo.) 

By Dan “Get Off Me” George

This Saturday night, Zuffa will close out 2012 with a rematch between former UFC champion Cain Velasquez and current heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos. It has since been revealed that both fighters were injured heading into their original matchup (cue the guy who says “all fighters fight with injuries”), so there are a lot of extraneous factors heading into the rematch that you should seriously consider before placing your bets.

With a 3-4 record over the past 7 UFC shows, the GAE has slipped into the red for the first time since UFC 148 (thanks in no small part to that God damned injury curse) and we need a boost to avoid dining on Newfoundland steak and mashed potatoes in 2013. UFC on Fox 5 was a particularly cruel mistress, and like a Diaz brother taking a realtor’s exam, the result was a miserable failure. So follow us after the jump as we keep it short and sweet in the hopes of turning a profit for UFC 155: Dos Santos vs. Velasquez 2.

Preliminary card:

Max Holloway (-380) vs. Leonard Garcia (+290)

Leonard Garcia will be looking to avoid his fourth consecutive loss against a young up-and-comer out of Hawaii in Max Holloway. Holloway will enjoy a 12yr advantage in the father time category and I believe Garcia gives him the stand up fight he wants on Saturday night. Holloway will be too fast and this may very well look like a Cerrone/Garcia barnyard sparring session, with Holloway playing the role of “The Cowboy.” Max makes the parlay list and wins in an exciting affair as “Bad Boy” tries to find the mark with those crazy hands of his while Holloway picks him apart from the outside.

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Gross Photo of the Day: Forrest Griffin’s Mutilated Knee

If you were to ask someone like Tim Kennedy why so many fighters have been pulling out of their scheduled fights due to injury this year, he would likely tell you that more often than not, they were faking it. And while he would have at least one case to cite as an example, we’d still like to believe that 90% of the fighters who have gone down with injuries recently were being honest with us. Still, even BG was suspicious when Forrest Griffin withdrew from his UFC 155 contest with Phil Davis, because let’s be honest, it was a terrible matchup for him to begin with. FoGriff has repeatedly stated over the past year or so that his retirement from the sport was looming on the horizon, so one would imagine that he’d like to go out on a win, or at least a fight he saw as winnable heading into it.

Well, you’ll be happy (and disgusted) to know that Griffin wasn’t faking anything, unless by faking, you mean “intentionally taking a sledgehammer to his knee until he passed out from the pain.” Because if the above photo that Forrest tweeted on Christmas is indeed legitimate (and we’re not sure how it couldn’t be), then there is no way in hell he could have possibly faked the gruesome MCL and ACL injury he suffered in training.

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[VIDEO] Countdown to UFC 155

24/7 or a UFC Prime Time it ain’t, but Fox has put together some decent Countdown documentary/promo shows together. The newest one, looking towards this weekend’s UFC 155, features a look at the careers and camps of former heavyweight champ Cain Velasquez and current title holder Junior Dos Santos.

In the video, Cain talks about the lessons he learned as a college athlete that he feels will help him avenge his loss to Dos Santos. Dos Santos discusses the challenge of keeping Cain off of him and preventing him from using his All-American wrestling skills to stymie the Brazilian’s dangerous punches.

Also on the Countdown to UFC 155, Joe Lauzon and Jim Miller exchange smack talk and promises as they discuss their lightweight contender fight. If you’re lucky enough to still be sitting on your ass, stuffed with food sit back and enjoy watching pro athletes train harder in a single day of training than you ever have.

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[VIDEO] Megumi Fujii Scores Unanimous Decision Victory in What May Be Her Final Fight

What a difference two years can make. Back in 2010, Megumi Fujii was basically being labeled as the Fedor Emelianenko (circa 2007) of Women’s MMA — a mysterious, unstoppable killing machine who would easily run through all American opposition whenever she decided to make the move stateside. And indeed, her first three Bellator performances cemented her status as the top dog at 115 pounds, ending in two armbar stoppages and one TKO finish. Scratch that, her first four performances lived up to the hype she had built in Japan, the only difference in her fourth performance at Bellator 34 being that she let the fight go to decision and was therefore screwed out of a title for reasons unknown. Fujii’s opponent in that fight, Zoila Gurgel, would honor this gift decision by never defending said belt again, while Fujii would fight just once more in America, losing a unanimous decision to Jessica Aguilar at Bellator 69 in May of this year.

Shame decision aside, Fujii returned to action on Christmas Eve to square off against Mei Yamaguchi at Vale Tudo Japan 2012 and walked away with a clear cut unanimous decision victory, the video of which is above. Rumors circulated before the event that this would be Fujii’s final WMMA fight, and although she has yet to officially retire, the general consensus seems to be that the rumors are true.

We will hold off on the video tribute until an official announcement is made, but join us after the jump for a wicked highlight of Fujii’s reign of terror.

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Support St. Jude’s and Win a Date With Bellator Ring Girl Jade Bryce at the 2012 Fighter’s Only World MMA Awards!

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(Sure, when Jade hangs out naked surrounded by photos of herself, it’s sexy, but when I do it, my neighbors call the cops.)

Here’s what we’ve learned about Bellator ring girl Jade Bryce in recent months:

1. She is a staunch supporter of the “No pants, no problem” policy when it comes to photo shoots. Seriously, there is not a problem on this Earth she wouldn’t attempt to solve by dropping trou, God bless her.

2. She could whip even the fattest of asses into tip top shape.

3. Her looks are only surpassed by her incredibly humble humanitarian efforts.

So with all that in mind, it makes sense that Jade — who has been nominated for “Ring Girl of the Year” at the 2012 Fighters Only World MMA Awards — will be auctioning off her plus one ticket for the event to the highest bidder in an effort to raise money for the children’s charity St. Jude’s. It’s an incredibly kindhearted move on Bryce’s part that deserves recognition, although if you ask us, the real charity here is that Bryce is willing to spend an evening being ogled at by someone like this while reminding them that “No, I will not demonstrate a proper triangle choke on you later tonight.”

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And Now He’s Fired: Paul Daley Released From Bellator Roster Following Bar Fight Assault Charge [UPDATED]


(And to think, if only Big Dan was at Paul’s side, this whole situation might have been avoided.) 

Good morning, Potato Nation. How was your Christmas? I see that at least a few of you spent it here, arguing about racism, or incomprehensibly ranting about women’s rights, and we thank you for the repeated page views. But if you think you were the only ones whose stockings were stuffed with a bit of vitriol this holiday season, think again, because UFC castaway and all around good guy Paul “Semtex” Daley apparently spent his beating the Christmas spirit out of some local bar patrons.

Sound familiar? According to ESPN’s Josh Gross, Daley has not only been arrested on assault charges stemming from a recent bar fight in his native London, but has been barred from entering the United States until the situation is resolved. This of course means that he will not be participating in Bellator’s upcoming welterweight tournament, although his original opponent, War Machine, had already suffered a leg injury that forced him to postpone their scheduled fight 4 to 6 months. We would say that this is a rather unfortunate turn of events for Bellator, but shit happens when you stack your roster with ex-cons and guys who were thrown out of the UFC for being hotheaded sore losers.

Daley — who could face up to two years in prison if convicted — has yet to make an official statement on the issue, but simply posted the following on the UG:

Rumours. However it seems my next fight will not be for Bellator.

And indeed, Daley has already been booked in the headlining matchup of Cage Contender 16 in Dublin, Ireland on February 23rd. An opponent has yet to be named.

[UPDATE]

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Merry ChristMMAs: A Photoshopped Tribute


(Props: TheUG. Click for larger version.)

From all of us to CagePotato.com, to all you PotatoHeads around the Internet: Have a merry, merry Christmas! Did you get everything you wanted this year?


(Props: Sherdog.net)


(Props: Strictly Shoops)

And while we’re here…

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