infomercial fail gifs
21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

January, 2013

Quote of the Day: Cowboy Cerrone Puts Boot in Jon Jones’s Ass for Turning Down Sonnen Fight at UFC 151


(The best part about wearing a cowboy hat to a press conference? You can be dead asleep, and people will just think you’re carefully considering your answer. / Photo via MMAWeekly)

Donald Cerrone is the type of guy who will go for the kill at every moment of a fight, then blow his resulting bonus-check on a pontoon boat cooze-cruise. He’s not the kind of guy who will hold his tongue when he sees some bullshit go down, even when that bullshit is related to one of his Greg Jackson teammates.

During a recent fan Q&A session, Cowboy was asked about Jon Jones‘s refusal to fight Chael Sonnen at UFC 151 — which led to the unprecedented cancellation of that event — and what he would do if he were put in the same position. Cerrone racked his verbal shotgun and said the following:

Yes, I’d have fought. They could call me tomorrow and ask me to fight. I think you need to fight. That’s our job. I don’t think you should curl up and find a way out. So yes, that’s my answer…He’s my teammate, and we have this discussion all the time. I said, ‘You should’ve done it.’ And he goes, ‘Well, you don’t make a million (dollars) to fight.’ And I said, ‘Well, you’re right, but I f—ing fight every time with all my heart.’

Read More DIGG THIS

[VIDEO] Irish Phenom Conor McGregor Becomes Two-Division CWFC Champ Via One-Punch KO

Ladies and gentlemen, may we introduce to you the white Michael Page. His name is Conor McGregor, and on Monday he became the first two-division (featherweight and now lightweight — you hear that, Andy?) champion in Cage Warriors Fighting Championship history by starching Ivan Buchinger in the opening round of their headlining matchup at Cage Warriors 51. Combining some insanely fast hands with a flashy capoeira background, the Irishman has quickly made a name for himself in the European MMA scene, thanks in no small part to the fact that he has collected all of his twelve victories via stoppage (11 KO, 1 sub), including a four second knockout of perhaps the most Irish-named man of them all, Paddy Doherty.

McGregor’s most recent bit of handiwork is above, but join us after the jump to get real familiar with Ireland’s hottest rising prospect.

Read More DIGG THIS

Staff Picks: The 12 (Or So) Best CagePotato Articles of 2012


(Oh yeah. Get ready for a whole lot of this.)

By now, you should have finally made it through our gargantuan 2012 Potato Awards feature, which recapped the biggest and baddest MMA news stories of last year, as viewed through the twisted mirrors of the CagePotato Funhouse. This week we decided to throw together another year-in-review feature, in which the members of the CP staff selected their favorite articles that they wrote for the site in 2012. Check out our picks below, click the headlines to revisit our work, and if we left out any of your own personal faves, holler at us in the comments section.

****

CagePotato Tribute: The 50 Worst Fighters in UFC History

BG says: In five years of running CagePotato, this is probably the article I’m most proud of. Part of that is simply because of the massive effort it required — by the time the “50 Worst” reached its final form, I had been writing and researching it, off and on, for about six months. I liked the idea of doing a shadow-history of the UFC, giving readers a guided tour of how the Octagon’s forgotten losers and punching-bags did so much to build the sport’s mythology in their own right, by acting as fodder for the legends. I believe it’s the most definitive record of UFC failure, in all its various forms, ever committed to the Internet.

21 MMA Ring Girls Who Have Posed Nude: A NSFW Celebration

BG says: Well, you can’t argue with success. Since its publication in August, this article has generated over 2 million pageviews, making it by far the most popular CagePotato article of all time, in terms of raw numbers. And let’s be honest: Spending an afternoon searching for nude photos of Jade Bryce isn’t exactly a tough day at the office.

Dead MMA Fighter of the Month: Justin Levens

BG says: I took a lot of heat for this piece, for everything from the title (“disrespectful!”) to the concept itself (“why pay tribute to this asshole?!”), but I found it really interesting to sort through all the available information on Levens, then shape it into a single narrative, spanning his rough childhood, to his early successes, to the setbacks that ultimately derailed his life. It’s a terrible story, but an undeniably compelling one.

Read More DIGG THIS

Hot Fighter Alert: 16 Photos of Model/MMA Prospect Paige VanZant


(Photo courtesy of 12gaugepaigevanzant.com. Click image for full-size version.)

Props to BabesofMMA and MMAJunkie for turning us on to Paige VanZant, a 2-0 professional MMA fighter who will be facing Tecia Torres on the prelims of this Saturday’s Invicta 4: Esparza vs. Hyatt event in Kansas City.

A model and student-athlete since childhood, the 18-year-old fighter began training in MMA when she was 15, and currently trains at the House of RYU in Las Vegas. Paige began competing this year, first picking up an amateur win in April, then winning decisions in professional matches against Jordan Gaza and Amber Stautzenberger. (She’s also done ring girl gigs for Shark Fights and Ultimate Reno Combat.) According to this Examiner article, Paige likes wrestling and throws, doesn’t enjoy getting hit in the face, and her future goals include opening a restaurant and fighting Cris Cyborg.

Check out lots more of our favorite Paige VanZant photos in the gallery after the jump — as well as four bonus videos of Paige chatting, fighting, and steam-mopping — and follow her life on Facebook and Twitter.

Read More DIGG THIS

Unluckiest SOB Ever Draws Edson Barboza for UFC Debut at ‘UFC on FX 7′


(Sad. He was so young.) 

Not too long ago, I wrote a piece about six of the worst possible opponents debuting UFC fighters have drawn in the past. As I predicted, it was almost universally panned by you Taters, but if I could update the article today, a feller by the name of Lucas “Mineiro” — which I can only assume means “Marked for Death” in Portuguese – Martins would be included somewhere on that list. Because now that Justin Salas has withdrawn from his UFC on FX 7 fight with Edson Barboza, the UFC’s matchmaking department has thrown the poor bastard pictured above into the octagon on short notice in Salas’ place (for his UFC debut, no less), presumably with a steak tied around his neck and a guaranteed bed at the nearest hospital.

Martins record may currently stand at a perfect 10-0, but the combined record of his opponents is just 27-24. Adding to that is the fact that he’ll be taking on an Edson Barboza that is on the heels of his first professional loss and will likely be looking to reestablish himself as one of the top lightweights via Martins’ untimely destruction. So yeah, expect this one to go down in roughly the same fashion as the Anglo-Zanzibar War or Michael Bisping on his prom night, which is to say, quickly.

Read More DIGG THIS

With MMA Opposition Weakening in New York, UFC Hopes for 20th Anniversary Event at Madison Square Garden


(In honor of Reilly’s impending retirement, we proudly present the most embarrassing moment of his entire political career. You crazy for that one, Bob.)

By Elias Cepeda

Alright, we don’t want to get your hopes up but…

According to a New York State Assembly “insider” quoted in a new report by NY Daily News reporter Kenneth Lovett, “It’s getting harder for [Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver] to keep blocking this,” referring to the bill partially crafted by the UFC to sanction MMA in New York.

“Resistance to it is getting less,” Speaker Silver admitted.

Lovett went on to explain in his report that Assemblyman Robert Reilly — better known around here as “Bob,” and one of New York’s most passionateconfused, and dishonest opponents of MMA sanctioning — is miraculously retiring this week (!!!) and that his departure should take a good deal of steam out of the opposition to MMA in New York. The ban on professional MMA in the state was signed into law by then-Governor George Pataki in 1997, but now even he is calling for the sport’s legalization.

Sources tell The Daily News that if the bill to legalize and regulate professional MMA in New York were brought to a vote in the general assembly right now, it would be passed. However, hurdles remain for the sport and its largest promotion, the UFC. Members of the NY Assembly including Deborah Glick and Daniel O’Donnell still oppose MMA’s legalization, the report says, and they might be able to prevent the measure from getting through committee and to the general assembly for voting.

In addition, the Culinary Workers Union — MMA’s most powerful arch-nemesis in the fight for New York MMA regulation — continues its loud propaganda campaign against the UFC, slamming everything from Dana White’s language to Mandy Moore’s judgment. (Funny story: If you go to the Culinary Union’s anti-UFC website UnfitforChildren.org right now, the lead story is a screen-cap of a CagePotato article. Wisely, they didn’t reprint the article’s first line, which refers to the Union as “two-faced, propaganda pushing arseholes.”)

Nevertheless, UFC President Dana White seems to be as optimistic as ever that his organization will soon put on an event in New York. After UFC 155, the promoter told assembled media that he hoped to host a UFC 20th Anniversary event in Manhattan’s Madison Square Garden this coming fall. “We have a date, and we have a match,” White revealed.

Read More DIGG THIS

Hey, Wouldn’t It Be Crazy if Daniel Cormier Got the Next Title Shot Against Jon Jones?


(Damn, Cormier at 205 pounds? Does this mean we have to stop calling him “The Round Mound of Ground and Pound”?)

It was long assumed that Daniel Cormier would enter the UFC as a heavyweight title contender after he finishes crushing Dion Staring at the final Strikeforce event on January 12th. (I’m not trying to jinx the dude, but come on, I know a squash match when I see one.) However, now that his training partner Cain Velasquez has reclaimed the heavyweight belt, Cormier’s future in the UFC may take a different path. As Dana White suggested following the post-UFC 155 press conference:

“It’s awesome, he (Cormier) is going to bring a lot of excitement to the heavyweight or light heavyweight division, you know. And he could be next in line to fight (Jon) Jones.”

Velasquez has made it clear that he wouldn’t fight his teammate under any circumstances, which might make light-heavyweight Cormier’s best option in the short term. Hell, the only thing that has kept the undefeated (and rather husky) AKA product from dropping to 205 sooner is because cutting weight crushed his Olympic dreams and nearly killed him that one time. Water under the bridge, right?

As a fantastic wrestler with dynamite punching power, Cormier would present Jon Jones with the same challenges that a guy like Dan Henderson would. But he also shares Hendo’s biggest disadvantage — his physical dimensions. Both Cormier and Henderson stand 5’11″, with 71″ reaches, and could be picked apart by the 6’4″ Jones and his inhuman 84.5″ wingspan.

Read More DIGG THIS

Understatement of the Day: Junior Dos Santos Says He Used “The Wrong Strategy” Against Cain Velasquez


(“Don’t worry, Junior! I can see him growing weaker with every punch! Three more rounds of this and he’ll be all yours!” / Photo via Getty Images)

We hate to even say this because he’s such a nice guy and all, but the beating Junior Dos Santos took at UFC 155 may have been the most deflating, one-sided ass-kicking in the history of UFC heavyweight title fights (other than the time that senior citizen beat the tar out Fatty McGoo, of course) and is being labeled as such by many MMA pundits out there. As one of you pointed out in our salary recap, Junior’s face mirrored one of those faces of meth posters over the course of the five round affair, yet the sumbitch still posed for photos afterwards.

As you can probably tell by now, my New Year’s resolution was to use more hyperlinks. SUCK IT, TOUCH PHONE USERS!

Aaanyway, Junior couldn’t even make it to the hospital before he was bombarded by SporTV, who thought the best time to ask a professional fighter strategy-based questions was while he was determining how much blood he had lost just hours earlier. You know, kind of like how CNN often waits until a soldier in Iraq steps on a landmine to drill him on the ins and outs of The Pincer Movement. Junior’s broken English response was as you would expect:

It (he) was better and deserved to win, but I used the wrong strategy. I was very worried about his entry in my legs and left face unprotected. So he hit me. When I was on the floor, I should have used more jiu-jitsu, I trained so much. But I tried to (get) back up, and it hurt me too, but on the ground it (he) is very good, very strong. I did not connect any punches good, even. It was bad because I was feeling very well, did a great training camp, everything was just right. But the fight is (over) anyway.

Read More DIGG THIS

And Now He’s Retired: Dan Severn, The UFC’s Original Big Scary Wrestler

In April 2011, Dan Severn became just the second fighter in MMA history to earn his 100th professional victory, following workaholic journeyman Travis Fulton. The simple fact that Severn was still an active cage-fighter 17 years after his UFC debut was surprising enough — let alone that he was still competing at least four times a year while in his 50s, and regularly whooping dudes half his age.

Joining the “100 Club” turned out to be the last great achievement in Severn’s marathon combat sports career, which is marked by a pair of All-American honors as a wrestler at Arizona State University, an induction into ASU’s wrestling Hall of Fame, two eight-man tournament sweeps in the UFC (at UFC 5 and Ultimate Ultimate 1995), a UFC Superfight Championship title, and an induction into the UFC Hall of Fame. On Monday, Dan “The Beast” Severn announced his official retirement from MMA at the age of 54, leaving an astounding career record of 101-19-7. Here’s his statement, taken from dansevern.com:

“Another Chapter, Comes to a Close”

The number one goal that I set for myself in 2012 was to be finished with my Mix Martial Arts Competition career. I was attempting to do my own self-directed retirement tour in the last couple of years reaching out to only three people…Mark Coleman, Ken Shamrock, and Royce Gracie. I spoke to two of them directly (Mark, and Ken), and through representative (MGR) for Royce. It seems as though these matches will not take place for whatever reasons and my life now goes on to the next chapter.

Read More DIGG THIS

‘DREAM 18′ Full Fight Videos: Manhoef vs. Kang, Aoki vs. McKee, Baroni vs. Sakurai + More


(Melvin Manhoef def. Denis Kang via knee-to-the-body KO, 0:50 of round 1. Fight starts at the 3:44 mark, but we’ve got the video cued up to the *real* action.)

From Mirko Cro Cop arm-barring a professional wrestler, to Bob Sapp scoring a massive upset over Alistair Overeem (in arm-wrestling), New Year’s weekend in Japan was loaded with, shall we say, “sports entertainment.” But there was at least one legit event — the hybrid DREAM 18/Glory 4 MMA-kickboxing spectacular that went down December 31st at the Saitama Super Arena. Thanks to Suhwaniya Fight Club, we’ve got complete videos of all eight MMA fights that took place that night, which featured such stars as Shinya Aoki, Melvin Manhoef, Marloes Coenen, Phil Baroni, Michihiro Omigawa, and Bibiano Fernandes. Enjoy, and welcome to 2013 everybody.


(Shinya Aoki def. Antonio McKee via submission due to eye-punch, 0:24 of round 2)

Read More DIGG THIS
CagePotatoMMA