(That awkward moment when one of your most marketable fighters denies the existence of his opponent’s Lord and Savior. Pretty typical face-off stuff, really. / Photo via MMAJunkie.com)

The last time that Vitor Belfort fought in Sao Paulo, this happened. Fourteen years later, those still-lethal fists are the only thing separating Michael Bisping from the middleweight title shot that has stayed maddeningly out of his reach. So will Belfort triumph in front of his countrymen tonight at the Ibirapuera Arena, or will Bisping defy the haters and take what belongs to him?

Elsewhere on the UFC on FX 7 lineup: Gabriel Gonzaga‘s heavyweight comeback faces its first big test in Ben Rothwell, Khabib Nurmagomedov goes for his 19th-straight victory against Thiago Tavares, and TUF Brazil standout Daniel Sarafian will do his best to defend the relentless takedowns of Massive Doucheface.

Round-by-round updates from the “Belfort vs. Bisping” main card broadcast will be available after the jump beginning at 9 p.m. ET / 6 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and make the world a little less lonely by tossing your thoughts into the comments section.

Those of you who watched Bellator’s debut on Spike TV – which drew in almost one million viewers, by the way – probably noticed a lack of upcoming advertised squash fights. No, I’m not just typing that as a way of reminding everyone that Renato “Babalu” Sobral and Seth Petruzelli were both eliminated from the light-heavyweight tournament. Rather, you may have noticed that Bellator didn’t announce any non-title super fights for the promotion’s champions.

That’s because Bellator CEO Bjorn has officially put an end to non-title super fights, according to a recent interview with MMAFrenzy. No more pointless bookings for the sake of keeping champions active (more on that in a second), no more risking that the champion will actually lose what was supposed to be a squash match. Also of note, champions will no longer be allowed to fight outside of the promotion – for obvious reasons.

(Let’s get this man some new gloves)

Swedish sensation Alexander Gustafsson is going to put his six fight win streak and legit claim to #1 contender-ship in the light heavyweight division on the line against Gegard Mousasi April 6. The UFC just announced that the pair will headline UFC on FUEL TV 9 this spring.

Mousasi last lost in 2010 against Muhammed Lawal and is coming off of a submission win over Mike Kyle at the final Strikeforce event. Gustafsson won a decision over Mauricio “Shogun” Rua in December.

If it wasn’t for his young age and the long line of people talking themselves into title shots against champion Jon Jones and the huge mess that has ensued, Gustafsson would likely already be considered worthy of challenging “Bones.” As it stands, Gustafsson has to keep on fighting and winning to earn his shot.

(Props to Sportsnet for the vid.)

And now kids, it’s time for some completely necessary last-minute hype for tomorrow’s UFC on FX 7 event, featuring such pros as Matt Brown, Alexander Gustafsson, and flyweight champion Demetrious Johnson making their picks for the main event middleweight showdown between Michael Bisping and Vitor Belfort. The matchup has started to gain a lot steam — thanks in no small part to a particularly intense staredown at the pre-fight press conference yesterday — resulting in the event nearly reaching a sellout despite slow ticket sales in the early going.

The video doesn’t feature too many stars, but the general consensus among them seems to be that if Bisping can survive the early onslaught, he should be able to take a decision over Belfort. Truly a shocking revelation when you realize that half of Belfort’s losses have come via decision and that Bisping has never defeated an upper-echelon opponent by anything else.

But enough small talk. Who do you like for this one and how?

-J. Jones

When Junior Dos Santos attempted to write off his lopsided defeat to Cain Velasquez at UFC 155 as the result of “personal” issues, most of us just assumed that he was having a difficult time facing the fact that he was bested by a man he had previously destroyed. “Excuses are like assholes,” commented at least one of you. “JDS was way to overconfident and paid for it,” said a few others.

However, if the rumors currently circulating the MMA blogosphere have any truth to them, it was actually Armfarmer who provided the most astute observation of JDS when he declared that “Maybe he finally realized that he’s married to a 2 when he could be pulling 10′s left and right. That realization would sure cause me some distracting personal problems..” A bit harsh? Surely, but according to Tatame’s Guilherme Cruz, Dos Santos was in fact in the process of separating from his wife of ten years in the lead-up to UFC 155:

If you were wondering what JDS meant when said he has personal issues prior to Cain’s rematch, he ended his 10-year marriage w/ Vilsana. 

(The Gracie Brothers speak out about the rape case involving Lloyd Irvin students, and explain how an unhealthy training environment could contribute to similar situations. / Props: GracieBreakdown)

- Eddie Alvarez Offered UFC 159 Co-Main Event; Will Seek Injunction at Court Hearing on Jan 25 (BleacherReport)

- Manager: UFC Champ Ronda Rousey Meant No Disrespect With Sandy Hook Video (MMAJunkie)

- Nick Newell to Dana White: ‘I Want My Equal Opportunity’ (MMAFighting)

- Why the ‘Frank Mir Curse’ May Spell Doom for Daniel Cormier’s Octagon Career (MMAMania)

- Kimbo Slice to Box Shane Tilyard, Jan. 30 in Sydney (TheSweetScience)

- Dan Henderson Won’t Wait For Title Fight (FightDay)

- The 25 Greatest Trash-Talkers in Sports History (Complex)

- “I Know A Liar When I’m Around One.”: Manti Te’o's Uncle Comments On Ronaiah Tuiasosopo (Deadspin)

- 7 Scariest Workout Injuries — And How to Prevent Them (MensFitness)

- The Screen Junkies Show: ‘Django’ Toy Review In South Central (ScreenJunkies)

- The 30 Most Awkward Childhood Photos Ever (WorldWideInterweb)

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

The 22 fighters competing at tomorrow’s UFC on FX 7: Belfort vs. Bisping event will be hitting the scales shortly at the Ibirapuera Gymnasium in Sao Paulo, and if yesterday’s staredown was any indication, we can expect another tense face-off from the headliners, full of shoulder-shuckin’ and chin-checkin’. Plus, the UFC will unveil a new Brazilian ring girl, fulfilling a promise that has eluded us for years.

Watch the UFC on FX 7 weigh-ins live in the above video player starting at 1 p.m. ET / 10 a.m. PT, and be sure to come back tomorrow night at 9 p.m. ET for our liveblog of the FX main card.

The full weigh-in results are now after the jump.

(Griggs might not have had the best ground game in the biz, but he made up for it in pure funkatude.) 

It must be spring, Potato Nation, because in order to make room for their new batch of Strikeforce fighters, the UFC has been doing a little cleaning out of their roster as of late. In total, 9 fighters have been axed as of this morning, including everyone’s favorite muttonchops aficionado, Chad Griggs. MMA Opinion has the full list, so join us after the jump to find out which fighters will no longer be punctuating the undercards of FUEL and FX events.

Chad Griggs: 11-1 before entering the UFC, Griggs’ lack of a ground game was quickly exposed in his debut, where he was choked out by Travis Browne in under three minutes at UFC 145. After dropping to light heavyweight, Griggs returned at UFC 154 to face PRIDE veteran and feared striker Cyrille Diabate. Those who were expecting a slugfest left disappointed, however, as Griggs was choked out in the first round again, just 15 seconds later than his first fight.

Marcus LeVesseur: Despite being one of the more decorated wrestlers to enter the UFC in some time, “The Prospect” quickly showed that he was simply not well rounded enough to hang in the sport’s highest promotion. After dominating the beginning of his UFC debut against TUF 12 alum Cody McKenzie, LeVesseur became McKenzietine victim #11 at just over three minutes into the first round. After scoring a snoozer of split decision over Carlo Prater in his next fight, Levesseur was absolutely savaged by Abel Trujillo at UFC on FOX: Henderson vs. Diaz.

(Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting.com)

If we needed any more proof that Michael Chandler deserves to be mentioned among the world’s best 155′ers, we got it last night at Bellator 85 in Irvine, California, when the reigning Bellator lightweight champion made decorated judoka Rick Hawn look like it was his first time on the mats. Chandler completed his takedowns with impressive ease, and when he saw an opportunity to take Hawn’s neck during a scramble in round two, he seized on it, sinking a rear-naked choke and showcasing the killer instinct that has now become a hallmark of Chandler’s game. To be honest, it wasn’t much of a fight, and this season’s lightweight tournament field doesn’t suggest that his next challenger will make things any harder for him. On the bright side, Chandler may have just established himself as Bellator’s greatest home-grown fighter — a budding superstar for the promotion’s new Spike TV era.

While Michael Chandler made his title defense with little resistance, reigning featherweight champion Pat Curran faced a much trickier test in Patricio “Pitbull” Freire. Their title fight (which led off the Spike TV broadcast) played out as a 25-minute kickboxing match, which started slow but built into an entertaining and evenly-pitched battle. Curran’s striking was just a little more active and accurate, however, and if you were judging on facial damage through the fight, Pitbull’s swollen-shut right eye and bloodied mouth didn’t exactly scream “winner.” When the scores were announced, “Judo” Gene LeBell saw it for the challenger, but the other two judges made the right call in awarding the win to the defending champ.

In addition to the two title fights, Bellator 85′s main card also featured a pair of light-heavyweight tournament quarterfinals. Unfortunately, those UFC castoffs we mentioned yesterday are well on their way to becoming Bellator castoffs as well, as Renato “Babalu” Sobral and Seth Petruzelli were steamrolled by their lesser-known competitors. Russian M-1 Challenge vet Mikhail Zayats stunned Sobral with a spinning-backfist near the end of the first round of their fight, then swarmed him to the canvas and fired down punches until the fight was stopped. (Eddie Alvarez’s wife called that shit, you guys.)

(The best part about having palm trees tattooed across your waistline, you ask? Endless cocoNUT jokes.)

A bit of mixed news for fans of the featherweight division, as word just broke that Dennis Siver has been forced to withdraw from his UFC on FUEL 7 bout with Cub Swanson for undisclosed reasons. The good news: stepping in for Siver will be Dustin Poirier, an exciting slugger who has picked up end of the night bonuses in two out of his last three contests. Although Poirier doesn’t exactly match the ridiculous offensive output of Siver, you can bet the ranch that this fight will net another bonus for at least one of these gentlemen when all is said and done.

A fellow top contender, Poirier recently bounced back into the win column by beating TUF 12 winner Jonathan Brookins into damn near retirement. Swanson, on the other hand, has been on an absolute killing spree in his last three bouts, finishing George Roop, Ross Pearson, and Charles Oliveira with punches inside the first two rounds. In fact, before Siver dropped out, Swanson stated on his Twitter account that the fight was being lobbied as the potential number 1 contender matchup at 145. Meanwhile, Chan-Sung Jung has apparently fallen off the face of the earth.

After the jump: Full fight videos of Poirier vs. Brookins and Swanson vs. Oliveira, which we secured through completely legal means. We swear. Just don’t tell anyone you got them from us, OK?

(Pat Curran, King Mo, and Michael Chandler — co-nominees in the “Best Kiss” category. / Photo via Getty Images)

Bellator’s eighth season kicks off tonight on Spike TV (10/9c), and now that the promotion has left Friday nights, you might even be thinking about watching the show. Here’s why that’s a good idea…

1. Michael Chandler is the second-greatest undefeated fighter in the world. Since winning Bellator’s lightweight title from Eddie Alvarez in November 2011, Chandler has competed exactly once — a 56-second TKO of Akihiro Gono in a non-title mismatch last May. Now carrying a perfect record of 10-0, Chandler is once again facing a legit challenge in the form of Rick Hawn, the former Olympic judoka and Bellator mainstay who dropped down from welterweight last year and swept the Season 6 Lightweight Tournament.

2. Pat Curran is also an entertaining son-of-a-bitch. Undefeated at 145 pounds, Curran also competed just once last year, when he very nearly ended Joe Warren’s life to win Bellator’s featherweight title. We’ve been itching to see him back in the game, and he’ll be leading off tonight’s Spike broadcast with a belt-defense against Patricio “Pitbull” Freire. Speaking of guys who have been sidelined for a while, Pitbull hasn’t been in the cage since he won the Season Four Featherweight Tournament in 2011, partly due to a broken hand suffered in training last year.

It’s really tough being Rampage Jackson these days, you guys. Sure, the boatloads of cash, the film and rap “careers,” and the endless string of Bengal tigers just waiting to be dry-humped are nice and all, but they don’t come close to filling the bottomless chasm left behind in Page’s soul by the swindlers and snake oil salesmen over at the UFC. Because beneath Rampage’s tuff (we imagine that is how he would prefer we spell it) exterior lies a kind, sensitive mixed martial artist that just wants his boss to pat him on the head and tell him that he’s proud of what he’s done. And then stop matching him up against fighters who utilize “gameplans,” “strategies,” “takedowns,” and other facets of modern MMA that are best left for trifling bitches.

And even though we haven’t been covering it as extensively as some, Jackson has been vehemently venting his feelings lately. Like, a lot. And by lately, we mean the past two years or so. And wouldn’t you know it, just a couple weeks out from his final contractually obligated fight at UFC on FOX: Johnson vs. Dodson, the UFC is still screwing with the poor guy. Jackson’s most recent lament was passed along by 5thround:

I’m sponsored by Reebok now and the UFC said I’m not allowed to wear Reebok in the cage, when the other fighters are sponsored by Nike and stuff. Why can’t I have Reebok?

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(Props: fueltv)

Every once in a while, videos come out that you wish were a little longer. Usually, they include this chick. Others, however, contain candid and inside looks into the lives and mindsets of top fighters. A new one released by Fuel TV called “UFC Roundtable Welterweights” is one of those videos.

Our favorite fitness guru and MMA coach Jay Glazer sat down with four legends — BJ Penn, Renzo Gracie, Georges St. Pierre and Matt Serra — to discuss the psychology of pre-fight moments like stare downs, warm ups, and the walk to the cage/ring. Given all the heat and history between most of these guys, it was cool to see them sit next to one another and seemingly enjoy what the others had to say.

St. Pierre, for example, waxed sports-psychologist philosophical about how he turns his fear into courage, and even his two-time nemesis Serra was impressed. Penn gushed about how Renzo was the one guy who didn’t look away from him during a stare down. I guess time and everyone being rich has a way of healing old wounds.

- Elias Cepeda

When we sat down with the lovely Felice Herrig just over a month ago, we talked about everything from the suspicious, last minute withdrawal of her opponent from Bellator 84 to the likelihood of seeing Felice fighting for the all female promotion InvictaFC down the line. But as any conversation with a woman as beautiful as Felice will inevitably touch upon, we ended up discussing sex, sex appeal, and the role of sex appeal in women’s MMA. As you can probably tell from a quick Google search of her name, Felice resides strongly in the “sex appeal as a positive” camp, not only because it boosts her marketability, but because it opens up completely new doors outside of the fight game that could provide a future career for Herrig down the line.

Taking that into account, Felice recently appeared on TMZ Live, of all places, to defend the role of sex appeal in female sports, and in the professional world in general. And for a show that usually spends 30 minutes insulting psuedo-celebrities for being fat and wearing people clothes, the discussion was honestly rather straightforward. I mean, it wasn’t Ronda Rousey and friends talking about Kat Dennings’ awesome boobage, but it was intriguing nonetheless. In short, Felice feels that as long as you can back up your looks with actual skill, then you’d be pretty foolish not to utilize both.

So check out the video above and let us know where you stand on the issue in the comments section. But we beg you, try and stifle your blatant misogyny just this once.

-J. Jones

Could the Warmaster be Octagon-bound after all? Props to Karl Olsson on the UG for giving us the heads-up that a fighter page for Josh Barnett has just been added to UFC.com. The page lists the heavyweight veteran’s career record, a few striking/grappling stats, and a brief Q&A which reveals that Barnett “sold guns” before he started fighting, and that he considers his win over Randy Couture at UFC 36 to be the key fight in his career. Keep in mind that Barnett was stripped of his UFC heavyweight title following that win due to a positive test for multiple steroids, which is what put him on the UFC’s black-list in the first place.

Barnett’s re-signing with the UFC hasn’t been officially announced, but we’ll let you know if that changes. In the meantime, feel free to suggest possible matchups for Josh’s UFC return in the comments section. (Our twitter suggestion that Barnett fight Pat Barry was quickly dismissed by both men.)

Update: On Thursday, 1/17, Barnett tweeted that despite his inclusion on the UFC website, he still hasn’t signed a contract.

(“F*ckin’ with your cash is the only thing you kids seem to understand!” / Photo via FCFighter.com)

UFC Vice President of Regulatory Affairs Marc Ratner revealed to MMAJunkie yesterday that the promotion has instituted a pair of new rules to act as deterrents against their fighters using performance enhancing drugs. First, all fighters who compete at international events will now be tested for performance-enhancing drugs. The UFC has traditionally hired independent local facilities to test fighters during events outside of North America, but in the past, only a few fighters per card were usually selected for testing.

The shift in policy may have been spurred by a recent stretch in which the UFC’s independent drug screening busted fighters at three consecutive overseas cards. UFC 153 in Rio de Janeiro — where all fighters were screened for banned substances — resulted in suspensions for Stephan Bonnar (Drostanolone) and Dave Herman (marijuana). A month later, Thiago Silva tested positive for weed at UFC Macao. And finally, Rousimar Palhares and Joey Beltran failed drug tests following UFC on FX 6 in Australia.

The wave of botched tests is an embarrassing trend, and the UFC is clearly trying to get in front of it. Testing all their fighters at international events going forward will send a message to fighters who may have considered rolling the dice with banned substances, thinking that testing policies are a little more lax when formal athletic commissions aren’t running the show.

Unlike the freakish mismatches that plagued last weekend’s Strikeforce show, the odds for this Saturday’s UFC on FX 7: Belfort vs. Bisping event in Sao Paulo suggest a very competitive lineup of fights. In fact, two of the matches are virtually dead even, with a razor-thin margin between the favorite and the underdog. Here are the betting lines for the FX main card, courtesy of BestFightOdds.com:

Michael Bisping (-103) vs. Vitor Belfort (-107): This is about as close as it gets in MMA betting, though Belfort still comes in as a slight favorite. The line reflects the divide among fans on how the fight will play out — either Bisping will outstrike and outhustle the Phenom to a decision victory, or Belfort will maul Bisping in short order, finishing him via punches-to-the-back-of-head TKO. If you’re leaning strongly towards one of those results, feel free to put your money where your mouth is. But keep in mind that the fight is scheduled for five rounds, which certainly gives Bisping the edge if he manages to survive the first ten minutes.

Ben Rothwell (+100) vs. Gabriel Gonzaga (-110): Another close call in terms of odds, but I’m not sure that Gonzaga should be the slight favorite here. To me, he hasn’t yet shaken his reputation as a can-crusher, while Rothwell’s most recent appearance against Brendan Schaub proved him to be a ferocious finisher, hard to rattle, and in the best physical shape of his career.

(We’re sorry for your loss, Lorenz, but believe us when we say that we know how it feels to be passed over.)

A few hours ago, we made the foolish suggestion that once all of Strikeforce’s chosen ones made their way over to the UFC, Luke Rockhold, should finally give Lorenz Larkin the title shot he had so rightfully earned by collecting four victories in their former promotion over mostly unknowns and nearly getting beaten to death by a roided up King Mo. Rockhold has been ducking him nursing various injuries for months now, and we figured it would be in the champ’s best interest to put all the doubt to rest in regard to Larkin once and for all.

Which is why it makes perfect sense that Rockhold has now called out Costa Philippou and completely invalidated our work in the process. Rockhold recently spoke with MMAFighting – but only because we were totally busy doing some research at the time — and not only did he pick a potential opponent for his UFC debut, but he picked a venue as well:

I think Costa Philippou makes the most sense right now. He’s coming off a win, and I think he’s a good opponent. Let’s get it on at [UFC on FOX 7].

As you can see, Rockhold is going to need to step up his shit-talking game if he ever wants a shot at becoming the real middleweight champion. Acknowledging a potential opponents victories? Calling him “a good opponent?” Jesus, Luke, if you don’t start making name-related insults (Can’t-stand-ya Tulip-poo?) or start mocking “the dirt poor Pygmy people of Cyprus” pretty soon, it’s going to be all FX and FUEL undercards for you from here on out.

Sheesh, Randy and Chuck have really been hitting the Centrum Silver since they retired, huh?

Ever since the Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act was passed in 1994, athletes have been aware that there may be more than just protein in the tubs of powder and bottles of pills found in their local grocery stores. The supplement industry isn’t exactly known for its history of ethical practices, and the deregulation of it has unsurprisingly caused manufacturers to push the limits of what can be snuck into their products. It’s widely been accepted that any supplement one purchases — be it the pre-workout stimulant that a personal trainer recommended or the “hardcore” testosterone booster that the local meathead swears is responsible for his 300+ pound frame — can result in a failed drug test, and that any athlete who uses supplements does so at his or her own risk.

Yet if you’ve followed this sport — or any sport, for that matter — for at least one week, you’re already sick of what’s been dubbed The Tainted Supplements Defense. You know the story by heart, and can recite it word-for-word before the athlete even issues a statement on the failed test: An athlete gets busted with a banned substance in his or her system, claims that an over-the-counter product is responsible for the failed drug test, swears that he or she would never resort to taking steroids, wishes that he or she never took the supplements before the fight and promises that it will never happen again. It’s just likely enough to be true, yet just unfalsifiable enough for a reasonable fan to reject.

Which is just one of many reasons why I am cordially inviting anyone blaming a failed drug test on an over-the-counter supplement to fucking stop doing so from this point forward. No matter what variation of the excuse you’re using, your excuse is bad, and you should feel bad. Let’s start off with the most popular variation:

(Oh yeah, this guy is headed over as well. Thank God for that.)

As we reported yesterday, Jorge Gurgel’s claim that the fighters who came up short at Strikeforce: Marquardt vs. Saffiedine would find themselves out of a UFC contract was not exactly truthful. KJ Noons, Kurt Holobaugh, and Anthony Smith, for example, all suffered defeats at the event and were ironically the first names to be mentioned in the Strikeforce/UFC…migration, I guess?

On last night’s edition of UFC Tonight, the full list of Strikeforce fighters who would be making the transition to the big leagues was announced, and suffice it to say, there were a couple rather puzzling omissions and inclusions. After the jump is that full list, along with our thoughts on who some of these gentlemen should face in their UFC debuts.

HEAVYWEIGHT 
-Daniel Cormier (11-0 MMA, 8-0 SF)

LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT 
-Gegard Mousasi (33-3-2 MMA, 4-1-1 SF)
-Gian Villante (10-3 MMA, 3-2 SF)

(Oh no. You used the pillow I farted on, didn’t you. / Photo via CombatLifestyle)

Already packed with a lightweight title fight and a must-see heavyweight feature, UFC on FOX 7 (April 20th, San Jose) has just picked up a welterweight battle between two crowd-pleasing sluggers who are riding career comebacks.

As first reported by ESPN, former welterweight title contender Dan Hardy will face Matt Brown at the April event. Hardy, who was mercifully kept on the UFC roster despite losing four straight matches in 2010-2011, won back-to-back fights against Duane Ludwig and Amir Sadollah last year. But his second-life in the UFC could come to a screeching halt against Matt Brown, who had the best year of his career in 2012, going 4-0 with big wins over Mike Swick and Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson. Like Hardy, Brown bounced back from a demoralizing stretch in 2010-2011 where he dropped four out of five matches.

(“I drink coconut water because it’s the world’s greatest natural source of electrolytes. Plus, Obama has been putting cyanide in our tap water since March 2010. Open your eyes, people.” Photo via Esther Lin/Showtime)

By George Shunick

One of the more enjoyable aspects of MMA — and the athletes who participate in it – is that even as the sport has grown exponentially in popularity over the past half-decade, the personalities that comprise it have remained extraordinarily candid in their interactions with the general public. It keeps fighters down to earth relative to athletes in other sports — Chris Kluwe excluded — and creates a sense of community between the fans and fighters that is unique to MMA. Of course, every now and then, a fighter (or promoter) will take things a step too far.

Take Ronda Rousey. Just the other day she caught heat for saying that Georges St. Pierre, the most dominant champion in welterweight history and arguably the most complete fighter in the sport, was only famous because he was attractive and Canadian. After the ensuing outcry, Ronda clearly gave the matter a lot of thought and decided to be more conscious of what she said in public forums…and proceeded to tweet an “extremely interesting must watch video” suggesting the Sandy Hook massacre of 20 children and 6 adults in December was the product of a government conspiracy to push anti-gun legislation. Amidst a storm of criticism, she eventually took down the tweet hours later.

Let’s be clear: This is probably the single largest public relations blunder any prominent professional fighter has committed since Quinton “Rampage” Jackson lived up to his nickname. Rousey originally justified it by saying “I just figure asking questions and doing research is more patriotic than blindly accepting what you’re told.” Which is an interesting thing to say, considering she just blindly accepted what a YouTube video — presumably constructed by a reactionary paranoid living in his mom’s basement — told her, despite an overwhelming amount of evidence to the contrary.

(“Hey Joe, now that I’ve put the kibosh on those pesky Adderall rumors…wanna do some blow?”)

Oh boy, Taters, do we have some good news for you. Not only will next Saturday’s UFC on FOX 6 card feature such intriguing matchups as John Dodson vs. flyweight champ Demetrious Johnson, Rampage Jackson vs. Glover Teixeira, and Donald Cerrone vs. Anthony Pettis, but the event will also spotlight the return of longtime UFC commentator Mike Goldberg, who was recently pulled from the UFC 155 broadcast to deal with several health issues that had been affecting him for some time. MMAWeekly reports:

After a brief absence due to illness, Mike Goldberg will be back in his regular broadcast duties alongside Joe Rogan at UFC on Fox 6.

UFC officials confirmed Goldberg’s return to MMAWeekly.com on Tuesday.

In short, come next Saturday, the little eagle will soar again. Precisions, they will be precise. Books, they will be taken out of other people’s chapters. Japanese and Portuguese will combine into one beautiful, indistinguishable language. So prepare yourselves, Potato Nation, for a great deluge of cliched phrases and verbal diarrhea is coming.

(Look at it this way, Nate, at least no one saw Tarec do this to you.) 

Over the past few weeks, we’ve referred to Strikeforce’s final event as a lot of things: “a series of pathetic mismatches on the level of Pros vs. Joes,” “an injury-riddled metaphor for MMA in 2012,” “a once great promotion, now, a study in moppishness,” but no matter how hard we try, words often fail to accurately depict Strikeforce’s drawn out fall from grace.

But where words fail, numbers often succeed. And ladies and gentlemen, the numbers that were just released for Strikeforce: Marquardt vs. Saffiedine say so, so much more than we ever could. According to MMAFighting’s Dave Meltzer, the promotion’s final event brought in less viewers than your average Tuesday afternoon rerun of a Law and Order: Special Victims Unit episode. No, I am not currently watching a rerun of a Law and Order: Special Victims Unit episode. Meltzer writes:

Saturday night’s show was headlined by Nate Marquardt vs. Tarec Saffiedine for the Strikeforce welterweight title, but was really promoted around being the end of an era. However, there was little fan interest in that nostalgia and the event did a 0.82 rating and 310,000 viewers among Showtime subscribers.

From a rating standpoint, the only major Saturday night show on the network that did a number in that ballpark was the September 10, 2011, show from Cincinnati…did an identical 0.82 rating, with 274,000 viewers.

Ouch. While there’s no doubt that the removal of guys like Luke Rockhold and Gil Melendez from the card — and the subsequent cancelling of their title fights — is at least partly responsible for these abysmal ratings, we’re not sure anyone could have seen the former #2 promotion in MMA ending its career on lamer terms than, say, Ice-T in Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. 

(Frank Mir, master of the male bitch-face. / Photo via Getty Images)

It’s official: The heavyweight battle between Daniel Cormier and Frank Mir will go down at UFC on FOX 7, April 20th at the HP Pavilion in San Jose. Yahoo! Sports reported the booking today, also confirming that the Benson Henderson vs. Gilbert Melendez lightweight title fight will be on the card.

Cormier and Mir were originally scheduled to fight under the Strikeforce banner in November, but the former UFC heavyweight champ had to pull out of the match due to injury. Mir hasn’t competed since his TKO loss to Junior Dos Santos at UFC 146 in May. For the record, Mir wasn’t too impressed with Cormier’s TKO win over Dion Staring this weekend, telling MMAJunkie:

(Props: KickYoNuts)

Like that Henry Rollins photo we posted on our Facebook page earlier today, this clip is so incredible that part of us wonders if it’s 100% legit. Humbly titled “emo fight,” the video above depicts a scrap between two young dudes in some sort of industrial park, and kicks off with about a minute of wild scrambles, reversals, and odd positions, including (but not limited to) a full-on wheelbarrow and a Sudo/Oxley-style giant swing. And then it happens: The taller, lankier combatant takes the other guy’s back, wraps one arm around his neck, grabs his opponent’s ankle with his other hand, and wrenches the poor son-of-a-bitch across his back until unconsciousness is achieved. (If you have a snappier name for this finishing move than “flying inverted back-breaker choke,” by all means share it in the comments section.)

Now, if this had happened in a real MMA match, it would be a bulletproof Submission of the Year candidate, with a guaranteed spot in the 2013 Potato Awards. Unfortunately, it’s just another street fight between two high-schoolers who may or may not have choreographed the whole thing. We’ve certainly been fooled before. So what do you think…real deal or straight bullshit?

(As you can tell by the above photo, Junior was feeling a little self-conscious about his looks that night as well.) 

Perhaps it’s because he’s one of the nicest guys in the sport, but we’d like to think that most MMA fans hold Junior Dos Santos to a higher standard than that of most fighters. We sure as hell do. Regardless of who you were rooting for at UFC 155, we defy you to declare that you didn’t weep for the battered former champ as he asked Joe Rogan “Why they do that?” while being met with a chorus of undeserved boos in his post-fight interview. It was like watching a child’s face sink with the unexpected revelation that that there was no Santa. On Christmas Eve.

So it is with heavy hearts that we must bring you the inevitable next chapter in the book of any fallen fighter: The Excuses. To be fair, the problems Junior cited in a recent interview with Brazil’s Esporte were not the typical kind of nonsense you’d hear from 90% of MMA fighters attempting to diagnose a loss, but the fact that we hold Junior in such high regard makes his recent allegations all the more disappointing:

Really was my head. I had some personal things going on, a bit of my attention was lacking because of it. And another thing. Soon after the fight I went to the hospital and had a scan, which showed my creatine was too high. The normal level is up to 300, mine was in 1400. I also had trouble in the urine and kidneys.

 The explanation of the doctors is that I pushed over the line, I over trained, and problems could have happened even before the fight… I was so good that I ended up crossing the line. That was the explanation of doctors. Mine is that I was not good with my head, was having personal problems and did not go well mentally in the fight. 

(Before GSP and Carlos Condit, KJ Noons was by far the biggest pain in Nick Diaz’s ass. Photo via Esther Lin/Strikeforce)

Remember when Jorge Gurgel made the ominous claim that the losers at Strikeforce: Marquardt vs. Saffiedine would be out of a job? It’s starting to look like that rule maybe just applied to Jorge Gurgel. (Sorry, bro.) According to reports that have been coming out since the show, a couple of prelim fighters who fell short in their matches will soon be picked up by the UFC.

First up is KJ Noons, who lost to Ryan Couture in a decision so questionable that Dana White wondered if the coin-flip method would be more effective. It was Noons’s fourth loss in his last five outings — dating back to his rematch loss to Nick Diaz in October 2010 — but the UFC is giving the tough lightweight striker a chance to prove himself in the Octagon. As Noons told MMAJunkie yesterday, ”They said, ‘Heal up, and as soon as you’re healed up, then start training, and we’ll get you on a card.”

For Noons, a potential move to the UFC would represent a massive improvement to his career, and not just because of the increased visibility:

(Props: AlanBrunet12 via reddit/mma)

In light of a brutal leg-kick domination at Strikeforce: Marquardt vs. Saffiedine, this old clip from “Countdown to UFC 115″ seems especially relevant. UFC heavyweight Pat Barry‘s professional MMA career began in 2008 with three consecutive KO/TKO’s in the Midwestern regional promotion Combat USA — the first two by leg kicks, the other by head kick, all in the first round. As Barry describes it, “I threw six kicks, three fights…more money than I’ve ever made in my entire life.” Barry was quickly snatched up by the UFC, where he did the same damn thing to Dan Evensen at UFC 92.

Bonus video after the jump: Pat Barry totally hijacks an MMAFightCorner interview with his girlfriend Rose Namajunas. It must take a lot of patience to love that man.

I know this barely constitutes news at this point, but being that anything even hinting at Ronda Rousey seems to be a big hit on this site (mainly so you readers can take a steaming dump on her in the comments section), I am going to set my journalistic integrity — a term I just stumbled across on Wikipedia — aside for the moment and pass along Rousey’s words in regard to another hot topic around here: Canadians. Specifically, how Canadians will love anything that is Canadian because it is Canadian, and how that relates to current welterweight champ Georges St. Pierre.

Rousey recently spoke with The Las Vegas Review Journal and once again went at the champ, who she has been bashing for years now:

Everybody keeps coming up to me and saying, ‘Oh, do you think if you didn’t look such a way, people would like you so much?’ I’m like, ‘Dude, if GSP was butt ugly, you wouldn’t want to know who he is so much.’ I think he lucked out a lot that he’s Canadian. I love Canadians. They are the coolest, nicest, most patriotic people, and they will support their countrymen no matter what, and I think that’s commendable. But if GSP wasn’t really good-looking, and really Canadian, he would be really unknown.