(She was a strawweight. He was a heavyweight. She was nasty on the ground. He was once choked out by Mirko Cro Cop, of all people. Life is not the amount of leg kicks you take, it’s the leg kicks that take your breath away. ‘You’ve Got Wrist-Locks 2‘, coming this fall. / Photo by Esther Lin for Invicta.)

As Marlo Stanfield might say, this sounds like one of them good problems.

We already know that Invicta’s first attempt at selling an Internet pay-per-view blew up in their faces over the weekend. But what exactly went down that night? In an interview with MMAJunkie Radio, Ustream CEO Brad Hunstable took full responsibility for the fiasco, and credited the unprecedented popularity of Invicta’s broadcast for the technical difficulties:

“First off, let me just say how apologetic and sorry we are for what happened for the fans. I’m a big MMA fan. I’ve been in the community for years, and I don’t like it when any of our broadcasters have issues, let alone a sport that I love and am passionate about. I take it especially serious, especially in this case.

Unfortunately what happened was —and the issue was on Ustream’s end, it was not on Invicta’s end — was that believe it or not, our payment system, which is in sort of a beta program at the moment, got overloaded.

There were too many tickets being sold. We’ve done lots of pay-per-views over the last year, from the UFC to the Rugby World Cup to working with World Cup-qualifying soccer matches. The load of tickets being sold, we just hadn’t seen a level of that to date, and that’s ultimately what happened.

The UFC confirmed last night that a middleweight matchup between knockout king Hector Lombard and perennial contender Yushin Okami has been added to the PRIDE fanboy circle-jerk that is UFC on FUEL 8: Silva vs. Stann, March 3rd in Saitama, Japan. Both fighters scored victories last month, with Lombard destroying fellow fireplug Rousimar Palhares in the first round of their match at UFC on FX: Sotiropoulos vs. Pearson, and Okami (somewhat less impressively) earning a decision against Alan Belcher at UFC 155.

In keeping with the theme of UFC on FUEL 8′s main card — which will feature such legends as Wanderlei Silva, Takanori Gomi, and Mark Hunt — Lombard and Okami also competed for PRIDE early in their careers. Lombard lost decisions to Akihiro Gono and Gegard Mousasi under the PRIDE Bushido banner in 2006, while Okami submitted Steve White via strikes (at PRIDE The Best Vol.3 in 2002) and outpointed Ryuta Sakurai (at PRIDE Bushido 2 in 2004). Video proof is after the jump.

Though Michael Bisping might argue that he and Vitor Belfort are the only two middleweights worth a damn at the moment, another savage knockout performance from Lombard could place him in the proverbial “mix.” Your predictions for this one, please.

Maybe it’s just me, but my apathy for all the stupid, knock-off, hybrid MMA sports that have been created in the past few years has reached levels I previously thought unimaginable. Less than a year ago, I would have come across something as — for lack of a better word — retarded as Footbrawl and immediately launched into a three to five hundred word diatribe in which I explained to you exactly how retarded something like Footbrawl truly is. I would have pointed out that, sure, grappling is cool, but it loses some of its luster (or at least its practicality) when two men holding American Gladiator-style jousting sticks repeatedly doink you from above. That last sentence is only gay if you are.

Furthermore, I would have relentlessly mocked the minds behind this sportbortion for daring to combine Ultimate Ball and Jiu-Jitsu with the God’s honest intent of entertainment. I would have waxed poetic about a sport that, when carried out, most closely resembles a Plutonian laundromat riot circa 2033. But the XARM’s, the Wheeled Warriors, and the Warrior Islands of the past few years have all but completely desensitized me to the stupidity of humankind. And this shit doesn’t even have a Tater Williams.

So I beg of you, Potato Nation, to pick up where I have failed in the comments section. Trash this sport. Trash the ever-loving hell out of it.

Before I was a writer here at CagePotato, some of my favorite columns to read were the “New Guys” features devoted entirely to familiarizing us with the unfamiliar faces sprinkled throughout the average UFC card. It made the preliminary action far more exciting in my opinion, and more importantly made me look like less an MMA fan, more a prophet when making picks against my friends on fight night. I would of course plead ignorance after I had successfully transferred their money into my wallet, but hey, that’s what they get for saying “This Cyprus Diabetes guy is going to get straight up murdered by Luiz Cane.”

So to begin a year in which 95 or so percent of scheduled UFC fights will likely be cancelled due to injury, we figured we would brush off this old feature moving forward, if only to brief you on the no-namers who will inevitably be stepping in on short notice to replace our plagued MMA stars. Today’s edition focuses on the upcoming UFC on FX 7 card headlined by Michael Bisping vs. Vitor Belfort, and features a pair of dangerous, well-rounded sluggers hailing from, you guessed it, Brazil. Funny how that always seems to be the case.

(OH SNAP, THEY GOT THOSE ROPES THAT YOU WIGGLE UP AND DOWN?? I’M SO IN, SON. / Props: UFCgym)

Since the first UFC Gym opened in Concord, California, in January 2010, the branded fitness chain has expanded in slow, humble fashion — three more locations popped up in Cali, followed by the recently opened UFC Gym BJ Penn in Honolulu, and a Long Island outpost slated to open this spring. With the first wave now complete, it’s time for phase two of the invasion. Dana White confirmed today that the UFC has purchased the LA Boxing franchise, and will re-brand all of its gyms — more than 60 locations in 23 states — as UFC Gyms in the coming year.

“UFC Gyms has been huge for us,” said White. “It’s been an incredible, incredible business for us.”

Although the re-branding might increase the number of douchebags in your neighborhood who claim that they “train UFC,” this is a positive development for MMA awareness. Not only are the existing UFC Gyms massive (some up to 40,000+ square feet) and well-outfitted with the latest training equipment, they also feature a crapload of classes that help introduce members to the basics of MMA. For example, the class list for the Concord facility includes Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Boxing, Muay Thai, Judo, MMA Wrestling, San Shou, and “Hot Hula,” the art of mesmerizing an attacker with your gently swaying hips before savagely kicking them in the balls. Children welcome!

No, these are not legit MMA training camps, and they don’t promote themselves to be. But for MMA fans who just want to burn some calories and learn a few techniques, these places look pretty sweet. I can’t speak from personal experience, though, so if any of you have had good/bad experiences with UFC Gyms that you’d like to share, please drop ‘em in the comments section, or e-mail tips@cagepotato.com to protect your anonymity.

(…and if you include non-Zuffa fighters who shattered their penises last year, that number jumps up to 2,057.)

Yes, one hundred and four. Triple digits, baby. That startling figure comes to us via MMAFighting.com researcher Steve Borchardt, who tallied up all the injury pullouts by UFC and Strikeforce fighters in 2012, and fed them all into this chronological spreadsheet. (Color key: Injuries to champions are in yellow, all other main event fighters are in red, and co-mainers are in teal. Also, “KO’d by sauna floor when cutting weight” really deserves its own color. An ugly brownish-orange, perhaps.)

We’re all reasonable men and women, right? We know that this explosion in high-profile injury withdrawals can’t really be explained by a “curse,” or bad luck, or terrible coincidence. Grueling training conditions — in which MMA fighters work all year round, scrapping against elite-level teammates rather than paid sparring dummies, executing body-motions that are specifically designed to blow out your knees — has to account for most of it.

But are there other explanations? When you look at all the injuries listed as “Undisclosed” on the chart, you can’t help but speculate…

(Props to Fightlinker for the find.)

Before you guys start jumping on your soapboxes in regards to the legitimacy of street fight videos on an MMA website, just check this shit out right here. I’m not one to unnecessarily hype up a video, but I am going to go ahead and declare this THE GREATEST STREET FIGHT KNOCKOUT OF ALL TIME.

Here’s the backstory as I imagined it: Aryan Abe Lincoln was just coming home from a rough day at work. He blew a tire on the way in, forgot to pack a lunch, and got royally chewed out by his boss because Johnson in accounting had botched his quarterly reports (again!). And to make matters worse, his whore of a wife — I say “whore” because it was well known by Aryan Abe’s neighbors that she was a Bulgarian prostitute he had mail-ordered — had gone and jumped into bed with the pool boy, Ronie with one n, who was now standing outside Abe’s house declaring that he would fight for her love.

Unfortunately for Ronie, Aryan Abe had been studying Muay Thai over the past few years, you know, to cope with the fact that his wife was a whore, and quickly put the kibosh on Ronie’s proposal in emphatic fashion. That sound you heard, believe it or not, was not that of a bologna roll being dropped from a roof off screen, but that of poor Ronie’s dreams and aspirations coming to a crashing halt.

(Complete Invicta FC 4 main card broadcast, courtesy of Invicta FC)

Saturday’s Invicta FC 4 event at Memorial Hall in Kansas City, KS, was supposed to be a significant step forward for the all-female promotion, as the main card was presented as an Internet pay-per-view for the first time. (Previously, Invicta’s events had been streamed online for free.) Unfortunately, the broadcast turned out to be a technical fiasco. Due to issues with payment processing and an uncooperative streaming partner, paying customers were unable to log on to watch the event. Even after the paywall was removed — and full refunds were offered to those who had already shelled out cash — the stream was still unreliable.

It was a worst-case-scenario for Invicta FC, whose budding fanbase might be wary of paying for similar broadcasts in the future. In a post-event interview with Ben Fowlkes at MMAJunkie, Invicta president Shannon Knapp seemed to acknowledge that securing a TV deal for her promotion has become more critical than ever, in the wake of their failed iPPV experiment.

As for the fights themselves? They certainly had their moments, although the main card was further cursed by a near-total lack of stoppages. In the headliner, former collegiate wrestler Carla Esparza and late-replacement Bec Hyatt waged war in Invicta’s first strawweight (115 pounds) title fight. Esparza’s relentless takedowns and top control helped her win all five rounds on the judges’ scorecards, but the colorful Aussie didn’t make it easy for her, stinging Esparza with her striking every time the women were on their feet.

The event’s official “Fight of the Night” award went to Alexis Davis and Shayna Baszler, who turned in a fantastic grappling battle that ended in the third round when Davis put Baszler to sleep with a rear-naked choke. It was the only bout on the main card that didn’t go to the scorecards. We suggest that you skip to the 2:02:59 mark of the video above to watch the fight — or just check out these two photos that tell the story pretty well by themselves…

(As Goldie himself might say, the precision of those rumors was not very precise.)

When long-time UFC play-by-play announcer Mike Goldberg missed UFC 155 for undisclosed reasons, it didn’t take long for the rumor mill to churn out reports of him being addicted to Adderall and taking a leave of absence to attend drug rehab.* MMA Fighting contacted Goldberg directly on Friday, asking for comment on his health, and the commentator denied the pill addiction rumor and said he hopes to return to work by the next UFC on Fox event later this month.

“Those rumors out there are not true,” Goldberg said via text to MMA Fighting. ”I’m dealing with a complicated health issue but feeling better and hoping to be back to 100 percent by Jan. 26.”

Goldberg did not provide more details about his health issues but reporter Ariel Helwani also wrote that “according to multiple sources close to Goldberg, who all asked to remain anonymous, the broadcaster suffered from a severe upper respiratory infection in October…

Mein looks to continue his winning ways in UFC debut. Props: MMAMadhouse.com

Jordan Mein (26-8) has put together an excellent record on smaller shows, losing only to Tyron Woodley by split decision and beating the likes of Forrest Petz, and has gotten a call up to the big leagues at UFC 158. Unfortunately for him, he’s drawn one of the toughest outs in MMA – Dan Miller, as his UFC debut fight. The UFC announced the fight last week.

The match up for the Montreal card, headlined by Georges St. Pierre vs. Nick Diaz, is yet another welterweight one that totally probably doesn’t mean that Dana White is nervous he’ll have to do match up musical chairs again like he did at UFC 137 when Diaz and GSP’s ACL decided to gunk everything up. UFC 158 ain’t going to be all welterweights, though.

Mirko Cro Cop VS Shinichi Suzukawa

DREAM 18 wasn’t the only Japanese MMA event on New Year’s Eve. Inoki Bom-Ba-Ye 2012 – a hybrid MMA/Pro-wrestling card – also provided the MMA community with some freak show goodness. We’ve been putting off coverage of this event until videos surfaced because frankly, when the main event features a post-prime Cro Cop vs. a disgraced sumo wrestler turned professional wrestler, well, yeah, this event can wait a few days.

The main event, Cro Cop vs. Suzukawa, proved that no matter how far past his prime he is, Cro Cop can still submit a clueless jabroni making his MMA debut. In other words, it was a decent freak show fight that played out exactly as it should have. It just wouldn’t be New Year’s Eve without a freak show fight, now would it?

The co-main event displayed Japanese judoka Satoshi Ishii fighting against what was apparently Tim Sylvia. Despite committing himself to the most explosive workout program in all of MMA, The Maine-iac showed up looking like he hasn’t even thought about training since his Arlovski fight in September, and did it ever show. Ishii took the fight by unanimous decision.

Video after the jump.

Damn it, Jon. Thumb UP! Props: The Phantom Knee

We’re not even one week into 2013, yet we already have a strong candidate for CagePotato.com’s coveted MMA Fail of the Year at the year-ending Potato Awards. And yes, “coveted” is the right word here – with all of the ugly tattoos, terrible t-shirts, goofy haircuts and general jackassery in this great sport, it’s a legitimate honor to be recognized for failing harder than everyone else around you. Last year, the award went to a guy who dared his opponent to knock him out seconds before getting knocked out. Following in his footsteps, this instructor is so confident that he has discovered the “ultimate” way to defend against an armbar that you should really be expecting his demise well before it plays out.

This guy’s “Ultimate Armbar Defense” isn’t exactly scientific; it involves grabbing your own gi collar and holding on for dear life. Don’t ask me how a jiu-jitsu purple belt didn’t realize that he was setting himself up for a textbook gi choke, but he didn’t, and the inevitable happens by the end of the video. My favorite part of the video is the very end, when he wakes up, remembers where he is, puffs his chest out and looks into the camera with manly, Ronda Rousey-esque confidence.

(“Psssh, you best drop that tough guy shit right now, Bigfoot, because I can see the future and it doesn’t look good for you.”)

I feel really bad for Frank Mir’s brain. While it is quite an impressive brain when compared to many of its MMA counterparts, it is clearly beginning to wear under the stress of some pent-up, masochistic desires. It has been beaten into unconsciousness in every one of Mir’s six MMA losses, including two particularly brutal/carried-out beatings at the hands of Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin — both of whom have hands bigger than the average newborn deer — yet it still keeps coming back for more. Most recently, Mir’s brain stepped in on short notice to get kneaded like a fresh Arepa by Junior dos Santos at UFC 146, to the point that its host body was shooting invisible free throws by the end of the night. Twas a sad sight indeed.

Mir’s brain was scheduled for concussion #7 against Daniel Cormier in November, but was granted a temporary reprieve from the injury Governor shortly thereafter. Where one would think that Mir’s brain would go the Paul Daley route and call out someone way below its level for a gimme fight, it instead insisted on calling out Cormier again, CTE be damned.

And it appears as if Cormier is more than willing to play huckleberry to Mir’s twisted desires, as the champ recently stated that — once he gets past Whatshisname Iknowthis at the final Strikeface event in January — he would still like to settle some unfinished business with Mir’s masochistic brain.

FighthubTV has the scoop after the jump.

(We highly recommend Margold’s dystopian sci-fi novel, “A Future Without Kleenex.” Check out 29 more amazing real-life job titles at WorldWideInterweb.)

- Jim Miller Looking to Avenge Losses; Calls out Gray Maynard (BleacherReport)

- Invicta 4: MMA’s All-Female Promotion Tests Pay-Per-View Waters (MMAJunkie)

- New Video Promo For The Ultimate Fighter: Jones vs. Sonnen (Fightline)

- Ronda Rousey Isn’t a Box Office Knockout for UFC 157 Tickets (MMAFighting)

- Check Out Joe Lauzon’s Super Bloody UFC 155 Fight Vlog (MiddleEasy)

- Someone in New York City Voted for Chael Sonnen for President (CageWriter)

- Eddie Alvarez Almost Ready to Say ‘F!@# it’ as UFC and Bellator Contract Negotiations Get Ugly (BloodyElbow)

- 10 Awesome Photos of Head Kicks (FightDay)

- The 100 Hottest WAGS in Sports History (Complex)

- What’s the Right Way to End a First Date? (MensFitness)

- Vince Gilligan Tells Us What To Expect From The ‘Breaking Bad’ Finale (ScreenJunkies)

For the longest time, we thought Bob Sapp‘s muscles were an extension of his personality, which is to say, fake. Like, Spongebob Squarepants “Anchor Arms” fake. Sure, they looked realistic and everything, but we always believed that underneath all the state-of-the-art makeup and Styrofoam padding was a frail, perpetually horrified struggling actor who just wanted to do some method acting before everything spiraled out of control. Why else would Sapp fall to the mat crying as soon as his opponent even looked at him the wrong way? He’s a sensitive artist that has feels, that’s why.

Unfortunately, Sapp pretty much shattered our universe and proved once and for all that he does posses strength in that Rhinosaur build of his, via a Japanese arm-wrestling tournament that took place over the weekend. Although the tourney featured such actual fighters as Alistair Overeem and Mark Hunt, Sapp absolutely Lincoln Hawked the competition without even breaking a sweat. You know, kind of like how he collects 50k per fight to do the complete opposite.

The entire video is above and also features Kazushi Sakuraba, a Sumo in a track suit, and at least one advertisement that will give you the heebie-jeebies. So basically, it’s every Japanese game show you’ve ever witnessed. Enjoy.

-J. Jones

(Photo courtesy of Getty Images)

Last month, Mark Hominick announced that “The Machine” has been unplugged. The Canadian striker ended his ten-year MMA career with a record of 20-12, including nine wins by KO/TKO, seven by submission, and three Fight of the Night awards during his stint in the WEC and UFC.

A former kickboxer, Hominick submitted Yves Edwards in his first Octagon appearance in 2006, and later collected victories over such notables as Jorge Gurgel, Bryan Caraway, Yves Jabouin, and Leonard Garcia. An impressive first-round TKO win over former Team Tompkins teammate George Roop in January 2011 was Hominick’s fifth win in a row, making him a fast-rising star in the UFC’s new featherweight division, and earning him a title shot against champion Jose Aldo.

After his five-round loss to Aldo at UFC 129, Hominick suffered the loss of his trainer, the great Shawn Tompkins, as well as his next three fights, the most recent of which came against Pablo Garza at UFC 154 in Montreal.

Today, Hominick is the proud father of a one-and-a-half-year-old daughter — he and his wife have another girl on the way — and he is putting his experience and skill to good use at the Adrenaline Training Center in London, Ontario, Canada. He and fellow Shawn Tompkins protégé Chris Horodecki started the gym about four years ago and are working closely with Adrenaline’s burgeoning pro fighters. Hominick says he is also excited about the possibility of working as part of UFC Canada.

Just a few weeks after hanging up his little gloves, Mark “The Machine” Hominick spoke with CagePotato.com about the very best opponents he faced across a number of categories…

Strongest: Jose Aldo. It was like he had two fists in one. When he hit with his right hand, he hit like a heavyweight. And his explosiveness, that was the biggest difference, I noticed. I’m normally good with distance and being able to fade from a shot, but he can close the distance with not just speed, but with power.

Fastest: Yves Jabouin. I fought him at WEC 49. It was Fight of the Night and one of the best fights of the year. It was just a back-and-forth battle. Speed is where I normally have the advantage, and I felt he almost matched me there. It was like I was fighting a mirror image.

(This will become relevant by the end of the article. Until then, let’s just bask in its glory.) 

We’re not sure if we’ve conveyed our feelings regarding middleweight contender Michael Bisping in such articles as “Michael Bisping Asshole Quote of the Day” or the sarcastically-titled “Michael Bisping, Most Understood Fighter in the UFC,” but suffice it to say, we aren’t too high on “The Count.” If you’re someone who appreciates a humble fighter who puts on entertaining fights each and every time they step into the octagon, chances are you aren’t too high on him either.

I can honestly say that I haven’t been outright entertained by a Bisping fight since he fought Wanderlei back at UFC 110, so perhaps he is the correct source to consult when determining whether a fight was boring or not. Luckily for us, Michael could only fit so much dickishness into his schedule each day, so he went and started a blog to make sure we could all be privy to this exact kind of information. In his most recent post, he took aim at Tim Boetsch and Alan Belcher, two fellow middleweights who came up short in somewhat disastrous performances at UFC 155.

We’ve collected all the best snippets, along with our running commentary in bold, after the jump. So join us as we honor (that’s code for “Spill Haterade on”) the nastiest hater since Silky Johnson, won’t you?

(I’m going to avoid an obvious nose-joke here. Instead, I’ll just link to this picture of an adorable puppy.)

You know what? Screw what Tim Kennedy said about Strikeforce’s fighters being a bunch of little vaginas. When Gilbert Melendez and Luke Rockhold withdrew from their scheduled matches at Strikeforce’s final event, they were looking out for their best interests. And if Pat Healy does the same, we’re not going to blame the guy.

Healy, as you might recall, was originally slated to face Melendez in their long-delayed matchup on the January 12th “Marquardt vs. Saffiedine” card, then he was booked to face Jorge Masvidal when Melendez pulled out, then he was booked to face nobody when Masvidal pulled out. [Ed. note: CagePotato would like to clarify that Healy was probably not a Nazi guard or serial killer in a past life, despite suggestions to the contrary. There. Feel better, Chris?]. Now, the former/sort-of lightweight title-contender will be facing undefeated Strikeforce-newcomer Kurt Holobaugh, according to a recent report from MMAWeekly.

A little about Kurt: He’s compiled a perfect 8-0 professional record, competing against regional talent in such regionally-named promotions as Karnival Karnage and Nightmare On The Northshore. He is best known for taking a fight on his wedding day and almost being selected for TUF 15. The fight with Healy will be the biggest opportunity of his career. Unfortunately, the booking officially drags Healy down to the Showtime Extreme portion of the “Marquardt vs. Saffiedine” card.

(Props: MiddleEasyTV)

Remember when Nick Diaz was booked for the biggest fight of his career in a title shot against Georges St. Pierre, but then decided to no-show two days in a row for media events? Or when he lost an interim title bout to Carlos Condit, was offered an immediate rematch but then couldn’t do the fight because he got high?

Well, we do, and chances are Diaz does as well since he’s been sitting on the sidelines for nearly a year serving out his most recent marijuana-related drug suspension. So it surprised us to hear that Diaz, who is receiving a world title shot for the third consecutive time despite coming off of a loss and failed drug test suspension, still seems to be walking the line with the UFC and its President Dana White.

MiddleEasy recently spoke with White and asked him if he expected Diaz to make good on his pre-event promotion commitments this time around before his scheduled fight with St. Pierre at UFC 158. “He’s been sitting out so long. This is a fight that he wanted. He really wanted this fight to happen and Georges St. Pierre called him out. He’s getting it. So, yes, I expect Diaz to be there,” White said.

When asked if he had actually received such an assurance from Diaz himself, however, Diaz said that he had not even spoken with the fighter recently despite reaching out to him. “I have not. Nick Diaz doesn’t return my calls, texts, nothing,” he said.

(“Come on, you guys, give him a hand for trying.”)

If you were looking over the UFC 156 fight card and thinking to yourself “Hey, this card is almost too stacked. I could really use a lackluster fight to make a sandwich or go to the bathroom during,” well then do we have some great news for you. Now that Erick Silva has fallen victim to the great injury curse of 2012 (2013 status pending), it appears that Strikeforce welterweight Tyron Woodley has been called over to the UFC in his absence. As was the case with future highlight reel victim Lucas Martins, Woodley will be making his promotional debut on short notice against a much more experienced opponent. However, unlike Martins, Woodley actually finds himself in a matchup that he stands a good chance of winning.

Woodley will be squaring off against Jay Hieron, a Bellator/IFL/Strikeforce veteran who has simply not been able to put it together in the octagon, going 0 for 3 in the promotion thus far. After we hyped the hell out of his UFC return, Hieron put on an incredibly disappointing — not to mention tepid — performance against Jake Ellenberger at UFC on FX 5, resulting in a unanimous decision victory for the Omaha native. You guys remember that fight, right? Anyone? Who am I kidding, not even Hieron’s mom remembers that fight.

(The best part about wearing a cowboy hat to a press conference? You can be dead asleep, and people will just think you’re carefully considering your answer. / Photo via MMAWeekly)

Donald Cerrone is the type of guy who will go for the kill at every moment of a fight, then blow his resulting bonus-check on a pontoon boat cooze-cruise. He’s not the kind of guy who will hold his tongue when he sees some bullshit go down, even when that bullshit is related to one of his Greg Jackson teammates.

During a recent fan Q&A session, Cowboy was asked about Jon Jones‘s refusal to fight Chael Sonnen at UFC 151 — which led to the unprecedented cancellation of that event — and what he would do if he were put in the same position. Cerrone racked his verbal shotgun and said the following:

“Yes, I’d have fought. They could call me tomorrow and ask me to fight. I think you need to fight. That’s our job. I don’t think you should curl up and find a way out. So yes, that’s my answer…He’s my teammate, and we have this discussion all the time. I said, ‘You should’ve done it.’ And he goes, ‘Well, you don’t make a million (dollars) to fight.’ And I said, ‘Well, you’re right, but I f—ing fight every time with all my heart.’“

Ladies and gentlemen, may we introduce to you the white Michael Page. His name is Conor McGregor, and on Monday he became the first two-division (featherweight and now lightweight — you hear that, Andy?) champion in Cage Warriors Fighting Championship history by starching Ivan Buchinger in the opening round of their headlining matchup at Cage Warriors 51. Combining some insanely fast hands with a flashy capoeira background, the Irishman has quickly made a name for himself in the European MMA scene, thanks in no small part to the fact that he has collected all of his twelve victories via stoppage (11 KO, 1 sub), including a four second knockout of perhaps the most Irish-named man of them all, Paddy Doherty.

McGregor’s most recent bit of handiwork is above, but join us after the jump to get real familiar with Ireland’s hottest rising prospect.

(Oh yeah. Get ready for a whole lot of this.)

By now, you should have finally made it through our gargantuan 2012 Potato Awards feature, which recapped the biggest and baddest MMA news stories of last year, as viewed through the twisted mirrors of the CagePotato Funhouse. This week we decided to throw together another year-in-review feature, in which the members of the CP staff selected their favorite articles that they wrote for the site in 2012. Check out our picks below, click the headlines to revisit our work, and if we left out any of your own personal faves, holler at us in the comments section.

****

CagePotato Tribute: The 50 Worst Fighters in UFC History

BG says: In five years of running CagePotato, this is probably the article I’m most proud of. Part of that is simply because of the massive effort it required — by the time the “50 Worst” reached its final form, I had been writing and researching it, off and on, for about six months. I liked the idea of doing a shadow-history of the UFC, giving readers a guided tour of how the Octagon’s forgotten losers and punching-bags did so much to build the sport’s mythology in their own right, by acting as fodder for the legends. I believe it’s the most definitive record of UFC failure, in all its various forms, ever committed to the Internet.

21 MMA Ring Girls Who Have Posed Nude: A NSFW Celebration

BG says: Well, you can’t argue with success. Since its publication in August, this article has generated over 2 million pageviews, making it by far the most popular CagePotato article of all time, in terms of raw numbers. And let’s be honest: Spending an afternoon searching for nude photos of Jade Bryce isn’t exactly a tough day at the office.

Dead MMA Fighter of the Month: Justin Levens

BG says: I took a lot of heat for this piece, for everything from the title (“disrespectful!”) to the concept itself (“why pay tribute to this asshole?!”), but I found it really interesting to sort through all the available information on Levens, then shape it into a single narrative, spanning his rough childhood, to his early successes, to the setbacks that ultimately derailed his life. It’s a terrible story, but an undeniably compelling one.

(Photo courtesy of 12gaugepaigevanzant.com. Click image for full-size version.)

Props to BabesofMMA and MMAJunkie for turning us on to Paige VanZant, a 2-0 professional MMA fighter who will be facing Tecia Torres on the prelims of this Saturday’s Invicta 4: Esparza vs. Hyatt event in Kansas City.

A model and student-athlete since childhood, the 18-year-old fighter began training in MMA when she was 15, and currently trains at the House of RYU in Las Vegas. Paige began competing this year, first picking up an amateur win in April, then winning decisions in professional matches against Jordan Gaza and Amber Stautzenberger. (She’s also done ring girl gigs for Shark Fights and Ultimate Reno Combat.) According to this Examiner article, Paige likes wrestling and throws, doesn’t enjoy getting hit in the face, and her future goals include opening a restaurant and fighting Cris Cyborg.

Check out lots more of our favorite Paige VanZant photos in the gallery after the jump — as well as four bonus videos of Paige chatting, fighting, and steam-mopping — and follow her life on Facebook and Twitter.

(Sad. He was so young.) 

Not too long ago, I wrote a piece about six of the worst possible opponents debuting UFC fighters have drawn in the past. As I predicted, it was almost universally panned by you Taters, but if I could update the article today, a feller by the name of Lucas “Mineiro” — which I can only assume means “Marked for Death” in Portuguese – Martins would be included somewhere on that list. Because now that Justin Salas has withdrawn from his UFC on FX 7 fight with Edson Barboza, the UFC’s matchmaking department has thrown the poor bastard pictured above into the octagon on short notice in Salas’ place (for his UFC debut, no less), presumably with a steak tied around his neck and a guaranteed bed at the nearest hospital.

Martins record may currently stand at a perfect 10-0, but the combined record of his opponents is just 27-24. Adding to that is the fact that he’ll be taking on an Edson Barboza that is on the heels of his first professional loss and will likely be looking to reestablish himself as one of the top lightweights via Martins’ untimely destruction. So yeah, expect this one to go down in roughly the same fashion as the Anglo-Zanzibar War or Michael Bisping on his prom night, which is to say, quickly.

(In honor of Reilly’s impending retirement, we proudly present the most embarrassing moment of his entire political career. You crazy for that one, Bob.)

By Elias Cepeda

Alright, we don’t want to get your hopes up but…

According to a New York State Assembly “insider” quoted in a new report by NY Daily News reporter Kenneth Lovett, “It’s getting harder for [Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver] to keep blocking this,” referring to the bill partially crafted by the UFC to sanction MMA in New York.

“Resistance to it is getting less,” Speaker Silver admitted.

Lovett went on to explain in his report that Assemblyman Robert Reilly — better known around here as “Bob,” and one of New York’s most passionate, confused, and dishonest opponents of MMA sanctioning — is miraculously retiring this week (!!!) and that his departure should take a good deal of steam out of the opposition to MMA in New York. The ban on professional MMA in the state was signed into law by then-Governor George Pataki in 1997, but now even he is calling for the sport’s legalization.

Sources tell The Daily News that if the bill to legalize and regulate professional MMA in New York were brought to a vote in the general assembly right now, it would be passed. However, hurdles remain for the sport and its largest promotion, the UFC. Members of the NY Assembly including Deborah Glick and Daniel O’Donnell still oppose MMA’s legalization, the report says, and they might be able to prevent the measure from getting through committee and to the general assembly for voting.

In addition, the Culinary Workers Union — MMA’s most powerful arch-nemesis in the fight for New York MMA regulation — continues its loud propaganda campaign against the UFC, slamming everything from Dana White’s language to Mandy Moore’s judgment. (Funny story: If you go to the Culinary Union’s anti-UFC website UnfitforChildren.org right now, the lead story is a screen-cap of a CagePotato article. Wisely, they didn’t reprint the article’s first line, which refers to the Union as “two-faced, propaganda pushing arseholes.”)

Nevertheless, UFC President Dana White seems to be as optimistic as ever that his organization will soon put on an event in New York. After UFC 155, the promoter told assembled media that he hoped to host a UFC 20th Anniversary event in Manhattan’s Madison Square Garden this coming fall. “We have a date, and we have a match,” White revealed.

(Damn, Cormier at 205 pounds? Does this mean we have to stop calling him “The Round Mound of Ground and Pound”?)

It was long assumed that Daniel Cormier would enter the UFC as a heavyweight title contender after he finishes crushing Dion Staring at the final Strikeforce event on January 12th. (I’m not trying to jinx the dude, but come on, I know a squash match when I see one.) However, now that his training partner Cain Velasquez has reclaimed the heavyweight belt, Cormier’s future in the UFC may take a different path. As Dana White suggested following the post-UFC 155 press conference:

“It’s awesome, he (Cormier) is going to bring a lot of excitement to the heavyweight or light heavyweight division, you know. And he could be next in line to fight (Jon) Jones.”

Velasquez has made it clear that he wouldn’t fight his teammate under any circumstances, which might make light-heavyweight Cormier’s best option in the short term. Hell, the only thing that has kept the undefeated (and rather husky) AKA product from dropping to 205 sooner is because cutting weight crushed his Olympic dreams and nearly killed him that one time. Water under the bridge, right?

As a fantastic wrestler with dynamite punching power, Cormier would present Jon Jones with the same challenges that a guy like Dan Henderson would. But he also shares Hendo’s biggest disadvantage — his physical dimensions. Both Cormier and Henderson stand 5’11″, with 71″ reaches, and could be picked apart by the 6’4″ Jones and his inhuman 84.5″ wingspan.

(“Don’t worry, Junior! I can see him growing weaker with every punch! Three more rounds of this and he’ll be all yours!” / Photo via Getty Images)

We hate to even say this because he’s such a nice guy and all, but the beating Junior Dos Santos took at UFC 155 may have been the most deflating, one-sided ass-kicking in the history of UFC heavyweight title fights (other than the time that senior citizen beat the tar out Fatty McGoo, of course) and is being labeled as such by many MMA pundits out there. As one of you pointed out in our salary recap, Junior’s face mirrored one of those faces of meth posters over the course of the five round affair, yet the sumbitch still posed for photos afterwards.

As you can probably tell by now, my New Year’s resolution was to use more hyperlinks. SUCK IT, TOUCH PHONE USERS!

Aaanyway, Junior couldn’t even make it to the hospital before he was bombarded by SporTV, who thought the best time to ask a professional fighter strategy-based questions was while he was determining how much blood he had lost just hours earlier. You know, kind of like how CNN often waits until a soldier in Iraq steps on a landmine to drill him on the ins and outs of The Pincer Movement. Junior’s broken English response was as you would expect:

It (he) was better and deserved to win, but I used the wrong strategy. I was very worried about his entry in my legs and left face unprotected. So he hit me. When I was on the floor, I should have used more jiu-jitsu, I trained so much. But I tried to (get) back up, and it hurt me too, but on the ground it (he) is very good, very strong. I did not connect any punches good, even. It was bad because I was feeling very well, did a great training camp, everything was just right. But the fight is (over) anyway.

In April 2011, Dan Severn became just the second fighter in MMA history to earn his 100th professional victory, following workaholic journeyman Travis Fulton. The simple fact that Severn was still an active cage-fighter 17 years after his UFC debut was surprising enough — let alone that he was still competing at least four times a year while in his 50s, and regularly whooping dudes half his age.

Joining the “100 Club” turned out to be the last great achievement in Severn’s marathon combat sports career, which is marked by a pair of All-American honors as a wrestler at Arizona State University, an induction into ASU’s wrestling Hall of Fame, two eight-man tournament sweeps in the UFC (at UFC 5 and Ultimate Ultimate 1995), a UFC Superfight Championship title, and an induction into the UFC Hall of Fame. On Monday, Dan “The Beast” Severn announced his official retirement from MMA at the age of 54, leaving an astounding career record of 101-19-7. Here’s his statement, taken from dansevern.com:

“Another Chapter, Comes to a Close”

The number one goal that I set for myself in 2012 was to be finished with my Mix Martial Arts Competition career. I was attempting to do my own self-directed retirement tour in the last couple of years reaching out to only three people…Mark Coleman, Ken Shamrock, and Royce Gracie. I spoke to two of them directly (Mark, and Ken), and through representative (MGR) for Royce. It seems as though these matches will not take place for whatever reasons and my life now goes on to the next chapter.

(Melvin Manhoef def. Denis Kang via knee-to-the-body KO, 0:50 of round 1. Fight starts at the 3:44 mark, but we’ve got the video cued up to the *real* action.)

From Mirko Cro Cop arm-barring a professional wrestler, to Bob Sapp scoring a massive upset over Alistair Overeem (in arm-wrestling), New Year’s weekend in Japan was loaded with, shall we say, “sports entertainment.” But there was at least one legit event — the hybrid DREAM 18/Glory 4 MMA-kickboxing spectacular that went down December 31st at the Saitama Super Arena. Thanks to Suhwaniya Fight Club, we’ve got complete videos of all eight MMA fights that took place that night, which featured such stars as Shinya Aoki, Melvin Manhoef, Marloes Coenen, Phil Baroni, Michihiro Omigawa, and Bibiano Fernandes. Enjoy, and welcome to 2013 everybody.

(Shinya Aoki def. Antonio McKee via submission due to eye-punch, 0:24 of round 2)