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Iconic Album Covers Replaced With Sloths

March, 2013

CagePotato PSA: Attention Male & Female Bantamweights, TUF 18 Will Be Holding Tryouts on April 15th


(Her training methods may be unusual, but dammit, the woman GETS RESULTS.) 

Just a heads up for any of you members of the Potato Nation who fancy themselves the next Forrest Griffin (or more than likely, the next Julian Lane); it has recently been announced that the UFC will be holding auditions starting at 8 a.m. PT on Monday, April 15th to kick off the highly anticipated upcoming season of The Ultimate Fighter: Rashes*. Auditions for both male and female bantamweight competitors will be held at the Grand Ballroom of the Palace Station Hotel, located on 2411 West Sahara Avenue in Las Vegas, Nevada.

In order to apply for TUF 18, one must first download the application here. The restrictions are as one would expect: You must be above 21, a legal US citizen, and have at least three verifiable pro MMA fights. Also, no fat chicks,”ugos,” skipskops, skallywags, trick-ass marks, or mark-ass tricks. I’m just reading the release, people.

Featuring female coaches and participants for the first time in the show’s history, TUF 18 will see bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey face off against the winner of the upcoming Miesha Tate vs. Cat Zingano fight scheduled for the TUF 17 Finale in April. For her sake, let’s hope Ronda is able to communicate better with her team than she did with the dudes from TUF 15, or it is going to be one quiet, awkward season.

Speaking of awkward, let’s see what Joe Rogan thinks about the upcoming season…

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Joe Rogan’s Rant Against Transgender Fighter Fallon Fox Is Based on Prejudice, Not Science


(Image via CFAFights.com)

By George Shunick

For those of you who don’t know, Fallon Fox happens to be a female fighter who was born a man. As you can probably infer from that sentence, there’s been a little controversy since then. Most recently, UFC announcer, professional comedian and…uh, podcaster (is that a thing?) Joe Rogan went on a rant about Fox. Rogan can be abrasive, but he’s an entertaining figure in the sport and generally inquisitive enough to question established narratives. He’s also subject to conspiratorial fancies from time to time, but no one’s ever claimed Rogan’s entirely sound of mind. But given his enthusiasm for the bizarre and his overall tolerance of homosexuality, his recent comments about this situation were rather disappointing. Let’s go through them piece by piece…

“She calls herself a woman but… I tend to disagree. And, uh, she, um… she used to be a man but now she has had, she’s a transgender which is (the) official term that means you’ve gone through it, right? And she wants to be able to fight women in MMA. I say no fucking way. I say if you had a dick at one point in time, you also have all the bone structure that comes with having a dick. You have bigger hands, you have bigger shoulder joints. You’re a fucking man. That’s a man, OK? You can’t have… that’s… I don’t care if you don’t have a dick any more…”

First off — Rogan’s simply incorrect here. If you’ve been on hormones for as long as Fox has, your bone structure does change. And while the hands of Fox might never be the same size as Kim Kardashian’s, that doesn’t matter. There’s a spectrum of physical discrepancy across female athletes, and the question isn’t whether Fox’s physique is larger than most, but whether it fits into that established paradigm. In this case, she does. But more than this, the problem with Rogan’s statements is his tone…

“You can’t fight women. That’s fucking crazy. I don’t know why she thinks that she’s going to be able to do that. If you want to be a woman in the bedroom and you know you want to play house and all of that other shit and you feel like you have, your body is really a woman’s body trapped inside a man’s frame and so you got a operation, that’s all good in the hood. But you can’t fight chicks. Get the fuck out of here. You’re out of your mind. You need to fight men, you know? Period. You need to fight men your size because you’re a man. You’re a man without a dick.

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[VIDEO] Anthony Johnson is a Round Mound of Ground-n-Pound in Extended ‘WSOF 2′ Preview


(“Why yes, I did smell what The Rock was cooking. In fact, I went back for seconds. Why do you ask?”) 

“Anthony Johnson is trying to shed the tarnish of being one of the best welterweights in the world…that couldn’t make the weight.”

In the opening moments of the extended preview for this weekend’s second World Series of Fighting event, we are informed of the above dilemma facing former UFC contender Anthony Johnson by a silky-voiced narrator — over a melancholic piano soundtrack of course, because emotions. And while this bit of info would usually serve as the precursor to an inspiring tale of Johnson’s welterweight redemption, it kind of loses its pop when you realize that Johnson is now fighting at upwards of 50 pounds heavier than he was in the UFC.

But it is Johnson’s horizontal expansion that takes center stage in the above preview, understandably yet somewhat still puzzlingly juxtaposed with Andrei Arlovski’s own tale of hopeful redemption. It’s a shame that Dana White has already publicly written off the fight as “not legit,” or the (implied) idea that we could see “The Pitbull” back in the UFC would probably hold a lot more water in the above preview. Ditto for the idea that Arlovski could do so by beating up a former welterweight who has been fighting at light heavyweight for less than a year now. Then again, if you’re like Sherdog’s Jordan Breen, who is also featured in the video, you probably think “weight classes” and “champions” of said “weight classes” are meaningless restrictions meant for little more than depriving MMA fans for the fights they truly want to see (SUPER HLUK TOURNEY NEVER DIE!).

Featuring some highlights of Johnson and Arlovski crushing their respective cans at WSoF 1, as well as the aforementioned interviews with everyone from Eddie Alvarez to renowned trainer Mike Winkeljohn, check out an extended preview of WSoF 2 after the jump, along with a full rundown of the card.

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[VIDEO] And Now, Your Double Knockout of the Day…


(Scroll ahead to the 4-minute mark for the action. Props to MiddleEasy for the find.) 

Back in 2008, double knockouts were all the rage in the MMA world, the way sucker punch knockouts are blowing up on the hipster-music-and-film-festival scene nowadays. And like those skinny jean-wearing, liberal-arts majoring leaders of tomorrow, it appears that MMA fighters enjoy bringing back “retro” trends years before they can be declared “retro” as well.

Just last week, we were treated to a beautifully timed double knockout at Galaxy Fight Night IV, and over the weekend, the trend continued when Jay Jackson and Owen Martin collided at Steel City MMA. Interestingly enough, the craziest thing about this double KO was the fact that both men didn’t crash to the canvas at the same time despite landing simultaneous punches. Instead, Martin drops like a sack of potatoes while Jackson opts to stanky leg for a few seconds before falling face first into Martin in an attempt to finish him off.

The ref quickly pulls Jackson off and eventually awards him the TKO victory (by virtue of him staying on his feet longer, we guess), but not before Jackson stumbles around the ring like a college freshman at his first kegger and faceplants a final time.

Although we usually prefer to save our matchmaking abilities for the upper-level cards, if we had to pick an opponent to match Jackson up with next, we’d go with the guy who got choked out in the first round before scoring a TKO in the second. Weight classes be damned; this fight will come as close to a scene out of The Walking Dead as we will ever get in MMA, and I am willing to risk as many lives as necessary to see that scenario play out.

-J. Jones

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Despite His Hatred of MMA, South Dakota Governor Dennis Daugaard Will Sign Bill to Create State Athletic Commission


(Time to put some new heroes on that boring old rock. Illustration via Sherdog/Erik Ebeling)

On July 1st of this year, South Dakota will officially become the 46th U.S. state to regulate mixed martial arts. The news was broken on Friday by reporter David Montgomery at the Argus Leader, who confirmed that S.D. Governor Dennis Daugaard will sign the bill creating an athletic commission in the state, despite his personal distaste for cage-fighting.

One thing I’ve learned about this cagefighting, it’s going on now, and it’s going on in an unregulated fashion,” Daugaard told Montgomery. “I know some of the proponents of this bill made the argument that regulating it would create more safety than exists today, and I have to agree that’s true…Would I like this kind of thing to not occur at all in South Dakota? I would, yes. It doesn’t deserve the word sport in my mind.”

If you’ll recall, the proposal to regulate MMA in South Dakota was the subject of controversy last month, as Daugaard blasted “the bloody violence that those kinds of spectacles create,” while State Representative Steve Hickey torpedoed any chance for a civilized debate when he compared the sport to child porn, then got into an ill-advised blog war with Seth Falvo. Nevertheless, the athletic commission bill was passed overwhelmingly by votes in the South Dakota Senate and House of Representatives, and will now be signed into law by Daugaard. Score one for the good guys.

With the addition of South Dakota to the MMA map, only New York, Connecticut, Montana, and Alaska remain as the holdout states that don’t formally regulate professional MMA competition. Alaska lacks an athletic commission, though MMA events are still regularly held there. (Remember Gerald Fike getting slinky-KO’d? That happened in Fairbanks.) And of course, Montana remains a hotbed of flying-motorcycle vale tudo.

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After Winning Fifth-Straight Fight at UFC 158, Darren Elkins Makes Quick Turnaround to Face Chad Mendes at UFC on FOX 7


(“…and verily, Carvalho did’st invoke the accursed ‘What the fucketh is thy problem, good sir?‘ rule, but forsooth, it was all for naught.” / Photo via Getty Images)

When Clay Guida dropped out of UFC on FOX 7: Henderson vs. Melendez due to injury last week, it looked like Chad Mendes might be forced to beat up another outmatched palooka just to stay busy at the April 20th event in San Jose. (Such is his life — just body-shottin’ dudes who don’t deserve to be there, and collecting paychecks. It’s sad, really.) But Mendes’s latest replacement opponent could be an even tougher test than Guida was.

MMAJunkie reports that Darren Elkins — who just scored a first-round TKO over Antonio Carvalho during the UFC 158 prelims over the weekend — has gotten the call to step in against Mendes at UFC on FOX 7. Elkins’s latest victory increased his current win streak to 5-0 since dropping to featherweight in 2011, including previous wins over tough competitors like Diego Brandao and Michihiro Omigawa. If his name still isn’t ringing a bell, it’s probably because every single one of Elkins’s UFC fights have been relegated to the prelims; when somebody says that a fighter has “quietly amassed an impressive win streak,” this is exactly the kind of thing they’re talking about.

Unfortunately, Elkins’s match against Mendes likely won’t make the UFC on FOX 7 main card either — but a dominant win over a former title contender could change his fortunes significantly. Making that happen on a five-week layoff is easier said than done, of course. Your predictions?

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So What Was the Big Deal With Georges St. Pierre’s Hand Wraps at UFC 158, Anyway?


(“Yup. That’s an Affliction shirt alright. This guy must be guilty of something.” #DanaWhite’sInnerThoughts.) 

You might have missed it during the UFC 158 post-fight press conference, but midway through Nick Diaz’s clusterfuck of a rant aimed at the UFC, wrestlers, his teammates, Stephen Hawking’s wormhole theory, etc., the Stockton native made note that there was something unusual about Georges St. Pierre’s hand wraps as well. Granted, Diaz also stated that GSP was on steroids, but while that accusation would require a little more, you know, evidence before anyone starts buying into it, the idea that St. Pierre and the Jackson camp might be stretching the rules in regards to his hand wraps didn’t seem that far outside the realm of possibility given the champ/camp’s history with greasing allegations.

It all started when fellow Team Gracie/UFC fighter Jake Shields sent out a vague, accusatory tweet (Author’s Note: Truly a Team Gracie member, amiright?) aimed at GSP in the moments leading up to the fight:

I just checked GSP’s gloves and the wrap looked shady…now commission won’t let me back. Been trying to for the past 30 minutes…. Not saying he’s cheating but wtf?! 

Things only got more tense once Team Cesar Gracie demanded to inspect St. Pierre’s wraps after he had already been gloved up. Thankfully, Dana White was able to make sense of the whole situation during the UFC 158 media scrum.

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Oh, The Irony: Ben Askren Not Impressed by GSP’s Performance, Is “100 Percent Sure” He Could Beat Him


(“You see, Georges? THIS is how you dominate someone for five full rounds without ever coming close to finishing them!”) 

Likely because he has failed to stir up any interest in the cage with his fighting style, which often feels like watching The English Patient at half speed, Bellator welterweight champion Ben Askren has become quite the prominent Twitter troll over the years. And honestly, his Twitter beefs and troll tactics have quickly become the most entertaining part of his mixed martial arts career.

Just last week, for instance, Askren lashed out at Michael Bisping — who is scheduled to face Askren’s friend/training partner Alan Belcher at UFC 159 – via one hilariously xenophobic and self-deprecating rant. And now, he’s got his sights set on UFC welterweight champion Georges St. Pierre, who apparently did not do enough in his title defense against Nick Diaz at UFC 158 to earn Askren’s much sought after hespect. Via Askren’s Twitter:

Have we seen GSPs dark side yet? Or is he saving it for rounds 4 & 5?? I saw more viscous things happen at the youth wrestling tourney!

After tonight I am 100% sure I could beat GSP… GSP is no longer an aggressive striker. He will not out wrestle or grapple me. He gets tired. Simple enough.

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Non-MMA Knockout of the Day: Austin Street Fight Goes From Amusing to Depressing in Record Time [VIDEO]


(Props: FleeceJohnson69 via CP reader John S.)

The title of this little piece of absurdist art is “SXSW 2013 Fight : Drunk Bully Gets Knocked OUT!,” but honestly, the shaggy-haired gangsta in the camo shorts getting slept is the least interesting part of the video. There’s just so much to wonder about, before and after the climactic act.

For example, why does the titular drunk start demonstrating his bird-calls at the 0:09 mark? Why is the white dude’s reaction to getting jabbed in the face (0:25-0:28) the funniest thing I’ve seen all month? And seriously, what the hell is wrong with young people today? As soon as CamoShorts gets leveled by a wicked straight-right from the depths of Sucker Punch Hell, the reaction of half the crowd is to pull out their phones, lean over the guy’s body, and mutely, dumbly, shoot footage of a person who at that particular moment is doing absolutely nothing. What, did you think one of them was going to kneel down and perform CPR? These kids? In this America? It’s like a race to see who can most quickly upload a picture of the guy’s face to twitter with the message, “AT SOUTH BY, SHIT GETTING REAL, DUDE GOT KTFO’D INFRONTOFMELOL #PRAY4WEEZY”

And then the cops show up, and the drunk slowly regains his senses, and horses and paramedics arrive, and he’s led off, and the crowd disperses, and…fuck. I don’t know. I just want my country back.

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Armchair Matchmaker: ‘UFC 158: St. Pierre vs. Diaz’ Edition


(If there was ever an image that summed up Nick Diaz’s mental state at all times, this is it. Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

By Jack Saladino

After months, nay, years of hype, trash-talking, late night hotel stalking incidents, and promises of Georges St. Pierre unleashing “his dark side,” UFC 158 finally transpired last weekend to mixed reception. While no one was left questioning how great the night’s co-main event battle between Carlos Condit and Johny Hendricks was, GSP’s one-sided, grappling-heavy routing of Nick Diaz — which has become the champ’s M.O. as of late — left more than a few fans wondering just what it would take to get St. Pierre to actually try and finish an opponent. Because if that was his dark side, well, it looked a hell of a lot like his regular side.

On the other side of the coin, many fans saw GSP’s performance as the epitome of dominance and classiness in the face of an adversary that thrives when coercing opponents into playing his game, often through mental warfare and now attempted cheap shots after the bell. Based on his continually skyrocketing ticket sales, it appears that no one has grown tired of St. Pierre’s shtick just yet, but will a fight with Hendricks succeed in bringing in anywhere near as many ticket/PPV sales? And if not Hendricks, then who?

It’s not an easy question for UFC matchmaker Joe Silva to answer, but luckily for him, this is typically the time when the Armchair Matchmaker swoops in and all but does his job for him. So join us after the jump as we break down the potential futures of last weekend’s biggest winners (and some of the losers) in an effort to once again bail out Silva and get ourselves back into the UFC’s good graces. You could detect the sarcasm in that last statement, right?

Georges St. Pierre: Hendricks, then a long awaited superfight with Anderson Silva, then retirement. What…have you not heard about the welterweight champion’s secret UFC exit/world domination plan yet? Well we suggest that you break free from the conformist, white-washed shell of ignorance you’ve been living in all these years and get with the Goddamn picture. Also, the destruction of the Death Star was an inside job. Time to wake up, Taters.

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