stanley kubrick movie tattoos
20 Absolutely Insane Tattoos Inspired by Stanley Kubrick Movies

June, 2013

“Fight for ALF” Update: Laura’s Not Feeling Well, So Buy Her a Beer


(Image via JessHenry)

Gather ’round, Potato Nation.

After blasting off to a great start in our quest to raise money for Laura “angrylittlefeet” Nicholson‘s Hodgkin’s Lymphoma-related medical costs, the funding drive has tapered off considerably. We’re still ahead of schedule at $2,105 raised so far, but we need your help and generosity to jump-start this thing.

And look, not to prey on your sympathies or anything, but Laura ain’t in the best shape right now. Two nights ago, she was admitted to the ER due to fluid in her lungs and around her heart. (“Still trying to hang tough guys. I’ll let you all know as soon as i get paroled.”)

Here’s what I suggest. The next time you go out to a bar/club/concert/MMA event, buy your friend Laura a drink. And by that I mean, visit our “Fight for ALF” Indiegogo page and donate the cost of that drink to our cause, via PayPal or credit/debit card. Even if you can only afford a $2 PBR, Laura will eGuzzle that thing in spirit, with gratitude, from her hospital bed.

Thanks so much for listening, and please donate today if you haven’t yet. After all, we would do the same for you.

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Knockout of the Day: Finally, A Cecil Peoples-Reffed Fight That Doesn’t End in (Complete) Disaster

I hate to come off sounding judgemental in today’s politically correct MMA landscape, but be honest: When you first looked at the tatted-up, semi-chiseled gentleman in the white shorts, then looked at his opponent, the bushy-browed IT salesman in the basketball trunks, how did you think this fight would end?

If you are a Joe Lauzon fan like myself, you probably believed that the “Can You Hear Me Now?” guy would run through his overly-compensating tomato can of an opponent in the first round. If you are a realist, though, you probably predicted some variation of the first-strike KO that actually happened. Congratulations, your shirt is in the mail.

What none of you could have predicted, however, was that Cecil Peoples would not only be the third man in the ring for this local scrap but would actually stop the fight before IT guy was beaten into a coma. The small victories, Potato Nation. The small victories.

-J. Jones

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Strategic Call-Out Alert: Lombard Wants Marquardt at 170, Big Nog Hoping to Topple Struve in December


(“That guy on the right? Yeah, let’s go with him.” Photo via Getty Images.)

Although Hector Lombard‘s UFC career hasn’t exactly gotten off to the start he probably hoped it would, it appears that the former Bellator middleweight kingpin will join the likes of Brian Stann and Tim Boetsch (to name a couple) when he attempts to drop a weight class to save his career. Lombard informed Ariel Helwani on yesterday’s edition of UFC Tonight that, after enlisting the help of Mike Dolce to make a test cut to 170 lbs, he is now ready to make a full commitment to welterweight and already has an opponent in mind: former Strikeforce one-time welterweight champion Nate Marquardt.

Although Lombard was being rumored to coach opposite Patrick Cote on the next international season of The Ultimate Fighter, it appears that he will need a little more time to make a safe cut. As much as we’d like take a shot at Lombard for calling out a guy on the heels of a first round KO loss, this fight honestly makes a good deal of sense considering where both men currently stand. Marquardt has dropped his past two contests to Jake Ellenberger and Tarec Saffiedine, while Lombard has dropped two of his past three as well (to Boetsch and Yushin Okami). It’s crazy to think that a little over a year ago, we would have assumed this fight was for some kind of title or #1 contender bout at the minimum, not the right to stay employed. Yet here we are.

Speaking of two fighters in need of a win…

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Awful Video of the Day: The McDojo 5th-Degree Black Belt Test


(What you’re about to see…is real. Props: THEWMAAChannel via Reddit/MMA)

You may have already read the depressing accounts of “McDojo”-type martial arts schools written by our own Brian J. D’Souza and Seth Falvo, but here’s some visual proof that the culture of bullshit, bastardized karate/kung fu/whatever is alive and kicking (no pun intended), and still being swallowed up by gullible cult-members.

The above video shows a 5th-degree black belt test held by the World Martial Arts Association, based in Brooklyn, New York. Forget the fact that all these guys move like hyperactive yellow belts, and would all be smashed by anybody with four months of actual striking or grappling training — they’re grandmasters, every last one. Be sure to watch to the end to see a woefully out-of-sync kata demonstration, in which grown-ass men all try desperately to be the first one to finish. IT’S NOT A RACE, TIMMY.

After the jump, “headmaster” Michael T. Dealy freestyles against three attackers. You have never seen so many kicks blocked with forearms in your entire life. Lots more here.

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Georges St. Pierre vs. Johny Hendricks Booked for UFC 20th Anniversary Show, Nov. 16th in Las Vegas


(“Someday,” Johny thought. “Someday *I’ll* be the one with all the beverages.” / Photo via Sherdog)

As confirmed in a report from Ariel Helwani on yesterday’s installment of UFC Tonight, welterweight champion Georges St. Pierre will make his long-awaited title defense against Johny Hendricks on November 16th in Las Vegas (venue TBA). The event, which is currently slated as UFC 167, will also serve as the UFC’s 20th anniversary show. The UFC had previously hoped to hold its 20th anniversary event at New York City’s Madison Square Garden, but with MMA regulation in NY shot down for another year, UFC president Dana White has respectfully moved on.

St. Pierre is on an 11-fight win streak including eight belt-defenses, and has become known (and often criticized) for his steady, methodical domination of opponents; GSP’s last six fights have gone to five-round decisions. Meanwhile, Hendricks’s six-fight win streak includes Knockout of the Night-winning beatdowns of Martin Kampmann and Jon Fitch, and he most recently outpointed Carlos Condit at UFC 158 in March. Hendricks has enough wrestling skills to avoid being ragdolled by St. Pierre for 25 minutes, and enough power in his left hand to end the fight at any moment. Basically, if Hendricks can’t beat Georges St. Pierre, no 170-pounder on Earth can.

At this point, there are no other matches tied to UFC 167, but we’re expecting big things from the UFC’s 20th anniversary show. Another title fight? A Hall of Fame induction? Teila Tuli and Gerard Gordeau as guest commentators? Dare to dream in the comments section.

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Blame Canada: Fan Fight at UFC 161 Ends in 15 Minute Bloodbath for One Unlucky Bastard


(Less a drunk, more a prophet.)

While I will normally attest that anyone who gets involved in a fight at a UFC event deserves everything they have coming to them, this might be a little extreme (via WinnipegSun):

No charges will be laid as a result of a fight in the stands between two men during the UFC 161 event at MTS Centre on Saturday night, police said Monday.

One man involved reportedly laid unconscious in the pool of his own blood for about 15 minutes. He was taken to hospital for treatment and was released, police said. Police said they did interview another man involved in the fight.

“It’s just one of those things — it just sounds like two guys fighting at UFC,” said Winnipeg police spokesman Const. Eric Hofley. “There were no other incidents related to the UFC event that night.”

I’m glad Constable Hofley was around to clear things up. At first I thought the article was just referring to the bloodbath that was Sam Stout vs. James Krause, but upon hearing that it was just one of those things where guys fight at UFC, I can rest assured knowing the MTS Centre staff and security did everything within their power to ensure a quick and expedient rescue for the poor bastard who was stewing in his own blood.

If we are to take one positive thing away from this story, however, it’s that Winnipeg has apparently yet to be affected by the smartphone trend currently turning American youth into an army of mechanized dullards. For if they were technologically up to speed, we would have surely seen half a dozen videos of the fight in question with the caption LOLBATH AT WINNY, #DURP #PRAY4WEEZY uploaded by now.

-J. Jones

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Gross Video of the Day: Cat Zingano Gets Her Melon-Knee Drained, Can’t Bear to Watch the Horror

Grizzly injury videos are quickly becoming this month’s Harlem Shake videos amongst the MMA community. Just last week, Mark Hunt videotaped the aftermath of what we can only assume was a horrific Blunderbuss accident, and today, Cat Zingano (or rather, her husband, Mauricio Zingano) has made us privy to the aftermath of the ACL injury that derailed her plans to coach opposite Ronda Rousey on the upcoming season of The Ultimate Fighter. And just like that, another War Machine conspiracy has been debunked. I guess we can put the Evan Tanner sponsorship-related suicide theory to bed as well. *Sigh*

As Karmaatemycat will surely tell you, the fluid-draining process is one of the more disgusting aspects of being a mixed martial artist — right up there with fighting Dan Severn in the late aughts. It appears that Cat was similarly horrified when forced to watch the equivalent of a dozen Five Hour Energy drinks being drained from her knee first hand. Honestly, I just hope this gross MMA video trend doesn’t take an even grosser turn into the world of anal colonic interview videos a la Tom Lawlor, or I am out this bitch.

To cleanse your palate of all this surgery-related grossness, we’ve thrown the now-classic video of Zingano during sexier, stretchier times after the jump.

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Successes, Straw Men & False Choices: Looking Back (And Forward) in the Aftermath of Metamoris II


(Roberto “Cyborg” Abreu discusses his disappointing draw against Brendan Schaub, backstage after the event. Video via YouTube.com/CagePotato)

By Elias Cepeda

The six-match Metamoris II Pro Jiu Jitsu Invitational card from two weekends ago produced some good action in a number of matches and not great action in others.

The main event, however, left everyone but Shinya Aoki satisfied. The Japanese MMA lightweight and submission ace went up against one of the top submission grappling competitors in the world, Kron Gracie.

The match produced the event’s only submission, with Shinya losing fast to Kron via guillotine choke. With how effective Aoki has been with submissions in MMA, it is fascinating to see him lose to Kron in a similar way to how he lost to all-time great Marcelo Garcia a few years ago at ADCC.

Shinya knows he can make his submissions work against guys who punch and kick him, whereas Kron and Marcelo have less assurance of that right now given their limited MMA experience. However, with strikes removed, Aoki is no match for the likes of Gracie and Garcia, likely because they are able to spend all of their training time on grappling, instead of having to split their time between that and the many other things you need to do in MMA.

The main event finished furiously and in exciting fashion but Kron and Aoki did spend the opening few minutes on their feet, hand fighting with not much happening. Apparently Kron wanted it to go to the ground, however, because eventually he chose to jump full guard in order to get it there.

Once Kron forced it to the ground, he made short work of the MMA fighter Aoki.

Stalling – The Controversy

Roberto “Cyborg” Abreu could have done the same against the vilified Brendan Schaub, but did not. I’m not saying that Schaub was going for the win in his match and one could criticize him for that, but he certainly isn’t the only one to blame for he and Abreu’s uneventful match.

“Cyborg” told us after the match that he was angry. Hell, he told everyone as much while still on the mat, criticizing Schaub for not engaging with him enough.

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The UFC Institutes Flip-Flop Ban, Ruins Benson Henderson’s Entire Day


(Also, wearing a scarf over a t-shirt indoors will now be punishable by death. / Photo via Esther Lin for MMAFighting)

As revealed in an update on Benson Henderson’s Facebook fan page, the UFC has just instituted a dress code for its fighters that would ban shorts and require shoes during publicity and marketing appearances. Though requiring athletes to look professional in public is something that other major sports leagues already do, Henderson took the news as a personal affront to his freedom, and his easy-breezy open-toed lifestyle. Here’s what Bendo had to say:

Mwahahaha!!! Guess @ufc decided to make it official…I’m a start calling them the NBA…guess it’s one thing to be encouraged to do or dress one way & entirely another thing to be told to do or dress one way…

“Per Jackie, effective immediately, fighters and talent traveling on press tours and PR/marketing-related appearances are no longer permitted to wear shorts or flip flops. Jeans are acceptable and shoes are a must.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m gonna dress how my employers want but doesn’t mean I gotta be happy about it…”Don’t let the man hold you down” “Fight the power” “You can take my life but you can never take my FREEDOM!!!”

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(Not) Coming to America: Massachusetts State Law Threatening to Derail ‘UFC on FOX Sports 1:1′ [UPDATED]

Not to give any of you Massachusetts-based Taters a full-blown, Buster Bluth panic attack, but UFC on FOX Sports 1: Shogun vs. Sonnen is currently facing some legal issues that could throw a wrench into the plans of several foreign fighters hoping to compete on the Boston card in August, including headliner Mauricio “Shogun” Rua.

The Boston Herald first passed along word of a potential issue, which relates to temporary Social Security numbers that must be attained by foreign-born fighters before they are allowed to compete in Massachusetts:

“This law has been in existence since we legalized mixed martial arts in the commonwealth of Mass­achusetts,” said Terrell Harris, spokesman for the state Department of Public Safety, which regulates prize fighting.

“It’s been brought to the attention of the UFC more than a few times since we legalized the fighting here. But they’ve chosen basically to ignore the law and hope that they could skirt it somehow,” Harris said. 

When they bring in fighters that are not American citizens, there are exceptions that allow them to obtain a Social Security number,” Harris said.

“The Social Security Administration will issue a temporary work visa but it’s up to them to do their due diligence…the law is the law. The law doesn’t allow us to make exceptions.”

“Indeed it does not.” – Chad Johnson. “Occasionally it does.” – Lindsay Lohan

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