Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

July, 2013

Knockout of the Day, or, Why Cages Are Infinitely Superior to Rings

It’s pretty much a given at this point that cages are the far superior enclosure for most, if not all, combat sports. While it is true that the cage obscures the average spectator’s view a bit more, it also drastically reduces their chances of seeing two grown ass men crawl to the center of the canvas and reset a position after the ref is forced to call breaksies on account of the ropes (it’s MMA’s version of the “walk of shame,” really.). It also prevents the above from happening…unless you are James Irvin.

Our buddies over at KnockoutFootage dropped this gem on us earlier today. In it, you will find two kickboxers; one dons the yellow trunks, the other appears to be African American. Yellow trunks guy — who bears a striking resemblance to Michael Jeter – snatches up a devastating Thai clinch a la Silva vs. Jackson II and proceeds to knee his opponent’s personality through the back of his skull. Being that his opponent doesn’t posses Roy Nelson’s chin of Goron, he goes down. But instead of being cradled by the tender embrace of the cage, Firetrunks tumbles through the ropes and lands head first on the unforgiving concrete below.

There is only one comment currently posted on the video’s Youtube page. It reads, “And that kids, is why we have the octagon.” Fin.

-J. Jones


Cursewatch: UFC 163 Loses Two More Fighters to Injury/Fear of Brazilians

(Clint Hester sends Bristol Marunde into a graveyard spiral at the TUF 17 Finale. Photo by Esther Lin for MMAFighting)

Ladies and gents, we got ourselves a curse goin’. After losing three notable American fighters due to injury — Anthony Pettis, Josh Koscheck, and Robert Drysdale — we have even more UFC 163: Aldo vs. Zombie withdrawals to report today. Also falling off the August 3rd card in Rio are…

- TUF 17 castmember Clint “Headbussa” Hester, the Georgia-bred middleweight who was supposed to face TUF: Brazil winner Cezar “Mutante” Ferreira. Hester has pulled out of the main card bout due to injury, and Ferreira will now face 8-1 newcomer Thiago “Marreta” Santos.

- British flyweight Phil “Billy” Harris is also out of his scheduled main card bout (for undisclosed reasons) against Brazilian contender John Lineker, who will now be facing 33-3 veteran Jose Maria Tome.

Is it a coincidence that four Americans and one Brit have all pulled out of scheduled matchups against Brazilian fighters on this card? Yes. Do Brazilian UFC fighters have a notoriously high win-percentage while fighting at home? Sure. Should we file this under #boringconspiracies? Why the hell not.

The current UFC 163 lineup is after the jump. You know it’s a bad-sign when a barnraiser like Machida vs. Davis is by far the second-most-interesting match on this card…


Happy 26th Birthday to Jon Jones, UFC Light-Heavyweight Champion, Destroyer of Men

(Jones’s epic walk-off-sub of Lyoto Machida at UFC 140, 12/10/11.)

Newly christened as the #1 pound-for-pound fighter in the world, UFC light-heavyweight champion Jon Jones turns 26 years old today. Over on the recently re-designed, our pal Tracy Lee has posted a gallery of her best Bones-pics in a birthday tribute gallery which you can check out here. We’ve posted a few of our favorites below. Send Jones some birthday love on Twitter @jonnybones, and watch his transformation from flab to fab when he defends his belt against Alexander Gustafsson at UFC 165, September 21st in Toronto.

(The Azerbaijani judge gives this celebration a 7.6.)


And Now, The Daft Punk Remix of That Azerbaijani Wrestling Celebration Video

I was bored today, so I made this. Enjoy…and please subscribe to CagePotato’s YouTube channel!

Previously: And Now, The Greatest Victory Celebration in Azerbaijani Wrestling History [VIDEO]


[VIDEO] The Behind the Scenes Footage of “Cyborg” Santos at Invicta 6 Is as Horrifying as You Would Expect It to Be

Oh, you thought Cris “Cyborg” Santos was a terrifying killing machine simply based on her destruction of every woman put before her over the years? Well if you haven’t witnessed her backstage ritual before one such destruction, you don’t yet know true fear.

Watching “Cyborg” punch, knee and slam opponents in the cage is scary enough but seeing her gleefully prance and atonally sing to psych herself up for it is downright eerie. It’s like watching Fedor play cards backstage before knocking someone out or watching Wanderlei Silva smile and bounce to techno music before disemboweling an opponent.

There are killers and then there are natural-born killers. Watch the behind-the-scenes video we’ve placed above to see a natural-born killer flip that switch on and off and, in between, brutalize the game Marloes Coenen at Invicta 6. Then plug in your Dutch Schaefer night light and pray to your God that you never cross this woman in a dark alleyway. Or at a Curves. Or at an Old Country Buffet when there is only one piece of fried chicken left.

- Elias Cepeda


Awesome Video of the Day: Watch Roy Nelson Get the Everloving Sh*t Beat Out of Him For Nearly 7 Minutes

(Props to Youtube user Brutha Muzone via Fightlinker for the find.)

We all know the story of Roy Nelson’s unbreakable chin. Forged by Biggoron high in the alcoves of Death Mountain and crafted with only the finest of bomb flowers, the Petra mandibulo is capable of withstanding a Mark 3 blast and doubles as a cardboard baler on weekends. Fact: After selecting one of his bastard offspring for sacrifice each night, Jay Leno prays to Roy Nelson for strength before tucking himself into bed. The dude’s got a solid jaw, is what we’re saying.

As we are also aware, “Big Country” set a career record for strikes absorbed in the UFC (clocking in at a ridiculously ridiculous 437) without being knocked out during his three round drubbing at the hands of Stipe Miocic last month. While it’s a damn respectable honor to hold in one regard, it’s also a sign that maybe, just maybe, he should consider turning down that 4th helping of DiaBeef Jerky every now and again.

But if Nelson is able to successfully negotiate a new contract, it looks like he will be the next man to face off with former Strikeforce heavyweight champion Daniel Cormier at UFC 166 in October. If that ends up being the case, we’ll surely be in for a lot more of what’s depicted above. Mainly, Roy Nelson eating shots like they are pork rinds dipped in Sriracha. The above video, entitled “Clubbed to Death,” highlights Nelson’s positively Bruce Willian chin in his performances against Miocic, Junior Dos Santos and Fabricio Werdum and is truly something to behold. For the sake of fairness, his handful of overhand deathball KO’s are sprinkled in as well, so enjoy.

-J. Jones


Nick Diaz Considering Comeback, Has ‘Kind of Neat’ Bout Offer From UFC [UPDATED]

(Or, y’all could just keep sitting on that couch. It’s whatever, dude. / Illustration via prebek)

Update: According to MMAFighting, Dana White is denying that he made any sort of bout offer “to Gracie or anyone else that reps Nick.” Huh. Maybe Cesar Gracie has fallen victim to the same mysterious troll that’s been offering Bellator contracts to people? Or maybe Dana just doesn’t like when managers tell tales out of school, so to speak.

In addition to not telling his fighters which UFC publicity events their contracts require them to attend, it appears as if manager/trainer Cesar Gracie has also never really explained to Nick Diaz what a “retirement” is. Diaz said he was done fighting after his close decision loss to Carlos Condit in 2012 only to come back and fight Georges St. Pierre once his marijuana suspension was completed.

Then, after losing a not-close-at-all decision to St. Pierre in March, Diaz said once more that he was done fighting. Now, just a few months from that apparent retirement, Diaz is all angst-ed up from a recent split with a gal and ready to fight again.

The welterweight veteran sent a public message to Dana White a couple weeks ago and now, according to his manager, Diaz is considering an offer from the UFC. Cesar Gracie wouldn’t say who the offer is against during an interview with, only that the proposed fight is ”kind of neat, I think. But no decisions have been made for sure.”

Whoa, long time since we had a “neat” fight in the UFC. Way to hype this possibility up, Cesar.


Despite Actually Losing the TUF 17 Finale, Everyone is Still Terrified of Uriah Hall

(Gold Bond foot lotion: So soothing, it’ll knock you right off your motherfucking feet.) 

Since we know how much you guys love a good old fashioned conspiracy theory, try this one on for size: Everyone in the middleweight division is still scared shitless of Uriah Hall and will do anything within their power to avoid fighting him. Yes, despite the fact that he dropped a unanimous decision to Kelvin Gastelum in his UFC debut, Hall seemingly cannot find an opponent brave (or healthy) enough to face him at UFC on FOX Sports: Shogun vs. Sonnen on August 17th.

First, Nick “mumblegumblemurglegurgle” Ring was scheduled to face Hall at the event. Then we posted this video, then Ring suspiciously went down with the first “blown asspussy” in UFC history. Ring was quickly replaced by Hall’s fellow TUF 17 alum, Josh Samman, and everything seemed to be back on track. Until yesterday, that is, when Samman likely realized that he would never be able to complete his Ethnography of Women and Violence in Post-war Guatemala thesis while comatose. Subsequently, Samman has also been forced to withdraw from his fight with Hall, paving the way for a certain UFC veteran (and Boston native) to reclaim the spotlight…


And Now, The Greatest Victory Celebration in Azerbaijani Wrestling History [VIDEO]

(Props: AZWrestling1993 via Deadspin)

His name…is Rasul. His passion…is DANCE.

The video above was captured earlier this week at the Summer Universiade athletic competition in Kazan, Russia, where Azerbaijani wrestler Rasul Chunayev defeated his Russian opponent Islam-Beka Albiev for the 66-kg gold-medal in Greco-Roman wrestling. And my goodness, what an excited young man. MMA victory dancers, it’s time to step up your game.

After the jump: Meanwhile in the 60-kg division, Russian wrestler Bekkhan Goygereev pulls off one of the most incredible escapes you’ll ever see.


Fight for ALF Update: “I F*cking Look Like Yoda”…But Otherwise, Things Could Be Worse

Before we get to this week’s update from Laura “Angrylittlefeet” Nicholson, I just wanted to point out that our Fight for ALF!” fund-raising drive ends on July 28th, and we’re currently waaaay short of our goal. Not to sound like a public radio DJ, but if you were thinking about donating, please don’t wait any longer — do it today! Remember, a $50 donation gets you a CagePotato t-shirt. (All shirts will be shipped to their donors early next month.) So without further ado…the ALF Telethon is on the air!


Sup Taters? It’s me again with another update. Since I last wrote something to you guys I’ve had my next chemo. Yes the hair is gone. No…I cannot talk about that. I fucking look like Yoda. Enough said.

The shot from the day after chemo, Neulasta, was one mean bitch. I’ve been hobbling around all this week like an old dog with bad hips and arthritis. But…that bitch of a shot did its job! Its purpose was to help my bone marrow produce the white blood cells that I need to fight the disease. I was back to the hospital Monday and my blood work came back all good! That means that for the very first time since treatment started — my white blood cells are holding their own! No transfusion needed this time! I still have a long road ahead but this is a very encouraging sign.

On a crappier note — now my goddam eyelashes are falling out. You know how annoying it is when an eyelash falls out and you need to dig it out of your eye? Now imagine that 10 or more times a day. What a freakin pain in my ass. Of course you know the hair on my legs continues to need to be shaved. Some shit just ain’t fair at all.

Have a good weekend my Taters. I have no Dr. appointments till next week, so I plan to as well.


PS: If anybody wants to buy me a beer…I’m allowed to have one or two again now ;)

For previous “Fight for ALF” updates, click here.