Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

August, 2013

Sad Video of The Day: Lyoto Machida Now Drinking Urine of Complete Strangers


(Props: Panico na Band via Magnum1977)

Ok, we’re starting to suspect that Lyoto Machida‘s piss-drinking habit has more to do with exhibitionism than supposed health benefits. That the former UFC light heavyweight champion learned to drink urine from his father (writing that sentence just gave me the creeps) is well documented. It is clear now, however, that Lyoto’s urine addiction is out of control.

No longer does he partake solely within the confines of secure training environments where the waste liquid he ingests can be trusted to be “clean,” as the video evidence above shows Machida is now drinking the urine of complete strangers. That is, as long as they drink his urine as well. Clearly, this has all just become a game to pee-pee party boy Lyoto. Sad.

And, no more jokes — this is just gross.

Who could have guessed that this is what “The Machida Era” would entail. We’re not saying his golden showers are directly contributing to his lackluster performances in recent years, but how could they be helping?

What do you think, nation? Is this more or less disgusting/erotic than Joe Rogan forcing blonde chicks to guzzle donkey semen? And, will this writer ever be able to redeem himself after cashing checks for writing about both of these episodes? Our answers: More disgusting, less erotic, and no.

By the way, the woman featured in this clip is Pânico na TV reporter Sabrina Sato whose resume includes “having her body covered with bees, lighting candles by fart, being buried alive, allowing a scorpion to sting her on her bare backside, belching the lyrics to songs/ stories, and even eating bugs.” WIFE MATERIAL.

- Elias Cepeda

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Dear God, The Injuries Just Keep Piling Up in This Zombie/Aldo Aftermath [UPDATED w/MORE INJURIES]


(“I was expecting more than a hodgepodge of moves just out there to titillate the taste buds. Where’s the twist-turns?! WHERE’S THE CHASSE CAPS?! 2 out of 10 stars.” / Photo via Getty) 

If you thought the broken foot and dislocated shoulder that Jose Aldo and Chan Sung Jung respectively fought through at UFC 163 were gnarly enough, then you probably didn’t hear that Aldo was also diagnosed with kidney stones shortly after the fight. And if you think that’s bad, you have probably yet to hear the latest development — turns out, “The Korean Zombie” also suffered a fractured orbital bone during the fight, as revealed yesterday by FoxSports.com.

The “Korean Zombie” also suffered a fractured orbital bone during the loss, his manager Brian “Shug” Rhee told FOX Sports.

Orbital bone breaks are often seen in combat sports like MMA and boxing. Treatment and recovery time vary depending on severity. According to Rhee, Jung is expected to visit specialists for both his shoulder and eye by the end of the week, and should have more information about his expected prognosis then.

Yep, Bob Sapp is still a pussy.

Honestly, we can’t recall the last time two men suffered so many in-ring and delayed injuries from a single fight. Unless you consider a Brazilian gas station a “ring,” which they obviously do, so we don’t know why we just made that last statement.

Update: This is unreal. One of these two gentleman just reported *another* injury, the details of which are after the jump.

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On This Day in MMA History: Anderson Silva Clowns Forrest Griffin, BJ Chokes Out Ken-Flo, And Johny Hendricks Makes a Smashing Debut at UFC 101


(Photo via Getty. Click to enlarge.)

I tried to punch him and he literally moved his head out of the way and looked at me like I was stupid for doing it. He looked at me like, ‘Why would you do such a stupid thing?’ He looked at me like, ‘Oh, did you really think you were going to hit me? What a stupid thing to think you slow, slow white boy,’ and then he punched me. I felt embarrassed for even trying to punch him. I felt like some kid trying to wrestle with his dad.”

That’s how UFC light-heavyweight Forrest Griffin described his painful run-in with Anderson Silva, which happened exactly four years ago today, on August 8th, 2009. The infamous one-rounder took place during UFC 101: Declaration at the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia, an event that was headlined by BJ Penn‘s second lightweight title defense against Kenny Florian. (The Silva vs. Griffin non-title fight was slotted in the co-main event; to date, it was the only fight in Silva’s UFC career that wasn’t a main event.)

If you’ll recall, Silva scored the knockout with a short, backpedaling right hand (you might even call it Petruzelli-esque), after putting on a brief clinic on head-movement and showboating. Afterwards, Joe Rogan called Griffin’s loss “one of the most embarrassing knockouts I think we’ve ever seen,” which is a little unfair when you consider Anderson’s other-worldly talent and the fact that Griffin was half-zonked on Xanax at the time.

Besides the incredible/humiliating knockout in the co-main event, UFC 101 was notable for a few other reasons. For instance…

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Chael Sonnen Still Not Licensed for UFC on FOX Sports 1 Main Event, Due to Alleged ‘Moral Turpitude’


(You left out “accidental racist.” Screen-cap via ESPN/this.)

A week from this Saturday, Chael Sonnen is scheduled to face Mauricio “Shogun” Rua in the main event of UFC Fight Night 26 in Boston. That’s the plan, anyway. The problem is, Sonnen still isn’t licensed to fight — and the reason for the delay goes beyond his controversial usage of testosterone replacement therapy.

As first reported by MMAJunkie, the Massachusetts State Boxing Commission will hold a closed-door meeting today to determine whether Sonnen should be licensed for the August 17th FOX Sports 1 event. The special session was organized after a complaint was filed by Unite Here, the union lobbying group with interests in food service and gaming. (Yes, those guys again.) As if trying to keep minors out of UFC events wasn’t chickenshit enough, Unite Here is now trying to block a UFC headliner’s performance based on “moral turpitude.” Here’s an excerpt from their complaint:

Chael Patrick Sonnen is scheduled to compete in a professional mixed martial art event put on by the Ultimate Fighting Championship (“UFC”) at the TD Garden on August 17, 2013. We anticipate that Sonnen will apply for a professional unarmed combat license in accordance with 523 CMR § 6.01. We urge that the license be denied because Mr. Sonnen has been convicted of a crime involving moral turpitude.

The Commission has the authority to deny an application for a license “if it finds that the applicant has performed any act which would, if performed by a licensee, subject the licensee to discipline pursuant to 523 CMR 20.00 and 21.00.” 523 CMR § 6.13(1). “A license issued by the Commission may be suspended if the holder is arrested or convicted on a charge involving moral turpitude.” 523 CMR § 20.15.

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Knockout of the Day: Jake Rosholt’s Little Bro Knocks Jason Walraven Dead in 34 Seconds


(We know we say this a lot, but if you don’t turn down your speakers, this video will render you completely deaf before it even begins.) 

You guys remember Jake Rosholt, the former UFC middleweight who taught his dog to fetch him a beer, right? Well it turns out that Jake has a younger, heavyweight brother named Jared who has quietly strung together 8 wins alongside just 1 defeat as a professional mixed martial artist. He also goes by “The Big Show,” which we’re fairly certain is the most original nickname in the history of ever. We literally cannot think of one other person more deserving of such a title. Not. One.

Annnnyway, Jared picked up his eighth win last Friday at C3 Fights – Summer Slamfest 2 via a 34 second KO of KOTC veteran Jason Walraven. You can check out the video above, then we suggest you check out the C3 Sherdog page, if only to appreciate MMA event titles such as Knockout-Rockout Weekend, Slammin Jammin Weekend and Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Weekend. That promotion is single-handedly bringing back awesomely-titled MMA events from their current dark ages, although Red River Riot sounds like some kind of Hostel-esque group sex ritual.

A few sites out there are calling for Rosholt to be called up to the UFC with this win, but what do you think? We say yes, with the only stipulation being that he must repeatedly try whatever the fuck he was going for at the 12 second mark the entire fight.

-J. Jones

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‘TUF 19′ to Feature 185-Pound Men, 205-Pound Women (Not Really, But Could You Imagine?)


Bas Rutten poses with a future UFC women’s Gibraltarweight champion. Image via (COVER YOUR EYES!!) Rutten’s Facebook.

It’s a credit to reality television that it has managed to both continuously lower our expectations regarding what is an idea worthy of verbalizing (looking at you, everything on Bravo excluding Top Chef) while simultaneously redefining what we consider a “season” of television. Whereas in simpler times, a show like Seinfeld would operate at a one season per year pace, reality TV has somehow managed to dilute even the most basic of television truths, cramming upwards of four seasons into the average year. Not to mention all the spin offs. My God, all the spin offs.

The Ultimate Fighter is one of the more notable offenders of this trend, now 18 seasons deep despite being less than 10 years old. Another favorite of mine, Chopped, also requires a mention, now 14 seasons deep in just 4 years (!!). Yes, the cheap production costs and minimal staffing required for the average reality show has seen them churned out at near breakneck speed, which is why it makes sense that in the same week we received our first glimpse of TUF 18, the UFC is already putting out a casting call for TUF 19.

According to release sent out by UFC.com early today, next season’s tryouts will be open to MEN (their emphasis, not ours) competing in the middleweight and light heavyweight divisions. The requirements are as follows:

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Jose Aldo Has Kidney Stones, In Addition to His Broken Foot [OUCH]


(“Hey bro…sorry about your pee-hole.” [*hugs*] / Photo via josealdojuniorofficial)

Just days after successfully defending his UFC featherweight championship, Jose Aldo was hospitalized for kidney stones. MMA Fighting passed along word of Aldo’s condition, reporting that the Brazilian fighter was diagnosed on Tuesday and spent time at a hospital in Rio:

Dr. Marcio Tannure, the UFC’s doctor in Brazil, told MMAFighting.com that the UFC featherweight champion was taken to Copa D’Or hospital in Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro and diagnosed with kidney stones Tuesday. UOL first reported the news.”

Tannure went on to say that he is unsure of whether Aldo has already passed the stones or not and is waiting to hear from the champ’s camp. Aldo also broke his foot against Chan Sung Jung at UFC 163 and is not expected to fight again until 2014.

This writer has never had kidney stones but has known folks who have. And, judging from the apparent pain they were in, we’re willing to bet Aldo is dealing with some pain slightly below Tito Ortiz’s cracked skull but definitely above Jon Jones’ mangled toe. Reportedly, Aldo has had stones before.

Get well soon, Jose.

- Elias Cepeda

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Invicta Strawweight Bec “Rowdy” Hyatt Shares Her Triumphant Story of Overcoming Domestic Violence; Is Miesha Tate Soon to Follow?

We all know “Rowdy” Bec Hyatt as the scrappy yet undeniably adorable Invicta standout currently competing in the strawweight division. A regular poster on the UG, Bec’s self-effacing sense of humor, bubbly charm and sardonic wit (not to mention her killer instinct in the cage) has quickly earned her a reputation as one of WMMA’s most popular up-and-coming stars despite her somewhat modest record.

But what you might not know about Bec is that prior to her Invicta 6 bout with Mizuki Inoue, she announced via her Facebook that she would be separating from her husband, Dan Hyatt. Although reasons were not specified, Bec promised to continue “dishing out ridiculously stylish violence,” and we assumed that she would be no worse for the wear. That was until recently, however, when Bec again took to Facebook to pass along a “horrible/embarrassing story of my personal life…in the hopes that others may be inspired to share their stories.”

Teaming up with Fighters Against Child Abuse Australia, this mother of two laid out in horrifying detail the atrocities she suffered while in a relationship with her ex-husband. Along with the UG, we felt compelled to pass her harrowing story along.

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Melvin Guillard vs. Ross Pearson Booked as Co-Main Event of UFC Fight Night: Bisping vs. Munoz


(NOW, MAC! USE YOUR BREAKDANCE-FIGHTING! / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

After saving his job by wrecking Mac Danzig at UFC on FOX 8, Melvin Guillard already has his next Octagon appearance booked. The Young Assassin will face off against fellow lightweight banger Ross Pearson in the co-main event of UFC Fight Night: Bisping vs. Munoz, October 26th in Manchester, England.

While Guillard’s win over Danzig marked his first KO victory since 2011, Pearson has been on a minor tear since returning to lightweight last year, with impressive TKO wins against George Sotiropoulos and Ryan Couture. We’d call this matchup a “guaranteed slugfest,” but we’ve been officially banned from using that phrase, following the passage of the MacDonald/Ellenberger Unfulfilled Hype Act of 2013. (THANKS OBAMA.) But yeah, it’s pretty likely that this one will end before the judges have a chance to screw it up.

In a semi-related story: Michael Bisping is now using Mark Munoz’s battle with depression as fodder for his trash-talk. Add another one to the pile

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Four UFC PPV Main Events That Were Worse Than Rampage vs. Ortiz


(For ten years, Rampage has been haunted by the memory of that brutal photo-bombing. And on November 2nd, he’ll have his revenge. Bellator 106: Bitter Homeboys, only on pay-per-view.)

By Matt Saccaro

The announcement of Bellator’s inaugural pay-per-view was met with almost-universal criticism in the MMA world. And with good reason. Tito Ortiz vs. Quinton “Rampage” Jackson would have been a terrible main event in 2009, let alone 2013. But with the way people have been mocking it, you’d think that it was the first time a major MMA promotion had a bad fight main eventing a PPV.

This, of course, isn’t the case. The UFC has put on several PPVs whose main events rival Rampage-Ortiz in outright shittyness. For some reason, those PPVs didn’t draw the media’s collective derision like Rampage-Ortiz did. (It’s almost as if the mainstream MMA media is being coerced by some powerful, credential-wielding force…) But that’s OK; CagePotato is here to bring those terrible main events to justice.

So just what has the UFC given us to watch on Saturday nights that was as bad as the upcoming Rampage-Ortiz train wreck? Let’s have a look.

UFC 106: Tito Ortiz vs. Forrest Griffin II

Cracked skull vs. Xanax-laden stupor.

People might not agree with this pick, but Ortiz-Griffin II was an awful main event. By 2009, Ortiz wasn’t important enough to pay for — no matter who he was fighting. Going into the fight with Forrest Griffin, he was 1-2-1 in his last four fights, with his only win coming against Ken Shamrock in 2006. Tito’s best days were far behind him. In fact, he hadn’t beaten anyone NOT named Ken Shamrock since 2006 (and, coincidentally, it was Forrest Griffin who he beat).

Griffin, too, had whatever the opposite of “a head of steam” is going into UFC 106. Rashad Evans embarrassed him at UFC 92, taking the light heavyweight belt in the process. But what Evans did to him seemed tame compared to the legendary beat down that Anderson Silva bestowed on Griffin at UFC 101.

Put these ruts together and you get an overpriced PPV — $60 to watch two guys who would never be relevant again.

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