minimalist movie posters
21 Incredible Minimalist Movie Posters

August, 2013

Knockout of the Year Candidate: A Man Known Simply as “Tick” Uncorks a Rolling Falcon Punch in an Ammy Fight


(Props: MiddleEasy)

To the untrained eye, it might appear as if the Team Quest Thailand amateur MMA fighter above (known simply as “Tick”) pulled this one-punch knockout from the deepest, darkest realms of his asshole. But as Sensei Rogan would tell you, fighting is equal parts technique and deception, and being that Tick started his fight against David Van with a picture perfect spinning back kick to de liver, we know he’s got the former in spades. So to claim that the “Rolling Falcon Punch” he finishes Van with at the :37 mark was anything less than Machida-esque in its timing and grace would not only be wrong, it would also be incorrect, inaccurate, fallacious and plain ig’nant.

Lucky punch, you say? Please, luck is for people who didn’t play Super Smash Bros as a child and immediately start applying those techniques to real life. It is a well known fact that Jon Jones learned most of that crazy spinning shit he throws by mimicking Youtube videos — this is simply the next evolutionary step of that mentality. Tune in to Tick’s next fight, where he will attempt to inhale his opponent, drain his powers and crush him by turning into a boulder in mid-air.

Here’s a cool screenshot I grabbed from the video. Captions, please.


“Derp!”

-J. Jones

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Note to Self: Don’t Get Kicked by Joe Rogan [VIDEOS]


(Props: BangMuayThai)

A black belt in both Tae Kwon Do and 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu, Joe Rogan has managed to keep his fighting skills sharp despite a full schedule of UFC color-commentating, podcasting, stand-up gigs, and sasquatch-hunting. We’ve already seen him break down the turning side-kick, and two new videos feature a couple more nasty kicks in Joe’s arsenal.

Above, Rogan fires off some wheel-kicks that look like they might break TJ Dillashaw‘s arm off. Yeah, I know, pads don’t hit back, but holy crap, those kicks have some mustard on ‘em. After the jump, Rogan shows acclaimed trainer Duane “Bang” Ludwig his front-leg side kick, and how to transition to the turning side-kick off of it.

Discussion question: Let’s say — hypothetically, of course —that Joe Rogan discovers the secret of time-travel, and replaces Zane Frazier in the UFC 1 bracket. How far does he go, and how much differently does MMA history play out? And what would be the potential ramifications if he meets his younger self at UFC 12? Please answer quickly, as the first draft of my new sci-fi novel (CAGE TRAVELER) is due to the publisher next week.

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Unsanctioned K.O. of the Day: Wing-Eating Contest Sore Loser Gets What’s Coming to Him


(Props: Break.com)

Depending on the spiciness of the sauce being used, a hot wing-eating contest can be one of humanity’s most emotionally-harrowing competitions. Ask this sweaty bastard. The last thing you want to do is mess with somebody who has just completed one of these things. And yet, here we have this pathetic, shirtless excuse for a floor-turd in a backwards Fred Durst-esque fitted douchecap, first grabbing the mouth of Guy in the Middle, then de-pantsing G.i.t.M. during his moment of exhausted triumph.

Guy in the Middle calmly turns around and lands one perfect straight right, and the sore loser goes into wet-noodle mode. And the best part is that nobody around them — not the crowd, not the announcer, not the other contestants — seems to mind one bit. The world can be a beautiful place, sometimes.

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UFC Fight Night 27: Condit vs. Kampmann 2 — Live Weigh-In Video & Results [UPDATED]


(It’s okay, Roy — we know exactly how you feel. / Photo via Getty)

The 24 fighters competing at tomorrow night’s UFC Fight Night 27 — including welterweight headliners Carlos Condit and Martin Kampmann, as well as lightweight crowd-pleaser Donald Cerrone and TUF 17 winner Kelvin Gastelum — will be hitting the scales today at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m. PT at the Bankers Life Fieldhouse in Indianapolis, Indiana. Watch the action live in the streaming video-player after the jump; we’ll update this post with results directly afterwards.

Fun fact: Condit is a solid -250 favorite in the main event, despite the fact that he hasn’t won a fight since February 2012, and lost his first match against Kampmann in a narrow split-decision back in 2009. Discuss.

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OK, We’ll Admit It: This Bellator Pay-Per-View Card Is Getting Pretty Stacked

Although it’s being headlined by a matchup that is equal parts garbage and ass, the rest of Bellator’s first ever pay-per-view card is really starting to come together. Not only does it feature two title-fight rematches in Eddie Alvarez vs. Michael Chandler (lightweight) and King Mo Lawal vs. Emanuel Newton (interim LHW), but Bellator officials announced earlier today that the much delayed featherweight title fight between Pat Curran and Daniel Straus will be joining the main card as well.

MMAJunkie passes along Bjorn Rebney’s statement on what is quickly becoming one of the most stacked cards of the year. Yup, I just wrote that:

Pat Curran’s one of the best mixed martial artists we have in the game today. Before breaking his hand, Straus was a fixture in the top 10 rankings with a huge amount of talent. Curran vs. Straus is a fight I’ve wanted to see since Daniel won the tournament a year ago last May. This should be an epic world title fight and our pay-per-view provides the perfect stage.

As Rebney stated, Straus was expected to face Curran a little over a year ago after capturing the season 6 featherweight tournament, but was replaced by season 7 tourney winner Shahbulat Shamhalaev following a broken hand he suffered in training. Curran would go on to defeat the Russian replacement at Bellator 95 via first round guillotine choke.

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In Case You Were Wondering, Michael Bisping Could Have EASILY Knocked Out Anderson Silva

In a recent interview with MMAWeekly, Michael Bisping made the following statement (emphasis mine):

Obviously it would always be a dream of mine to fight Anderson Silva and be the guy to take the title, of course. Yeah I was a little disappointed and I’m not taking anything away from his win, but we all know Anderson Silva was acting like an idiot and he got knocked out. It would have been nice to be the guy that did it, so congratulations to Chris, he’s the new champion and certainly a formidable force at middleweight, but yeah, it stinks a little. I could have done that. I could have easily done that. 

Now, before you start labeling Bisping a “troll,” let us first consider the man’s impeccable record when it comes to predicting how his fights will end:

On Chael Sonnen: “I’ll start landing punches and soon he’ll fall to the floor.”

- On Brian Stann: “He won’t last as long as a virgin on prom night.”

- On Vitor Belfort: “He only knocks out easy bait.”

- On Alan Belcher: “He’s going to get what’s coming to him: a brutal beatdown which he will never, ever forget.”

…well, at least he got that last one right.

-J. Jones

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Classic Fight: Frank Mir vs. Brock Lesnar at UFC 81 [VIDEO]


(Match starts at the 10:48 mark. Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

To hype up Frank Mir‘s return to the Octagon at UFC 164 this coming Saturday, the UFC has released one of Frank’s career highlights — his first-round submission victory against pro-wrestling star Brock Lesnar at UFC 81, back in February 2008. Lesnar had first dipped his toes into the MMA pool the previous June, when he swallowed up Min Soo Kim at Dynamite!! USA in Los Angeles. That was enough to earn him an invitation to the UFC, but his debut fight would not be an easy one.

Lesnar wasted absolutely no time in dumping Mir on his back and firing some nasty shots from above. Then, referee Steve Mazzagatti makes a rather controversial choice, halting the action after Lesnar lands some punches to the back of Mir’s head. Theoretically, it’s the right call to make; Lesnar clearly lands at least four rabbit-punches at the video’s 11:08-11:12 mark. But how many times have you actually seen a UFC referee enforce that rule so quickly, without previous warnings? The Mazz deducts a point from Lesnar and re-starts the action with the fighters in a standing position. It’s a lucky break for Mir, who gets a moment to clear the cobwebs.

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Report: Jason Miller’s First Court Appearance for Domestic Violence Charges Marked by Bizarre Behavior, Disturbing Allegations


(“Your honor, I’d like to answer these charges through 45 minutes of interpretive breakdancing.” / Photo via Getty)

Troubled ex-MMA fighter Jason “Mayhem” Miller attended an arraignment hearing yesterday in Orange County, California, where he pled not guilty to two felony counts of corporal injury of spouse, or domestic abuse, stemming from a pair of recent arrests. A reporter from SciFighting.com was on the scene and passed along details from the hearing, which apparently didn’t go so well for Miller. Here are some highlights…

- “As Miller was brought into the defendant’s cage, he looked wildly around the nearly vacant room with eyes full of confusion. His defense attorney approached him, and Mayhem stressed to her ‘I need to get out tonight, it’s imperative.’ Immediately following the interaction, his hands were photographed to show where his girlfriend allegedly bit him and took off large pieces of his skin.”

- “Mayhem Miller’s alleged victim, known to the court as Ana Pricilla (but known to Mayhem as Anna Stable), says that during the second assault case she was urinated on and choked until she fell on the floor, where she was punched and kicked viciously. In defense, Mayhem’s attorney stated that the victim was asked to leave the house, and Jason’s father witnessed her attacking Jason.”

- “At this point in the hearing, Judge Manssourian scolded Mayhem because he was making faces and nodding his head in every direction. The fighter apologized, explaining he is ‘an expressive person’ and that he’s ‘an artist’. The judge dismissed his statements, and advised him he is best served to be silent and allow his attorney to speak on his behalf.”

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Obligatory Brittney Palmer Lingerie Photoshoot Post

The lack of fucks we give about whatever UFC ring girl Brittney Palmer has had done to her mouth/face region can simply not be overstated (understated?). Criticizing her “duck lip” or “Joan Rivers face” — as the surely Derek Zoolander-looking members of MMA forums near and far have described it — is akin to chastising a star for shining too brightly, an Arby’s sandwich for being paired with too much Au Jus. Did Palmer necessarily require (in our eyes, at least) whatever treatment she underwent? No, but we’d still yadda yadda dicks through broken glass yadda yadda hear her fart through a walkie-talkie.

We have no idea what magazine/calendar/website Ms. Palmer was recently photographed in her undies for, but again, we give less fucks about that information than Rick Grimes in the third season of The Walking Dead. So enjoy this video. Enjoy it, then start preparing that mile of broken glass to commence said dick dragging.

-J. Jones

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U.S. Army Ranger vs. Filthy Bearded Hippie Added to ‘UFC Fight for the Troops 3′


(Look, you’re either with us or against us. / Colton Smith photo via kimurawear.com)

UFC officials have confirmed that a lightweight bout between TUF 16 winner Colton Smith (3-2) and TUF 15 winner Michael Chiesa (9-1) has been added to UFC Fight for the Troops 3, November 6th in Fort Campbell, Kentucky. On paper, the matchup might not blow your socks off — Smith is a methodical wrestler coming off a TKO loss to Robert Whittaker at UFC 160, while Chiesa suffered the first loss of his professional career when he was submitted by Jorge Masvidal at UFC on Fox: Johnson vs. Moraga. It’s safe to say that title contention won’t be on the line, here.

However, there is some relevance to Colton Smith being booked for the event, as he’s an Army Ranger and an instructor of hand-to-hand Combatives at Fort Hood. Clearly, he’ll play the role of fan-favorite for the military crowd, especially considering that Chiesa looks like a propaganda cartoon making fun of a dirty, draft-dodging pacifist and possible dope-fiend. PUT THE BOOTS TO HIM, COLT.

UFC Fight for the Troops 3 will be headlined by American hero Tim Kennedy vs. disgusting piss-guzzling foreigner Lyoto Machida.

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