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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

August, 2013

Finally, A Rational Explanation for Why Chad Mendes vs. Cody McKenzie Was Booked at UFC 148


(“Based on the odor, I would say this man’s been dead for three days.” / Photo via MMAFighting)

Our old bro Ben Fowlkes has written an in-depth double-interview feature-thingy on the UFC’s dynamic matchmaking duo of Joe Silva and Sean Shelby. If you want to learn more about how these guys operate, where they came from, and what they consider to be worst part of their job, give it a read. Personally, our favorite part is this bit in which Sean Shelby reveals the truth behind a baffling UFC mystery — how the hell was the epic UFC 148 squash-match between Chad Mendes vs. Cody McKenzie booked in the first place? Dig it:

[W]hen McKenzie wanted to come down [to featherweight], initially Shelby wasn’t sure he could use him. Then Bart Palaszewski pulled out of a fight with Mendes, and suddenly the situation changed.

“What people don’t understand is, it’s not like I could just remove Chad from the card and say, ‘Sorry, I can get you a fight four months from now,’” Shelby said. “We understand. You spent money on a camp. You’ve got bills to pay. We will do our best to find you a fight. I bend over backward to keep guys in fights, to keep the machine moving. You have to.”

That’s another part of the process that outsiders don’t always get, Silva and Shelby said. Fighters are promised a certain number of fights within a certain number of months. Keep them on the sidelines too long, and the UFC could be in breach of contract. Beyond that, they’d also risk turning the UFC into the kind of promotion they hate.

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The UFC’s International Plans for 2014 Include Events In Ireland, Scotland…Turkey?


(Literally every street corner in Istanbul, sans heroin.) 

Want to know how I know that none of the other MMA sites who reported on this morning’s UFC/EA Gamescom presentation actually watched a second of it? Because not one of them noted that the presentation began with Bruce Buffer introducing Head of EA Sports, Andrew Wilson, and Executive Vice President and Managing Director of UFC Europe, Garry Cook, via A GOLDEN MICROPHONE, the glossy reflection of which would have burned a hole in Thor’s retina had the albino shut-ins who go to these things allowed even a crack of sunlight into the building. And behind Buffer on the jumbotron during his epic introduction? You best believe it was a giant photo of himself in action — his eyes more piercing as the night, his suit classier than your Grandfather’s high school portrait. A visual echo, if you will.

Anyway, it was at this presentation that Cook announced the UFC’s international plans for 2014. Although he got off to a rough start when he said that mixed martial arts integrates such “popular Olympic sports as wrestling,” Cook quickly recovered by reciting some diversity stats like he was MMA Supercomputer Bjorn Rebney before laying out the UFC’s goals for 2014:

We have athletes representing 37 countries. We broadcast our events in 28 languages. And we’ve established major broadcasting partnerships in 145 countries around the world.

And in 2014, you’ll see more live events. England, Sweden, Poland, Ireland, Turkey, and most importantly, we will be back in Germany in 2014. 

Cook conveniently neglected to mention Scotland, which also was highlighted on the jumbotron, as among the UFC’s scheduled trips in the coming year. Man, those British sure can carry a grudge.

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And Now He’s Fired: Reza Madadi, Purse-Snatcher Extraordinaire, Released From UFC Contract


(Further proof that handbag thievery is a dangerous game to get into.) 

We all saw this coming.

Following last week’s report that UFC lightweight Reza Madadi had been sentenced to a year and a half behind bars for his role in the theft of over $150,000 in handbags (or as they are called in NYC “Fancy Boy European Carryalls“), it appears that the UFC has severed their ties with the Swedish prospect. An official statement was released via their website yesterday:

Following his conviction by a court of law in Sweden, the UFC organization has elected to terminate its relationship with Reza Madadi based on its Fighter Code of Conduct and the provision of its promotional agreement concerning fighter conduct.

Does anyone else wonder how Matt Hughes managed to stretch the above paragraph into an 8 hour work day?

“Do you want this in Times New Roman or the standard Calibri body, Dana? Dana?”

Madadi was last seen competing in his home country at UFC on FUEL: Mousasi vs. That Other Guy, where he improved his octagon record to 2-1 with a third round submission via D’arce victory over Michael Johnson. In retrospect, we should all just assume that Madadi’s arrest and possibly his decision to compete in MMA in the first place was all part of an elaborate ruse designed to draw attention away from Barack Obama so he could steal the Hope Diamond. BOOM BABY!

After the jump: A Colombian purse snatcher gets hit by a bus. I don’t know, it seems relevant to me.

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[VIDEO] Fight Stories With Urijah Faber: The Douchebag Black Belt


(Video via FoxSports. Some language NSFW.)

UFC bantamweight Urijah Faber knows a little something about having to defend himself in real life when stuff hits the fan. Epic Bali bar/street fight against an army of Indonesians, anybody?

So, it makes perfect sense that the UFC and Fox Sports chose “The California Kid” as the host of it’s new Fight Stories YouTube series, in which Faber sits down with a real fan who tells a hilarious (and hopefully true) story of having to throw down in a street fight — and then, the whole interaction is animated. The first installment is above; we don’t want to completely spoil it for you, but it does involve alcohol and copious ball punching. Enjoy.

Between Fight Stories, CagePotato’s MMA Mythology and Prebek’s gold mine of cartoon shorts, I think it is fair to say that we are living in the golden age of MMA animation.

- Elias Cepeda

Related:
CagePotato Roundtable #9: What Was the Most Memorable Fight You’ve Ever Been In?
Bas Rutten’s Legendary Swedish Bar Fight Story

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Great, Now Jon Jones Wants to Be an Actor Too?


(“Repeat after me, Bones-san: ‘Anybody seen RICHEE??‘”)

Like the great thespian Ronda Rousey, UFC light-heavyweight champion Jon Jones also plans on transitioning to acting after he retires from mixed martial arts. In fact, he’s already got his career arc planned out, and it’s a familiar one:

“I’d like to model my acting career on Dwayne Johnson, the way he came out of [WWE] and started off tough guy roles and then moved over to doing ‘Tooth Fairy,’” Jones told MMAjunkie.com during an appearance at the UFC’s “World Tour” in Los Angeles. “That’s when you really saw that he could act, and he’s the one I admire and respect a lot, so I know I’d love to model my acting career after (him)…

“As an entertainer, I think acting is one of the highest levels you can get, and right now, I’m doing pretty well in my field, which is the martial arts world. To branch out a little bit and get my feet wet there and maybe prepare myself for a career after this career, I think it’s all part of the plan.”

Just like being a famous action star doesn’t mean you can beat Randy Couture in a real-life death-match, being a real-life badass doesn’t mean you can successfully pretend to be one on screen. The Rock’s film career was made possible by a rare combination of charisma and talent. And keep in mind that Dwayne Johnson had been “acting” in the WWE for five years and already had a well-known fictional persona by the time he started appearing in films. He wasn’t just a tough guy — he was a likable tough guy who knew how to inhabit a character and express himself verbally. You know, like Chael Sonnen.

Jones’s new post-UFC plan was encouraged by some feedback he received while attending some meetings at Hollywood studios at the beginning of the summer. As he explains:

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[EXCLUSIVE] Cole Miller Reflects on Strange Fight With Manny Gamburyan at ‘Fight Night 26′


(Photo via Getty Images.)

By Elias Cepeda

Cole Miller was confused. Near the end of the first round of his UFC Fight Night 26 featherweight fight against Manny Gamburyan this past Saturday, “The Anvil” was working for a double leg takedown against the cage on Miller when Cole defended and hit him with two elbows before the horn.

The elbows were ruled legal and they hurt Gamburyan. Bad.

So much so that the former title challenger slumped down to his knees in an apparent daze and could not immediately stand up and walk to his own corner. In fact, he was on his knees in Miller’s corner.

“I didn’t really get it,” Cole told CagePotato on Sunday. “I looked at [referee ] Yves Lavigne, he was looking at Manny. I was unsure if the fight was over or if time had expired. I was looking for the ref to give us an idea of whether there was finality in the fight, or if it was an illegal blow. Later, Yves told me was a legal blow and so does the video. But at the time, if it was illegal I was looking for him to say so, take a point, give me a warning, call the fight or something. It was a confusing situation. Yves told me to go to my corner but I told him, ‘I am in my corner.’ The way Manny was there on the ground in my corner, I couldn’t raise my hands, walk away and go to my corner or anything. They actually moved me and my corner to another area while he stayed there on the ground. Yves was pointing to a direction for me to go. I was thinking, ‘I’m in my corner. Someone needs to take him to his corner.’ Over a minute and twenty passed before they had the doctor even look at him.”

The break between rounds for fighters is a minute long. If a fighter cannot answer the start of the next round, they lose, normally. Examples of this have been seen throughout MMA, kickboxing and boxing history.

If you’re so beat up that you can’t answer the next round’s bell, you’re done. You’ve lost.

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Bellator Signs UFC Vet Houston Alexander to Fight Vladimir Matyushenko at Bellator 99


(Future Bellator title fight? Photo via Sherdog)

September 13th’s Bellator 99 card was supposed to feature Vladmir Matyushenko’s promotional debut against former Bellator light-heavyweight champ Christian M’Pumbu, but a hand injury has forced M’Pumbu off the card. Stepping in to replace him against the Janitor is Houston Alexander, the ex-UFC brawler whose brief stint in the Octagon ended in one of the saddest fights of all time.

If this match was booked in 2007, it would be awesome. Back then, Matyushenko was dominating everybody in his path while competing for the IFL, while Alexander was establishing himself as a dangerous force in the UFC, knocking out Keith Jardine and Alessio Sakara in short order, before suffering his first loss to Thiago Silva.

Six years later, they’re both struggling to remain somewhat relevant. Matyushenko recently bounced out of the UFC after suffering back-to-back first-round losses against Alexander Gustafsson and Ryan Bader, while Houston Alexander has been rebuilding himself in the Nebraska-based Victory Fighting Championship, where he won two fights this year and became the promotion’s light-heavyweight champion last month with a knockout of Chuck Grigsby. Alexander’s post-UFC record is 6-4 with one no-contest.

As a short-notice replacement, Bellator could have done worse than Houston Alexander. But BloodyElbow passes along an alarming trend…

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Numbers Confirm That WAY More People Receive FOX Sports 1 Than FUEL TV

Dana White Fertittas Brock Lesnar Lorenzo Frank III MMA photos funny
(That awkward moment when you realize you jumped ship way, way too soon.)

I imagine that after receiving the ratings numbers for Fight Night 26: Shogun vs. Sonnen this morning, Dana White calmly asked everyone to get the fuck out of his office, closed the door, threw on some Rage and did the following…

It would be hard to blame him if he did, because early figures for the UFC’s debut on the FOX Sports 1 network are nothing short of astounding. According to a press release sent out this morning, Saturday’s main card at the TD Garden averaged over 1.7 million viewers, shattering the UFC’s previous FUEL ratings like they were Corey Hill’s leg:

FOX Sports 1, driven by UFC FIGHT NIGHT: SHOGUN VS. SONNEN, posted an average audience of 1.71 million viewers in prime time (8:00-11:00 PM ET), a more than 10-fold increase compared to that which SPEED, FOX Soccer and FUEL TV combined to deliver on the comparable night a year ago (141,000). Among younger demographics the comparisons are even more significant. FOX Sports 1 viewership was over 25 times greater than SPEED/FOX Soccer/FUEL TV among both Adults 18-49 and Men 18-49, and 40 times greater among Adults 18-34 and M18-34. 

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[EXCLUSIVE] Matt Brown Reflects on Becoming The UFC’s Unlikeliest Welterweight Contender


(Can Matt Brown keep rolling through the division’s elite? / Photo via Getty)

By Elias Cepeda

Since the beginning of 2012, UFC welterweight Matt Brown has won six consecutive fights, all but one by KO/TKO within the first two rounds. His most recent was a startlingly fast and violent knockout of the previously red-hot Mike Pyle in under thirty seconds this past Saturday at UFC Fight Night 26.

All of a sudden, Brown is more than a tough and exciting fighter — he’s the owner of the most impressive win streak in the division outside of Georges St. Pierre and Johny Hendricks, who meet one another with GSP’s title on the line in November.

Brown has been calling out the champion and, well, now it makes sense. CagePotato spoke with the contender Sunday while he celebrated with family far away from the lights that shone on him kindly in Boston during his latest victory.

“It’s weird, man,” Brown muses while sitting with kids playing and shouting around him. “Obviously, I’m real happy with the result but I do feel a little unfulfilled. It wasn’t the type of fight I prepared for at all. But you take what you can get, right?”

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Dana White “Likes” the Idea of Robbie Lawler vs. Rory MacDonald (And So Do We)


(White, seen here liking the idea of that thing we just told you about.)

Ahh, the Dana White post-fight media scrum, where fighters big and small are heralded for their gutsy performances inside the octagon or (rightfully) raked over the coals for the game of pattycake they played earlier in the evening. Tis truly the UFC’s answer to a “performance review.” Indeed. And for the reporters brave enough to withstand this gauntlet of guffaws, this marathon of misinformation? Surely the treasure that is insider info lies in store.

Take this potential nugget of knowledge, for instance, which was dropped by DW during the aforementioned Fight Night 26 media scrum over the weekend. When Matt Brown defeated Mike Pyle by murder as I predicted he would, “the media” jumped on the idea of a potential slugfest between Brown and Robbie Lawler next. Palms got sweaty, pants got tighter — you know the deal. His Whiteness was quick to shoot the matchup down, however, commenting that “he liked” the idea of Lawler instead facing perennial contender and collector of human flesh masks Rory MacDonald next, although he had no location or date for the potential fight in mind.

Lawler is coming off back-to-back KO’s of Josh Koscheck and Bobby Voelker, whereas MacDonald was last seen eeking out a unanimous decision in a snoozer over Jake Ellenberger at UFC on FOX 8, his fifth straight in the UFC. Do you like this fight, Potato Nation, or will MacDonald’s wrestling pedigree spell the end to Lawler’s dynamite second run in the UFC?

-J. Jones

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