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Iconic Album Covers Replaced With Sloths

October, 2013

TNA Deathwatch: Viacom’s Pro-Wrestling Brand Might Be F*cked Too, You Guys


(See, Viacom? There ARE some things that are too stupid for pro-wrestling fans to watch.)

Remember when we told you guys on Sunday that Bellator is going through some hard times before its (extremely misguided) inaugural PPV? Well, with a brand new episode of TNA Impact scheduled to air tonight, we decided to look into how Viacom’s other promotion is doing. Try not to act too surprised, but here’s the short version of the story:

Believe it or not, the professional wrestling outfit that’s been repackaged as an infomercial for an MMA PPV that no one cares about is in some pretty dire straights. Over the course of the past year, TNA Impact has been making some drastic budget cuts, which have included firing numerous young prospects and veteran wrestlers alike (leading to some hilarious satirical stories from Kayfabe News). Okay, no problem with trimming the fat, right? Well, once main players in the company start getting cut, it’s not exactly a good sign. Follow us after the jump, and we’ll explain…

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Gambling Addiction Enabler: ‘UFC 166: Velasquez vs. Dos Santos’ Edition

By Dan “Get Off Me” George and Jared Jones

This weekend, the be all end all title fight between Junior Dos Santos and Cain Velasquez is going down at UFC 166, so to ring in this special occasion, we’ve decided to switch things up for this edition of the Gambling Addiction Enabler. Not only will you be receiving the trusted, well-researched advice of Dan “Get Off Me” George, but additionally, CagePotato staff writer (and former GAE master-picker) Jared Jones will be jumping in to deliver the onslaught of gifs and contradictory advice that you all know and love.

Without further ado, let’s get to the fights in question…

Stay the Hell Away From:

Hector Lombard (-185) vs. Nate Marquardt (+155)

DG: This fight should be at pick’em odds — proposing either fighter as a clear favorite is simply reckless and ignorant of the fact that both fighters have been prone to shockingly inconsistent performances as of late. On any given night, these guys can end a fight in spectacular fashion. Does Nate “The Great” show up and fight the Lombard we saw against Okami and Boetsch, or does he meet the man they call Shango and fight like he did against Saffiedine and Ellenberger? I’ll tentatively pick Marquardt here.

JJ: Well, if it’s “reckless and ignorant” that you want, you’ve come to the right source. (*sets fully-loaded revolver on table and spins it*)

I’m surprised you neglected to mention that Lombard will be fighting at welterweight for the first time in his UFC career, in what is one of the most transparent “Dropping a weight class to save your career” bouts in MMA History. Also, Lombard’s weight cut is going so poorly that he’s already talking about moving back up to middleweight. He’s assuming, of course, that the UFC won’t sever their ties with someone as overpaid as him following this weekend, which is wishful thinking in my opinion. Lombard is basically Rousimar Palhares + striking and since Marquardt already beat Palhares, MMAMath predicts a dominant victory for Marquardt 9.9 times out of 10. Reckless? Yes. Ignorant? Yes.

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On This Day in MMA History: ‘Just Bleed Guy’ Steals Our Hearts in the Greatest UFC Crowd-Shot of All Time

It was October 17th, 1997 — sixteen years ago today — and the night was just getting started. Behemoth wrestler Mark Kerr entered the Octagon at UFC 15: Collision Course in search of another heavyweight tournament sweep, and his first opponent that evening was a doughy former Army Ranger named Greg Stott, who entered the bout with an NHB record of 0-0, touting a made-up fighting style called “RIP” (which stood for Ranger International Performance, in case you’re curious). Even before the bell rang, you could probably tell that this was going to be one of the ugliest mismatches in MMA history. Fans who were watching the pay-per-view at home settled in to witness the closest thing Americans had to a public execution in the late 20th century.

And then it happened. As Bruce Buffer read the fighter introductions, the UFC production team spotted a diamond in the rough, cutting to a fan in the crowd who wore the letters “UFC” painted green on his forehead, the phrase “JUST BLEED” in bold white on his chest, and what might have been his interpretation of the Nike “swoosh” logo underneath it. He was shirtless, and holding a paper cup full of an unidentified beverage. He began to flex, harder than anyone has ever flexed before. He gnashed his teeth, frothed at the mouth, howled like a rabid wolf. Behind him, Lorenzo Fertitta‘s redneck cousin Cletus Fertitta appeared to puff a doobie.

Among the many fantastic UFC crowd-shots we’ve seen over the years, “Just Bleed Guy” remains the #1 P4P G.O.A.T. And sixteen years later, the sight of JBG hasn’t lost its ability to both amuse and mortify. Just Bleed Guy wasn’t just a clown you could laugh at and forget. He’s still referenced to this day as an embodiment of lunkheaded MMA fandom — a stand-in for the type of UFC viewer who doesn’t care about strategies, scorecards, winners or losers. He wants blood, and blood alone.

Just Bleed Guy’s real name is James Ladner, and he would later do some prison time for an appropriately lunkheaded crime — acting as a fence for stolen farm equipment. Meanwhile, the venue where UFC 15 took place doesn’t even exist anymore; Hurricane Katrina destroyed the Casino Magic Bay St. Louis back in 2005. To me, that detail makes the event even more mythical. UFC 15 is one of the most important UFC events that nobody ever talks about. Here’s why…

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Junior Dos Santos Cut His Forehead in Training Three Weeks Ago, Still Has Visible Scar


(Click the photo for a better look at the gash in question. / Props: MMAFighting)

UFC 166 heavyweight title challenger Junior Dos Santos showed up to open workouts in Houston yesterday with a noticeable scar on his forehead — the result of an accidental cut in his training camp about three weeks ago. The cut reportedly required three stitches, which have since been removed.

Though Dos Santos claimed he was “100% already,” it’s unquestionably a disadvantage in his rubber-match against Cain Velasquez this Saturday. It wouldn’t take much effort for Velasquez to re-open that cut with some well-placed punches, and due to the cut’s location, it’s possible that the blood-flow could affect Junior’s vision during the fight. (Not that Velasquez needs any head-starts to make that happen.)

Luckily, this happened far enough out from the event that the match itself wasn’t put in jeopardy (see: Gustafsson, Shamrock). But it’s just one more reason why Dos Santos needs to put Velasquez away early if he hopes to stand a chance.

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The Top 24 Mixed Martial Artists Who Lost Their First Fight


(Renan Barao: Started from the bottom, now he here. / Photo via Getty)

By Adam Martin

At the UFC 165 post-fight presser last month, UFC president Dana White showered praise upon UFC interim bantamweight champion Renan Barao, calling him one of the best pound-for-pound fighters in the sport and remarking that the media hadn’t given enough credit to his eight-year, 32-fight undefeated streak, which has remained pristine since May 2005.

Barao has only tasted defeat once, and it was in the first fight of his career. The fact that he’s rebounded with the longest current undefeated streak in mixed martial arts — despite the fact that his first loss could have ruined his confidence forever — is absolutely amazing to me, as many young would-be prospects have crashed and burned in their debuts, never to be heard of again.

It got me thinking: What other mixed martial artists lost their first fight but then went on to have great success? I expected to bang out a list of ten fighters, but once I started doing the research, it blew my mind that some of the best fighters to ever compete in the sport, and a number of currently top 10-ranked fighters, actually lost their very first fight.

And so, I compiled a list of the top 24 MMA fighters of all time who lost their first fight. The list is based on accomplishments in the sport, overall skill level, and potential. Enjoy, and if I somehow missed somebody notable, please leave a comment below and explain why he or she should be included.

Honorable mentions: Matt “The Wizard” Hume (5-5), Wesley “Cabbage” Correira (20-15), Ryan “The Big Deal” Jimmo (18-2), Rodrigo Damm (11-6), James Te Huna (16-6)

24. Travis “The Ironman” Fulton (249-49-10, 1 NC)

(Photo via ThunderPromotions)

On July 26, 1996, at the age of 19 years old, Travis Fulton fought Dave Strasser in his MMA debut at Gladiators 1 in Davenport, Iowa, losing the fight via first-round submission. He then went on to win 249 fights, the most wins in mixed martial arts history. Fulton also holds the record for most fights (309) and most knockout wins (91) in MMA history.

Mind = blown.

Was Fulton a can crusher? Yes, yes he was. Or, should I say, yes he is, as he beat some nobody in his native Iowa just this past March. But you don’t win 249 MMA fights by accident, and Fulton deserves a place on this list based on volume alone.

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Bas Rutten to Guest Coach for Team Penn on TUF 19, So Let’s Celebrate With Gifs

So former lightweight/welterweight champion BJ Penn appeared on Inside MMA last Friday (video above) to plug his upcoming coaching gig on TUF 19 opposite Frankie Edgar, which will culminate in a featherweight rubber match(?) of sorts that is doomed to never actually transpire. Aside from blinking approximately 750 times over the course of his three minute appearance, Penn extended a guest coaching invitation to Inside MMA co-host and former UFC Heavyweight champion Bas Rutten. Kenny Rice, on the other hand, was hung out to dry.

Rutten graciously accepted and will now join the likes of fellow former Heavyweight champion Mark Coleman, Nova Uniao founder Andre Pederneiras, Dutch kickboxing and Muay Thai champion Rob Kaman and boxing coach Jason Parillo on Team Penn (Rutten’s Unofficial title: Bang-Bong-Bong Throat Slitter Extraordinaire). Let’s hope his one-off spot on the show is as memorable as Momma Rousey’s was this season, because we imagine “El Guapo” is getting pretty sick of being shown up by that adorable little menace.

But for now, let’s just celebrate this occasion the only way we know how, with a veritable parade of amazing Bas Rutten gifs…

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Knockout of the Day: Quite Possibly the Slowest Head Kick KO Ever Committed to Film


(As is usually the case with potato-filmed Brazilian fight videos, we recommend that you turn down your speakers before pressing play.)

We find it a bit sardonic that, just a day after we passed along Joe Rogan’s picks for the greatest head kick knockouts in UFC History, we received a video of what might be the slowest head kick knockout we have ever seen.

This six-second, first “punch” knockout comes to us courtesy of Thiago Xplode, who we are just going to assume is the alter ego of the Youtube user who uploaded this video last month, Thiago Fernandes. Similarly troubling is the fact that this fight supposedly took place at Parabellum Fight 2 in 2010, although neither “Xplode” nor his opponent/victim, Fabio Diniz, are listed on the event’s Sherdog page.

But none of that really matters. What matters is how this mysterious Thiago character was able to execute a completely telegraphed, half-speed head kick knockout with zero setup. Without sounding too much like a keyboard warrior, I will just say that in the time it took Thiago to deliver that kick, I was able to complete my Master’s thesis, “The Effect of Tachyon Destabilization on the Warp Core.”

-J. Jones

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Everyone Excited for Potential Nick Diaz vs. Michael Bisping Fight Except For, You Know, Nick Diaz


(Video via Fighters Only)

Earlier this week, Nick Diaz friend and teammate Gilbert Melendez (who fights Diego Sanchez this Saturday at UFC 166) offered his opinion that “I think with the right opportunity, for the right thing, [Diaz will] come out [of retirement].”

One-eyed British superstar Michael Bisping then shouted out on twitter that “if Diaz wants a fight at 185 I would happily welcome him to the division.”

UFC prez Dana White chimed in on twitter himself next saying that “I love that fight.”

With that, the rumor ball got rolling about a possible middleweight match up between Bisping and Diaz, who has not fought since March and who has not won since 2011. Bisping is currently sidelined by a serious eye injury. Nick, of course, has thus far stayed silent on the possible matchup with Bisping and is also in the midst of his second fake retirement.

The first came after he lost a close decision to Carlos Condit and was then suspended for a failed drug test, and the second and current one came after he lost a tough decision to welterweight champ Georges St. Pierre last March. Diaz is only thirty years old but has been fighting professionally since he was a teenager and appears weary of taking part in anything short of mega-fights at this point in his career.

So, there’s really no new developments in this story yet until Nick himself comes out and…no, wait, Mike Bisping wants to tell us all something and he wants to do it while cooking steaks in his home.

In the above video, Fighters Only magazine visits with their countryman Bisping at home while the cocky Brit cooks dinner for his family. Bisping once more accepts the theoretical fight with Diaz and also talks about several other issues. Highlights after the jump.

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Squash Match Alert: Holly Holm’s Next Victim Will Be a 40-Year-Old Woman With a .500 Record


(Yet another tragic defeat for the Zulu family. / Photo via Sherdog)

Look, we know it can’t be easy to find credible opponents for undefeated bantamweight Holly Holm (5-0, all wins by KO/TKO), who has deservedly picked up the unofficial title of Best Striker in Women’s MMA. Most of the top female MMA talent at 135 pounds is already in the UFC, with a couple of holdouts still working in Invicta. The fact that Holm isn’t already under contract with the UFC is by design: Her trainer Mike Winkeljohn says that he wants to build her name to the point where she can demand top-level money by the time she enters the Octagon, and walk straight into a super-fight. Until then, Holm will be padding out her record with whoever’s willing to take a beating.

Coming off her LFC 24 demolition of some woman named Nikki Knudsen, Holm will return to the cage on December 6th in the main event of Fresquez Promotions: Havoc  against — get this — Angela Hayes, a 40-year-old bantamweight from Colorado Springs who carries a career record of 6-6. Hayes boasts four wins by guillotine choke, four losses by armbar, and hasn’t competed in two years. She sounds perfect.

“Havoc” will take place at the Route 66 Casino in Albuquerque, New Mexico, which means that Holm will have home-town advantage as well. Good grief. By the way, I tried to Google ‘Angela Hayes’ to find out more about her, and most of the results were about the Mena Suvari character in ‘American Beauty’. Not that I’m complaining.

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Bold Statement of the Day: Junior Dos Santos Could Beat Both Klitschkos — In Boxing! — With a Four-Month Camp


(Dos Santos went on to claim that Hayden Panettiere “could get it.” / Photo via Getty)

It’s no big mystery why MMA fighters from Anderson Silva to Quinton Jackson have voiced their desires to transition into boxing. For one thing, the potential paydays are bigger. (In theory at least, though not necessarily for guys like Silva and Rampage, who aren’t draws in boxing.) Also, there’s no chance that a half-feral Brazilian will tear your knee off in a boxing match. I’m not saying that boxing is easier than MMA, but you don’t have to worry about takedown defense, and nobody expects you to cut 25 pounds of water to be “competitive.” Sounds like a vacation compared to what MMA fighters have to go through.

But of course, boxing and MMA are completely different sports, being great at one doesn’t mean you’d be great at the other, blah blah blah, etc. I mean you’d have to be a total fucking moron to think you can just cross the combat sports Mason-Dixon line and start beating champions, right? Right?? Well somebody needs to send that memo to UFC heavyweight title contender Junior Dos Santos, who just threw down the gauntlet in facepalm-worthy fashion, claiming that he has the skills to beat Wladimir Klitschko and Vitali Klitschko at their own game.

“I think if they give me four months to get prepared, I can beat them,” Dos Santos said on The MMA Hour yesterday. “In the beginning of my all my camps, I do just boxing. I love to train boxing and I think I have enough skills in boxing. I know how to see a good fight. Four months, that’s what I need.”

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