Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

November, 2013

Jon Jones Places Ahead of Kanye West and Cristiano Ronaldo on AskMen’s ‘Top 49 Men of 2013′ List


(Jones was reportedly bumped three spots down the list just because of this photo. / Props: Getty)

AskMen.com‘s annual lists have always been a good way to gauge the impact that MMA has on the culture at large — as well as quantify the relative hotness of Gina Carano, Arianny Celeste, and Ronda Rousey. Yesterday, the men’s lifestyle site released its Top 49 Most Influential Men of 2013 List, which includes UFC light-heavyweight champion Jon Jones all the way at #26, ahead of international superstars like Daft Punk (#49), The Rock (#45), Kanye West (#41), Cristiano Ronaldo (#38), and Andy Murray (#32).

The rankings were determined by over 100,000 online voters, and do not feature anybody else from the world of MMA, which just adds more support to Dana White’s recent claim that the UFC still isn’t mainstream. Still, #26 is pretty damn impressive for a cage-fighter. To put that in perspective, the next three guys on the list are the Pope (#25), Floyd Mayweather (#24, that son of a bitch), and Howard Stern (#23).

Swing by AskMen.com to see the full list. Warning: Robin Thicke made it to #7, and I had to Google the guy at #1, because I’ve seriously never heard of him before.

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Report: Cain Velasquez vs. Fabricio Werdum to Headline UFC’s First Trip to Mexico in April 2014 [UPDATED]


(Yeah, good luck topping that.) 

Update, 5:05 p.m. ET: UFC President Dana White has refuted this report, telling Yahoo! that Cain won’t be competing on the Mexico show because he might have injured his left shoulder during his last fight against Junior Dos Santos. Velasquez has already undergone one MRI, and will have another to determine the extent of his injury and whether or not he’ll need surgery. Stay tuned…

**********

Although the matchup has yet to be officially confirmed by the UFC, multiple sources are reporting that the rumored bout between Cain Velasquez and Fabricio Werdum has been tentatively scheduled for the UFC’s inaugural trip to Mexico in 2014. The event: UFC 172. The date: April-ish. BloodyElbow passes along the roughly-translated news:

It’s a matter of days for the UFC officially announced the first event in Mexico. The Arena Mexico City will host the Billboard 172 company, a pay per view for America that will be headlined by Cain Velasquez and challenger for the heavyweight belt, the Brazilian Fabricio Werdum.

The date, the weekend of the 19th or April 26th 2014 is perfect for the Mexican American, because even though the medical suspension was discarded six months after his last defense, if you have half a year to make full preparation. On Tuesday afternoon, the president of the promoter Dana White confirmed that the announcement will take place on Mexican soil as they become ready. That moment could come in the coming weeks as the company’s promotional activity intensifies. 

Let’s hope that a trip to the motherland helps Velasquez rebound from being skipped over in the EA Sports video game cover vote, a fact he will probably be thankful for when Jon Jones confirms the “Cover Boy Curse” by getting viciously KO’d in his next fight.

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Lucky/Brave S.O.B. Subdues Armed Robber at Gas Station Via Triangle Choke [VIDEO]

Philadelphia News, Weather and Sports from WTXF FOX 29

Props to R/MMA for passing along the wildest bit of gas station footage since Maiquel Falcao slapped that girl and got KO’d with a 2×4. Early Saturday morning in Norwood, PA, a 20-year-old local kid named CJ Gostynski decided to throw on a mask and rob a gas station at gunpoint. Unfortunately, he ran into a tough/brave/crazy son-of-a-bitch named John McGowan, who had just lost his car and was in no mood for the bullshit.

When Gostynski demands money, McGowan tells him “You’re fuckin’ with the wrong guy,” and proceeds to walk up on the would-be robber, who is pointing a gun directly at his face. [Ed. note: This is the point where I would be fishing my wallet out of my urine soaked slacks.] McGowan tackles Gostynski — “right into the racka potata chips,” says the regionally-accented news anchor — and locks him down with a triangle choke. McGowan then proceeds to beat Gostynski with his own gun (!) and holds him in place until the cops arrive. Renzo would be proud. The Gracie Brothers are masturbating furiously.

During the fracas, the gun went off twice, and McGowan’s shoe was grazed with a bullet. Gostynski, who has no criminal history, is facing 33 charges including robbery and assault. As MyFoxPhilly reports, an AR-15 rifle with 60 rounds of ammunition was found in Gostynski’s truck, but honestly, everything’s an AR-15 these days. Anyway, kudos to John McGowan, whose balls are way, way bigger than ours.

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Renzo Gracie Just Provided the Most Astute Analysis of Rousimar Palhares Ever


(Let’s just say that the cake with a stripper in it ended in a goddamn bloodbath.) 

Much has been done to try and explain away the assholish behavior of Rousimar Palhares in the wake of AnkleGate ’13. Although “Toquinho” —  which means either “Tree Stump,” “The Brazilian Ankle-Eating Sasquatch,” or “OH GOD, I TAP! I TAP!!” depending on who you ask — has been notoriously dubbed a dirty fighter for his inability to release a submission hold when prompted, it was his knee-obliterating heel hook of Mike Pierce at Fight Night 29 that truly took the blood-filled cake, forcing the UFC to release Palhares back into the jungles of Brazil forevermore.

Recently, it was announced that Palhares would emerge from hiding to take on UFC veteran Dean Lister in a submission-only match at the 2013 World Jiu-Jitsu Expo. The MMA world reacted with equal parts fear and excitement — kind of like how Rousimar reacts when he catches his reflection in a puddle. Sadly, WJJE president Renzo Gracie broke the news earlier today that a shoulder injury has forced Palhares out of the match. That is not the must-read material. Renzo’s analysis of Rousimar Palhares the person, however, absolutely is:

Palhares is like a 12 years old kid. He was raised in a farm in Brazil, and you can’t picture a farm in Iowa. He’s so naive. The reality is, he has a completely different mindset. They’re born like Indians, and it’s like getting an Indian from the jungle and expect them to live here.

While this analogy is undoubtedly hilarious, we all know that Paul Harris was actually born in a radioactive swamp and raised in captivity.

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Alexander Gustafsson vs. Jimi Manuwa Booked to Headline March 8th UFC Fight Night Event in London


(If you stare at this photo for 30 seconds without blinking, your calf muscle will explode. True story. / Props: Getty)

Update: It’s official.

Antonio Rogerio Nogueira’s latest injury has opened the door for an undefeated prospect to get a huge opportunity. Gareth A. Davies from The Telegraph is reporting that undefeated Nigerian-English light-heavyweight Jimi “Poster Boy” Manuwa will step in as the replacement opponent for Alexander Gustafsson in the main event of UFC Fight Night 36, which is slated for March 8th in London. (Technically, FrontRowBrian reported this two days ago, but nobody believed him.)

Whereas Gustafsson vs. Lil’ Nog felt like a squash match intended to get Gustafsson an easy road back to a title fight — those are Jon Jones’s words, not ours — Gustafsson vs. Manuwa could be legitimately dangerous for the Swedish star. Manuwa may be lacking in terms of big-fight experience, but his record is terrifying: a perfect 14-0, with all fights finished before the third round, and his last two UFC appearances ending with his opponents suffering spontaneous leg injuries. But the Mauler ain’t skurred. As he told The Telegraph:

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Bellator Was Just Kidding About Giving Rampage vs. Beltran Top Billing Over Shlemenko vs. Marshall


(Two unrelated Bellator stories on the same day? Tell us how you feel, Mugatu.)

When Quinton Jackson vs. Joey Beltran was announced as the main event of Bellator 108 (November 15th, Atlantic City), we couldn’t help but roll our eyes. Not only does Jackson/Beltran have the potential to be a sloppy, gassy brawl, it’s kind of a slap in the face to Alexander Shlemenko and Doug “The Rhino” Marshall, who were scheduled to face off in a middleweight title fight that same night. Keep in mind, Shlemenko is one of the most exciting and successful competitors in Bellator’s history, and Marshall has “Comeback MMA Fighter of 2013″ locked up if he manages to win this one — and yet they’ll be playing second fiddle to a couple of one-dimensional UFC refugees? Doesn’t seem fair to us.

Luckily, Bellator seems to have heard these complaints, because they just did a little flip-flopping with their event schedule. As confirmed by the promotion today, Shlemenko vs. Marshall will be pushed back one week so it can headline Bellator 109 (November 22nd; Bethlehem, PA), while the heavyweight title fight between Alexander Volkov and Vitaly Minakov has now been moved up from the main event of Bellator 109 to the co-main event of Bellator 108.

In other words, Rampage vs. Beltran will still be main-eventing over a title fight, but now it’s a title fight between two Russian dudes who you probably don’t care about. Plus, Rampage will likely be pulling out of his fight with an injury next week anyway. So good work, Bellator, you guys are on a roll lately. The full fight lineups for Bellator 108 and 109 are after the jump…

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‘Chandler vs. Alvarez 2′ Pulls 1.1 Million Viewers For Largest Audience in Bellator History


(The shot of the year, from a different angle. Photo via Facebook.com/mstracylee)

It’s official: Bellator’s canceled pay-per-view was the greatest thing that ever happened to the promotion. (Called it!) According to a press release distributed today by Spike TV, Bellator 106: Chandler vs. Alvarez 2 delivered 1.1 million average viewers during the Spike telecast, which made it the most-watched event in Bellator history and the most watched mixed martial arts show on television this fall. As the release goes on to explain:

The “Chandler-Alvarez II” fight card peaked at 1.4 million viewers at 11:17pm and reached its high mark with Men 18-49 with a 1.1 rating for the Alvarez-Chandler bout. The telecast also ranked #2 in cable in its timeslot with Men 18-49.

For fans who missed the fight, or who recorded it but the end was cut off due to the extraordinary length of the event, Spike TV will replay the Chandler-Alvarez II main event bout on Friday, November 8 at 8:00pm ET/PT. The replay will lead into a live Bellator event featuring heavyweights Cheick Kongo vs. Peter Graham and a co-feature with lightweight contenders Joe Warren and Travis Marx.

Note to Bellator: Don’t brag about the “extraordinary length” of your event. That shit was nearly four hours long, and people almost died out here. (It’s worth noting that the audience peaked well before the main event had even begun.) On the plus side, it must feel amazing for Bellator to clown the UFC with that “most watched mixed martial arts show on television this fall” line, especially at a time when the UFC is probably kind of sensitive about that sort of thing.

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MMA Drug-Roundup: Drysdale Goes Unpunished, Belfort Goes on the Defensive, Browne Undergoes WADA


(Pictured: Robert Drysdale’s father, left, and Robert Drysdale’s grandfather, right.) 

Testosterone and MMA go hand-in-hand like whiskey and breakfast (except they don’t hold hands, of course, because that’s what queers do). Unfortunately for many of today’s aging MMA stars, naturally produced testosterone dries up faster than a crick in a west Texas drought once they turn 30, forcing many of these dinosaurs to resort to the synthetic stuff in order to compete with the whipper-snappers who are trying to shamelessly take their jobs. And so, TRT was born.

While fighters like Vitor Belfort have utilized TRT to (literally) inject new life into their MMA careers, fighters like Robert Drysdale have damn near killed theirs before they even got started by abusing the stuff to a comical degree. Fortunately for Drysdale, it looks like the UFC will be letting him off easy for essentially pissing pure HGH last week and being subsequently pulled from UFC 167. A UFC rep recently spoke with MMAJunkie about Drysdale’s future in the organization following his botched drug test. In short, it’s still a go!

Obviously, Robert needs to establish that he is medically fit to participate and apply for the appropriate licensure,” the rep wrote in a prepared statement. “Assuming he is able to do this, he will fight for the organization at some point in the future.”

NSAC Executive Director Keith Kizer said commissioners for the regulatory body will decide whether to place Drysdale on a future agenda to address the failed test. As of today, the commission also hasn’t levied any disciplinary action.

While we can’t imagine that this is the first impression the BJJ legend was hoping to make with the UFC, at least we will be able to see whether or not he was worth all the trouble he has given them so far. Hooray?

Speaking of TRT, Belfort recently attempted to clarify his previous statements that he would “stop doing TRT” if a title shot was on the line with FOX Sports. Those comments are after the jump.

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27 Ways to Know You’re Part of the MMA Media


(The MMA media in a nutshell, except replace Jade Bryce with Dana White and Eric Holden with any credentialed “journalist” in the business. / Photo via Examiner.com)

By the CagePotato.com staff

The MMA media is a diverse bunch, ranging from actual professionals to despicable bottom-feeders like us. However, there are trials and tribulations that we can all relate to, and which ultimately unite us. For example…

1. You’ve been called a Zuffa shill whenever you say something positive about the UFC.

2. You’ve been called an anti-Zuffa hack whenever you say anything negative about the UFC.

3. You complain about all the free UFC events you have to watch on cable.

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Jon Jones Snags Cover of EA SPORTS UFC Video Game, Officially Dooms Career

Start placing your bets on Glover Teixeira to win big, Potato Nation, because Jon Jones just done screwed up the rest of his career.

The curse of the EA Sports cover is an urban legend as old as time itself, predating that of the Sasquatch, the choking Doberman, Bloody Mary, Paul Harris (a.k.a The Brazilian, Ankle-Eating Sasquatch), and even The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs. Unlike all of those other legends, however, the EA Sports Cover Curse has been proven to be 100% true. And it appears that Jon Jones — insolent, arrogant Jon Jones — has decided to doom his career to an endless string of injuries and underwhelming performances by appearing on the cover of EA’s inaugural UFC game. Said Jones in a press release:

It’s another one of those surreal moments, one of those moments you just have to step back and pinch yourself and realize I’m not dreaming. I’m trying to achieve it all. I’m trying to start a precedent for fighters of the future. I’m trying to give people a lot to live up to. This means a lot to me.

It was additionally revealed that Entwal Armoris, the pagan God of misfortune and pestilence embodied by the EA curse, will be joining Jones on next year’s cover. That’s him shrouded in darkness to Jones’ right…(*checks earpiece*)…I’m sorry, I’m being told that the shadowy figure is not actually Entwal Armoris, but a placeholder for a fighter who will be voted in by the fans at UFC.com/covervote. I’m also being told that there is no pagan God of misfortune or pestilence. I apologize for misleading you.

We’ve thrown a preview of EA SPORTS UFC after the jump. Check it out and then pray that I never have to write about video games again.

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