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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

November, 2013

St-Pierre vs. Hendricks Fight-Picking Contest: Win a Sakuraba T-Shirt From Scramble!

Maybe you struck out in last week’s caption contest, but the fine folks at Scramble are giving you guys another chance to win an official Kazushi Sakuraba t-shirt in this week’s fight-picking contest!

As you might have heard, Georges St-Pierre and Johny Hendricks are going toe-to-toe this weekend at UFC 167 in a welterweight title fight. According to the oddsmakers, GSP is a -225 favorite against Hendricks — the champ’s narrowest line in over four years. But how will the fight end exactly? Shoot us your prediction in the comments section, and the two closest guesses will each win a shirt. Your entry should be in this format…

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And Here’s the Danavlog In Which Rony Jason Puts His Elbow Through a Wall [VIDEO]


(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Last week, TUF Brazil 1 winner Rony Jason made dumbass headlines when he elbowed a wall backstage following his UFC Fight Night 32 loss to Jeremy Stephens, subsequently injuring himself and catching a suspension from the Brazilian MMA commission for unsportsmanlike conduct. It turns out that the incident was actually captured on video by Dana White’s personal cameraman, and included in the new UFC 167 Danavlog, which you can watch above.

“Elbowed a wall” is putting it lightly — Jason obliterates the damn thing with the kind of strike that would have been nice to land during the actual fight. The event staff immediately notices that he’s cut, and lead him away to tend to his wound.

Other than that, this installment of the Danavlog is filled with the kind of emotional post-fight moments and Baldfather hijnix you’ve come to expect from these things, although there is one more very notable scene. If you were among the people who thought that the Belfort vs. Henderson fight was stopped early — and Dan Henderson himself was one of those people — please skip to the 8:49 mark to see Hendo’s leg convulsing against the cage. Yeah. That’s a knockout, guys.

I’m actually a little surprised that the UFC would include such a grisly, unflattering moment in one of their official videos, but I commend them for it. This is the sport we love, and we all need to deal with the consequences.

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Movember Update: Karmaatemycat’s Mo’ Team Needs Your Donations!


(I can’t really grow a moustache either. So yeah, I’ll consider it. / Image via Muffvember advocate @MieshaTate)

Whether you’re struggling to push out some lip-fuzz or are already rocking a Full Beltran, we’d like to take a moment to thank everybody who’s participating in Movember this year to raise cash and awareness for important men’s health issues. And we wanted to send a special shout-out to our old friend Jefferey “Karmaatemycat” Watts, who has joined up the Mo’ed Men super-network that our comrades at MadeMan.com organized.

We’ll keep the sales pitch brief: Karma has a heart of gold, and the Movember cause has personal significance to him, as several of his family members and friends have been stricken with cancer over the years. If you’ll recall, he was also one of the main driving forces behind our successful fundraising efforts for Laura “angrylittlefeet” Nicholson earlier this year. So even if you’re not growing a mo’ this year, please swing by Jefferey’s page and donate a few dollars to the cause. Every little bit helps. Any questions, let us know in the comments section. Thanks guys.

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The UFC Turns 20 Today, So Here’s Anderson Silva Lip-Synching Jagged Edge’s “Goodbye”

First, they called us “human cockfighting.”

Then, they said we’d never be accepted by mainstream audiences.

Then, they said we’d never see women in the UFC.

Then, they said we’d never have a metrosexual, Brazilian, R&B lip-singer shatter nearly every conceivable UFC record.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you PROGRESS.

-J. Jones

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The 12 Greatest Ring Girls in UFC History, Ranked


(Edith and Arianny on the job, back when the phrase “GOD’S STREET SOLDIER” used to mean something. / Photo via CombatLifestyle.com)

When ranking the greatest UFC ring girls of all time, four criteria must be considered: looks, personality, longevity, and whether or not they ever posed nude for Playboy. (That last one is probably the most important.) So in honor of the UFC’s 20th anniversary, we decided to pay tribute to the unsung heroines of the Octagon, who bravely circle the cage in booty-shorts to remind drunken fans what round it is. Disagree with our list? Then let us know in the comments section, tough guy.

#12 & #11 (tie): Chrissy Blair and Vanessa Hanson

Chrissy and Vanessa both made their UFC ring girl debuts in 2011 after winning contests put on by Transworld, and were officially added to the Octagon Girl rotation earlier this year following a stint in Strikeforce. They’re kind of a package deal, and we can’t decide which one is more attractive, so we’ll let them share the leadoff spots on this list. (Honestly, the Betty and Veronica thing will never go out of style.) Chrissy and Vanessa were most recently seen earlier this month, supporting the troops.

For further viewing:
- Golden goddess
- The artsy black and white shot
- Long tall Chrissy
- She really ties the room together
- Coming undone
- A woman in uniform
- Strikeforce’s dynamic duo

#10: Jessica Cambensy

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The Curse is On: Kelvin Gastelum *and* Jamie Varner Pull Out of UFC on FOX 9 With Injuries [UPDATED]


(“You think that was impressive? I once beat a guy whose hype train was THIS BIG!” Photo via Getty.) 

Not this shit again.

UFC on FOX 9: Pettis vs. Thomson Johnson vs. Benavidez II may not go down until December 14th, but if the injuries keep piling up at their current pace, THERE’S NOT EVEN GOING TO *BE* A DECEMBER. (*cue dramatic gopher*)

First, we informed you that newly-crowned lightweight champion Anthony Pettis was forced out of the evening’s main event with a(nother) knee injury. Then, we broke the sad news that everyone’s favorite homeless-bashing creepster, Ian McCall, was pulled from the card due to a hand injury. And now, MMAJunkie passes along word that both TUF 17 winner Kelvin Gastelum *and* former WEC champ Jamie Varner have been bitten by the injury bug as well, leaving Court McGee and Pat Healy, respectively, without opponents for the event.

As of this write-up, neither fighter’s camp has disclosed an official injury or a timetable for Gastelum or Varner’s return. Our theory: Gastelum and Varner, besties for lyfe, snuck off to London to see the Catching Fire premiere and attend a scrapbooking workshop. Unicorn stickers will abound.

We are currently reaching out to Nate Diaz for a comment on why the UFC continues to “pay these pussys,” but for now, we can only suggest that any current UFC on FOX 9 ticket holder starts burning sage to cleanse the card of evil spirits.

[UPDATE]

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20 Years, 20 Head Kicks: A UFC Anniversary Tribute


(Gerard Gordeau delivers the first head-kick TKO in UFC history against Teila Tuli back at UFC 1, which took place exactly 20 years today on November 12th, 1993.)

By Adam Martin

There are literally thousands of ways a mixed martial arts match can end, but one of the most thrilling methods is the head kick knockout.

Over the course of two decades of fights in the UFC Octagon, there have been a number of memorable knockout blows delivered via head kick, and in honor of the UFC’s 20th anniversary, I’ve put together a list of what I believe are the top 20 head kick knockouts in UFC history.

20 years, 20 head kicks. Here we go.

20. Uriah Hall vs. Adam Cella, TUF 17 episode 3 (aired 2/5/13)

I wanted to keep the list strictly to knockouts that happened during live UFC events, but I’m going to bend the rules a bit and kick off the list with one that happened on TUF.

Of course I’m talking about Uriah Hall’s spinning hook kick KO of Adam Cella, which took place earlier this year during TUF 17. It was a devastating knockout that made UFC president Dana White’s hyperbole raise to a whole new level as he declared Hall the nastiest fighter to ever step into the TUF house (the same house that produced Rashad Evans and Forrest Griffin – you know, former UFC champs), and thus the UFC embarked on a social media campaign to play the clip non-stop on every medium in existence.

It was a brutal knockout, and I literally felt sick watching it. Even though Hall never lived up to the massive expectations that were placed on him, his most well-known career highlight deserves a place at #20.

19. Pat Miletich vs. Shonie Carter, UFC 32 (6/29/01)

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Dana White Lends Some Credence to Chael Sonnen’s Lil Nog Jokes at the Expense of His Own Intelligence


(We would have also accepted “Luke Cummo.” Via The American Gangster’s twitter.) 

As you all know, Alexander Gustafsson was recently scheduled to take on Antonio Rogerio Nogueira (as we suggested) in a match that was in no way a gimme fight to set up Jones/Gustafsson II. Less than a week later, Lil’ Nog pulled out from the fight with a back injury — the fifth such time he has been forced to do so in his UFC career.

While most of us (ie. Chael Sonnen) were content to use Nogueira’s run of bad luck as the basis for several personal attacks on Twitter, Dana White recently revealed that the blame for what was quite possibly the shortest-lived fight in UFC history lies solely on his own shoulders, as Lil Nog never actually agreed to the fight in the first place. He tells MMAJunkie:

What happened was that night we decided to make the fight. Gustafsson said yes, and they couldn’t get hold of him, so I said, ‘F–k it,’ and just went with it and announced the fight, and of course, he’s hurt.

The fight isn’t for four months, and he’s already determined he’s hurt. I don’t understand that. The guy is always hurt. Every time you call him, he’s hurt.

While I typically draw the line when it comes to taking pot shots at a Nogueira, I do find it interesting that the younger, not-run-over-by-a-truck-as-a-child Nogueira has been battling more injury issues than the older, run-over-by-a-truck-as-a-child, arm-shattered-by-Frank-Mir Nogueira as of late. I’m not saying Sonnen’s onto something, but he kind of is, you guys.

Taking pot shots at Dana White, on the other hand….

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UPDATE: Cain Velasquez Will Not Need Shoulder Surgery, But Date of Return Still Uncertain


(You should see the other guy. / Photo via Esther Lin, MMAFighting.com)

Last week, UFC president Dana White dumped cold water on the unconfirmed report that heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez would be fighting Fabricio Werdum at the UFC’s inaugural Mexico show in April 2014. Velasquez apparently sustained an injury to his left shoulder during his last bout against Junior Dos Santos, and recently had a pair of MRIs taken to determine the extent of the damage.

Speaking with Heidi Androl on Saturday night, White gave a quick update on Velasquez’s current health status: ”He doesn’t need surgery, he’s just gonna go through a rehab. But it’s gonna be a while.”

This isn’t the first time that a shoulder injury has forced Cain Velasquez out of action. Velasquez sat out most of 2011 due to a rotator cuff injury on his right shoulder, which he sustained during his UFC 121 fight against Brock Lesnar and reportedly re-injured a week before his first fight against Dos Santos.

We’ll update you if we hear more about the specific nature of Cain’s latest shoulder injury. In the meantime, Werdum has already been inactive since June — should he wait for Velasquez to return, or take another fight to stay busy?

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Confusing the Enemy: What MMA Needs to Learn From the Precedent of Boxing


(“So if you win, your salary doubles from $22,000 to $44,000? And if it’s the best fight on the card, they give you a $50,000 bonus? Wow. That’s adorable, man.”)

By Brian J. D’Souza

Floyd Mayweather Jr.’s record $41.5 million guarantee for facing Canelo Alvarez in September elicited a series of reactions from the MMA community. Some fighters like Tito Ortiz made ridiculous comparisons (“What am I doing different from [Floyd Mayweather Jr.]?”). Others, like current UFC light-heavyweight champion Jon Jones knew it was more politically expedient to downplay any direct comparison between revenues in boxing and MMA (“Boxing has been around over 100 years…The foundation is set and the money is there. MMA is so new.”). But the question looms large — why is it that boxing can boast stratospheric paydays whereas MMA’s purses are deliberately obscured from public knowledge?

We could talk about the structure of modern boxing where there is competition between promoters (Bob Arum, Golden Boy, etc.) and TV networks (HBO, Showtime, etc.), which drives boxing purses up. Or we could focus on the formula for self-promoting fights that Oscar de la Hoya and Floyd Mayweather Jr. derived tremendous benefit from. The fact remains that with its limited 20-year history, MMA has much more in common with the monopolistic and mafia-controlled boxing of the 1950s and ‘60s than it does with modern boxing.

What the industry tends to ignore is that the passage of time is not what leads to progress. It was five years ago in 2008 that Jon Fitch was tossed overboard by the UFC for refusing to sign away his likeness rights away in perpetuity. While managers and fighters could have drawn a line in the sand, squared up with Zuffa and said “You’ve taken enough from us,” their response to the likeness rights situation was completely muted.

“That wasn’t a battle we chose to fight. All of our guys agreed,” said American Top Team president Dan Lambert.

Thus, the precedent was set. MMA managers acting out of fear negotiated with the UFC by giving up something in exchange for nothing.

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