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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

December, 2013

Slobberknocker Alert: Jared Rosholt vs. Oleksiy Oliynyk Added to UFC on FOX 10


(Suddenly, my American flag lapel pin feels very inadequate. / Rosholt portrait via Getty)

Now that Mark Hunt and Antonio Silva have made heavyweight slugfests cool again, we’re pleased to inform you that 9-1 prospect Jared Rosholt will face old-school Russian veteran Oleksiy Oliynyk (often referred to by the more-coherent spelling of Alexey Oleinik) at UFC on FOX 10: Henderson vs. Thomson, January 25th in Chicago. The UFC announced the booking over the weekend.

Rosholt won his Octagon debut on the TUF 18 Finale prelims, brawling his way to a unanimous decision victory against Walt Harris. Though he comes from a very decorated collegiate wrestling background at Oklahoma State University, Rosholt has preferred to stand and throw bombs thus far in his MMA career.

As for Oliynyk, he most recently caught our attention with his neck-crank submission of Mirko Cro Cop at Legend Fight Show 2 in Moscow last month. The win was Oliynyk’s ninth in a row (all by stoppage), including previous submissions of Jeff Monson, Tony Lopez, and Dion Staring. Overall, Oliynyk has compiled a record of 48-9-1 through 16 damn years of competition. He made his MMA debut when the sport still looked like this. He lost to Chael Sonnen in Bodog seven years ago. He was a YAMMA semi-finalist for God’s sake. And now, at the age of 36, he’s fighting in the UFC for the first time. Do you believe in miracles?

The current lineup for UFC on FOX 10 is after the jump…

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[VIDEO] Vitor Belfort Is a ‘Values Enforcer’ in This Super Creepy Church-Promo


Vitor Belfort: The Values Enforcer from Elevation Church on Vimeo.

As we all know, UFC moneyweight Vitor Belfort is down with Jesus. We’re cool with that. Whatever gets you through the night and helps you be kind to people during the day, is our motto (oh, you didn’t know that about Cagepotato?). Plus, it’s fun to laugh at Michael Bisping getting Bible-thumped by Belfort after mocking the Brazilian’s faith.

That said, a new promotional video for a North Carolina mega-church that features Vitor Belfort is pretty damn creepy. In the video, the church abducts parishioners who are not paying enough attention during church services, blindfolds them, sticks them in a van (cultish enough for you, yet?) only to drop them off in the center of a cage with the Phenom himself.

Belfort is dubbed a “values enforcer,” which is the type of term we all should be a little wary of, even in jest, especially coming out of the deep South. In any case, Vitor treats us all to some amazing acting and those spiritually deficient church-goers are scared straight and are presumably returned to their church more obedient than ever before.

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UFC Heavyweight Shane Del Rosario Dies at the Age of 30


(Video via YouTube.com/fightmagazine)

Two weeks after suffering a sudden cardiac arrest possibly brought on by a rare heart condition called Long QT Syndrome, UFC heavyweight Shane Del Rosario died last night at the age of 30, at Hoag Memorial Presbyterian Hospital in Newport Beach, California. The UFC confirmed the news this evening. Del Rosario was taken off life support on November 29th, and though we heard promising reports about his health since then, his body wasn’t able to recover.

Del Rosario won the first 11 fights of his career — all by stoppage, 10 in the first round — but his career momentum was slowed by a life-threatening car accident in April 2011, a pair of UFC defeats in 2012, and injuries that kept him out of competition through all of 2013. Of course, the man was so much more than just his wins and losses in the cage. Watch the video above and you’ll see why Shane was so beloved by his friends, family, and teammates.

RIP, Shane. Please keep his family in your thoughts and prayers.

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Australian Writer Pans Hunt vs. Bigfoot as “Barbaric Savagery,” Is Wrong

If you’ve been watching Saturday Night Live at all this season, you’re probably familiar with the man pictured above. If not, his name is Jebediah Atkinson, and he is an 18th-century critic who has panned such universally-praised speeches and holiday specials as The Gettysburg Address, Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream,” and worst of all, the Charlie Brown Christmas special. Essentially, Atkinson serves as the voice of today’s overly-cynical internet trolls, and could criticize a sunset for not being orangey enough.

The reason I bring this up is because it appears that the MMA world has found its real-life answer to Jebediah Atkinson. His name is Tim Rothfield of Australia’s Courier Mail, and he recently wrote an article — well, not so much an article as a series of fragmented sentences and laughable attempts at posing insightful questions — describing the legendary battle between Mark Hunt and Antonio Silva at Fight Night 33 as “barbaric savagery.” A few highlights:

On Saturday night on Fuel TV I witnessed the brutality and bloodshed of the UFC – apparently, and worryingly, the world’s fastest growing sport.

This was nothing but barbaric savagery that should be banned in this country.

The fact women were allowed to fight on the card was an even bigger disgrace.

What does it say about our society?

Rothfield is, of course, wrong. That he attempts to use the UFC’s popularity as a comment on “society” should tell you all you need to know about his ability to present an original thought, but perhaps more disturbing than Rothfield’s takedown of Fight Night 33 has been how we have chosen to respond to it.

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Got Four Hours to Spare? Then Watch Invicta FC 7 In Its Entirety, Right Here [VIDEO]


(Props: YouTube.com/InvictaFC)

Full disclosure: I didn’t watch Invicta FC 7: Honchak vs. Smith on Saturday because I was in Detroit taking my son to meet Cookie Monster, but apparently their Internet PPV stream fell apart (again), strawweight title challenger Claudia Gadelha dropped off the card the night before with a bacterial infection, and only the curtain-jerking match ended in a legitimate stoppage.

I feel like I’m not doing a very good job of selling this show. People who actually watched it told me it was pretty damn entertaining, with flyweight champ Barb Honchak and strawweight Tecia Torres standing out with their impressive performances. The entire broadcast has been uploaded by the fine folks at Invicta, featuring the rather eclectic broadcast team of Michael Schiavello, Miesha Tate, and Muhammad “King Mo” Lawal. (Julie Kedzie was busy.)

Check it out, and let us know what you think/thought. I swear, I’ll get around to watching these fights tonight, or by tomorrow at the absolute latest.

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Jake Shields (Zzzz) vs. Hector Lombard (!!) Added to UFC 171


(“For the last time, I’m not Charlie Brenneman and I don’t have any weed for sale.”)

This morning, the UFC announced (via ESPN.com) that a welterweight contest between former title challenger Jake Shields and former Bellator middleweight champion Hector Lombard has been booked for UFC 171: Jones vs. Teixeira. While we assumed that this matchup was just Dana White’s way of further punishing anyone and anything related to Bellator, it turns out that “Lightning” actually requested the matchup because, like the rest of us, he finds Shield’s style somewhat underwhelming:

I think he’s been so boring and me always trying for the KO, it’s going to be exciting. He’ll make it boring, or I’m going to end up knocking him out. It’s going to be one or another. 

You’d think that Lombard would have already learned his lesson about calling out “boring” fighters after he fought the Jake Shields of the UFC’s middleweight division and came up short, but it appears otherwise. Let’s hope Lombard can bring the same kind of ferocity against Shields as he brought against Nate Marquardt or we’re gonna be in for a long night, folks.

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The BANG Effect: A Statistical Look at 2013′s Most Improved MMA Team [DATABOMB]


(Duane Ludwig [right] with one of his star pupils. / Photo via Sherdog)

By Reed Kuhn, @Fightnomics

An unlikely new coaching star, Duane “Bang” Ludwig has surged to the forefront of the competitive MMA coaching landscape after a fortuitous change of scenery. Ludwig is the obvious candidate for 2013′s “MMA Coach of the Year,” and few would question this, despite little fan awareness of his coaching prowess just one year ago.

Ludwig certainly had a tough 2012 that included three consecutive UFC losses, each one by first-round stoppage, the last of which added a fight-ending and career-threatening knee injury to the insult. But almost immediately after beginning the lengthy rehabilitation process, Ludwig got an unexpected phone call from Urijah Faber, and the creator of the Bang Muay Thai system suddenly migrated from the suburbs of Denver, Colorado to Sacramento, California.

Since Ludwig’s arrival at Team Alpha Male in December of 2012, his team’s fighters have been posting wins and highlight reel finishes at an unlikely pace. It’s even more unlikely, literally, when you consider the low share of TKO finishes that normally occur in the smaller weight classes where most Alpha Male fighters compete. The MMA media have been quick to point to the undeniable results of Team Alpha Male’s performance in the UFC as evidence that Ludwig was the missing ingredient to a team with championship potential. To be fair, the team already included former champions and contenders under Zuffa banners, but none that currently held a UFC belt. Now heading into this weekend’s UFC on FOX 9 card, Team Alpha Male has a chance to rack up not just four more wins, but capture its first UFC title of the Bang Era, and hold leading contender status in several divisions.

With all this hype around a team that is making a lot of noise, it’s a legitimate question to ask: Are they really better, or is this just a nice run of luck? The sudden emergence of Duane Ludwig as the MMA Coach of the Year is an extraordinary claim, and if Carl Sagan were still around (and an MMA fan), he would suggest that we demand extraordinary evidence before reaching such a bold conclusion. So I’m going to run the numbers in excruciating detail just to make sure.

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Mark Hunt, Ryan Bader Post Photos of Broken Hands Suffered at Fight Night 33


(Photo via Hunt’s Facebook. A few alternate angles of the break can be seen here.)

I believe it was sometime between the fourth and fifth round of his epic slugfest with Antonio Silva last Friday that Mark Hunt resorted to an all elbows strategy of offensive attack. While I figured that it was simply another case of Hunt running out of shits to give, many fans began to speculate that Hunt had broken his hand on Silva’s Tango & Cash-sized jaw earlier in the fight. Well, consider the above photo further proof that “The Super Somoan” is a goddamned warrior in every sense of the word.

As it turns out, Hunt isn’t the only fighter who will be learning to wipe his ass with the other hand in the coming weeks (Author’s note: That is the last time I will steal that joke. I swear). TUF 8 alum Ryan Bader also walked away from Fight Night 33 with a shattered hand on account of Anthony Perosh punching it with his face so often, so join us after the jump for a couple photos of the damage via Bader’s instagram.

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Hunt vs. Bigfoot x Scramble Fight-Picking Contest: And the Winners Are…


(Image courtesy of Scramble. Buy the shirt for $44.99 right here.)

Thanks to everybody who entered last week’s UFC Fight Night 33 fight-picking contest! I kind of enjoyed the free-for-all style that we tried this time, and I think we’ll do it like that from now on. Anyway, we’ve just sifted through your entries, and while there were a bunch of basically-correct guesses, a couple were more correct than the others. They were…

- Simon Cossette, for predicting a unanimous decision win for Ryan Bader against Anthony Perosh. With his entry of (30-27, 30-27, 30-27), Simon nailed two of the three judges’ scores, and missed the third one (30-26) by a single point.

- Lasha Lasha (?), for being the only person to predict that Soa Palelei would beat Pat Barry by first-round knockout. In fact, L.L. was the only person to predict a win for Palelei, period.

Those two talented fight-pickers have just won an official Sakuraba t-shirt from Scramble. So Simon and Lasha, please check the “other” folder of your Facebook messages today, as we’ll be sending you instructions on how to claim your prize. Thanks again to Scramble for hooking us up with all these shirts. If you need any Christmas gifts for the MMA/grappling fan in your life, swing by Scramble today!

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And Now She’s Retired: Julie Kedzie Hangs Up Her Gloves Following Loss at UFC Fight Night 33


(Kedzie — being gawked at by Gina Carano and Gary Shaw — in the good ‘ol bad days of women’s MMA. / Photo via George Ruiz)

When Julie Kedzie dropped a split-decision to Bethe Correia at UFC Fight Night 33, it marked her fourth-consecutive loss in MMA, dropping her lifetime record to 16-13. But even before the scores were read, Kedzie had made up her mind that she had reached the end of the road. Directly following the fight, Kedzie went on twitter to announce her retirement from MMA, after nearly ten years in the sport:

Before walking out to my fight today, I had a long talk with my coach and we decided that this would be my last MMA fight. I would have loved to have gone out on a win, but c’est la vie-don’t leave it to the judges. Heartbreak is a huge part of this sport. I really truly want to thank all of you for being a part of my journey as a fighter. I will still be involved in MMA for the rest of my life..but now it’s time for me to accept that I can give more to the sport by stepping back and taking role in helping to develop other fighters. From the bottom of my heart, thank you to the @UFC, my team, and all of you who have made me achieve some amazing dreams.

Female bantamweight old-schoolers like Kedzie, Roxanne Modafferi, and Shayna Baszler have looked a step behind their more modern counterparts during their brief time featured in the UFC and on TUF, but it would be unfair to chalk it up to a lack of talent. What we’ve witnessed lately has been a generational changing-of-the-guard, in which the pioneers — who often start out one-dimensional, rounding out their games as they go along — are replaced by the young fighters who grew up with the sport.

Julie Kedzie began her career in 2004, when eight-person tournaments were still socially acceptable, before women’s MMA was readily available on television, and when there was virtually no incentive for a women to compete in MMA, other than the thrill of competition.

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