Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

February, 2014

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Defeat Bullies by Slapping Their Balls (We’re Not Kidding)


(If you wear socks like the male instructor, you will ALWAYS be bullied)

Ever been bullied?

If so, how did you stop your grade-school foes? Did you beat them up with a hat? Stymie them with thousands of spaz punches? Use the force?

What about slapping them in the nuts? What, you’ve never done that!? According to this week’s martial arts fail, that’s one of the key techniques in the fight against bullying.

Seriously, you need to watch this video. Here’s just a short highlight reel of what it includes:

-Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
-The defense for the all-too-powerful “you’ve got something on your shirt” maneuver.
-”Stun techniques and dirty tricks.”
-Pulling someones hair and then doing absolutely nothing to follow it up.
-Groin-slapping.
-Throwing candy in someone’s face as a self-defense move (I wish I was making this part up).

Please watch the video, it’ll be worth it. We promise. This is the exact kind of horrific, “self-defense” advice that Ben Goldstein and I sought to destroy when we were storming dojos back in the 90s, testing our SAFTA. But as we got up there in years, we decided to purge martial chicanery with articles on a middling MMA website rather than with our fists.

Enjoy!

Thanks to CagePotato reader James Hays for sending us this video. If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to tips@cagepotato.com

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Gilbert Melendez (Sorta) Signs With Bellator—But UFC Can Still Match Offer


(Photo via Getty)

Bellator has reached terms with top UFC lightweight Gilbert Melendez, in what would be the Viacom-owned promotion’s highest profile signing to date if they can wrest “El Niño” from Zuffa.

Notice the word, “if.”

Find out what the deal is after the jump.

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Friday Link Dump: Dana White’s Latest Meltdown, Details on ‘TUF: Latinoamerica’, V-Day Humor + More


(“Machida vs. Mousasi” is going down tomorrow in Jaragua, Brazil. Come back to CagePotato tomorrow night at 10:30 p.m. ET for our liveblog of the FOX Sports 1 main card. / Video via YouTube.com/UFC)

Dana White’s Unhinged, Unadulterated Attitude Provides Window Into Crazy UFC World (Yahoo! Sports)

UFC Announces Launch of ‘The Ultimate Fighter: Latinoamerica’ (MMAFighting)

Ian McCall Injured, Brad Pickett Without Opponent at UFC Fight Night 37 (Sherdog)

Ben Askren Lashes Out at Dana White Over Pat Cummins Signing (BloodyElbow)

UFC Champ Ronda Rousey Says Marijuana Testing Is ‘Invasion of Privacy’ (MMAJunkie)

26 Photos of Nina Agdal, 2014 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover-Girl (HolyTaco)

16 Hilarious Valentine’s Day Autocorrects (DamnYouAutoCorrect)

Kendall Jenner Lets Loose During Runway Debut [NSFW] (EveryJoe)

5 Funny Valentine’s Day Poems (PopHangover)

‘Winter’s Tale’ Is Even Worse Than It Looks (The Escapist)

Watch the First 13 Minutes of ‘South Park: The Stick of Truth’ (GameFront)

The Best Netflix Movies to Watch on Valentine’s Day (Crushable)

The 99 Most Desirable Women of 2014 (AskMen)

The 50 Most Absurd Russian Wedding Photos Ever (WorldWideInterweb)

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10 Things the New UFC Fighter Uniforms Will Not Include


(“Trust me Roy, this thing is going to change your life.”)

According to BleacherReport, the UFC is working on a deal to create a standardized uniform for its fighters, including fight shorts, walkout shirts, and hats. The uniforms would consist mostly of UFC-branded product and logos — along with the brand of the apparel company — although there would be several spots on the shorts and shirt reserved for fighters’ personal sponsorships.

Clearly, the UFC is pursuing a more “major league” appearance, while trying to avoid any more embarrassing surprises. Until the uniforms are revealed, we can only speculate on whether they’ll bring a positive change (professionalism, yay!) or a negative one (loss of individuality, boo!). But no matter what they end up looking like, we can name at least ten things they won’t include…

Sequins

Chains of any kind

Shoulder pads with big-ass spikes

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Knockout of the Day: Who Says Flyweights Don’t Have Power?

If Demetrious Johnson‘s blistering first round KO of Joseph Benavidez at UFC on FOX 9 didn’t dispel the ridiculous rumors that flyweights lack knockout power (see also: Lineker, J.), we give you Tim Flores, an ammy flyweight fighting out of western Mass who absolutely torched Dan Krall at Warrior Nation XFA VII. Although the fight went down back in November, footage has only recently been uploaded — clearly so the guys over at Warrior Nation XFA could whip up that epic intro tune and graphic.

Without giving too much away, I will say that Flores blisters Krall with an overhand right 18 seconds into the first round. OK, that might’ve sounded like I just gave it away, but the manner in which Krall crashes to the canvas is still a mystery, right? Falling tree? Lawn chair? I’m the worst.

The win improved Flores’ amatuer record to 2-1, and he has since collected a third round armbar victory over YuShun Tsou back in January. Major props to WesternMassMMA for passing this along, and be sure to head over there for all the latest updates on the Mass MMA scene.

-J. Jones

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Catch the ‘Fight Night 36: Machida vs. Mousasi’ Weigh-Ins LIVE Right Here Starting at 1 p.m. EST [UPDATED w/RESULTS]


(Uh-oh. Grizzled, unkempt Machida is easily the most dangerous of all Machidas. Photo via Getty.)

Lyoto Machida, Gegard Mousasi, and all 24 fighters competing on tomorrow’s ‘Fight Night 36′ card are set to hit the scales from the Arena Jaragua in Jaragua do Sul, Santa Catarina, Brazil starting at 1 p.m. EST. Although Fight Night 36 is eerily similar in quality to next weekend’s UFC 170 pay-per-view, it features neither Ronda Rousey nor the year’s biggest squash match and therefore will be free. No, I do not understand it either.

Join us after the jump for a live feed of the weigh-ins, which are sure to feature no shortage of graceful bows and vacant, serial killer-esque stares into the distance. Should be a good one.

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The Ten Most Random Replacement Opponents in MMA History


(He wore his own shirt in hopes of getting MMA fans to learn his name. Instead, they all asked him if he’s a cameraman for the new Danny Trejo movie.)

By Seth Falvo

By now you’ve heard that Rashad Evans is out of his co-main event clash against Daniel Cormier at UFC 170, and has been replaced by promotional newcomer Patrick Cummins. Unsurprisingly, reactions to this announcement have ranged from “Who is Patrick Cummins?” to “UFC Books Match Between Number One Contender And Twitter User.“ Cummins certainly feels like an unusual replacement opponent, but how does he stack up against other fighters who were granted a shot in the spotlight out of sheer necessity for a warm body to step in and save a fight?

Coincidentally enough, we’ll start with his next opponent…

10.) Injury Replacement Daniel Cormier Wins the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix.

(Photo Courtesy of Getty Images.)

The Details: Replaced Alistair Overeem against Antonio Silva at Strikeforce: Barnett vs. Kharitonov (09/10/2011).
Why He Makes the Top Ten: It’s hard to believe that just under three years ago, Daniel Cormier such an unknown prospect that sportsbooks didn’t even bother creating odds for him to win the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix, despite creating odds for Ray Sefo and Valentijn “Othereem” Overeem; a $20 bet on Cormier “FIELD” to win the tournament would have netted you $1,000. But when Strikeforce Heavyweight Champion Alistair Overeem injured his toe/realized fighting in the tournament was pointless and pulled out of his scheduled bout against Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva, Cormier handled Silva so effortlessly that it was impossible not to take note. Cormier would go on to defeat Josh Barnett for the tournament title, and the rest is history.
Why He Isn’t Ranked Higher: While Cormier may not have been high on our radars at the time, it’s hard to call an Olympic wrestler an “unknown prospect.”

On a somewhat related note…

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Scratch That — Daniel Cormier Will Compete at UFC 170, Against 4-0 Prospect Patrick Cummins


(Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…Durkin? What does that even mean? / Photo via MMAJunkie)

When Rashad Evans pulled out of his scheduled UFC 170 match against Daniel Cormier, Cormier was devastated. “I don’t want this work to be for nothing,” he told Ariel Helwani. “I’ve killed myself in this gym. I’ve spent ten weeks away from my family…I’d fight Chael in a heartbeat. I’d fight Anthony Johnson in a heartbeat. I’d fight any of those guys. There’s somebody out there who wants to fight. Line ‘em up…I just want to fight now.”

And so, in an apparent move to keep him happy, the UFC has allowed Cormier to remain on the February 22nd “Rousey vs. McMann” lineup. No, he won’t be fighting Chael Sonnen, or Rumble Johnson, or anybody else you’ve heard of. Instead, Cormier will fight 4-0 light-heavyweight prospect Patrick Cummins, who will be making his Octagon debut.

A former two-time All American wrestler for Penn State, Cummins trains out of Mark Munoz’s Reign MMA gym in Orange County, and he’s finished all four of his pro fights in the first round. Cormier, of course, is one of the greatest MMA fighters in the world. Be sure to tune in, folks, because you might not see a bigger squash match all year. Seriously, how in the hell did the Nevada State Athletic Commission approve this friggin’ thing? KEITH, GET BACK HERE!

Desperate times call for desperate measures, I guess. Not that Cormier vs. Cummins is going to jack up the buyrate for this zombie card, but at least the entire show won’t rest on Ronda Rousey‘s shoulders now. Your thoughts?

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Chael Sonnen Calls Out Daniel Cormier, Instead Gets Silva Fight Moved to Brazil [TWIST!]

Depending how you look at it, Chael Sonnen‘s offer to step in for Rashad Evans against Daniel Cormier at UFC 170 was either an act of extreme bravery or extreme cowardice — further proof that Sonnen is the most fearless man in the UFC or that he is one desperately trying to get out of Brazil in one piece A.S.A.P. Personally, I choose to believe the former, because if Chael Sonnen was brave enough to march head first into enemy territory to promote a reality show that no one watches, there’s no way a little on-set scrap would be enough to scare him away.

Sonnen’s valiance aside, Cormier would have demolished the Gangster From West Linn inside 3 minutes. You know this. I know this. Sonnen knows this. Chael P. was thoroughly overpowered by Evans and Jon Jones at light heavyweight, and against Cormier he’d be fighting an Olympian dropping down from heavyweight. They’d need a spatula to peel him off the canvas by the time all was said and done.

Realizing this, the UFC has denied Sonnen’s request, instead re-scheduling Evans vs. Cormier for UFC 172 (this is unconfirmed) and moving Sonnen vs. Wandy from UFC 173 in Las Vegas to a yet-to-be-named event in Brazil the following weekend.

As Happy Gilmore would say, “Talk about your all-time backfires.”

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Dana White Trashes Alistair Overeem for “Ducking” Junior Dos Santos, Gets Immediately Corrected by Overeem

That was the first rebuttal offered by Alistair Overeem after Dana White told UFC Tonight that the former Strikeforce heavyweight champ was “hiding” from former UFC heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos. According to White — who was clearly having a bad day at the office — Overeem was offered a five-round main event fight with Dos Santos in Brazil immediately following his dominant win over Frank Mir at UFC 169 (which White was also super critical of, for some reason). After allegedly turning it down, Overeem was then offered a three-round main event with “Cigano,” but promptly turned it down as well.

“He wants nothing to do with dos Santos,” White told UFC Tonight’s Ariel Helwani. “He’s literally hiding from JDS…but he had no problem calling out Brock Lesnar who hasn’t fought in 2 years and who is in WWE.”

A strong accusation coming from a man usually known for making calculated, restrained statements bolstered by impeccable fact-checking (see: Pena, Julianna) if there ever was one.

What’s that, you say? Overeem is hurt, hence why he’s not ready to fight? Well I guess we might as well hear him out…

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