Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

May, 2014

Bob Sapp Retires: A Legendary Life, In GIFs


(This is happening right now. Don’t fight it.)

During Saturday’s episode of Submission Radio, combat sports icon Bob Sapp announced that he was walking away from professional fighting at the age of 40, after more than 12 years competing in mixed martial arts and kickboxing. Sapp claimed that he’s retiring with over $10 million in the bank, thanks to a combination of wise investing and his infamous (but income generating) “world tour,” in which he lost 12 consecutive MMA fights in 12 different countries since 2011.

“I no longer have a need to go into the ring for 40,000 for a fight when I’m making, well last month it was somewhere in that realm of over 1 million dollars,” Sapp told Submission Radio. “I don’t need to do that any longer.”

Sapp also went 1-13 in kickboxing since September 2005 — his only victory being an unexpected TKO win via injury — although he saw tremendous success as of late in celebrity arm-wrestling tournaments.

It’s hard to know how we should remember a man whose career saw him go from the terrifying “Beast” of his early K-1 appearances to a walking punchline, who developed a persona better than almost any other pro fighter in history — and became a cultural icon in Japan as a result — who was nakedly candid about his motivations and didn’t seem to give a damn about his reputation as an athlete. Bob Sapp was an entertainer, and truly great at what he did. His career touched professional wrestling, acting (Frankenhood!), and fast-food pizza. He was so much more than just a huge guy swinging his fists at his smaller opponents, although he was that too.

As Internet custom dictates, we will now honor Bob Sapp’s departure with a collection of his greatest GIFs. Check ‘em out after the jump, and hit the “Next Page” buttons for more…

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Is Gina Carano Training at Black House?


(via r/MMA)

This picture of Gina Carano has been making its rounds on the Internet this weekend. As you can see, it depicts Gina Carano either pre-workout or post-workout holding a Black House t-shirt within a Black House gym.

Carano, herself, hasn’t announced anything. It’s entirely possible that she’s just visiting the gym. If that’s the case, this photo will no doubt lead to tons of errant speculation.

However, it’s possible that Carano is starting to get back into fighting shape. After all, UFC president Dana White said that Carano in the UFC was simply “a matter of getting a deal done.” But Dana is known to be among MMA’s greatest prevaricators, so we won’t put too much stock in what he says.

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What the Hell Do We Make of Bellator 120?


(Because Getty had no images from last night. / Photo via Getty)

By Matt Saccaro

Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney didn’t give out the gate numbers at the post-fight presser, even when asked (which probably means they were bad). And it’s still too early to know how Bellator 120 performed at the box office. So, financially, Bellator’s first PPV can’t definitively be called a success or a failure.

Regarding entertainment value, however, Bellator 120 was a success. There were some pacing issues, yes, but overall the card delivered.

In the first fight, Michael Page did his best Anderson Silva impression, knocking out Ricky Rainey (who’s name was hilariously spelled wrong at the post-fight presser) after taunting him mercilessly. In the next bout, former Bellator heavyweight champ Alexander Volkov scored an upset submission win over Blagoi Ivanov.

Then came Tito Ortiz vs. Alexander Shlemenko. Ortiz was the laughing stock of this card, without a doubt. He was a relic from a bygone era who hadn’t won a fight in three years. His ridiculous pre-fight promos (he promised to make Shlemenko “literally shit himself”) only made him look worse. Shlemenko, on the other hand, was Bellator’s middleweight champ and a stern Russian killer. He’d have no problem with Ortiz despite the considerable size difference, or so the world thought. But Ortiz won the fight. He submitted Shlemenko with an arm-triangle choke in the very first round. Then he gave the worst post-fight interview of all time; he pretended to be Hulk Hogan.

As crazy as Ortiz-Shlemenko was, it wasn’t the emotional high point of the PPV, nor was Michael Chandler vs. Will Brooks. Chandler-Brooks was not a particularly anticipated match. In fact, the entire Bellator PPV was centered around the rubber match between Chandler and Eddie Alvarez. When Alvarez withdrew due to a concussion, many thought it meant death for Bellator 120. Will Brooks was thrown in against Chandler, but it was a squash match—or at least that’s what conventional wisdom held. But Brooks upended fans and pundits, beating Chandler via split decision. He was made of sterner stuff than we all gave him credit for.

Then we had the main event, Rampage Jackson vs. King Mo. The fight itself was banal. Mo dominated Rampage with wrestling while Rampage landed a couple of decent shots throughout the fight. It seemed like a pretty easy decision win for King Mo, but the judges didn’t see it that way; they awarded Rampage with a unanimous decision. What happened after the fight was the real draw though. King Mo and Rampage started jaw-jacking. During the Spike TV portion of the broadcast, King Mo accused Bjorn Rebney of “dick riding” Rampage. He didn’t hold in such feelings in his post-fight speech, nor did he silence himself at the post-fight presser. Him and Rampage yelled at each other while the presser stream intermittently died possibly due to the sheer volume of viewers.

So what’s the fallout?

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VIDEO: King Mo Goes Off on ‘Dick-Riding’ Bjorn Rebney Following Bellator 120 Loss


(Props: ZombieProphet on Instagram)

“Bjorn, you know what’s up, man — your dick-ridin’ ass. You know who won the fuckin’ fight, you smilin’ and shit. You know I won that fight. Nah, nah. Rampage, nothin’ against you, but I beat you…I won that fight. And [unintelligible] dick-ridin’ ass, ay…”

Out of all the bizarre upsets, indefensible mismatches, and elite-level clowning that took place during last night’s Bellator 120 brilliant train-wreck pay-per-view, Muhammad “King Mo” Lawal‘s furious response to his screwjob decision loss to Quinton “Rampage” Jackson might be the most memorable moment.

Mo was convinced that Bellator was favoring Jackson in this matchup, and was clearly cranky before the fight even started. When all three judges returned scores of 29-28 for Rampage — horseshit, by the way — Mo grabbed the mic and let ‘er rip. Unprofessional? Sure. The perfect end to an insane, absurd, entertaining night? Absolutely.

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Bellator 120: Rampage Edges King Mo, Will Brooks Out-Points Michael Chandler

Tonight, Bellator will make its first foray into the PPV market after a botched attempt last year. Bellator 120 was originally scheduled to be main-evented by the rubber match between Eddie Alvarez and Michael Chandler, but Alvarez recently withdrew due to a concussion. Bellator matched up Chandler with Will Brooks, and bumped King Mo vs. Rampage Jackson into the card’s main event. We’ve also got Tito Ortiz vs. Alexander Shlemenko, Blagoi Ivanov vs. Alexander Volkov, and Michael Page vs. Ricky Rainey.

In this liveblog of Bellator’s first-ever PPV, CagePotato social media kosmonaut and weekend editor Matt Saccaro will be giving you the results for the PPV portion of the fight card, in case you’re too cheap to buy it or don’t have access to it for some reason. He’ll also be posting quick results from the rest of the event, as well as his typical analysis of commercials on the Spike TV portion of the broadcast.

The PPV begins at 10:00 pm EST. The Spike TV preliminaries start at 8:00 pm EST. We’ll start posting results after the jump shortly thereafter. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

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Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Balinese White Magic Is the Best Base for MMA

Remember when we said nobody on Martial Arts Fail of the Week could possibly be worse than Ashida Kim?

We might’ve been wrong.

Enter Yellow Bamboo, a martial art based on “Balinese White Magic” which promises to create “the necessary power within you to achieve whatever positive outcome you desire.”

In the case of the above video, the outcome most people desire is apparently being able to send legions of defrauded fools into spasms by posing and screaming as loud as you possibly can like you’re on Dragon Ball Z.

What’s even better is that these Jedi Knight-like powers can be yours, FREE! All you have to do is send the school an email and they’ll send you the download link. Fortunately for the Potato Nation, someone linked their training on YouTube. It’s as laughable as you might expect. There’s crazy, rice-related initiation ceremonies, holy water, singing, full moons, energy beams, and other insanity. This might be the most cult-like martial art we’ve ever seen.

The best part of all this, though, is that some of these Yellow Bamboo guys were officially exposed in a real fight, not unlike the Finnish Ki master who was featured on CagePotato’s first-ever Martial Arts Fail of the Week. Check out these Yellow Bamboo scrubs getting choked out after the jump…

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Bellator 120 Weigh-In GIFs: Rampage Jackson Shoves King Mo, Tito Ortiz Has Some Size on Alexander Shlemenko


(Come on Rampage, how you gonna punk King Mo like that in front of his umbrella ho?)


(That moment when you realize you should have brought Berz Dog for backup.)

GIFs via ZombieProphet. Full Bellator 120 weigh-in results are after the jump via MMAJunkie.

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Friday Links: Guida vs. Bermudez Booked, British Columbia Bans TRT, Laura Carmine’s Booty + More


(Dios mio! Mexican soap star Laura Carmine gets “Booty of the Day” honors on HolyTaco. More pics here.)

Clay Guida Draws Dennis Bermudez at FOX UFC Saturday in San Jose (FoxSports)

Healthy Tito Ortiz Says He Has ‘No Excuses’ (MMAFighting)

Do Fellow UFC Fighters Believe Jon Jones’ Tactics Make Him a Dirty Fighter? (MMAJunkie)

With UFC 174 on the Horizon, British Columbia Athletic Commission Bans TRT Exemptions in MMA (MMAMania)

MMA Instructor Brian Kuhn Kicks The Crap Out Of Burglar (HuffingtonPost)

“Low Budget Beasts” Is Your New Favorite Tumblr (PopHangover)

The 9 Types of Bros You Met in College (EveryJoe)

Jeff Van Gundy Keeps Talking Rihanna (TerezOwens)

The 50 Funniest Double Take Photos Ever (WorldWideInterweb)

Screen Junkies Show: Best Mutant Powers! (ScreenJunkies)

The Hardest Video Games to Complete (Ranker)

17 Things Only a Dude With a Big Penis Says (Guyism)

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FoodPotato: The 16 Buffalo Wild Wings Sauces and Their UFC Fighter Equivalents


(Believe it or not, this isn’t a sponsored post. It’s just one of those things that happens when it’s a slow news week and you’re desperate.)

By Ben Goldstein

If you’re a UFC fan who doesn’t live in a densely-populated urban area with multiple sports-bar options within walking distance, chances are you’ve spent some time in a Buffalo Wild Wings, since it’s one of the only chain restaurants that reliably shows UFC events. The food is almost beside the point, though BWW is known for its wings (obviously) and the 16 signature sauces you can put on them.

So as a tribute to everyone who’s ever waited an hour-and-a-half for a table at B-Dubs because you’re too cheap to order a pay-per-view at home, I humbly present one of the dumbest list ideas I’ve ever come up with. Ladies and gentlemen, here are the 16 Buffalo Wild Wings wing sauces and their UFC fighter equivalents. Just be grateful I didn’t arrange this in slideshow format.

Sweet BBQ
BWW description: “Traditional BBQ sauce: Satisfyingly sweet.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Non-threatening and vaguely Southern? I’m gonna go with Jessamyn Duke — but only because Bubba McDaniel isn’t on the UFC roster anymore.

Teriyaki
BWW description: “Terrifically tasty Teriyaki sauce.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Takeya Mizugaki. He’s Japanese, he’s consistently good, but he’s not going to blow anybody’s mind, flavor-wise.

Mild
BWW description: “Classic wing sauce: High flavor, low heat.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Gleison Tibau, a guy who never made a major impact in the UFC and yet is tied for the most victories in UFC lightweight history. How the hell did that happen? Like mild sauce, he’s just always been around.

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Why Do MMA Fans Want Bellator to Fail?


(“Ay dog, just give it to me straight — am I the father or not?” / Photo via ora.tv)

By Matt Saccaro

Bellator 120 is a day away, but the MMA world doesn’t seem to care…unless of course they’re deriding the Viacom-owned promotion’s PPV endeavors.

People like laughing at Bellator. That goes for both fans and media. MMAJunkie’s Ben Fowlkes noted this phenomenon recently:

You make a fair point about the undercurrent of glee in the response to every new Bellator setback. It reminds me of the late IFL CEO Jay Larkin, who, when convening a conference call to essentially sound the death knell for that organization, bitterly remarked that it seemed to be the most interest the MMA media had ever shown in an IFL announcement. In other words, it’s not just Bellator feeling that sting. As much as MMA seems to recognize the need for a serious competitor to the UFC, it also seems to love to watch those contenders rise and fall. I’m not sure I know why that is, but I do know that, if you are one of those contenders, you don’t help the situation by complaining about it.

So I’m not alone in this; it’s clear that anti-Bellator sentiment is pervasive. But why?

Regarding fans, the sport and the sport’s chief brand—the UFC—are typically conflated. Most casual fans don’t know that MMA and the UFC are two different things. If it’s not UFC, it’s nothing; they’ll believe anything the UFC tells them without question. The UFC’s ability to produce stars might be lacking, but they’re as good at producing ideologues as they ever were.

However, this doesn’t answer why the hardcore fans hate Bellator. Hardcores often have an anti-UFC slant (they’re still mad about Pride and Strikeforce). So it seems only natural they’d be big Bellator supporters, especially since Bellator’s tournament structure purportedly reduces title shot chicanery that the UFC is infamous for. Except it doesn’t. They screwed Attila Vegh because he wasn’t profitable enough. They engineered the season 10 light heavyweight tournament for the most favorable outcome (King Mo vs. Rampage). Bellator went from providing something novel and refreshing to being a second-rate UFC clone. And let’s not even mention pushing an ancient, injury prone Tito Ortiz and a past-his-prime, embarrassingly disinterested Rampage Jackson as superstars.

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