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June, 2014

The 15 Worst Pro Wrestling Gimmick Costumes


(Nothing says “tough guy” like fake muscles and a landing strip.)

By Shep Ramsey

Ah, professional wrestling. You blaze into our lives when MMA fails us, reminding everyone that sometimes, it’s totally okay to put on ridiculous matches with absurd stipulations and objectify women.

On second thought, we can’t even tell the difference between you both.

At least wrestling allows us to tune in and out, without the pressure of having to watch every single event. The reason we love pro wrestling so much is because, like David Wooderson says about high school girls in Dazed & Confused, we get older and they stay the same age.

If anything, pro wrestling has become more mature than its fanbase, despite the WWE’s PG-rating. One thing we have to deal with less are the bad costumes — painted-on gimmicks that were never going to work, no matter how hard they were forced down our throats.

Here are 15 of the most senseless and detestable costumes inflicted upon some good wrestlers, and some really bad ones.

15. The Goon

Guys like Tie Domi and Bob Probert were NHL sluggers in the mid-1990s, so maybe that explains The Goon’s odd inclusion into the world of pro wrestling. It would have been cool if this guy came to the ring in actual skates, instead of those platform boots that are mostly favored by goth teenagers and drag queens these days.

14. Rocky Maivia

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Must-See: EA UFC Glitches, Commentated by Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg


(Props: Tommy Toe Hold)

“Jones just pulled a mummy guard, now he’s trying to lure Alex in by casting a spell.”

“Joe, what are the benefits of completely freezing your body during a fight with yourself?”

“Alex goes for a leg, gets a hold of a ghost that’s been haunting the arena, and huge takedown.”

Brilliant.

Previously: The 12 Most Awesome/Terrible ‘EA Sports UFC’ Demo Videos Created by Actual Users

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BREAKING: Jason Thacker, Bobby Southworth to Be Inducted Into UFC Hall of Fame (Not Really) (But Maybe?)


(And just like that, a robot-voiced MMA fighter from the future star was born.)

Without coming off too anti-UFC (LOL!), I think we can all agree that the promotion’s Hall of Fame is about as meaningless as their rankings system, right? Aside from picking and choosing its inductees based around whoever Dana White isn’t fueding with at the moment, it’s page on UFC.com hasn’t been updated in years, so much so that recent additions Tito Ortiz, Stephan Bonnar, and Forrest Griffin are not even featured on it. Although to be fair, Ortiz probably never will.

Regardless, Dana White has been teasing his media cronies that the UFC Fan Expo at this year’s Fourth of July International Fight Week — you know, the one featuring musical guests Papa Roach, POD, and Lit (double LOL!) — will serve as the induction ceremony for the UFC Hall of Fame’s next member, as it has in years past. The big difference being that this year could serve as the induction for not just one man, but the entire cast of The Ultimate Fighter season 1 (via Fox Sports):

I think that’s a must. I think that entire season should be inducted. Without a doubt that group of people are all game changers. I’ve thought about the whole cast should be (in the hall of fame). Even the Canadian Jason Thacker — without the group of people that we had and the way the synergy worked and the way things went down, that season really launched everything.

Man, Frank Shamrock must have snapped an entire box of pencils in half when he heard this news.

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Fitness Motivation: 20 Photos of Sexy Women Doing Pull-Ups

If our ongoing series on fitness motivation photos has proven anything, it’s that all forms of exercise can be made sexy, as long as the subject is already in shape and wearing booty shorts. (By the way, good luck getting away with that outfit at Planet Fitness. Sound the Lunk Alarm, you guys! That’s blatant gymtimidation!)

Today’s gallery focuses on pull-ups, a classic bodyweight exercise that targets pretty much everything above the waist. Be “inspired” by the strong women banging ‘em out in the gallery after the jump, and please re-visit our previous fitness motivation galleries on tire-flipping, rope-swinging, kettlebell-lifting, and squatting. Lots more to come. Enjoy…

Note: The last two are kinda sorta NSFW.

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Tyron Woodley vs. Dong Hyun Kim Booked for UFC Macau, With Hector Lombard Injured


(What the hell? Why does Dana White look small next to a welterweight? I thought he was 7’4″, 560 pounds, and able to transform into a monster truck at will?? / Photo via Dana’s Instagram)

Due to an undisclosed injury, UFC welterweight Hector Lombard has withdrawn from his scheduled fight against Dong Hyun Kim, which was slated for the co-main event of UFC Fight Night Macau: Bisping vs. Le (aka UFC Fight Night 48), August 23rd at the CotaiArena.

Coming in to replace Lombard will be Tyron Woodley, who now has a chance to redeem himself after stinkin’ up the joint at UFC 174, where he spent three rounds being outboxed and clowned by Rory MacDonald. To put it another way, Woodley is doing his required penance on Fight Pass, but an impressive victory against DHK could put him back in the mix. Any predictions for this one?

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Just Another Reason Why PRIDE Was More Entertaining Than the UFC…


(Props: hkkaneWM2012 via r/MMA)

NOTE: Okay, the video won’t let us embed it to start at the 35:00 mark, so you’ll just have to go there yourself.

What you see above is the complete video of PRIDE Shockwave 2005, an event that featured Fedor Emelianenko, Wanderlei Silva, Mirko Cro Cop, Dan Henderson, Mark Hunt, Kazushi Sakuraba, Takanori Gomi — should we keep going? alright, then — Minowaman, Ricardo Arona, Aleksander Emelianenko, Hayato Sakurai, Giant Silva, James Thompson, Zuluzinho, Murilo Bustamante, Charles “Krazy Horse” Bennett and a main event between two Olympic judokas (Hidehiko Yoshida and Naoya Ogawa) that reportedly earned both men $2 million.

It might have been the most talent-rich MMA card in the history of the sport, and if you have seven hours to watch the whole thing, go for it. But we’ve cued it up to one moment in particular: A six minute tap-dancing presentation that leads directly into PRIDE’s traditional taiko drums and fighter introductions. That’s right, I said tap-dancing. And the crowd loved it!

The spectacle of PRIDE couldn’t possibly be sustained. (I wonder what the total fighter payroll was that night, including Yoshida and Ogawa’s $4 million?) But it’s nice to remember that for one moment in time, in one part of the world, MMA looked like this. PRIDE was wild, unpredictable, a feast for the senses, and willing to try anything to please its fans.

Or as one reddit commenter put it: “Yeah. I mean, the UFC has some videos, lights, and music which are cool and all but Pride choreographed entire fight cards.” LOL…

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The 11 Greatest Ultimate Surrender Videos That We Can Get Away With Showing You


(“Staring down her opponent with an animalistic desire, is ScissorFox.” — Mike Goldberg)

In case you’ve never heard of it — yeah right, pervert — Ultimate Surrender is essentially the girl-on-girl porn version of submission grappling. Barely-clothed women wrestle each other through three sweaty rounds, and the winner gets to have her way with the loser at the end. According to the totally explicit, NSFW, and hilarious official website, “The quickest way to win is to make your opponent have a screaming orgasm totally against her will. In the heat of the moment it can happen easily.” Easily!

Sound like something you’d like? Well today’s your lucky day. In the name of journalistic integrity, we scoured YouTube to find the best Ultimate Surrender videos that we can post here without violating our “no actual nudity” policy. Never let it be said that CagePotato won’t go to any heights (or depths, in this case) to get the story. Enjoy…

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Fight Flicks Review: Fight Life Offers a Candid, If Well-Traveled Look Into the Mind of an MMA Fighter

There’s a moment early on in Fight Life in which Jake Shields laments (or comes as close to it as he can while retaining his trademark roboticness) the negative effects his career has had on his personal life.

“Everyone’s always like, ‘What are your hobbies?’ and unfortunately, I don’t really have any hobbies because MMA is my hobby, my job, my career. My whole life revolves around it at this point, you know?”

It’s a statement that both serves as the mission statement of the aptly named Fight Life and one that would perhaps support the idea that MMA fighters are not the most intriguing subjects around which to base a documentary. Fighters fight for their families, or to overcome demons from their past, or simply because it’s all they know. While these may be considered fresh revelations to the most casual of MMA fans, it’s nothing that a seasoned fan of the sport hasn’t been treated to a zillion times over in the lead-up to a UFC event or boxing match. As a result, Fight Life winds up feeling less like an intimate look into the personal lives of guys like Shields and Beerbohm and more like an 80-minute Countdown episode.

Chronicling the lives of Jake Shields and Lyle Beerbohm (among others) in the lead-up to their 2009 fights with Robbie Lawler and Duane Ludwig, respectively, the documentary from James Z. Feng is an equally inspiring and underwhelming look at the daily struggles and triumphs of the professional mixed martial artist. Part of the blame for the film’s shortcomings can be placed on its subjects — or at least Shields, who has never been a charismatic individual despite his accomplishments. But really, the biggest issue facing the film is its outdated perspective. MMA has undergone several huge changes in the time between when Fight Life was shot and its release, and neither Shields nor Beerbohm have exactly become the dominant forces that the documentary attempts to set them up as.

That’s not to say that Fight Life is absent of any compelling moments, however…

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So There Were Some Pretty Brutal Knockouts at Glory 17: Los Angeles This Past Weekend [w/GIFS]


(All gifs courtesy of Zombie Prophet.)

Last Saturday marked an increasingly rare occasion for the fight fan attempting to have an honest to God social life, with the UFC taking a much needed break ahead of this weekend’s Fight Night doubleheader. That is not to say there wasn’t plenty of fight action to be witnessed — both the World Series of Fighting and Glory kickboxing held events in California over the weekend — but were any of you honestly on pins and needles to watch the former’s middleweight title fight between David Branch and Jesse Taylor, or the latter’s rematch between Mirko Cro Cop and Jarrell Miller? Thought so.

Had you turned into Glory 17, however, you would have not only witnessed the former PRIDE killer and prankster extraordinaire score a unanimous decision victory over Miller, but a bevy of blistering knockouts as well. The quickest KO of the night went to Glory 12 lightweight tournament winner Andy Ristie in his preliminary tilt against Ky Hollenbeck, the man Ristie was supposed to face for the inaugural Glory lightweight belt at Glory 14 before an injury forced Davit Kiria to step in and eventually defeat Ristie via last second, come-from-behind KO.

It took Ristie just 35 seconds to flatten Hollenbeck with his trademark left hook, which you can check out in gif form above courtesy of Zombie Prophet. After the jump: Gifs of the night’s other, more violent finishes and complete Glory 17 results.

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Report: Chael Sonnen vs. Andre Galvao to Headline Metamoris 4, August 9th in Los Angeles


(Yeah, this should go well. Photo via MMAWeekly)

The fourth installment of submission-only grappling series Metamoris will be headlined by a stunt-match that makes very little sense from a competitive standpoint, but we’ll probably watch it anyway. According to an MMAFighting report, Metamoris 4 (August 9th, Los Angeles) will feature freshly-retired superheel Chael Sonnen vs. highly decorated jiu-jitsu champion Andre Galvao.

Though Sonnen will enjoy a size advantage against Galvao — who has spent most of his competitive grappling career between 181-194 pounds, and used to compete in MMA as a welterweight — this is a talent mismatch of cosmic proportions. Galvao’s accomplishments include seven gold medals at the BJJ World Championships between 2002-2008, and three golds at the ADCC Submission Wrestling World Championship, including his first-place finishes in the 88kg and Absolute categories in 2011.

Sonnen has no such pedigree to rely on. His effective ground-game earned him submission wins against Mauricio Rua and Brian Stann later in his UFC career, but keep in mind, this is the guy who used to get subbed by Brazilians on a regular basis. Our prediction: Sonnen sells a lot of tickets, then gets styled on. (And I guess Metamoris doesn’t drug test its competitors, huh.)

Metamoris 4 is also expected to feature a heavyweight match between Josh Barnett and Dean Lister.

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