Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

June, 2014

SportsPotato: Ghana’s John Boye Busts Up Clint Dempsey With an Eye Poke/Flying Head Kick in World Cup Opener


(via The Big Lead)

Yesterday’s Group G matchup between the United States and Ghana was as tense and thrilling a World Cup match as you will ever see, and not just because it resulted in the good ol’ US of A pulling out a late victory over their “Black Star” rivals. Thanks to a Clint Dempsey goal in the opening minute and a John Brooks header off a corner kick in the 86th, the United States was finally able to best the team who had defeated them in back-to-back World Cup appearances. And there was much rejoicing.

The victory did not come easy, however. Star striker Jozy Altidore was stretchered off the field with a strained hamstring early in the match, and around the 32-minute mark, Ghana defender/Simon Phoenix impersonator John Boye nearly ended Dempsey’s game with a brutal (albeit incidental) flying head kick ala Yves Edwards vs. Josh Thomson. Although it appeared that Dempsey’s nose had clearly been broken in the exchange, he was later cleared to continue competing. The jury’s still out on Altidore, though.

A full-sized, slowed-down Vine of the kick is after the jump.

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Report: Phil Baroni to Make Bellator Debut Against Karo Parisyan on July 25th


(Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the gods? Where’s the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? / Props: CombatLifestyle)

According to a Sherdog report, Bellator has booked a welterweight bout between UFC veterans Phil Baroni and Karo Parisyan for Bellator 122, July 25th at the Pechanga Resort and Casino in Temecula, California. Baroni was allegedly set to make his Bellator debut last month in Atlantic City (“#stilltheman…#swag“), but that appearance never came together.

The New York Bad Ass has been inactive since his gross ankle-injury loss to Nobutatsu Suzuki at OneFC: Rise to Power in May 2013. Meanwhile, Parisyan has already gone 1-1 under the Bellator banner, most recently knocking out Ron Keslar at Bellator 116 in April. As nostalgic stunt-fights go, Baroni vs. Parisyan ranks somewhere between Houston Alexander vs. Vladimir Matyushenko (yuck) and Kimbo Slice vs. James Thomson 2 (yes!). But again, we don’t watch MMA for competitive integrity, do we?

So: “I’m the best eva!” vs. “Do you know who I am, bro?” — a battle of massive egos and inconsistent performances. Who ya got?

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Is Rousey vs. Carano a Circus Fight or a Money Fight?


(It’s the “Betty and Veronica” matchup that fight-fans have wanted for centuries.)

By Brian J. D’Souza

What Henry Ford did for the automobile, Ronda Rousey has done for women’s MMA (WMMA), popularizing the sport for mass audiences. Furthermore, Rousey was ranked #29 on the Maxim Hot 100—something Henry Ford never achieved. And Rousey’s stock may be on the upswing with a superfight on the horizon against Gina Carano.

UFC president Dana White continues to affirm that the UFC is negotiating for the services of the original “face of women’s MMA,” Strikeforce and EliteXC veteran Gina Carano:

“[Carano’s] lawyers and our lawyers are talking. It’s moving along. It should [happen],” White said at a UFC 174 pre-fight media scrum.

Between 2006 to 2009, Carano racked up a 7-1 record in MMA, losing only to Cristiane Justino (formerly known as Cris Cyborg). Former Strikeforce featherweight champion Justino poses a much more credible threat to Rousey than Carano ever will. However, it’s Carano’s appeal as a pin-up girl rather than her acumen as a fighter that has the UFC scrambling to reach a deal with Gina Carano’s lawyers.

As Dana White tells it, Carano’s representation is playing hardball. “This guy is a Hollywood lawyer and these guys are always a pain in the ass to deal with,” White said. “The shit that he calls back and says everyday is literally comical.”

Even though Carano is coming off a loss and has been inactive for five years, if a deal with the UFC is reached, she’ll be expected to challenge for the bantamweight strap in her very first UFC fight. That might seem counterintuitive, but Carano is perishable goods likely to have her value spoiled by a loss to a lesser-known fighter.

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Photo: *This* Is Why Tim Sylvia Hasn’t Re-Signed With the UFC


(“Hey man, I loved you in those Jackass movies. Now who is this Tim Sylvia guy you’ve got all these pictures of?”)

If Tim Sylvia’s Twitter feed is to be believed, the former UFC heavyweight champion is still chasing his dream of getting another fight with his former promotion, no doubt fueled by Andrei Arlovski‘s (subpar) performance at UFC 174 last weekend. He’s been tweeting up a storm, quite honestly, and even retweeting jokes being made at his expense simply because they contained his name and “ufc” in the same thought. He’s also been posting a lot of street fight and “Bully Gets Owned” videos, which is pretty neat in our opinion.

If this photo posted to Sylvia’s Twitter just two days ago is to be believed, however, it would appear that Sylvia has already achieved and surpassed his *other* dream of consuming an entire Chuck E. Cheese’s restaurant, brick, mortar and all. Or maybe morphing into a Kodiak grizzly bear. Either way, a congrats is in order to the man formerly known as “Fatty Boom-Boom“ and soon to be known as the poster child for adult onset diabetes. But unless the UFC (or Bellator) plans on adding Akebonoweight to their ranks, we don’t see old Timmeh being invited back anytime soon. It’s a damn shame

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Wild Rumor of the Day: Kimbo Slice Is Signing With Bellator


(I only chose this photo to enrage you further. / Props: hiphopnews24-7)

Twitter erupted today with spontaneous, unsubstantiated rumors that Kimbo Slice — yes, the former King of the Web Brawlers and occasional boxer — is in the process of signing with Bellator. Until we hear anything from a reputable source, you should only treat this as wishful thinking from a bored fanbase, like those “CM Punk to UFC” rumors that also made our tongues wag for a week.

All I can say right now is that I hope it happens. Between Bellator’s madcap pay-per-view card and that incredibawful Thompson vs. Prindle promo, Bellator has been establishing itself as North America’s premier destination for high-profile freak show MMA. Why not Kimbo? A Bellator card headlined by Kimbo Slice vs. Rampage Jackson or Kimbo Slice vs. Tito Ortiz (or Slice/Thomson 2 for that matter) would have a damn good shot at out-selling UFC 174, and it would be worth doing it just for that reason. Let’s not get precious with ourselves, okay? Bellator needs stars, and Kimbo is one of the biggest stars in MMA history. YES HE IS YES HE IS SHUT UP. Also:

Damn Saccaro, that is diabolical. And this:

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“Fastest Knockout” Record-Holder Mike Garrett Drops Another Dude in 3.5 Seconds [VIDEO]


(Props: UCMMA)

Three months ago, a fighter named Mike Garrett — or maybe Mike Garret, with one T, although neither name shows up on the Sherdog or MixedMartialArts.com databases — scored a “one-second knockout” for a “world record” that we sort of called bullshit on. Garrett/Garret was back in action at Warrior Challenge 15 in London on Friday, where he KO’d Jimi Animashaun in “3.5 seconds.” (Four seconds, officially.) Watch it above and note the following:

- Garrett starts celebrating before Animashaun even completes his descent to the mat, which is badass, but only adds to our uneasy feeling that these knockouts will eventually be exposed as a publicity stunt.

- “One ahfta de uvva…WAOW.” Love these British commentators.

- I also love how Animashaun is referred to as the “runner-up” in this fight. There are no losers at Warrior Challenge. That’s adorable.

- If you think that insane, half-coherent promoter Dave O’Donnell won’t be handling the post-fight interview, dressed like a mid-level crime boss from a Guy Ritchie film, then brother, you are dead wrong. O’Donnell seems like the kind of dude who would angrily accuse you of “taking the piss” while an expressionless Vinnie Jones stands behind him, holding a pitbull on a chain.

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“Adventures in Ronda Rousey Land” Is The Weirdest/Greatest Fanboy Video of All Time


(I’m just sayin’, Whatever this is > Those “Step Into Our World” posters.)

If there’s one thing we’ve learned about MMA fan art over the years, it’s that more often than not, it takes a turn for the captivating, the hilariously awful, or the just plain creepy. Though no two pieces of MMA art are the same, at the root of them all is usually a highly disturbed, manically-depressed individual crying out for help and/or a pack of UFC trading cards.

Today’s entry, however, is something of an entirely new breed. It’s what some would call “avant-garde”; combining equal parts Transformers cartoon and Tim and Eric sketch with some of the most proficient Microsoft Paint skills ever put on display. It’s goddamn glorious to be completely frank. Tweeted out by Eddie Bravo yesterday, “Adventures in Ronda Rousey Land” is one of the most brilliantly-retarded things you or I will ever see, so do yourself a favor and check it out after the jump.

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UFC 174 Snapchat Contest: The Winners!

In a way, we picked a great event to kick off our semi-recurring Snapchat contests, since most of you spent UFC 174 bored off your asses and looking for a way to pass the time. As promised, we’re giving away packs of Topps’ UFC Knockout 2014 cards to the best three snaps sent to cagepotatomma during the fights…

First place: girafarig, who sent us some amazing illustrations of the night’s winners, laid on top of her own face/body. Damn gurl, you killed it. We’re going to send you two packs of Knockout cards for your efforts. In fact, I’d like to post all of girafarig’s entries before we go any further…

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UFC 174 Update: Brendan Schaub’s Blown-Up Face Wasn’t as Bad as It Looked



(Photos by Anne-Marie Sorvin-USA TODAY Sports, via MMAJunkie)

Brief summary of Brendan Schaub‘s experience at UFC 174 on Saturday: He out-works Andrei Arlovski on the feet and and the ground during one of the least entertaining fights of the year, then somehow loses a decision and leaves the Octagon with his jaw swollen up like Quagmire. On the bright side, doctors will not have to amputate.

Schaub confirmed late Saturday night that he was medically cleared before he left the arena, and his only serious injuries were psychological ones. (Schaub will be sharing his thoughts about the fight on today’s installment of his podcast, so keep an ear out for that.) Meanwhile, Andrei Arlovski isn’t exactly in a celebratory mood either. After the fight, the Pitbull lamented his performance and tried to explain why it was so flat:

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Let’s Talk About Dude Wipes for a Minute (or Several Minutes)


(“Official sponsor of Tyron Woodley at UFC 174 (logo on the ass, of course)” / Photo via DudeProducts.com)

If you missed UFC 174 last night, count yourself lucky. It was a terrible card that saw fans literally flocking out of the arena in droves before the main event–a fight where flyweight champ Demetrious Johnson defended his belt against Ali Bagautinov–even ended.

But there was one saving grace: Dude Wipes.

No, really. Tyron Woodley had an ad for Dude Wipes plastered on his ass (which was intentional placement by Dude Products, makers of Dude Wipes). Within minutes, “Dude Wipes” was trending worldwide on Twitter. What, pray tell, is a Dude Wipe? Here’s the story, according to the founders:

Whether it was some unexpected physical activity or the aftermath of the lunchtime burrito, we realized, as guys, we are destined to smell. Something needed to be done. So on behalf of Dudekind [Editor's note: Ugh] we created The Award Winning Dude Wipes™ to combat stank and put you back on your game wherever or whenever nature calls. 

If you’re still wiping with just toilet paper, you’re a chump and your ass hates you for it. Any red-blooded American knows Dude Wipes™ are something you never leave the crib without.

Dude Products even created some promotional material:

Being the disheveled, grubby, low-minded, basement dwelling neckbeards we are, Dude Wipes sounded right up our alley! We wanted to buy a pack of the dudeliest wipes on Earth and review them for all MMA fans. Alas, after making a perilous trek through Father’s Day traffic to FOUR separate stores, we couldn’t find any (and we weren’t asking a clerk to check for fucking Dude Wipes).

So instead of reviewing them ourselves, we’re going to post reviews from Amazon–both positive and negative.

Let’s start it off with the most glowing reviews…

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