Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

July, 2014

WSOF 11 Results: Gaethje Knocks Out Newell, Fitch Blankets Hallman

WSOF 11 completed the first leg of this weekend’s MMA triple crown–WSOF 11, UFC 175, and then the TUF 19 Finale. By all accounts (including our own), WSOF 11 was a solid MMA event. The pacing was perfect, and (almost) the fights all delivered.

We were lucky enough to watch the card at a postponed 4th of July BBQ (it rained at Castle CagePotato yesterday). Here’s a brief recap of the night’s events:

In the first fight of the night, Cody Bollinger steamrolled over Pablo Alfonso. He submitted him with a rear-naked choke in under three minutes. Not much else to tell.

In the next bout, Melvin Guillard made his triumphant return to MMA. This was Guillard’s first fight since the UFC cut him after his loss to Michael Johnson. He squared off against Gesias Cavalcante and picked him apart. Guillard looked crisp, fast, and accurate. He seemingly had his shit together, which allowed him to put Cavalcante away in the second round via TKO.

The recap for Jon Fitch vs. Dennis Hallman and Nick Newell vs. Justin Gaethje are after the jump.

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Seth vs. Jared: UFC 175 Edition


(Undercard fighter or ESPN personality? – it’s a surprisingly difficult game. Photo courtesy of Stuart Scott’s Twitter.)

CP staff writers Jared Jones and Seth Falvo have a few bones to pick with this weekend’s UFC 175: Weidman vs. Machida card. Mainly, its non-existent advertising, lack of good underdog bets, and blatant bait-and-switch tactics regarding its FS1 prelims. Read along to understand what it’s like to watch two grown-ass men slowly march down the path of insanity.

Al Bundy gifs will reign.

Despite being just one day out from the biggest UFC event of the summer, the hype surrounding this card seems non-existent. Have you even seen an advertisement for this event that didn’t take place during a lesser UFC card? The UFC can’t possibly believe that this is adequate advertising…can they?

SF: Buddy, I haven’t seen a single advertisement for this card, period. What, did you really think I’d be one of the nine people who watched UFC Ultimate Step to This Never Back Down: Live from New Zealand?

As for whether or not this is adequate advertising, you’re missing the point entirely. The public isn’t burnt out from a lack of advertising efforts, they’re burnt out from constant exposure to generic cards composed of completely meaningless fights.

JJ: I already touched on the complete lack of advertising for this card in my UFC 175 fight hype article on Wednesday, so I’ll (try to) be brief. While I’d personally rather see no advertising at all for a UFC event than be repeatedly subjected to the music of Linkin Park, I must admit that the UFC’s decision to not advertise a card with two title fights (two!) is a bit puzzling. I mean, sure, one of them is a Japanese freak show-level squash match, but still, UFC 175 has a lot more to offer from a marketing standpoint than several cards prior.

Honestly, I’m starting to thinking Dana’s barely beneath the surface hatred for MMA fans with discernable taste is starting to affect his business decisions. He’s gone from trying to convince us that every fight is of the same quality, no matter how blatant a lie he must craft, to simply trolling us with his “Fuck You, Take It” understanding of how to advertise his product. “You say no one cares about little flyweights? Beat them over the head with ads. A double title fight card? PULL ALL SPONSORS.”

My point is, the UFC no longer cares about advertising, because they no longer care about the quality of the cards they expect us to pay $60 for. They’re just going to keep doing their thing while reiterating that business is in fact “booming” and barely pausing to consider that their customers might actually be right every now and again. It’s a brilliant business strategy if you’ve never learned a thing about how a business is run.

This has gotten off to a depressing start.

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Uh, Guys, You Might Want to Check Out What TUF 19 Finalist Corey Anderson’s Nickname Is

Ron “H20″ Waterman. Justin “Nsane1″ McCully. Jorge “The Naked Man” Ortiz. Just a few examples of why MMA fighters should never, ever be allowed to give themselves a nickname. And now, the latest and perhaps most tragic entry into the Bad Fighter Nickname Hall of Fame: TUF 19 finalist Corey “Beastin 25/8″ Anderson.

I………………………..I just…………

Beastin 25/8. Beastin 25/8. I’ve said it aloud at least a dozen times already, placing emphasis on a different beat of the phrase each time, and I still haven’t cracked the code. Of all the combinations of all the words and numbers possible, he came up with fucking bee sting 25/8.

How have we allowed this to happen? I mean as, like, a collective species of likeminded individuals. I feel cold and ashamed and confused and cold and also ashamed.

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Tito Ortiz, Tim Sylvia, Jon Jones, and Chael Sonnen Compete on Chopped

By Jared Jones

Four chefs, three courses, only one chance to win! The challenge: Create an unforgettable meal from the mystery items hidden in these baskets before time. runs. out. Our distinguished panel of chefs will critique their work, and one by one, they must face the dreaded chopping block. Who will win the $10,000 prize, and who will be…Chopped? 

Four MMA fighters-turned chefs think they have what it takes to win. Lets meet them. First up, Tito Ortiz…

[*Cue a montage of Ortiz hitting truck tires with a sledgehammer, pointing to business documents that clearly have nothing written on them*]

Tito Ortiz: “My name’s Ito Tortiz. I mean, Tito Ortiz. For years, people have been doubting my ability to compete at the highest level of reality show cooking competitions. But I’m here to prove them all wrong today and show that ‘The People’s Champ’, like no other, cooks like no other.”

Next up, Tim Sylvia…

[*Cue this video*]

Tim Sylvia: (*while eating jelly doughnut*) “I’m a real outside the box thinker when it comes to preparing meals. Just the other day, I filled an old oil barrel with ham hocks and melted cheese. It was a fantastic mid-afternoon snack.”

And then there’s Jon Jones…

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#WeekofDanga Caption Contest: Win a Copy of “In the Blood” on DVD!

Many of you newer readers might not know that, long before I was ever a dumb shit douchebag writer hack here, I was just a dumb shit douchebag commenter. You know, in the pre-Facebook times. The long-long ago, as it’s called. In any case, one of my favorite features of the ‘Tato back in the day was their/our caption contests, which have waned off a bit in recent years. So, being that this is the soon-to-be celebrated annually #WeekofDanga, I figured that I might as well revive an old relic as a way to give back to you, our fiercely-loyal-except-when-you-aren’t readers.

Unfortunately, I don’t have much to offer in the way of MMA memorabilia. I do, however, have an extra copy of In the Blood (read our review here) on DVD collecting dust in my room. It’s still in the plastic and everything. So if it’s a physical copy of the movie in which Gina Carano has her underwear ripped off while handcuffed that you’re seeking, join me after the jump to find out how you can win one fo’ free.

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And Now He’s Retired (Again): Matt Hamill Hangs ‘Em Up Citing “Nagging Injury”


(via Matt’s FaceBook page.)

Sad but foreseeable news today, as TUF 3 alum, UFC star, and inspirational figure Matt Hamill has called it quits on his MMA career for a second and hopefully final time.

The announcement comes after Hamill was forced out of his World Series of Fighting debut at WSOF 11 with a knee injury, and was made via his Facebook page:

First and foremost, I would like to thank my most loyal fans for standing by me throughout my 10 year career with MMA… All good things must come to an end and I am saddened that the time has come for me to hang up my gloves permanently due to a nagging injury that has never healed and has worsened with time. The memories have been good…. 

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Blerg! Jose Aldo Injured, UFC 176 Rematch With Chad Mendes Cancelled


(At least he seems to be taking it…well.)

In a loss that should downgrade the card from a pay-per-view to a free night of fights but undoubtedly won’t, Jose Aldo has been injured and is out of his featherweight title fight rematch with Chad Mendes scheduled for UFC 176.

MMAFighting’s Ariel Helwani broke the bad news on last night’s edition of UFC Tonight, and Dana White confirmed that the fight had been cancelled shortly thereafter. Nova Uniao released a statement as to the severity of Aldo’s injury late last night:

Nova Uniao announced on Wednesday night that Aldo has suffered a shoulder and cervical spine injury after being taken down in training on July 1. According to the release, Aldo started physical therapy Wednesday and won’t be able to train for three weeks, when he will be examined again for the cervical spine injury.

For the time being, it appears that the loss of Aldo-Mendes II will move the co-main event rematch between top middleweights Gegard Mousasi and Ronaldo Souza into the main spot. Not a bad matchup by any means, but take a gander at the rest of the PPV card and ask yourself, “Is this worth $60?”

The answer is of course, f*ck no. Unless the UFC decides to shuffle in a more worthy main event, or at the very minimum, downgrade the price of the PPV. No, *you* sound crazy.

So, on what side of the 200k benchmark do we see this card landing in terms of PPV buys?

-J. Jones

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GamePotato: The 12 Original Super Smash Bros. Characters and Their UFC Fighter Equivalents


(I’d be jealous of those biceps too, Roy.)

By Jared Jones

It is a widely-accepted fact that any MMA fan who discovered the sport circa 2000 A.D did so thanks to the release of Super Smash Bros. on the Nintendo 64. Whether any of us who grew up in the 90′s realize it or not, Smash Bros. is almost solely responsible for our infatuation with mixed martial arts and the modern era boom of the UFC. Smash Bros. is in our DNA, as the Baldfather would put it.

Ye, the similarities between SSB and the UFC run deep, my friends. Both pitted competitors of all shapes and sizes against one another in a tournament-style battle of wills, with the ultimate goal of proving which fighting style could truly defeat the rest. Both have also drawn harsh criticism for being an excessively violent and harmful influence on the fragile minds of our nation’s youth. Super Smash Bros. was released (in Europe) on November 19th, 1999. UFC 23: Ultimate Japan 2 went down on November 19th, 1999. I rest my case.

It was the glaring similarities between Smash Bros and the UFC (along with Ben’s thrilling take on the Buffalo Wild Wing sauces and their fighter equivalents) that ultimately led to the creation of this article. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be to join me in this skull-shatteringly stupid escapade into the world of Super Smash Bros, then tweet at me how much you loved it/hated it with the hashtag #WeekofDanga. Enjoy (or don’t)!

Donkey Kong

Wiki description: “Donkey Kong is one of the most powerful characters in the game, with the downside of being one of the slowest as well.”
UFC Fighter Equivalent: With his freakish proportions and serious KO power in his right hand, DK’s gotta be Antonio Silva, and not just because they stand next to one another on the evolutionary scale.

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UFC 175 Fight Hype: Watch Some Rare Footage of Chris Weidman vs. Ryan Bader at the 2006 NCAA Wrestling Championships


(Glad to see the UFC fired the “Step Into Our World” guy and hired a graphic designer who doesn’t work in crayon.)

On the heels of their worst performing pay-per-view in years (allegedly), it would be almost impossible to deny that the UFC is in dire need of a fresh, unique strategy to market UFC 175: Weidman vs. Machida. Fights themselves just don’t sell anymore, and even though the card is relatively stacked by today’s incredibly low standards, there ain’t no way it’s selling more than 350k buys without some sort of THE SOLDIER vs. THE COLOSSUS-level advertising.

But being the trailblazers that they are, the UFC has actually forgone the cheap appeal to our love of freakshow fights and/or squash matches in regards to UFC 175 and opted for a different angle entirely: Not promoting it at all.

It’s an…interesting move on the UFC’s part, but one that hasn’t exactly given us much to write about (hence, #WeekofDanga). So in order to do the UFC’s job for them and get you hyped for what should be a hell of a fight between Chris Weidman and Lyoto Machida, we’ve scoured the internet (BloodyElbow) and found you a rare video of Weidman’s upset victory over fellow UFC star Ryan Bader in the 2006 NCAA Wrestling Championships quarterfinals. Check it out after the jump.

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Writers Who Became Fighters


(Cream of the Toronto MMA media, clockwise from left: Carlin Bardsley, Karim Zidan, James Lynch, Adam Martin, other Adam Martin, Shawn W. Smith, Randi Lötschberg Lotsberg and Brian J. D’Souza)

By Brian J. D’Souza

We all have that loudmouth friend, co-worker, or family member who dispenses unsolicited opinions that are almost entirely divorced from reality. If we can say anything about mixed martial arts, it’s that the sport attracts the finest armchair expertise from around the globe.

From time to time, the journalists who cover the sport can misinterpret a situation due to lack of experience, as happened between MMAFighting.com’s Ariel Helwani and then-UFC bantamweight champion Dominic Cruz in May 2012:

Ariel Helwani: “Dominic, it’s good to see you. We’re 24 hours removed from the Ultimate Fighter’s final episode. First things first, though—I see you running around here, I see you going up and down the stairs, or even on a platform—are you really injured?”

Dominic Cruz: (laughs) “With one leg, or two, it wouldn’t really make a difference to handle you, Ariel.”

Athletes in combat sports are particularly sensitive to what people say about their fights. In response to scathing criticism from commentators during his fight with Alfonso Sanchez, boxer Micky Ward said “You get in there and try it.”

Yet there are MMA journalists, writers, and authors who threw themselves into the fire by having boxing, kickboxing or MMA bouts. Just last month, I watched MMAOddsbreaker.com’s Adam Martin slog through three grueling rounds in a muay thai smoker.

It got me thinking about the age-old debate about writing from personal experience—does competing in combat sports make you a better writer, or does it just give individuals a bigger superiority complex?

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