Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

November, 2014

Alexander Emelianenko Got Engaged! While in Jail! Awaiting Trial!! For Sexual Assault!!1!


(He’ll fight for my love AND he bakes! *swoon*)

Love is…strange, Nation. It requires trust, understanding, patience, and occasionally, the willingness to look a convicted sex offender in the eyes and say “I do” from behind the bars of a Russian prison.

What? Haven’t you heard? Alexander Emelianenko — the very same who is currently awaiting trial for the sexual assault of a 27 year-old woman – recently got engaged to a living, breathing woman named Pauline, reports MMABoxing.ru. Break out the streamers! Fire up the band! Just make sure you tell them to keep it down!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Oh, that just means that he’s prison engaged, if you know what I’m saying.” First off, don’t nudge me, and secondly, you’re wrong. According to BloodyElbow, “Emelianenko, through the request of his lawyer, got permission to marry inside the detention center. It also appears that it was his fiancé, Pauline, who proposed.”

So there you have it. Alexander Emelianenko is engaged to be married. And I have no one.

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Holly Holm Withdraws From UFC 181 Due to Undisclosed Injury [UPDATED]


(Photo via HollyHolm.com)

Holly Holm‘s highly anticipated UFC debut will have to wait a little longer, as the undefeated bantamweight has withdrawn from her UFC 181 bout against 4-4 journeywoman Raquel Pennington, due to an undisclosed injury*. MMAbyneko.com.br (?) was the first to report the news, which has been confirmed by MMAFighting’s Ariel Helwani.

Holm’s injury is a setback for the UFC bantamweight division, as she was being groomed as a potential threat to untouchable champion Ronda Rousey. There is no current timetable for Holm’s return. The former boxing champion has been inactive from MMA competition since April, due to a broken arm suffered in her last fight.

In retrospect, it’s kind of a crazy that Holm was booked to fight Pennington in the first place. Anyway, UFC 181: Hendricks vs. Lawler 2 goes down December 6th in Las Vegas, and still features a bunch of good fights. For now, at least…

*Update: According to an MMAJunkie report, Holm has suffered a neck injury. MMAjunkie’s source said the injury is “serious” but could not provide further details.

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Tecia Torres Outpoints Bec Hyatt, Advances to TUF 20 Quarterfinals [VIDEO]


(Props: The Ultimate Fighter)

After losing an upset decision to Randa Markos on episode 1, Tecia Torres was brought back into the TUF 20 bracket as an injury replacement for Justine Kish — and the Tiny Tornado made the most of her opportunity. Check out these video highlights from Torres’s win against “Rowdy” Bec Rawlings on last night’s episode. Rawlings did her best to make it a competitive brawl, but Torres earned a unanimous decision after two rounds thanks to her trademark aggressive striking.

Despite the fact that she began the season on Team Melendez, Torres was technically fighting for Team Pettis in her role as an injury fill-in. And so, Team Pettis dominates the round-of-16 by a final score of 7-1. Damn, Gilbert…even Rampage did better than that.

And then there were eight. Follow us after the jump for the updated TUF 20 quarterfinal bracket, and a video of the matchups being announced. Rose Namajunas vs. Joanne Calderwood should be nasty.

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Antonio Silva vs. Frank Mir Booked for UFC 184, Miesha Tate vs. Sara McMann a Go for UFC 183


(#ForaWin. Via Mir’s Instagram.)

According to a report on Wednesday’s edition of UFC Tonight, heavyweight staples Frank Mir and Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva have been booked to throw down at UFC 184: Weidman vs. Belfort in Los Angeles.

In a previous, less saturated era of the UFC, this fight would likely be considered one of the “do-or-die” nature for both guys, who have been struggling as of late to put it lightly. Since breaking Big Nog’s arm back in December of 2011, Mir has fallen on a rather tough-to-watch 0-4 skid, which has included TKO losses to Junior Dos Santos and Josh Barnett and decision losses to Daniel Cormier and Alistair Overeem. Despite this, the former champion is somehow still ranked #13, which should really tell you something about the depth of the heavyweight division right now.

Silva, on the other hand, has been run over by Cain Velasquez, busted for elevated testosterone, and hammerfisted into oblivion by Andrei Arlovski in his past three appearances. So yeah, both guys could use a win, but a loss a won’t likely result in either of them being let go. But what do you think, Nation, does Mir still have enough in the tank to avoid the dreaded 0-5 stretch (a.k.a The Cantwell)?

In other fight booking news…

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Justin Gaethje vs. Melvin Guillard: Previewing This Weekend’s Most Barnburningest, Slugfestiest Matchup of Them All


(Photo via World Series of Fighting.)

Forget Ortiz vs. Bonnar. Forget Werdum vs. Hunt (lol jk). Justin Gaethje vs. Melvin Guillard is going down at WSOF 15 this weekend with the lightweight championship on the line and promises to be the most knock-down, drag-out, didyouseethatbro barnburner of them all. Both fighters have become well known for their relentless aggression and knockout power, and both have promised to put a serious hurtin’ on the other, so what else do you need to get excited for this fight, you buncha nerds?

“How about a few of their recent fight videos accompanied by some base-level insight and a noncommittal prediction, Danga?”

Well, YOU FUCKIN’ GOT IT. Here…we…GO!

The Challenger


(Sorry for the quality, but the original got pulled. GEE I WONDER WHY.)

Look, you already know who Melvin Guillard is, how he fights, which one-hit wonder he fashioned his look after, etc. Gaethje vs. Guillard is one of those rare matchups where the challenger is actually more of a household name than the champion — like Weidman vs. Belfort or Martinez vs. Zimmer. This fact has not been lost on Guillard, who recently told MMAMania that he is “an A-list fighter, fighting in the B-league” and that Gaethje is “nowhere near his level.”

While it’s evident that humility (and submission defense) cannot be found among Guillard’s many great qualities, a few things that *can* be found among them are a lightning fast jab, a murderous left hook, and at the risk of sounding racist, explosive athleticism. Simply put, when Guillard is having an on night, it’s his ability to get off first that usually leads him to victory. He may be in perpetual search of the highlight reel KO, but Guillard is also a tactician when it comes to how he mixes up his combinations with body shots and leg kicks. Guillard also has great head movement and takedown defense, and it’s his confidence in said takedown defense that allows him to throw from the clinch with reckless abandon, where he has overwhelmed many a fighter with the pure volume of strikes he is willing to throw.

After the jump: Watch Justin Gaethje KTFO some dudes.

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Dan Henderson vs. Gegard Mousasi Set for UFC on FOX 14 Co-Headliner, January 24th in Sweden


(I suppose could try to come up with another funny caption to a Dan Henderson photo, but I’ll never top this one, so what’s the point? / Photo via Getty)

Alright…maybe UFC on FOX 14: Gustafsson vs. Johnson will be stadium-worthy after all. The UFC has announced that the January 24th event in Stockholm will be co-headlined by a middleweight bout between 44-year-old MMA legend Dan Henderson and 29-year-old veteran Gegard Mousasi. Somebody is going to get destroyed here, and it will most likely be Henderson. But I don’t judge people for their life choices like some people I know.

Henderson vs. Mousasi will mark Hendo’s first appearance at 185 pounds since his decision loss to Jake Shields at Strikeforce: Nashville waaaaay back in April 2010. Since returning to the UFC in 2011, Henderson has gone 2-4, with both of his wins coming against Mauricio “Shogun” Rua. He most recently got flung around like a damn child by Daniel Cormier at UFC 173 in May — which was Henderson’s first fight off of testosterone replacement therapy, by the way.

Mousasi is 2-2 under the UFC banner, and most recently got guillotine choked by Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza in the main event of UFC Fight Night 50 in September. Nevertheless, Sassy should come in as a strong favorite here. But all it takes is one well-timed H-bomb, right? Right? Please God, don’t let Dan Henderson’s retirement fight be in Stockholm. There’s something perversely un-American about that.

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Damn, Scott Coker & Co. Are Really Pulling Out All the Stops to Promote Bellator 131

In the MMA marketing game, the list of tactics used to promote a fight card goes something like this:

1. Bring in a recently disgraced legend from your more popular rival promotion to play skeeball/sign autographs.

2. Everything else.

Unfortunately for Bellator, option 1 is no longer on the table, as Wanderlei Silva has been contractually cock-blocked from appearing at their Dave & Busters party this Friday. So with their backs against the wall, Scott Coker’s crack team of ad execs have been forced to reach deep into their idea banks to promote this weekend’s Bellator 131 card. The results have been nothing short of hilarious — like something Jackie Moon would come up with if he was stuck in a creative slump.

Bellator kicked things off in style last night with (what I can only assume was) their first “Taco Tuesday” event, hosted at Dave & Busters and MC’ed by Bellator colorman Jimmy Smith — who I absolutely refuse to talk trash about because he seems awesome. If you hadn’t guessed, “Taco Tuesday” pitted 10 or so diehard MMA fans against one another in a taco-eating competition, with the winner earning a ticket to Bellator 131. And right now, AS WE SPEAK, the promotion is hosting a scavenger hunt across San Diego for, you guessed it, tickets to Bellator 131.

After the jump: Play-by-play analysis of said scavenger hunt (not really), and a few of our ideas about how Bellator can promote themselves in the future.

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Alexander Gustafsson vs. Anthony Johnson Confirmed for January 24th UFC on FOX Show in Sweden


(Image via DW’s Instagram)

UFC president Dana White has just confirmed that top light-heavyweight contenders Alexander Gustafsson and Anthony Johnson will fight at a Jan 24th UFC on FOX event at the Tele2 Arena in Stockholm, Sweden. It is likely that this fight will serve as the headliner. If our math is correct, this is UFC on FOX 14 we’re talking about.

Gustafsson has been resting since his second-round TKO of Jimi Manuwa in March, which followed his Fight of the Year title bout loss to Jon Jones last September. “The Mauler” briefly considered skipping this bout and waiting for a title shot, but decided to take another fight while Jon Jones vs. Daniel Cormier gets sorted out. Anthony Johnson is 2-0 since returning to the UFC last year as a light-heavyweight, and was recently taken off an indefinite suspension related to domestic abuse allegations.

The UFC’s three previous Sweden events have all taken place at the 16,000-seat capacity Ericsson Globe Arena in Stockholm. The Tele2 is a multi-purpose stadium with a capacity of 30,000 and above. It seems like the UFC is hoping to break European attendance records with this show — which is interesting, because the attendance figures of the aforementioned Stockholm cards have steadily decreased, from a high of 15,428 fans at UFC on FUEL TV 2: Gustafsson vs Silva in April 2012, to 14,506 for Mousasi vs. Latifi in April 2013, to a mere 10,026 for Nelson vs. Story last month. Of course, getting Gustafsson back in a big fight will make for a great local draw. But can he pack an actual stadium? We’re about to find out.

Update: The UFC on FOX 14 main card will start at 8 p.m. ET, which is 2 a.m. local time in Stockholm. But I hear that Swedes love to spend all night in soccer stadiums. It’s definitely something that they do.

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Update: Wanderlei Silva Contractually Cock-Blocked From Appearing at Dave & Buster’s Bellator Party


(Damn. Bellator spent $14.99 on those generic-ass MMA gloves for nothing? / Props: @zprophet_mma)

I know, I know — you were really looking forward to sharing some chicken tenders with MMA legend Wanderlei Silva at the San Diego Dave & Buster’s this Friday, and nod your head in agreement/confusion as he rants about the playboy promoters in business class. Well that’s not going to happen. Bellator announced yesterday that Silva will not be a part of the Dave & Buster’s fan event or any of the Bellator 131 pre-promotion festivities, “due to prior contractual obligations.” MMAJunkie adds:

According to a source close to the promotion, who spoke to MMAjunkie on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss the matter publicly, Bellator agreed to not utilize the former PRIDE champ and recently retired fighter when informed that he was still under contract with the UFC…

Late this past month, a UFC official told MMAjunkie that Silva remains under contract despite a rumored fight with Phil Baroni in Japan on New Year’s Eve. Typically, a fighter’s contract with the industry-leader is frozen, but not dissolved, in the event they retire.”

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ESPN Hires Chael Sonnen as MMA Analyst; Bad Guy’s New Gig Starts This Friday


(The American Gangster…The Bad Guy…The Stephen A. Smith of cage-fighting?)

Man, talk about failing upward. Four months after being fired from his FOX Sports commentary gig in the wake of two high-profile drug test failures, former UFC middleweight contender Chael Sonnen has gotten a new broadcast job at a much more prominent sports network. The Associated Press broke the news today that Sonnen has been hired by ESPN as an MMA analyst, and will make his debut this Friday during ESPN’s coverage of UFC 180. That’s right folks, Uncle Chael will now be slingin’ hot takes on the Worldwide Leader. This man is goddamned bulletproof.

“We know Chael has made some mistakes in the past,” ESPN senior coordinating producer Glenn Jacobs told the AP. “He’s been honest. He’s been up-front about it. He has paid for the mistakes that he has made, and he’s moving forward…The insights that he has on the sport and the ways he sees it, our fans are going to be so much better from watching him on the air. They’re going to be able to watch the fight and look for totally different things than they would have otherwise.”

Sonnen expressed gratitude for the opportunity, and made it clear that he wouldn’t sweep his own past under the rug, or minimize the issue of PEDs in the sport:

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