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The 25 Weirdest MMA-Related Ads on Craigslist


(Matt Hammill, when will you ever learn?)

Besides being a useful resource for hawking your old furniture and buying (likely stolen) used video game consoles, Craigslist is known as a portal for freaks looking to fulfill their bizarre fantasies with perfect strangers.

It turns out that the site also has a strong contingency of MMA fans who use the online service to solicit training partners, pay-per-view watching buddies and much, much worse.

We took on the painstaking, and extremely disturbing (seriously…some boxes can’t be unopened…) task of searching through countless personal ads using combinations of the names of promotions, submissions and fighting disciplines as keywords to come up with our list of the 25 strangest ads we could before having to tap out.

Check out the 25 most eyebrow-raising posts we discovered after the jump:

Basically, the ads can be grouped into a few categories: weird, soliciting sex (which could also have its own subcategory entitled ‘dudes lying about being fighters to solicit sex’), soliciting gay sex, and gay dudes claiming they are straight soliciting gay sex.

WEIRD:


Is Eddie Bravo in town for a seminar?


Apparently HD is the clincher with most Jersey Shore types…

ATTN: Cris Santos. Please respond to this ad.

Attention: Cris Santos. Please respond to this ad.


Seriously? What the hell is wrong with the human race?

———-

SOLICITING SEX:


Can someone who speaks Diaz please translate?


He has butterflies he’d like to loan you? Seriously?


No fakes, huh? Does that include you?


I bet the money is rolling in. Amateurs with less than a handful of fights make at least $500 per bout.


I guess the “I’m an MMA fighter” schtick didn’t work on its own.


WOW! A model, a Marine and an MMA fighter. It’s no wonder you don’t have time to actually go out and meet chicks outside of Craigslist.


By “ex-military,” do you mean boy scouts?


He’s “a MMA fighter.” Come on girls. Go out with this guy.

———-

SOLICITING GAY SEX:


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Something about a guy using the word “discreet” in a want ad for a training partner just doesn’t sit well — that and the fact that he makes a point of saying he’s cool with bi and gay dudes applying, like it really matters.


Huh? Hopefully a guy like Wand doesn’t apply to this one thinking it’s just some dude looking to train.


A BJ? Does that mean he’s going to bring his mom over?


That fighters union is looking pretty good now, huh Dana?


Cutting right to the chase.


I guess the open approach above didn’t get him many bites.


Forget playing the “I’m an MMA fighter” card. This dude jumped right to the “I have terminal cancer” sympathy card when his first two ads didn’t work.


Fight for top of what? And what kind of “stats” are you talking about?

———-

GAY, BUT IN DENIAL:


There’s a name for what you’re advertising. It’s called free S&M.



AND THE MOST DISTURBING MMA FAN IS….


I am not impressed by your denial.

Comments

  1. ArmFarmer Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 12:03


    After about the 5th "I'm an mma fighter, I'm this tall and this old, I have a nice body, hit me up if you want to hang out" and "I'm a female mma fighter looking for someone to spar with" I threw in the towel. Maybe there are more entertaining ones.. but I'm not willing to risk it after the first few. Maybe the words "top" and "weirdest" should be removed from the title...
  2. Shinglesinmypants Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 12:18


    really hurting for content and decided to use last nights browsing or what. No one wants to read this crap and yes we all know this exists we drive past the bus station all the time. Personally I would be thinking of creating a Top meaningful entrances list. You could make fun of Jon Fitchs perfectly timed rusty cage entrance and breakdown the intensity GSP gains from his French rap. This could last for days but right now I can't think of any as a great reference. Wtf Refresh my memory CP.
  3. ArmFarmer Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 12:19


    Ok I lied I read the rest of them. I was right, they are boring too. Just more of the same, exept that they're gay. There are way way crazier things on craigslist.. these are actually pretty average for cl postings. Just because they have the letters "mma" in them doesn't really make them worthy of posting on a website.
  4. ghostboner Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 12:20


    Ummmmmm.... WTF? Can we get like some kind of registry for these people, cause with the New Year's rush at my gym, I need to know who is there for the B two J's and who is there for the B one J nawmsawin?
  5. GILL-uh-TEEN Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 12:23


    I liked the idea, but I agree with ArmFarmer. I can't help but think that Chad, BG or MRuss 'stumbled' on these posts and showed the other two while emphatically qualifying with 'A friend showed me this post' or 'I'm not gay, but...' I'm sure whoever it was had some explaining to do...
  6. El Guapo Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 12:42


    One of those has to be either Purpledickface or the guy who talks like "yo youz guyz don't no nothin about da fights otha than two guyz wrasslin".. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
  7. cecils_pupils Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 12:48


    Me: Alpha MMAle seeking beta feMMAle for fun, freakishly good sex, and possible training partnership. Aggressive and dominant MMAnly type looking for someone to sooth me with her feMMAnine charms. You: Must be in good physical condition, flexible, and willing to be spit on when necessary. Also must be willing to be rape-choked during sex and interested in learning how to perform proper bjj's.
  8. hooligun Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 12:49


    i really regret reading any of that shit, thanks asshole.
  9. Cock_Chestnar Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 12:52


    be honest, these came from Sherdogs forum didnt they?
  10. RwilsonR Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 01:00


    I should've stopped once you said "some boxes can't be unopened." I'm not going to bother with any of that, 'not that there's anything wrong with that' bullshit! There is someting seriously wrong with some of this shit.
  11. El Guapo Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 01:06


    BWAHAHAHAH @ Wilson It should've read "not that there's anything wrong with that, if that's what you like. I personally am an EXIT ONLY kinda guy who loves me some vagina, but that's just me. Whatever floats your boat, as long as I ain't a passenger."
  12. RSparrow Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 01:15


    "While we jerk, we can talk about banging chics, we can compare cock sizes, maybe do some cum shooting contest and things like that" FOR THE MOTHER FUCKING WIN!!! Find that guy and give him a T-shirt
  13. Waldizzle Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 01:56


    So many haters posting above - definitely got a laugh out of me for sure.
  14. agentsmith Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 02:00


    From the first one: "We are looking for nice young sexy DDD couple." DDD = "deaf, dumb, & dirty"?
  15. Tai-Pan Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 02:16


    Four posts and yet you still have not explained the last ad ArmFarmer...? @CP I thought it was good for a laugh.
  16. El Guapo Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 02:21


    M4W Me: You get nAthing but penetrAtion. You: Unless it smells like sanitAtion. Capable of making a mean sammich
  17. DARKHORSE06 Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 02:35


    @ agentsmith - I was wondering the same thing. Maybe a "double dose of dicks?" or some other homo shit. I wonder which one Ken Shamrock wrote.
  18. KarmaAteMyCat Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 02:56


    This shit was Hilarious.
  19. danomite Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 03:01


    I don't know what everyone's complaining about. I live near Raleigh and thanks to this article I was able to get a massage, my lawn mowed, and my dick sucked. Thanks CP!
  20. AndyInflammatory Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 03:12


    I'M A FIGHTER ALWAYS HAVE BEEN ALWAYS WILL BE
  21. DangadaDang Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 03:53


    Hmmmmm....*condescending stare*
  22. Ryan Meleedy Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 04:16


    did anyone else notice that about 4 dif posts had the same phone number with a diff name and add? go back and look. some of the numbers are spelled out, and like 3 of them are the same dude posting under a different name LOL
  23. Viva Hate Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 04:56


    Sorry to break it to the dude who posted the last ad but jerking off with another guy, cum shooting contests, and sword fights are all gay and by gay I mean dick in a man ass, homosexual anal butt loving gay.
  24. Darkside Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 05:17


    "Call me Armfarmer and tell me I have the comment of the week" Pure gold!
  25. StinkFacer Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 05:22


    ....and I am disturbed. Buddy with terminal cancer must *love* getting his prostrate checked. yeah....and that last post..... No, my friend, see that is actually the DEFINITION of being gay. If you were any gayer, we'd be able to trace the infection source of HIV directly to your doorstep....which im sure has a rainbow place mat and a dick shaped doorknob.
  26. budsellers Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 06:15


    wait that last one said call me armfarmer and tell me i have comment of the week. armfarmer was the first post and said he did not read them. then he said he read them and point out his own craigslist ad as odd. is somebody messing with armfarmer or is armfarmer messing with us?
  27. fatbellyfrank Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 06:33


    Danomite for the win so far, and apart from the last ad, nothing weirder than you get in the classifieds of a cuppla our daily rags down here, and as for the last post, dude, face facts, you want to blow that meat whistle loud n proud
  28. Ballkick Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 07:44


    danomite for the win,....that was some funny shit.
  29. Marteeny Says:

    Mon, 01/17/11 - 10:34


    @ Budsellers He kept baiting and baiting, but nobody seemed to care. He is obviously in on it. He was the first comment, and in that first comment he happens to mention that he didn't read until the end.
  30. RSparrow Says:

    Tue, 01/18/11 - 05:57


    As long as we're talking about banging chics the whole time.
  31. ArmFarmer Says:

    Tue, 01/18/11 - 06:14


    Of course, I mean unless you want to talk about something else... nothing gay though.. I mean unless that's your thing, I guses I could humor you...
  32. ArmFarmer Says:

    Tue, 01/18/11 - 06:15


    no homo
  33. ArmFarmer Says:

    Tue, 01/18/11 - 06:22


    I once saw a criagslist ad of a guy looking for a partner for his halloween costume. He wanted to be chewbacca and he was searching for a parapalegic that he could dress up as C3PO and strap to his back.. like from the scenes in clowd city where 3PO had his arms and legs blown off. That is a fucking strange cl posting.. even for cl. Guys bragging about their bodies and trolling for pussy and gay blowjobs.. go to craigslist and try NOT to find a post like that.
  34. ArmFarmer Says:

    Tue, 01/18/11 - 06:24


    Only like 4 of these postings are "wierd". People going on a website designed for finding relationships.. to try to find a relationship.. is not wierd. Someone should tell the author that it's 2011 and it's not wierd to be gay anymore either. I'm not one to stick up for the fags, but being gay isn't a big deal or anything. I'm totally straight, just sayin.
  35. ArmFarmer Says:

    Tue, 01/18/11 - 06:25


    fuck you guys...
  36. ArmFarmer Says:

    Tue, 01/18/11 - 06:25


    What the FUCK cp. This is godamn slander, if you don't edit that post I will be pressing charges. That is FUCKED UP.. Montreal?? I AM NOT Canadian! So.. anybody down for a distance competition or what.... I'm not gay you guys, just competitive.
  37. ArmFarmer Says:

    Tue, 01/18/11 - 06:36


    Cp, I appreciate you removing my screen name from that last post, but that wasn't really what I wanted. I just wanted you to remove "Montreal" and replace it with the correct location. Just taking my name out of it protects my image as no one will think I'm canadian, but I was hoping to make some friends here so can you please put it back and just change "montreal" to "northern virginia"? Thanks
  38. More Weird MMA-Related Craigslist Ads | UFC NEWS Says:

    Tue, 03/20/12 - 01:59


    [...] been tough to top our wildly popular and extensive original compilation of the 25 weirdest MMA-related ads on Craigslist, so instead we’re going to regularly take one [...]
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