(“And for my next impression, I give you a fish taking a shit.” via The New York Post.)

While we here at Castle CagePotato have been in full blown crisis mode these past few days, there has actually been a lot going on in the MMA world worth talking about. Go figure, right? Most notably, perhaps, is that NY State Assembly and supervillian of MMA, Sheldon Silver, was arrested on corruption charges related to accepting millions of dollars in undisclosed income from an NYC lawfirm. And because I gave you my word that I’d start publishing you Taters if you wrote in, after the jump is one such hot taek on Silver’s arrest, via CP reader Mike Reilly. Enjoy!

(It’s more “Save” than “Free” now, but the message is still relevant.)

By Jared Jones

Good morning, Nation.

If you’ve visited CagePotato within the past few days, you’ve likely read my inspiring and totally original war speech which triumphantly declared that we will not be be going quietly into the night, nor will we be vanishing without a fight, and so on and so forth. You were likely moved to tears by this heartrending and undeniably epic rally cry, and most certainly hugged your loved ones a little tighter before tucking them into bed, reminding them to never, ever take anything in life for granted.

And while I wasn’t technically wrong in declaring that CP’s flame will forever burn, it turns out that my soaring call to arms might have been a bit, presumptuous…

(Alexander Gustafsson, Anthony Johnson, and DMX in the camouflage, ready to ask some hard-hitting questions./Photo via Getty)

The UFC showcase on FOX returns tonight for its 14th installment, featuring a huge light heavyweight title eliminator on deck. Alexander Gustafsson will be looking to book his rematch against Jon Jones, as he dukes it out against rising contender Anthony Johnson in the five-round main event inside Tele2 Arena in Stockholm, Sweden. The winner of this bout will most likely square off against the champion later this year.

In the co-main event, Dan Henderson will try to prove he’s not way over the hill like most of us think he is, as he faces Gegard Mousasi. Both combatants are coming off submission losses, looking to storm back into the win column. Also on the card, Phil Davis battles Ryan Bader, and kicking off the FOX action will be Akira Corassani vs. Sam Sicilia.

By Jared Jones 

Good morning, Nation.

Understandably, the unexpected and immensely saddening departure of Ben Goldstein from CagePotato has led to rampant speculation that we might be closing our doors for good. And to be honest, that very well might be the case. Maybe not today, maybe not a couple weeks from now, but suffice it to say, the loss of BG from the site he built from the ground up — a site that has endlessly entertained hundreds of thousands of tens of dozens of us for over 7 years — hit hard here at Castle Cagepotato. A lot is up in the air right now regarding our future, and I wish I had more answers to put your minds at ease (and also mine, because you know, I kind of work here).

But if this really is the end, what a shame it would be. In a media landscape that so often seems content with blind obedience, CagePotato has served as one of the few voices of dissent — and dare I say it, reason — throughout the years. And while it’s true that we may take that dissent a little far at times, we do so only out of a genuine love for the inspiring, depressing, overly-serious, and routinely absurd sport that is mixed martial arts, and the hope that it may one day become the global juggernaut it aims to be. Like any other sport, MMA needs to be kept in check and called on its bullshit in order to truly progress, and the loss of guys like BG seems to indicate that fewer and fewer people are willing to heed that call.

I’ve been a writer at CagePotato for over three years. Before that, I was a commenter — a lone member in CP’s then-bustling community of sarcastic a-holes and bitter trolls. Ben offered me a shot at the big mid time directly out of college, and I’ve been dealing with a near constant barrage of angry readers and angrier tweeters ever since. I’ve loved every last second of it (even skeletor), so believe me when I say that I have a lot invested in what CP has become, and what it will be moving forward.

But it’s like I said, I don’t have all (or any) of the answers right now. What I do know is that as it stands, myself, Mike Fagan, and Alex Giardini will continue to steer this ghost ship into its uncertain future. We may never be able to replicate what CagePotato was like during the Goldstein Era™, and truthfully, we probably won’t even try to. Ben’s voice was as unique and intuitive as any in the sport, and any attempt to replicate that voice would only draw unflattering comparisons to the genuine article.

What we are going to do, however, is rise from the ashes like the mightiest, most triumphant goddamn Phoenix you’ve ever seen. Like we did when Old Dad left. Like we did when we nearly shut down by the UFC that one time and also that other time. Like we’ve done time and time again. We were quoted by the goddamn New Yorker, goddammit, and I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to let this place go out without a goddamn fight. This means branching out. Trying new ideas. Crafting unique, hard-hitting, and consistently humorous content. And most importantly, it means collaborating with the true voice of CagePotato: You, the readers.

This is a call to arms, Potato Nation. We need your support, your input now more than ever. Do you have a story pitch, a potential lead, or a half-brained idea in need of development? Contact us. Contact me. I promise, I will do my absolute best to hear out every last one of you. And as long as you’re willing to work for free, hell, I’ll even get you published. You gotta start building that fancy writer’s resume somewhere, right?

The point is, we can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist. And should we win the day, the 4th of July 23rd of January will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world CagePotato Army declared in one voice:

“We will not go quietly into the night!
We will not vanish without a fight!
We’re going to live on!
We’re going to survive!”

(Author’s note: Please listen to this song while reading the column below. When it ends, listen to it again.)

By Ben Goldstein

1. I was 26, I had just gotten fired for the first time, and I was scared about making rent in New York without a job. A guy I sort of knew hired me to launch a blog about MMA for a media company based in Los Angeles. It was more money that I was making as a low-level editor for a low-level men’s magazine, and I could do it from home. Seemed like a better plan than unemployment.

2. My God, that was over seven years ago. George W. Bush was president. MMA was “the world’s fastest growing sport.” Everything seemed possible.

3. Running CagePotato was the greatest job I ever had because I could write what I wanted without being edited or censored. Developing a roster of like-minded outlaw-writers was a blast (see list of thank-yous, below), and the job helped me discover talents I didn’t even know I possessed. Plus, working from home meant I never had to use an office bathroom stall next to a co-worker after lunch. Some of you don’t understand what a luxury that is.

4. Running CagePotato was the hardest job I ever had because it was the first time I had genuine responsibility in my professional life. I was judged for my site’s performance, and people depended on me showing up every day. Sometimes, I got yelled at.

(Warrior. Photo via Victor Fraile/Getty Images)

Well, we probably should have seen this coming.

In the media firestorm following his Fight Night 48 drug-testing fiasco and subsequent (but unrelated) class-action lawsuit against the UFC, Cung Le has decided to retire from MMA. Fans of spinning sh*t, pour one out.

In eight years of professional competition, Le collected a 9-3 record that included wins over Rich Franklin, Patrick Cote, and Frank Shamrock — the latter of which earned him the Strikeforce middleweight championship. After rattling off back-to-back wins at the age of 40 in 2012, Le came under fire when he tested positive for HGH following his 4th round TKO loss to Michael Bisping at Fight Night Macau in August. While photos of Le’s suspiciously jacked physique had raised a heap of questions prior to the fight, it was the UFC’s mishandling of his urine sample that raised a ton more.

Seeking to clear his name, Le immediately (and rightfully) challenged the results of his test, which in turn led to his 12-month suspension being lifted due to “lack of evidence.” When the UFC failed to sincerely apologize for dragging his name through the mud, Le asked to be released of his contract before being named as one of the chief plaintiffs in the class-action lawsuit filed against the promotion. Despite this, Le was still listed as a member of the UFC’s active roster until his retirement was announced yesterday.

After the jump: Check out Le’s prepared statement, the UFC’s response, and a brief tribute to some of his most memorable moments in the cage.

Former Bellator/UFC Dave Herman had a less than ideal Martin Luther King Jr. Day, to say the very least. After being spotted with a missing tail light and leading Indiana police on a “3 mile chase” early Monday morning, Herman was tasered, hauled into custody, and slapped with a litany of felony and misdemeanor charges including but not limited to Resisting Law Enforcement and Battery Against Law Enforcement. Oh yeah, and his wife and infant son witnessed the whole thing.

That last part bears mentioning, because as it turns out, Herman’s wife, Madeleine, was recording the majority of the incident with her computer prior to Herman’s arrest. In addition to contesting the report filed again “Pee Wee” yesterday, Madeleine also teamed up with retired Marine, libertarian talk show host, and activist Adam Kokesh to release the video of Herman’s arrest. Suffice it to say, the video paints a slightly different picture of what went down than the police report.

Video after the jump. 

(Mirko, good to see you again, old buddy!! Uh….Mirko?)

Well, it’s official: We have entered the era of the UFC signing UFC washouts.

As first reported by BloodyElbow last night and confirmed by the UFC shortly thereafter, Mirko Cro Cop has once again signed with the UFC. As in 40-year old Mirko Cro Cop. As in 0-3 in his past 3 UFC fights and 3-4 in his past 7 overall Mirko Cro Cop. There aren’t enough TheRockeyeroll gifs on the Internet to do this news justice.

Why, OH WHY did the UFC re-sign Cro Cop, you ask? Out of spite, obviously:

The source says that Bellator MMA had been “very close” to signing Filipovic but that the UFC got wind of the deal and stepped in with a big offer. The source says this was “almost certainly” for no other reason than to keep Filipovic away from Bellator and Spike TV and to deprive Bellator frontman Scott Coker – formerly the head of Strikeforce – ammunition with which to work.

(*exhale*) Where do I begin?

(“You’re a skinny, pencil-necked little…okay, I give up! I GIVE UP!!”)

If the name Joseph Duffy sounds familiar to you, it’s not just because you’ve spent more than 5 minutes in South Boston. No, Joseph Duffy Shaughnessy O’Hoolihan (actual full name) is actually an Irish-born MMA fighter with an impressive 12-1 record who was recently signed by the UFC, and not that this had anything to do with it, but he’s also the last man to defeat Conor McGregor.

Following his vicious first round KO via knee over Julien Boussuge at Cage Warriors 74, Duffy signed a multi-fight deal with the UFC in December. Although we have yet to confirm whether or not the deal included the Ferrari race down Sunset Blvd. clause that comes standard with the signing of *all* Irish fighters, UFC officials announced earlier today that Duffy’s first bout has been booked.

“Irish Joe” will face “Vabulous” Vagner Rocha (actual nickname) at UFC 185 on March 14, in what may or may not be worthy of a main card slot depending on who drops out due to injury.

(On a scale of Rory Markham to Mayhem Miller, I give it a Thiago Silva.)

As something of a nihilist, I’ve always thought that our species was/is genetically inclined toward chaos and would/will exploit even the smallest opportunity to prove so, be it Black Friday, an extra day off of work, etc. Give us a day off to tackle some home improvement projects and maybe see Selma, and we give back an army of dirt bike riders on the freeway. It’s like what T.S. Eliot said, “This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang *or* a whimper, but with a holiday weekend.”

Case in point: The MMA community over the past few days. Not only did BJ Penn KTFO his amigo over the weekend, but now it is being reported that former Bellator/UFC heavyweight and sayer of dumb things, Dave Herman, was arrested in Indiana on multiple felony charges yesterday following a brief chase with police as well.

Details after the jump.