(“Equality,” as pictured by a lunatic.) 

We can all breath a sigh of relief, Nation, because the necessary persons have officially (thankfully) put an end to this man vs. woman MMA fight nonsense. The matchup, which was announced as part of Friday’s Shooto 45 event earlier this week, was almost immediately reviled by fans across the MMA blogosphere. Maybe because it was asking us to accept common assault as sport, or maybe because the woman, Juliana Velasquez, would be making her professional debut, but for some reason, no one really wanted to see this travesty unfold and further roadblock MMA from legitimization.

Except for Emerson Falcao (a.k.a “the man”), that is, who insists that our sport is destined for an Andy Kaufman-esque fantasyscape in the near future (via MMAFighting):

I was hired to fight, and I’m going there to fight. My job is to train and fight. This is the first of the many man vs. woman fights that will come in the future. You’ll see. This is going to be huge. We’re here to shock the world.

Yes, “shock the world.” Because our fine sport should abide by the philosophy of Marilyn Manson if it ever wants to succeed.

While it was originally being reported that Velasquez vs. Falcao would be taking place tomorrow with a special “No elbows, no knees” stipulation, the Brazilian Mixed Martial Arts Federation stepped in at today’s weigh-ins and cancelled this thing outright. As the CBMMA’s Osiris Maia stated:

(Props: Bobby Razak via r/MMA.)

Chris Weidman and I have a lot in common. We’re both the second of three children, we’re both from New York…OK, so maybe we don’t have a lot in common, but as middle children, we’re both prone to feelings of neglect, isolation, and underappreciation from those closest to us.

They call it Middle Child Syndrome, and it ranks right up there with Restless Leg Syndrome on the list of completely made up afflictions. But where I was lucky enough to grow up with an older brother who would only kick my ass when I rightfully deserved it (Christmas, birthday, bar mitzvah, etc.), it seems that Weidman’s older brother was less a neglectful-yet-guiding figure in his upbringing and more a bitter, sociopathic sicko hell bent on ensuring his misery.

Listening to Weidman recount some of the more horrific beatings he endured at the hands of his brother — which included having a weight thrown at his head, being dropped from a tree and getting stomped by his brother’s friends on “Freshman Friday” — is sickening to say the least. Perhaps even sadder than the fact that many of these beatings ended in Weidman being hospitalized, however, was the following admission:

My brother definitely had a history of beating me up and abusing me. He was a badass dude…If he had your back, you didn’t have to worry about a thing…unfortunately for me, he didn’t have my back a lot growing up. I guess he didn’t like me that much, so he’d beat the crap out of me and made other people beat me up. 

(To answer the question posed by your body language, hellz yeah bro, that is some sick ink. / Photo via Getty)

BloodyElbow gives us the heads up that three notable UFC fighters have had their profiles removed from UFC.com — a sure sign that they’ve recently been released by the promotion. While it’s always sad to see people lose their jobs right before Christmas, you can’t argue that these three didn’t have it coming. So who felt the axe in the latest round of roster-cuts? Let’s begin…

Alessio Sakara: The Italian striker has been a reliable gatekeeper-presence at light-heavyweight and middleweight since his Octagon debut in 2005, earning solid wins against Elvis Sinosic, Joe Vedepo, Thales Leites, and James Irvin. But training injuries began to pile up beginning in 2009, and Sakara also missed fights due to sudden illness and the loss of his father.

In 2011, Sakara kicked off what would become a four-fight losing streak, when he dropped a decision to newcomer (and future middleweight champion) Chris Weidman, who came into the fight as a short notice injury replacement. After that, Sakara was KO’d by Brian Stann, DQ’d due to rabbit-punches in a fight against Patrick Cote, and armbarred by UFC rookie Nicholas Musoke during his most recent appearance at UFC Fight Night 30 in October. That loss dropped Sakara’s overall UFC record to 6-8 with one no-contest.

George Sotiropoulos: After entering the UFC as semi-finalist on TUF 6 in 2007, Sotiropoulos went on an absolute tear, winning seven fights in a row (which earned him a spot on the all-time leaderboard). In 2010, Sotiropoulos defeated Joe Stevenson, Kurt Pellegrino, and Joe Lauzon, making him a legitimate title contender in the lightweight division. But in a stunning reversal of fortune, Sotriopoulos would never win another fight in the UFC.

(Via Google Glass Italy.)

According to a commenter on the Youtube page of this, the first ever Google Glass-filmed MMA fight, “Technology and MMA goes hand in hand.” The man makes a valid point. Would we have ever been treated to such game-changing technological developments as the PRIDE Ref Cam or The Phantom Cam if not for MMA? Probably, but it would have taken at least six more months, and that’s something to celebrate.

Yes, MMA and “technology” do seem to compliment one another, and luckily for us, both were on display last weekend at Impera FC 2. While us American fans have been anxiously waiting for the return of the ref cam ever since its was teased prior to UFC on FOX 4, it seems the Italians were actually able to deliver on the UFC’s promise thanks to the innovative power of Google Glass. But after viewing a snippet of the first-ever GG-filmed fight between Daniele Scatizzi and Enrico Romano, we were left with a ton of questions, such as:

-Does Google Glass automatically add shitty GarageBand soundtracks to your videos, or was that the promotion’s decision?

-Is this the modernized answer to the ref cam that the sport has been begging for, and if so, how long until the UFC adopts it?

(Antonio’s shoe-size is “display only.” / Photo via instagram.com/bigfootsilva)

When Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva caught a nine-month suspension for elevated testosterone following his UFC Fight Night 33 battle against Mark Hunt, he claimed it wasn’t his fault — and we rolled our eyes. It’s hard to give the benefit of the doubt to a fighter who was previously suspended for a year due to a positive steroid test.

But Silva isn’t going quietly into his suspension. As he told MMAFighting’s Guilherme Cruz, Bigfoot plans to sue Brazilian MMA Athletic Commission (CABMMA) medical director Dr. Marcio Tannure, who authorized the veteran heavyweight’s therapeutic usage exemption for TRT, and oversaw his therapy. And if you listen to Silva’s side of the story, he might actually have a case here.

A week before his fight in Australia, Silva received a report from Tannure stating that his testosterone levels were low, and he should continue taking injections on a weekly basis. It seems possible that Tannure was unaware of just how soon Silva’s fight was coming up — but nevertheless, Silva’s followed the doctor’s orders, and it wound up costing him a $50,000 bonus and nine months of his career.

“I just did what they told me to do,” Silva told MMAFighting.com. “I’d never do something different that what the doctor told me to. I looked for a doctor with a good reputation, and he’s the UFC’s doctor in Brazil. I knew I’d be tested before and after the fight. Unfortunately, now I have to find the legal ways to overturn this situation or at least prove I’m not guilty…

“I took a shot at the same day he sent me that e-mail, and he asked me if I had another one to take with me to Australia, to take on fight week,” he said. “He authorized everything. I did exactly as I was informed to do.

(Lookin’ good, Laura! Nice to see the hair finally coming back!)

CagePotato HQ received some incredible news yesterday from our dear friend Laura “angrylittlefeet” Nicholson — who you’ve supported with your cash and kind words during her treatment for Hodgkins Lymphoma this year. Check out the update she sent us (after a celebratory margarita), and show her some love on twitter and Facebook!

********

Hey there my fellow Taters! Many of you have been with me throughout my fight against cancer so I wanted to share the news with you all…

ALF defeats Hodgkins Lymphoma via KTFO rd 3!

I had a PET scan on Tuesday and just got results back and it was good as it could be. All my nodes are fine now and all internal organs are back to normal — no more swelling is present. Just some scar tissue from the lung surgery but that’s to be expected. Now I just go back in 4 months for a follow up scan and if all is still well they cut me loose except for semi annual checkups.

Many thanks to everybody who supported me during this ordeal!

ALF

(“You know what, Steve, I’m not really feeling this fight. Think I’ll just sit out a few plays.” Photo via Getty.)

Fight-booking articles are a dime a dozen. Throw a couple statistics here, a fighter breakdown there, and top it all off with some information about the event and you’ve got yourself a perfectly normal, haiku-length article that you could almost pass off as journalism. And then its back to huffing duster in your grandmother’s basement, desperately and fruitlessly attempting to blind yourself from the hellscape that has become your reality. But at least you don’t have to wear a tie to work! (*laughs, cries into whiskey*)

The point is, there are some matchups you can’t help but elaborate on as a fan of the sport – Woodley vs. Condit, for instance. But there are only so many ways to inform you readers that several lower-level fights have recently been booked on (under)cards you probably won’t even watch, so when all else fails, we resort to the GIF. Let’s get to the fight bookings!

#6 – Brad Scott vs. Claudio Henrique da Silva – Fight Night 37 (March 8, London)

I have no idea who these people are. Ranking: 

(Sonnen, seen here on the day of his alleged surgery. Take it away, James… / Photo via Getty)

From malicious food-poisoning to cracked skulls, MMA fighters have made some mighty questionable post-loss excuses over the years. But noted UFC bullshitter Chael Sonnen has just taken the art of the excuse to bizarre new depths. From a new report on TSN.ca:

UFC fighter Chael Sonnen had several inches of his colon removed during emergency surgery on Nov. 15 — one day before his first-round loss to Rashad Evans at UFC 167. Sonnen confirmed that he had the procedure during a taping of TSN’s Off The Record on Wednesday, after host Michael Landsberg revealed that a source told him about it.

“It’s a little bit of a surprise that you had that information,” replied Sonnen when asked whether he had undergone surgery.

Despite the medical emergency, Sonnen did not withdraw from the scheduled matchup in Las Vegas on Nov. 16 and was defeated in a first-round TKO.

“When I sign a contract to fight, I’m agreeing to fight a guy on a certain day at a certain time and in a certain venue,” he continued. “It’s my job to feel good when I go out and do it and if I don’t that may play a hand in the fight.”

(All the same? Where would someone even *get* such an idea?)

Having logged over 2000 man-hours on GoldenEye for the N64, I can state with confidence that I am something of an expert on Russian culture. For those of you who have not heard of this mythical land, Russia is basically the Florida of Eurasia, a borderline uninhabitable wasteland where only the craziest, meanest, tooth-and-nailiest sonsabitches gather to grow beards and trade fisticuffs. Gaining entrance to Russia requires the exact same right of passage as The Salty Spitoon – no passport is necessary, they just ask you how tough you are and you better have the right goddamn answer.

And the people who actually choose to live there? Stoic, hard-nosed mountain men who chug despair and consume the weak all. Oh, you say you’re celebrating your birthday, 63-year old man? Fuck you, turn down the music or I break your face. These are a people who willingly eat lampreys. Lampreys, you guys.

Having spent a lot of (virtual) time in Russia, I have grown accustomed to the stereotypical light in which Russians are oft regarded by outsiders (*ahem*). So when I found out that Rafael Dos Anjos had only agreed to fight Rustam Khabilov at UFC 170 because he thought Khabilov was the UFC’s other Russian, Khabib Nurmagomedov, I was as outraged as you would imagine.

But that’s what happened, at least according to the Brazilian’s recent interview with Globo:

(Yeah, and…?)

As some promoters would have you believe, UFC 168: Silva vs. Weidman 2 is the biggest event in UFC history. It’s so stacked, in fact, that some unnamed executives at Zuffa decided to raise the price of the card $5, in a one-time-only mini-gouge. (Dana White’s explanation for this? “Cuz.” Ladies and gentlemen, your UFC president.)

The price bump carries the implication that UFC 168 is not just a great pay-per-view event, it’s more valuable than every single UFC show that came before it. But is it? Let’s take a quick look at the pay-per-view lineup — i.e., the five fights they’re asking you to pay for:

Chris Weidman vs. Anderson Silva (for UFC middleweight title)
Ronda Rousey vs. Miesha Tate (for women’s bantamweight title)
Josh Barnett vs. Travis Browne (HW)
Jim Miller vs. Fabricio Camoes (LW)
Dustin Poirier vs. Diego Brandao (FW)

To me, we’re talking about three big fights. The shocking ending of Silva vs. Weidman 1 gives their rematch a great narrative (horrible marketing aside), and it’s safe to say that most UFC fans are curious to see how the sequel will turn out. Rousey vs. Tate is compelling simply because all Ronda Rousey appearances are compelling, but there’s nothing to suggest that her second meeting with Miesha won’t end in another first-round armbar. And Barnett vs. Browne? Yep, I’m on board for that.

Beyond that, we have two solid contender fights that you could find on any other UFC main card. This kind of arrangement would place UFC 168 in line with past mega-shows like UFC 92 and UFC 100, which also followed the “two huge fights, one really good fight, two pretty decent fights” format. The difference is, the UFC never tried to jack up the prices of those shows, and there’s a reason for that. In 2008-2009, a UFC card with two big-name title fights was a special occasion. These days, it’s a ultra-rare fluke — and this might be the last time you see it.