(Matt Hamill plays airplane with his freakishly large, Progeria-ridden child after defeating Roger Hollett earlier in the evening.)

It may be a futile effort to draft up these Armchair Matchmakers given the chaos that injuries are creating at every turn these days, but God damn it, a comedic MMA website has to have its principles! So with that in mind, we decided to scour through the wreckage left behind by UFC 152 and provide some potential opponents for the UFC to consider when booking the night’s biggest winners down the line. Join us and voice your opinions in the comments section, won’t you?

Jon Jones: Despite his best trolling efforts, it appears as if the UFC will actually show some common sense and wait to see if Chael Sonnen can at least defeat one “contender” at 205 (you know, the one he’s supposed to face) before expediting him right to a title shot because the fans apparently control the matchups all of a sudden. We were all for Sonnen/Jones on 8 days notice, but it’s clear that Jones only has two opponents truly worthy of getting ground into dog meat by him next. The first is Dan Henderson, who Jones blamed for the whole UFC 151 fiasco in the first place. He’s clearly next in line in a division that is suddenly absent of marketable contenders (sorry, Alex) and will hopefully be back to his normal H-bombing self before osteoporosis sets in and we have to go through this all over again. The second option…well, let’s just say that he would give Jones an offer that he could neither refuse nor defend. Specifically, “Five of these across the sneeze.”

(Come on, Fitch wasn’t out. He was just resting his arms.)

On Friday night, Alistair Overeem successfully gut-shotted his way to a title shot against reigning UFC heavyweight champ Junior Dos Santos — and his larger-than-life opponent Brock Lesnar will likely never set foot inside of an Octagon again. But the fates of the other winners and losers from UFC 141 are still up in the air. So let’s put on our Joe Silva skin-suit and see if we can make some thoughtful matchmaking suggestions for these guys, shall we?

Nate Diaz: As ferocious as he looked against Donald Cerrone, part of me thinks that Nate is going to get rudely decisioned as soon as he goes back to facing wrestlers; guys like Clay Guida, Joe Stevenson, and Gray Maynard have already proved that putting Diaz on his back is his kryptonite. But I don’t want to see that happen, at least not right away. Next month’s UFC 144 event provides two compelling options for Nate’s next opponent — either the winner of the Anthony Pettis vs. Joe Lauzon scrap, or Ben Henderson if he loses his title challenge to Frankie Edgar. Either matchup would give Diaz an ideal dance partner for another guaranteed Fight of the Night.

Donald Cerrone: Not to steal the thunder from Diaz’s masterful performance, but Cerrone looked like shit on Friday. Sorry, it needed to be said. The highly technical fight-finisher that we’ve come to know and love was M.I.A., replaced by an outgunned cowpoke who was as sloppy as he was tentative. Cerrone needs a rebound fight to find his mojo again. Setting him up against fast-rising Ultimate Fighter 13 winner Tony Ferguson would be a great test for both fighters. Either Cowboy gets back on track against a solid opponent, or Ferguson continues to prove that he’s more than just a TUF-guy.

(Chan Sung Jung strikes Mark Hominick with the ferocity of someone who has just discovered Canadian beef in his bulgogi. / Photo via Cagewriter)

No matter how much Dan Henderson begs, Jon Jones‘s next opponent will be the winner of Rashad Evans vs. Phil Davis. Other than that, the fates of UFC 140‘s winners and losers are currently floating in limbo. But if we know matchmaking as well as we think we do, you might be seeing a few of these fights announced in the near future…

Frank Mir: His arm-snapping win over Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira was exactly what Frank needed to pull him out of his career holding pattern. Pundits are already chattering about a trilogy match with Brock Lesnar, in case there’s some truth to those ugly rumors about Alistair Overeem getting pulled from UFC 141. Let’s hope that’s not the case. Instead, we’ll set up a hypothetical booking between Mir and former champ Cain Velasquez, whose title reign and undefeated record were abruptly smashed at UFC on FOX 1. There’s always the chance that Mir would get overwhelmed by Velasquez’s power — see Mir vs. Carwin, Mir vs. Lesnar 2 — but his jiu-jitsu prowess and dangerous hands could make Frank vs. Cain a thriller.

Chan Sung Jung: In four fights under the Zuffa banner, Chan Sung Jung has given us a Fight of the Decade candidate and 2011′s greatest submission, and has now tied the (official) record for fastest UFC knockout; I just wanted you to take a moment and appreciate that. Smashing a recent featherweight title contender in Mark Hominick shoots the Korean Zombie way up the 145-pound ladder. He hasn’t earned a title shot yet, but he’s knocking at the door. Give him the loser of the Jose Aldo vs. Chad Mendes title fight next month in Rio and see if he can turn in another brilliant performance.

(If Jesse Ventura ever sees this, someone out there is going to get sued. / Props to MMAFighting.)  

As a long time UFC fan, I’ve recently noticed that their marketing team has seemingly taken a break from using corny phrases to label their events. In fact, the last UFC pay-per-view to not be named after the fighters in the main event was back at UFC 125: Resolution, which featured the eventual draw between, you guessed it, Frankie Edgar and Gray Maynard. You just don’t see that kind of irony everyday.

UFC 136 was actually able to provide us with closure, however — more closure in fact than any card in quite a while. Not only did Edgar vindicate himself in triumphant fashion, but Jose Aldo proved to many of his critics that his gas tank is not an issue, Kenny Florian proved that he will never, ever, win a title fight, and Chael Sonnen proved that ring rust is for the weak. But now, we look to the future, and more importantly, try to predict it for the weekend’s big winners. So if you think our future match-ups are garbage, be sure to let us know in the comments section below.

(We know, Urijah. Sometimes we spend an entire hour working on a blog post, and our browser decides to crash just as we’re finishing it up, and when we go back into the CMS the post has completely vanished and we’re struck with that feeling of pure disappointment and frustration, knowing that we have to do it all over again. So, yeah, we can totally relate. / Photo courtesy of MMAFighting)

UFC 132 was as bizarre as it was thrilling. Now that we’ve wrapped our heads around it for the most part, it’s time to look ahead and see if we can think up some future matchups for Saturday’s notable winners and losers. Let us know how you feel in the comments section — and hey, happy 4th of July!

Dominick Cruz and Urijah Faber: Immediate rubber match. It’s not the most essential of immediate rematches, but the fight was close enough to warrant it, and there’s really no bantamweight contender right now who deserves it more than Faber. Brian Bowles thinks he’s the guy, but I can’t forget that two fights ago he was beaten up by Dominick Cruz worse than anybody’s been beaten up by Dominick Cruz, ever.

The other name being thrown around in the aftermath of UFC 132 is Demetrious Johnson, who’s coming off decision wins over Miguel Torres and Kid Yamamoto. Impressive? Of course. Still, Johnson has never been on the main card of a UFC event, and promoting him as a headliner could be a tough sell. Give Mighty Mouse one more fight to establish himself — or hurry up and create that long-rumored flyweight division so the diminutive Johnson can dominate there.

Chris Leben: There’s no limit to the brawling abilities of a sugar-free Cat Smasher. Leben vs. Wandy was a bit of a stunt-fight, and now that Leben has emerged victorious, he should return to a more conventional contender track. The first name that comes to mind is Mark Munoz, who’s riding a three-fight win streak, most recently outpointing Demian Maia last month at UFC 131 — although Vitor Belfort could also be a great matchup for Leben, as long as the Phenom can get past Yoshihiro Akiyama next month in Philadelphia.

(Meanwhile in Roy’s stomach, a dozen undigested cheeseburgers cried for mercy. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

Look, I was all for sweeping UFC 130 under the rug and never mentioning it again, but since ReX has shamed me into doing this, it’s time to look back at Saturday’s big winners (and big, big losers) and see if we can devise some future matchups for these guys that will actually produce interesting fights. Make it happen, tiny atheist.

Quinton Jackson: Dana White seems dead-set on giving Rampage a title shot if his hand is healthy enough to accept it. Ugh, terrible. Why the UFC isn’t interested in promoting the hottest rivalry in the sport is anybody’s guess. (And don’t give me that bullshit about “timing”; it’s more likely related to White’s personal feelings about Rashad Evans.) In a perfect world, Rampage sits out for a few months and faces the winner of Shogun vs. Forrest at UFC 134 in Rio. With losses to both on his record, I don’t think motivation would be an issue.

Matt Hamill: Sure, on paper Hamill was coming into the fight against Rampage with a five-fight win streak — but considering that the most impressive victory in that streak (by far!) was his knockout of Mark Munoz, you have to wonder where the Hammer really sits in the light-heavyweight pecking order. My first thought was that Hamill should face the resurgent Vladimir Matyushenko next — but Vlad already has a date in August. So give him the winner of Kyle Kingsbury vs. Fabio Maldonado at this Saturday’s TUF 13 Finale. Either Hamill rebounds, or a rising prospect gets a big-name notch on their belt. Seems win-win to me.

(“Us Californians have a pretty chill attitude about the law of gravity, brah.” Photo courtesy of MMAFighting)

Jon Jones will be defending his new belt against former teammate Rashad Evans, Urijah Faber will be rematching Dominick Cruz in another title fight (this time at bantamweight), and we probably won’t be seeing Mirko Cro Cop around these parts again. But what’s in store for the other winners and losers from UFC 128‘s main card? Allow us to offer a few suggestions…

Mauricio “Shogun” Rua: The obvious matchup is Quinton “Rampage” Jackson. Rampage is fighting Matt Hamill at UFC 130 in May, but I think Shogun vs. Rampage 2 is worth booking for this fall no matter what happens in the Hamill fight. Rua and Jackson’s history in PRIDE creates an easy-to-promote storyline, and to be honest, Shogun could probably use a few more months to get in shape. Not to take anything away from Jon Jones’s brilliant performance on Saturday night, but Shogun looked like he usually does when coming back from knee surgery — a little soft, and with questionable conditioning.

Eddie Wineland: With Miguel Torres also booked at UFC 130, the only other option that makes sense is former bantamweight title contender Joseph Benavidez, who deserves a higher-profile fight after being buried in a dark match against Ian Loveland this weekend. I’ll even go one step further and suggest the event where this match should take place: UFC on Versus 4, main card.

(Seriously, who let that mouse into the Octagon? Props: UFC.com)

Here’s what we know: BJ Penn and George Sotiropoulos already have dates at UFC 127 in Australia. Karo Parisyan has been fired (again), and Matt Brown will surely be let go as well after suffering his third-consecutive submission loss. (Tyson Griffin also lost his third-straight on Saturday, but will remain in the promotion, as the judges’ decision in his fight against Nik Lentz was utter horseshit.) So where do UFC 123‘s other winners and losers go from here? As usual, we have a few suggestions…

Quinton Jackson: This one’s fairly obvious, assuming that nobody really wants to see an immediate rematch between Jackson and Machida. Rampage should get the winner of Jon Jones vs. Ryan Bader at UFC 126. The winner of that fight gets a title shot. Bada-bing, bada-boom.

Lyoto Machida: Once an unstoppable force in the light-heavyweight division, it’s now been a year and a half since the Dragon has put on a dominant performance against anybody. At this point, the UFC needs to re-build Machida against a mid-level contender. Give him Matt Hamill, who deserves a step up after handling Keith Jardine and Tito Ortiz. Alternately, you could throw Machida in against Randy Couture, and see if the Natural’s gift for game-planning can carry him through against the Dragon. Of course, that matchup might not be pointless enough for Randy, so don’t get your hopes up.

(Worst ‘America’s Got Talent’ audition ever. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

Cain Velasquez has a date with Junior Dos Santos, and Jake Shields — God help us — is still likely to face the winner of GSP vs. Koscheck. But the fates of UFC 121‘s other winners and losers are yet to be determined. As usual, we have some brilliant suggestions…

Brock Lesnar: Assuming that nobody really wants to see a Lesnar vs. Mir rubber match, there are a surprising lack of options for the new ex-champ. If Roy Nelson beats Shane Carwin at UFC 125, Lesnar vs. Big Country would make perfect sense. (Lesnar vs. Carwin II is also an option for down the road, considering Carwin never felt like Brock beat him fair and square.) But at the moment, the best available opponent for Lesnar is Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, who’s coming off his own nasty loss to Velasquez. The fading Big Nog would likely take a beating, but the UFC needs to re-build their most bankable star against a credible name, and letting Lesnar whale on a legend is an effective way to do it.

Martin Kampmann: The first name that comes to mind is Dan Hardy, though the UFC probably wants to avoid the possibility of one of their British stars dropping three straight. So how ’bout this: Nate Diaz. The TUF 5 winner and moneyweight contender is facing Dong Hyun Kim at UFC 125. If Diaz wins, Diaz vs. Kampmann is a great matchup between two guys who are on the same upper-middle region of the welterweight ladder. If Diaz gets outgrappled by DHK, then Kampmann gets a rebound against an "easier" opponent. Either way, it’s a scrap.

(There he goes again, trying to steal the victory. Photo courtesy of CageWriter)

Here’s what we know: Frank Edgar will make his next title defense against Gray Maynard, who routed Kenny Florian on Saturday night. Dana White is done with James Toney, even though James Toney might not be done with MMA. Nick Osipczak, John Salter, and Gabe Ruediger could very well be receiving "Dear John" letters from the UFC as we speak. As for UFC 118‘s other winners and losers, their fates are yet to be decided. But as usual, we have a few opinions on the subject…

BJ Penn: The Prodigy spent 2007-2009 destroying all the top talent in the UFC’s lightweight division, then looked completely uninspired in two consecutive fights against Frankie Edgar. Either Penn has fallen off his game dramatically or Edgar is just a terrible style matchup for him — and we won’t really know the answer until Penn’s next fight. What’s obvious is that lightweight has been Penn’s most effective weight class in general, and going back up to 170 would be a terrible idea, especially while Georges St. Pierre still rules the roost. The UFC should give Penn a rebound fight against a name opponent who’s a little further down the ladder, but will test BJ’s desire to fight. That’s right, folks, it’s time for BJ Penn vs. Takanori Gomi II. Gomi is born-again after starching Tyson Griffin; add in Gomi’s history with Penn, and you have a co-headliner that any pay-per-view card would be lucky to have.

(Chris Leben wades through punches at UFC 116 like a drunk man on steroids. Oh. Sorry, dude. Bad choice of words. / Photo courtesy of LasVegasSun.com)

Brock Lesnar already has a date with Cain Velasquez — potentially at UFC 119 in September — but the fates of all the other winners and losers from Saturday night are still up in the air. So let’s run down a few of the notables and try to determine who they should take on next. You’re really gonna have to start paying us, Joe.

Shane Carwin: Word on the street is that the winner of Junior Dos Santos vs. Roy Nelson at UFC 117 will receive the next heavyweight title shot after Velasquez, which means the loser could be a good opponent for Carwin’s return fight. Cigano and Big Country are both skilled enough to drag Carwin into round 2, where he’ll either crumble again, or prove to everyone that cardio is not his achilles heel.

Chris Leben: He called out Wanderlei Silva following his unbelievable submission victory over Yoshihiro Akiyama, and the Axe Murderer is down with it. Seems like a no-brainer to us. Who wouldn’t want to see two of the UFC’s most beloved brawlers beat the stuffing out of each other? Dana White says he wants to have Leben fight again soon rather than have him sit out the rest of the year while Silva’s knee heals up. But after two fights in two weeks (and $100,000 in bonus money), we think Leben could use a nice vacation.

("Holy crap. Do my eyebrows really look like that?")

So here’s what we know: Josh Koscheck will be playing the fraggle-haired heel in Georges St. Pierre’s next title defense. Kimbo and Semtex are dunzo. Mauricio Rua’s next opponent will be determined by UFC 114′s Rampage vs. Rashad feature. Matt Mitrione and Joey Beltran could face each other at UFC 117 in August, which sounds about right. As for the rest of last weekend’s winners and losers, their fates are still to be determined. Not saying you need any help, Joe Silva, but if things are piling up at UFC headquarters, allow us to offer a few suggestions…

Lyoto Machida: If Antonio Rogerio Nogueira can get through Jason Brilz later this month, Machida vs. Lil’ Nog is the fight that makes sense. A win for Machida would be a perfect rebound against a dangerous, highly-regarded striker, while a win for Minotoro would convince fans that he’s a title threat worth caring about. Even though they’re both members of the Black House collective, Machida hasn’t ruled the match out.

Alan Belcher: He wants Anderson Silva. Isn’t that precious! Still, there’s no denying that Belcher is a rising star with some great recent wins under his belt. My first instinct would be to put him against Michael Bisping if the Count is victorious against Dan Miller at UFC 114. But there’s something just a little too obvious about that. If Belcher can handle Anderson Silva, surely he’d have no problem with Demian Maia, right? Tremendous upside for Belcher, and a good tune-up for Maia, who needs to re-locate his formerly fearsome jiu-jitsu.

(Tom Lawlor: The UFC’s undisputed Seven Up champion.) 

Maybe it’s just us, but it seems like it’s getting harder and harder to drum up a potential list of future opponents for the winners of a given UFC card these days. Not only are most fighters already booked for the promotion’s ever-increasing amount of cards, but the ones selected for title shots are seemingly being drawn out of a hat. Be that as it may, we are going to try and sift through the wreckage of last night’s UFC on FUEL card and determine who the big winners should face next. Enjoy.

Chan Sung Jung: We’ll be the first to admit that we underestimated “The Korean Zombie” heading into yesterday’s fight. But aside from his excellent transitions on the ground, or that amazing takedown reversal to mount he was able to pull off, the thing that impressed us the most about Jung was his tranquility. While Poirier was throwing his best shots at him, Jung remained calm, and worked his way out of every hairy situation like a true pro. He deserves a title shot, and Dana White claims that he is next in line for one. And The Baldfather would never go back on his word. Just ask Anthony Pettis.

(Little did Eric Wisely know just how quickly a game of Twister could spiral out of control when he spun “left foot blue.”) 

Simply put, Saturday’s second UFC on Fox event saw its fair share of ups and downs. Chris Weidman was able to score the biggest win of his career over Demian Maia on just 11 days notice (which leads us to believe that the Vegas bookies knew something about Maia the rest of the world didn’t), and both Rashad Evans and Chael Sonnen managed to punch their tickets to a title shot against the men they despise the most. And though the future is set for two contenders, the fates of many still remain unsure. That’s why we are here to right the ship that misplaced NFL theme music and Jon Jones’ “commentary” threatened to sink. So join us as we determine the best match-ups for last weekend’s biggest winners and losers.

Phil Davis: Although he started off strong (or at least held his own) in the striking department in the early going, the championship rounds saw Davis overwhelmed by “Suga’s” speed and stamina, content to throw weak, pawing jabs that were anything but wonderful. My older brother, who is by no means a huge MMA fan, summed it up best when he said, “What does he expect to accomplish with that kind of offense?” Davis undoubtedly has a bright future ahead, but needs to round out his game a little more before he takes on a top contender like Evans again. Matching him up against the resurgent Stephan Bonnar, or, depending on how he fares against Rampage Jackson, Ryan Bader would make sense. Forrest Griffin is also a big light heavyweight coming off a loss, so that could make for a great fight as well.

Tebowing: None of you are doing it right.

Another season of The Ultimate Fighter has come and gone, and we’re not certain what the future holds for it. The entire format of the show we knew and loved, then decided to ignore for a while, then were all like “Dude there’s no way Kimbo gets past Roy Nelson”, then went back to ignoring it when we were proven right, then decided “Well maybe Mayhem will be fun to watch” is about to change yet again. Raise your hand if you got lost during that last sentence.

If there’s one thing we understand at Cage Potato, it’s consistency. No matter how much the show changes, we’ll be around to give you our opinions on what to do with the finale’s biggest names. So let’s get to it, shall we?

Michael Bisping: Since losing to Wanderlei Silva back at UFC 110, Michael Bisping has gone 4-0 and established himself as a Top Ten Middleweight. Or at least that’s what I keep hearing, even though the guys he’s defeated in that time period have been on the lower to middle end of the middleweight division. In his post fight-interview with Ariel Helwani, Bisping hinted that his next fight has already been booked, and it’s against someone he hasn’t fought before. A fight against Alan Belcher makes sense, and should establish the winner as a legitimate contender in the middleweight division. Don’t act too surprised if the UFC uses Bisping as a litmus test for 7-0 (3-0 UFC) prospect Chris Weidman, either.

(Dude. Yikes. Photos courtesy of UFC.com)

Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve just received word that Cody "The French Revolution" McKenzie has agreed to take on Yves Edwards at UFC Fight for the Troops 2 on January 22nd, after Edwards’s original opponent was drafted for the main event. (It should be noted that Edwards has never lost by guillotine choke in 56 career fights.) McKenzie’s big return made us wonder — what does the future hold for the other winners of last Saturday’s UFC event? Well gather around, kids, and we’ll tell you what should happen…

Jonathan Brookins: You know how this works. In his first post-TUF outing, Brookins needs to be built up against a relatively established vet who happens to be vulnerable against his skill-set. So, who’s a chokable, lateral-droppable lightweight who you’ve heard of, but who doesn’t have the kind of striking skills that will make Brookins look foolish? Huh. That actually doesn’t leave a lot of options among the UFC’s current roster.

This is going to sound random as hell, but I think the UFC needs to bring back Matt Veach. Though the H.I.T. Squad fighter was released by the UFC earlier this year after consecutive losses to Frankie Edgar and Paul Kelly (both by submission), he’s gone on to win three straight in smaller promotions; he was also undefeated before he came to the UFC, scoring stoppages in nine out of ten fights. I think we all want to see Brookins developed slowly in winnable matchups; still, Veach is far from a pushover.

(“Well, Joe, I’d just like to thank God for giving me the strength to-OH SHIT HERE COMES THE REST OF ‘EM.” Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

Let us begin this week’s edition of the Armchair Matchmaker with a few fun facts about last Saturday’s UFC on FOX 7 event: 

-With eight (T)KO’s, UFC on FOX 7 tied UFC 92 for the most (T)KO finishes in a single UFC event in the promotion’s history.

-In defeating Jordan Mein via second round TKO, the resurgent Matt Brown now holds the third longest win streak (5) amongst active UFC welterweights, as well as the record for (T)KO finishes in the welterweight division. Yet incredibly, the FOTN check Brown received was the first end of the night bonus he has earned in some 15 UFC fights.

-Frank Mir, like, really dropped the ball against Daniel Cormier.

Now, using those absolute truths and a little speculation, let’s decide who the biggest winners and losers from UFC on FOX 7 should face next, shall we?

The Winners

Ben Henderson: Well, we already know who he’ll be facing next, so that one is pretty easy. The question now becomes: How do you see Bendo taking it? Split decision, unanimous decision, or the always rare majority decision?

(If there was ever an image that summed up Nick Diaz’s mental state at all times, this is it. Photo courtesy of Getty Images.) 

By Jack Saladino

After months, nay, years of hype, trash-talking, late night hotel stalking incidents, and promises of Georges St. Pierre unleashing “his dark side,” UFC 158 finally transpired last weekend to mixed reception. While no one was left questioning how great the night’s co-main event battle between Carlos Condit and Johny Hendricks was, GSP’s one-sided, grappling-heavy routing of Nick Diaz — which has become the champ’s M.O. as of late — left more than a few fans wondering just what it would take to get St. Pierre to actually try and finish an opponent. Because if that was his dark side, well, it looked a hell of a lot like his regular side.

On the other side of the coin, many fans saw GSP’s performance as the epitome of dominance and classiness in the face of an adversary that thrives when coercing opponents into playing his game, often through mental warfare and now attempted cheap shots after the bell. Based on his continually skyrocketing ticket sales, it appears that no one has grown tired of St. Pierre’s shtick just yet, but will a fight with Hendricks succeed in bringing in anywhere near as many ticket/PPV sales? And if not Hendricks, then who?

It’s not an easy question for UFC matchmaker Joe Silva to answer, but luckily for him, this is typically the time when the Armchair Matchmaker swoops in and all but does his job for him. So join us after the jump as we break down the potential futures of last weekend’s biggest winners (and some of the losers) in an effort to once again bail out Silva and get ourselves back into the UFC’s good graces. You could detect the sarcasm in that last statement, right?

Georges St. Pierre: Hendricks, then a long awaited superfight with Anderson Silva, then retirement. What…have you not heard about the welterweight champion’s secret UFC exit/world domination plan yet? Well we suggest that you break free from the conformist, white-washed shell of ignorance you’ve been living in all these years and get with the Goddamn picture. Also, the destruction of the Death Star was an inside job. Time to wake up, Taters.

(Well, that might explain the spray tan, at least. Photo courtesy of Getty Images.)

It’s safe to say that the UFC’s latest trip to the land of major network television succeeded in exceeding most of our expectations. For starters, the event pulled in much higher viewership numbers than most pundits of the sport (and apparently the UFC’s marketing department) ever believed a card topped off by a flyweight fight could do. The fact that the card delivered exciting finishes and entertaining brawls from top to bottom further cemented our belief that the UFC has truly started to hit their stride with Fox. Not that we ever doubted them, but things were looking hairy for a while there *thinks back to UFC on Fox 2, shudders*. 

But today, we must gather up last weekend’s results like a herd of slaughtered bison, take to our (ban)wagons, and forge ahead to the river of subjectivity that is the armchair matchmaker (Oregon Trail metaphors. They’re like, so in right now.). So join us after the jump as we breakdown what is next for some of Saturday’s biggest winners.

Demetrious Johnson: Challenger John Dodson might have brought the pop rocks to his first ever UFC title fight, but Demetrious Johnson surely brought the coke. And by coke, I mean cocaine. Because Johnson fights like he’s on…you know what, forget it. The Tazmanian Devil-esque tornado of takedowns known as “Mighty Mouse” is truly something to behold when he enters the octagon, combining a limitless gas tank with a simple will to survive that is unmatched by 90% of his MMA counterparts, flyweight or otherwise.

(Febreze: It really is that fresh.) 

Although it wasn’t exactly cram-packed with exciting finishes, UFC Macao provided us with plenty to talk about nonetheless. Let’s not act like Bruce Leroy’s Haiduken punch just didn’t happen, because it did and it was either awesome or the dumbest f*cking thing we have ever seen. We can’t tell yet.

Elsewhere on the card, some people beat some other people by decision, so join us as we decipher the judge’s scorecards and try to determine who the night’s biggest winners should face next.

Cung Le: Despite being a healthy underdog with a significant size and slight age disadvantage, Cung Le was able to deliver a spectacular knockout in arguably the most high profile fight of his career. That being said, we’re not going to fool ourselves into thinking the 40 year old is truly in the title mix just yet. At this point, Le appears to be more invested in his film career than in that of his mixed martial arts one (and rightfully so), but the man is still a draw who can both deliver exciting finishes and hang with more than most, so it only makes sense to give him another high profile, low risk fight.

The problem is, there simply aren’t that many of those kind of fights available for Cung in the UFC’s current middleweight pool. Most of the division in currently tied up and Cung has stated that he would like to take some time away to spend with his family, so we think it would be best to give Cung some time off and have him face the winner of the Hector Lombard/Rousimar Palhares battle at UFC on FX 6, or maybe Chris Leben if he is able to get by Karlos Vemola at UFC 155. Who would you prefer, Taters?

(Having recently established himself as the alpha male, the Bigfoot eagerly races off into the jungles of Brazil to copulate with the herd’s last remaining female.)

We may be a few days removed from UFC on FX 5, but that doesn’t mean that the future has already been determined for the night’s biggest winners. Joe Silva and Sean Shelby may be the best in the biz, but even they could probably use a bit of matchmaking advice — or at least a backup plan– considering that half of the fights they book in the aftermath of this event will be cancelled due to injury, arrest, or a classic case of bitch wife. This is where the Armchair Matchmaker comes in, for what are sports without over analysis, needless speculation, and a headscratching appearance from Liam Neeson? By the end of this article, you will have witnessed at least one of these.

Here we go.

Antonio Silva: You might chalk this up to laziness, but pairing the rebounding “Bigfoot” against Stefan Struve seems like an awesome idea to us. We know Stefan called out Fabricio Werdum following his big win over Stipe Miocic at UFC on FUEL 5, but we think this matchup makes just as much sense, if not more. Both men have recently reestablished themselves at legitimate threats and Werdum 2.0 (you know, the one that can do this to people on the feet) seems like he would put on a clinic against either man. It would be a stretch to declare that either Struve or Silva are exactly title-worthy material yet, so let these two big men slug it out and give the winner a top contender. It’s a classic battle of Chin vs. Lankiness – Jay Leno vs. Conan O’Brien in an MMA ring, if you will — and would surely deliver an exciting finish inside the distance.

(Just call him Jon “Bjönes” Jones. / Photo courtesy of Josh Hedges)

By Jack Saladino

With the UFC’s Swedish debut in the books, it’s time for us to make Joe Silva‘s life easier and suggest the next matchups for a few of the notable fighters coming out of UFC on FUEL: Silva vs. Gustafsson. Read on, and let us know if you agree or disagree with these picks…

Alexander Gustafsson: Rocking Thiago Silva early, Gustafsson was able to pick apart the aggressive Brazilian with an array of uber-accurate strikes to coast his way to a UD victory, and cement his position as a top-tier light-heavyweight. Can you say title eliminator? Gustafsson vs. Dan Henderson sounds good to me. I know Dan is waiting for his guaranteed title shot, but Jon Jones and Rashad Evans both have a history of post-fight injuries, and to assume that the winner will be healthy after their title fight might be unrealistic. So unless Hendo doesn’t mind a year-long break to challenge the title-holder, a battle against the Mauler could be the next best thing.

Thiago Silva: Silva’s suspension gave him a year off to think about what he’s done and rehab a plethora of injuries that have kept him performing at less than 100%. Judging by his performance on Saturday, his comeback still has a long way to go. Though Silva could use a fight against a UFC newcomer to rebound in the 205-pound division, I’d give him a good dose of reality and slate him against Phil Davis, who’s coming off his own loss to Rashad Evans. Two big, well-known scrappers with a lot to lose — promoting this one should be a no-brainer.

(I’m just saying, it’s a little ironic to wear a ‘Fight for Japan’ patch on your shorts while you’re personally contributing to the agony of Japanese people. Props: MMAFighting.com)

It might be a while before we get to see cross-promotional fights between UFC and Strikeforce talent. But what’s the harm in a little theoretical speculation? For this installment of the Armchair Matchmaker, we decided to pair up Saturday’s winners and losers with the UFC fighters they should face next, if that sort of thing was possible. And even if it’s a completely meaningless exercise, it’s still more interesting than talking about Diaz vs. Woodley and Melendez vs. the winner of Wilcox/Masvidal. (Ugh, reality. So tedious.) Let’s get started…

Nick Diaz: I know Georges St. Pierre is the obvious answer, but then I think about GSP out-wrestling Nick for five rounds and the dream-fight becomes a lot less dreamy. I’d actually be more interested in seeing Diaz try to avenge his 2005 decision loss to Diego Sanchez, another fighter who puts on a thrilling show every time he steps into a cage. Diaz has probably not forgotten his beef with Sanchez, and Diego has actually suggested that the two settle their rivalry as opposing coaches on TUF. Cosigned, homey.

“…and I saw his knee looked like it was getting bigger and bigger … and then it hit me.” (VidProps: Karyn Bryant)

Karyn Bryant caught up with Ricky Story after UFC 130, and he wasn’t getting his jaw wired up.   After determining that he wasn’t suffering from a concussion, Bryant asks him about the fight, and reminds him that he absorbed some damaging shots in the process. Story allows that, yes, he was hit with some fearsome blows, and he even wound up taking a bite out of his mouthguard (!!!). Sounds like maybe you don’t want to order from that mouthguard manufacturer any more?

Story seems a little sheepish, saying his performance “was definitely good enough for the win,” except he doesn’t seem so definite.    Awww, cheer up, big guy.   MMA crowds boo, it’s their thing.  It’s like Red Wings fans throwing octopi on the rink, or Philidelphia Eagles fans being turbo douches and needing a jail in the stadium.

("Time it was and what a time it was…")

Contradicting earlier reports that had Tito Ortiz facing Forrest Griffin in a meaningless rubber match, MMAFighting.com has confirmed that Ortiz will instead face off against Matt Hamill at UFC 121 (October 23rd; Anaheim, CA). The Huntington Beach Blah Blah hasn’t competed since his split decision loss to Griffin at UFC 106, and hasn’t won a fight since his third TKO victory over Ken Shamrock in October 2006. Hamill is coming off his majority decision over Keith Jardine at the TUF 11 Finale, which got the Dean of Mean bounced out of the UFC. Technically, Hamill has won his last four fights, including the Jon Jones DQ. If you’ll recall, Hamill was a member of Team Punishment on TUF 3, so this fight will have extra significance when Hamill beats Tito’s ass. In other UFC 121 booking news…

(In a world without fences, Lyoto Machida could just back up and circle out of any situation. PicProps: ESPN.)

As noted in this morning’s Armchair Matchmaker, the last time we saw Lyoto Machida really look like Lyoto Machida was May, 2009, when he delighted GIF creators worldwide by making Rashad Evans go all googly-eyed while winning the light heavyweight title by second-round knockout at UFC 98. Though we joke about it, it’s worth pointing out that at the time Machida’s defeat of Evans capped a run of seven wins in the Octagon all dominant enough to prompt the UFC broadcast team to prematurely ejaculate all over the beginning of “The Machida Era.” Can’t really blame them. Dude did look poised for a nice, long run with the gold. Naturally, cue obligatory disappointment in 3 … 2 … 1 …

Since then (as you know) Machida has looked increasingly mortal in three consecutive appearances – a gift decision over Shogun Rua at UFC 104, the karmically-justified follow-up KO by Rua at UFC 113 and Saturday night’s split decision loss to Rampage Jackson at UFC 123, in a fight admittedly difficult to score because of its general shittiness. After watching Machida seemingly dry up and turn into a brittle, hollow husk of his former self during the last 18 months, is it wrong/unjustified to wonder aloud what the fuck is going on here? Was this guy just overrated from the start? Is he simply on a cold streak? Is something wrong with him? Obviously, it would be reckless and irresponsible for us to speculate … then again, reckless and irresponsible speculation is basically what we do. In light of that, here’s a few ideas (read: wild guesses) about what could be ailing the former light heavyweight champion …