(Is that Brazilian Walnut I am standing on? Classy.) 

Called it.

As told to FightersOnly magazine by none other than Joey Beltran himself, it appears that the UFC has released “The Mexicutioner” following his first round “kickstand KO” (Props to Stak40 for coining the term) loss to Lavar Johnson at UFC on Fox 2. The loss was Beltran’s fourth in his last five outings but his first ever to come via form of (T)KO. In regards to his release, Beltran stated the following:

I am truly grateful for all the opportunities that I have received from the UFC/Zuffa. I am not sad or hurt by their decision as I know that winning is the name of the game. Posting  a 1-4 record my last 5 fights is unacceptable regardless of how entertaining the fights were. So this is the next chapter of my career, and one that I am excited for. You will definitely see my ugly face again so fans don’t worry and haters keep on hating. 

We know the Internet is a cold, harsh place, but what person claiming to be a fan of MMA would hate Joey Beltran?

(VidProps: YouTube/Heavy.com)

Gotta be honest, Joey Beltran is not at all what I expected.  The gentleman who appears in the above video seems far too sensible, far too well-adjusted and far too agreeable to multiple wardrobe changes to also be a guy called “The Mexicutioner” whose calling card is that he likes to knock his opponents’ jaws into the third row. In fact, the Beltran we meet in this interview with Heavy.com seems to be a pretty fun-loving dude. Even when the topic turns to his fight with Matt Mitrione at UFC 119 this weekend, Beltran takes on a friendly, matter-of-fact tone while explaining how badly he plans to whip that ass.

("Take a deep breath, Joey. This will all be over soon.")

When Pat Barry left Joey Beltran laying in a heap barely able to get up at the end of their heavyweight scrap on Saturday night, choosing Beltran as the winner of the bout seemed like an unlikelihood unless you were Cecil Peoples. 

It depends on who you ask, I guess.

According to Fight Metric, "The Mexecutioner" landed more punches in the bout even if they were ineffective for the most part. Beltran is of the opinion that he did enough to win and that besides the unintentional eye poke he took in the third round which led to a just stoppage, referee Mario Yamasaki all but cost him the fight by calling for breaks and restarts when the two fighters seemed to be stalling on the cage and by stopping the fight when Beltran had an advantageous position when Pat claimed to be kicked in the berries.

(You know what, bro, put down that birthday cake. You don’t deserve it anymore.)

MMA’s drug-failure tally has gotten off to a fast start in 2013, with two notable fighters already netted by the UFC’s independent testing. Here’s the promotion’s official statement via UFC.com:

“Rousimar Palhares tested positive for elevated testosterone and Joey Beltran tested positive for nandrolone, following their respective bouts at UFC on FX 6 in Australia. The UFC organization has a strict, consistent policy against the use of any illegal and/or performance-enhancing drugs, stimulants or masking agents. Both athletes have agreed to serve a nine-month suspension retroactive to December 14. They must pass a drug test upon completion of the suspension before receiving clearance to compete again.”

Palhares was knocked out by Hector Lombard on the “Sotiropoulos vs. Pearson” main card, marking Toquinho’s second-straight KO loss. Between his losing skid and the fact that this isn’t even his first suspension while under contract with the UFC, Palhares is on very thin ice. As for Beltran, the light-heavyweight slugger defeated Igor Pokrajac by decision during the UFC on FX 6 prelims. That win will likely be changed to a no-contest.

Update: Joey Beltran denies taking any illegal substances, and is laying the groundwork for a tainted supplements defense. His statement (via twitter) is after the jump…

(Censored version via LarryBrownSports)

After suffering a gruesome injury to his big toe in training, UFC light-heavyweight Anthony Perosh will not be making his scheduled date with Joey Beltran at UFC on FX 6 (December 15th; Queensland, Australia). The news was first reported by Australian journalist Adam Ireland, who tweeted this horrible, uncensored look at the toe-break with the following explanation:

Anthony had surgery a few days ago. No replacement named by the @ufc yet…The injury happened when Anthony attempted a routine takedown and his toe got stuck in/between 2 mats…Got off the phone to an understandably upset Anthony half an hour ago fellas – surgery, pins, the works…@AnthonyPerosh will revisit the surgeon tomorrow with an aim to be training again in 4-6 weeks.

Perosh, who is coming off a brutal seven-second knockout loss to Ryan Jimmo, now joins Neil Melanson and Miguel Torres’s homeboy in the Jacked-Up Toe Hall of Fame. Beltran has lost his last three fights in the UFC, but won a Fight of the Night award in his most recent decision loss to James Te-Huna at UFC on Fuel: Munoz vs. Weidman. We’ll let you know if the Mexecutioner gets a new dance partner for the 12/15 card. Update: Igor Pokrajac will step in for Perosh.

After the jump: Our brave attempt to turn Anthony Perosh’s disgusting broken toe into an inspirational Internet meme.

(No hard feelings? PicProps: AvantguardBJJ)

Shameless plug: Our man Pat Barry will appear on next week’s episode of the Bum Rush podcast and our interview with him – which taped yesterday – is reportedly pretty awesome. If you’re not already listening to the show (wait, you’re not already listening to the show???) next week would be a good time to buy a ticket for the Bum Rush express. Seriously, get on that shit.

But we digress, Barry also talked to some other “media outlets” this week about his upcoming fight with Joey Beltran at Fight for the Troops 2 next Saturday and the results are typically entertaining. Case in point: Barry’s interview with MMA Weekly, where it becomes clear that he’s been studying a lot of film to get ready for Beltran. George Romero films, mostly.

(Props to IronForgesIron for the vid.) 

Yesterday, UK based promotion X-treme Combat held its sixth mixed combat event in Cumbria, North West England. Featuring amateur boxing, semi-pro boxing, and kickboxing matches, the evening was highlighted by a K1-style rules bout between FlexMMA product Lewis Bailey and Salfrod MMA’s Paul Calland. Held in an octagon that can only be described as “replica size” with two of the most eager ringside announcers in recent memory calling the action, the scrap featured several back and forth exchanges in its brief duration.

After whiffing a head kick around the 2:40 mark, Calland decides to turn a turd into gold by unleashing a wild spinning backfist as a follow up. A backfist so wild, in fact, that it wasn’t really a spinning backfist at all, but more of a sloppy, unintentional spinning elbow ala Jon Jones. In either case, it catches Bailey completely off guard, rendering him unconscious before he can even fall to the canvas like a rapidly deflating balloon. Now, our Pikey may be a little rusty, but we believe one of the announcers referred to the shot as “a poop,” which references the fact that Bailey likely shit himself after being hit with such a powerful blow.

And while we’re discussing all things KO-related, we’ve got to give some props to FUEL TV, who recently released full, crystal clear videos of the Lavar Johnson/Joey Beltran and Pat Barry/Christian Morecraft scraps from January’s UFC on FX: Guillard vs. Miller card to hype up Barry and Johnson’s upcoming clash at UFC on FOX 3. Both were exciting brawls to say the least, and both ended by way of violent KO, so check them out after the jump.

Video Props: MMAWeekly via MiddleEasy

With his upcoming bout against Cheick Kongo taking place this Sunday at UFC on Versus 4, it seems kind of odd that we’re still talking to Pat Barry about his loss to Cro Cop. Despite losing the fight over a year ago, and since defeating Joey Beltran at UFC Fight for the Troops 2, Barry is still addressing the concerns that some have that he threw his fight against Cro Cop. Needless to say, Barry doesn’t exactly take kindly to such claims.

Pat Barry goes on to talk about a guy who actually whispered into Pat’s ear that he thought Pat Barry threw the fight against Cro Cop. I’m not sure if we should count that as bravery, stupidity or attempted suicide. He also talks about Cheick Kongo’s improved wrestling, some comments attributed to him before the fight and his time training with DeathClutch in preparation for this fight. Well worth a quick viewing, even if it’s just for the facial expressions that Pat Barry makes.

You’ve seen him serve a monk, an old lady, and his boss. You’ve seen him wreck a punch-machine with high kicks. But son, you ain’t ready for a hulked-up Pat Barry with a full head of hair. The above photo was part of a blog post called "THUNDA CAT TRAINING!" that Pat recently put up on Alienwarearena.com. As the UFC heavyweight writes, "SuckerPunch has set me up at Complete Clinics where I have been doing sessions in the CVAC machine and my new Strength and conditioning coach, Eric Gramza, is turnin me into a GORILLA!"

Barry is set to scrap with Joey Beltran at UFC Fight for the Troops 2 on January 22nd. Unfortunately for the Mexecutioner, gorillas do not hug their enemies. Some more alarming pics of Pat Barry are after the jump…

Just a friendly reminder that the weigh-ins tomorrow night’s UFC on Fox 2: Evans vs. Davis event will go live at 5:00 pm ET and we’ll have the stream of the festivities for you right here.

Will Chael Sonnen weigh in with his belt on? Will Arianny go bananas over Phil Davis and Rashad Evans like she did Alistair Overeem? Will Dana White wear an “I Love Nerds” t-shirt?

All of these questions and more will be answered soon.
Check out the stream after the jump.

(Maurice Smith? I thought he was dead.)

Twice fired UFC heavyweight Tim Hague is determined to get back to the Octagon, but his choice of opponent for his upcoming fight likely won’t garner him another invite to the big show from matchmaker Joe Silva.

Hague (13-5), who spent a week at Brock Lesnar’s Death Clutch gym to help the former UFC heavyweight champion prepare for his UFC 141 fight with Alistair Overeem is slated to take on aging UFC veteran Maurice Smith (12-13) in Brazil on January 20 under the Kumite Combate banner.

(Stipe Miocic vs. William Penn, 4/16/11)

Out of the 22 fighters competing on this Saturday’s UFC 136: Edgar vs. Maynard III card, only one will be stepping into the Octagon for the first time. That man is Stipe Miocic, an undefeated 29-year-old Croatian-American from Ohio who will be facing Joey Beltran during the prelims. So how does a guy with just six fights, who’s beaten nobody you’ve ever heard of, get an invitation to the big show? By being one of the most decorated blue-chip prospects the UFC heavyweight division has seen since Cain Velasquez. Seriously. Just check out his credentials…

Weigh-ins for UFC 131 are kicking off today at 5 p.m. ET / 2 p.m. PT, at the Jack Poole Plaza in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Check out streaming video of the festivities after the jump, courtesy of the UFC. We’ll plug in the weight totals below the video player after things wrap up. How emaciated will Kenny Florian be at 145? Will Shane Carwin have the same beastly intimidation factor now that he’s slimmed down below the 265-pound limit? What does Vagner Rocha look like, anyway? All will be revealed…

(K-Sos: A little somethin’ for the ladies. Photo courtesy of Sherdog)

Good news for you smug Facebook-resisters: UFC 131‘s first five preliminary matches will be broadcast on the “Live” section of UFC’s YouTube account, in addition to their usual stream on facebook.com/ufc. Kicking off the night’s action will be…

Krzysztof Soszynski vs. Mike Massenzio
Nick Ring vs. James Head
Dustin Poirier vs. Jason Young
Joey Beltran vs. Aaron Rosa
Michihiro Omigawa vs. Darren Elkins

You can watch the YouTube prelims right here tomorrow starting at 2:50 p.m. PT / 5:50 p.m. ET. The live stream will lead into Spike TV’s UFC 131 Prelims Live broadcast at 5 p.m. PT / 8 p.m ET, featuring Jesse Bongfeldt vs. Chris Weidman and Sam Stout vs. Yves Edwards.

Semi-related: If you’re not already a fan of CagePotato on Facebook, please stop being such a dick. And come back tomorrow night for our liveblog of “Dos Santos vs. Carwin”!

(Barry after Cheick knees him in the balls.)

If you like a good old fashioned slobber-knocker, you’ll get one on June 26.

According to MMAJunkie, leg-kick artist Pat Barry will take on Cage Potato fan Cheick Kongo that night at the UFC on Versus 4 event whose location has yet to be determined.

(Joey Beltran predicts a slugfest against Matt Mitrione during the UFC 119 Spike TV Prelims, and explains the origin of his "Mexecutioner" nickname. Props: FightMagazine)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

– CSAC’s George Dodd Explains Why Chael Sonnen Was Allowed to Compete at UFC 117 (MMA Fighting)

– Chael Sonnen Plans To Appeal Drug Test + Jim Rome’s Take On Sonnen (MMA Convert)

– UFC 119: Frank Mir’s Last Run At Heavyweight Title? (Heavy.com/MMA)

– Dunham, Sherk Headed in Different Directions Leading Up to UFC 119 (Versus MMA Beat)

– This Is What Google Says About Your Favorite Fighter (MiddleEasy)

– Snowman’s Land: Jeff Monson Discusses Next Fight in Israel, Drop to Light-Heavyweight (LowKick)

– The Best Rafael "Feijao" Cavalcante Highlight Reel Ever (MMA Scraps)

- Understanding Why Chael Sonnen Failed His UFC 117 Drug Test; a Procedural Look (Watch Kalib Run)

– Bas Rutten Comments on Steroid Use in Mixed Martial Arts (Five Ounces of Pain)

The UFC will be conducting a pre-fight press conference today from Montreal ahead of their UFC 113 "Machida vs. Shogun 2" event at The Bell Centre Saturday night and Cage Potato will be broadcasting the event in it’s entirety live here at 2:00pm EST.

The fight card for the event is as follows:

UFC 113: Machida vs. Shogun II

The Bell Centre
Montreal, Quebec, Canada

MAIN CARD
Lyoto Machida vs. Mauricio "Shogun" Rua (Light Heavyweight Title Bout)
Paul Daley vs. Josh Koscheck
Jeremy Stephens vs. Sam Stout
Kevin "Kimbo Slice" Ferguson vs. Matt Mitrione
Alan Belcher vs. Patrick Cote

PRELIMINARY CARD
Joe Doerksen vs. Tom Lawlor
Marcus Davis vs. Jonathan Goulet
T.J. Grant vs. Johny Hendricks
Joey Beltran vs. Tim Hague
Mike Guymon vs. Yoshiyuki Yoshida
Jason MacDonald vs. John Salter
—–

Just a reminder that you must have Microsoft Silverlight installed on your computer to be able to view video on the web player that will appear after the jump.

After an unsuccessful stint in rehab, the Gambling Addiction Enabler has returned to do what it does best — make large, ill-advised wagers simply for the thrill of gambling. We’re not saying you should follow our betting advice, necessarily, but there are plenty of opportunities to beat the bookies at UFC 119, which goes down this Satuday in Indianapolis. The betting lines are below, courtesy of bestfightodds.com. If you can’t afford to waste real money, please hit up MMA FightPicker and throw down some virtual PotatoChips on the fights. And if you don’t know what these numbers mean, please read this first.

MAIN CARD
Frank Mir (-220) vs. Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic (+215)
Ryan Bader (-165) vs. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira (+155)
Chris Lytle (-125) vs. Matt Serra (+120)
Evan Dunham (-204) vs. Sean Sherk (+190)
Melvin Guillard (-150) vs. Jeremy Stephens (+140)

SPIKE TV PRELIMS
CB Dollaway (-295) vs. Joe Doerksen (+270)
Matt Mitrione (-140) vs. Joey Beltran (+136)

UNAIRED PRELIMS
Thiago Tavares (-290) vs. Pat Audinwood (+240)
Steve Lopez (-115) vs. Waylon Lowe (-115)
T.J. Grant (-150) vs. Julio Paulino (+145)
Mark Hunt (-215) vs. Sean McCorkle (+200)

And away we go…

(Chad Griggs: Funkiest white man alive. / Photo by Esther)

Two of Strikeforce’s hardest-hitting heavyweight prospects are getting some good news this Christmas* season. According to new reports, Chad Griggs and Lavar “Big” Johnson have inked contracts with the UFC, meaning that they’ll still have jobs after Strikeforce disbands its big-man division next year.

Though he’s perhaps best known for his incredible muttonchops, Chad “The Grave Digger” Griggs (11-1) has gone on a three-fight tear under the Strikeforce banner, beating up Bobby Lashley last August at Strikeforce: Houston, then scoring back-to-back first-round stoppages against Gianpiero Villante and Valentijn Overeem in Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix reserve bouts this year. The Arizona native hasn’t lost a fight since April 2007. The date and opponent for his next fight are still TBA, but Griggs is expected to make his Octagon debut in early 2012.

(“What is it I’m supposed to do with these things again?”)

Joey Beltran: If Beltran loses against UFC newcomer Stipe Miocic, the loss would put him at 1-3 in his last four fights. For a journeyman like Beltran, a slide like that would likely mean a pink slip with his check. A Golden Gloves champ and NCAA Division I wrestler, Miocic is no slouch, which could play into the favor of “The Mexicutioner” if he gets called to the boss’ office.

Steve Cantwell: Heading into his UFC middleweight debut bout with Mike Massenzio,Cantwell is 0-3 in his last three outings. A loss Saturday night would likely land him on the cut list, or at the very least in the margin with a circle around and a question mark beside his name. The UFC might take into account that there was a year-and-a-half gap between his last two losses in which the former WEC light heavyweight champ battled an unnamed illness that UFC president Dana White mentioned was “career-threatening.” Since he doesn’t quite have a memorable personality like Dan Hardy or Pat Barry, that may be the only card he has to play.

(This guy, on roids? I’m sorry, but I’m going to need a little more evidence before I render my verdict.)

I’m confused, Potato Nation. You see, this morning I typed in “side effects of steroids” into Google, and took a look at roughly the first ten results. All of the common side effects were listed: Acne, man boobs, shrunken testicles, you know, the good stuff. Most of the websites even covered the long term effects: the aggression, the sterility, yadda yadda yadda. But not a one of those websites listed memory loss as a side effect, yet not a one of the MMA fighters who have been busted for the stuff in recent years seem to remember doing it.

Take Rousimar Palhares and Joey Beltran, for instance, who tested positive for elevated testosterone and Nandrolone, respectively, following their fights at UFC on FX 6 in Australia. Beltran immediately tweeted that a classic case of “tainted supplements” was responsible for his positive test, and it appears that Palhares — who released an official statement to MMAJunkie Friday — is going with a similar defense:

I’ve always been extremely regimented with my diet and would not use anything that could harm my body or my performance inside the octagon. And it wasn’t different this time. I never had the intention to cheat. I’ve got almost 30 fights in my career, most of them in the UFC. I have been subjected to several surprise tests, and there was never anything wrong. Besides, I knew that I would be tested after the fight in Australia because it is standard in the UFC. I have a clear conscience, but accepted the punishment. The rules are there for everyone and must be followed.

I consulted with my doctor, and he will go over all food supplements used in my preparation for the fight and the test results. I want to know exactly what happened that made the testosterone rate unusual in my body. 

(This murderous ocean won’t be hurting anyone anymore.) 

Australian publication The Age is passing along the news that TUF 8 winner Ryan Bader has been forced to withdraw from his upcoming UFC 160 bout with Brazilian phenom Glover Teixeira due to injury. Luckily, his replacement opponent makes for an arguably more exciting potential fight, as it is being reported that streaking light heavyweight slugger James Te Huna has been brought into the fold in Bader’s absence. Early reports are also predicting that the fight will be a slugfest of epic proportions that winds up on every pundit’s “Top Ten Fights of the Year” list by the end of 2013, converting hoards of new fans to the sport and simultaneously blowing their minds in the process. Thank God we’re not setting ourselves up for disappointment.

Currently 5-1 in the UFC and on a four fight win streak, Te Huna is on the heels of a come from behind victory over Ryan Jimmo at UFC on FUEL 7. After getting rocked by a head kick in the first round, Te Huna showcased his resiliency (and a much improved grappling game) in the latter two rounds, controlling Jimmo en route to a unanimous decision victory. The victory followed up a record setting performance by the Aussie against Joey Beltran at UFC on FUEL 4 in which Te Huna anded 71 significant strikes in the first round.

Speaking of win streaks, Te Huna will be facing a guy with one of the longest active win streaks in the sport when he fights Teixeira, who is fresh off a unanimous decision victory of his own over Quinton “Rampage” Jackson at UFC on FOX 6, his eighteenth in a row.

A win for either man will (probably) establish them as the next, next challenger to the light heavyweight title, so who do you think will come out of this one on top, Potato Nation?

-J. Jones

(“Laundry day. Shit. It’s still only laundry day.”)

In a booking that will surely spur flashbacks of Mauro Ranallo shrieking into a microphone, two of Strikeforce’s top middleweight talents will be making their Octagon debuts against each other at the UFC’s next Brazilian event. As first reported by MMAJunkie, Tim Kennedy and Roger Gracie are slated to face off on the UFC on FX 8: Belfort vs. Rockhold card, which goes down May 18th at the Arena Jaraguá in Jaraguá do Sul, Brazil. [Update: GracieMag says the fight will instead take place at an event on July 6th.]

Kennedy compiled a 4-2 record in Strikeforce, with both of his losses coming in five-round title fights against Ronaldo Souza and Luke Rockhold. He most recently choked out Trevor Smith at Strikeforce: Marquardt vs. Saffiedine in January, and has been trying to stir up interest in a fight against Gracie since last July.

Gracie, who began his MMA career at heavyweight before dropping to light-heavyweight when he entered Strikeforce in 2010, has gone 2-0 during his current stint as a middleweight, scoring wins over Keith Jardine and Anthony Smith. For Roger, the fight with Kennedy is an opportunity to not only secure his place on the UFC roster, but to snap a UFC losing streak for the legendary Gracie clan. During the Zuffa era, the Gracies have gone 0-3 in the Octagon, with Royce Gracie and Renzo Gracie getting beat up by Matt Hughes, and Rolles Gracie Jr. shitting the bed against Joey Beltran.

In other UFC on FX 8 booking news…

(“F*ckin’ with your cash is the only thing you kids seem to understand!” / Photo via FCFighter.com)

UFC Vice President of Regulatory Affairs Marc Ratner revealed to MMAJunkie yesterday that the promotion has instituted a pair of new rules to act as deterrents against their fighters using performance enhancing drugs. First, all fighters who compete at international events will now be tested for performance-enhancing drugs. The UFC has traditionally hired independent local facilities to test fighters during events outside of North America, but in the past, only a few fighters per card were usually selected for testing.

The shift in policy may have been spurred by a recent stretch in which the UFC’s independent drug screening busted fighters at three consecutive overseas cards. UFC 153 in Rio de Janeiro — where all fighters were screened for banned substances — resulted in suspensions for Stephan Bonnar (Drostanolone) and Dave Herman (marijuana). A month later, Thiago Silva tested positive for weed at UFC Macao. And finally, Rousimar Palhares and Joey Beltran failed drug tests following UFC on FX 6 in Australia.

The wave of botched tests is an embarrassing trend, and the UFC is clearly trying to get in front of it. Testing all their fighters at international events going forward will send a message to fighters who may have considered rolling the dice with banned substances, thinking that testing policies are a little more lax when formal athletic commissions aren’t running the show.

(Eat your heart out, Benson.) 

On the heels of the most successful UFC debut since Todd Duffee, former CagePotato guest blogger and master of the post-fight celebration, Ryan Jimmo, has just been booked for his second bout in the octagon against New Zealand slugger James Te Huna at UFC on FUEL 7. Let’s hope Jimmo’s sophomore appearance goes a little better than The Duffman’s, because Te Huna packs a hell of a lot more power than Mike Russow does. In fact, three out of Te Huna’s four UFC victories have come by some form of brutal (T)KO, with the lone exception being his record-setting performance against Joey Beltran, who has a chin made of the kind of granite that only Lavar Johnson‘s Hulk hands have been able to break.

Currently riding a 17 fight win streak that includes victories over such UFC veterans as Wilson Gouveia, Marvin Eastman, and Sokoudjou among others, Jimmo is undoubtedly one of the hotter prospects to enter the UFC’s light heavyweight division, but he will have his hands full with Te Huna, who has rapidly been developing his ground game to balance out his striking prowess. Who do you like for this one, Taters?

Also on tap for UFC on FUEL 7 is a welterweight battle featuring your favorite Icelandic cyborg, Gunnar Nelson…

(“Dilegua, o notte! Tramontate, stelle! Tramontate, stelle! All’alba vincerò! Vincerò, vincerò!”)

With Brendan Schaub riding back-to-back first-round knockout losses against Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Ben Rothwell, you’d think the UFC would want to set him up with an opponent who was less likely to leave him staring up at the lights. Bro, not so much. The UFC has confirmed that Schaub will return to the cage on the star-packed UFC on FOX 5: Henderson vs. Diaz card (December 8th, Seattle) against heavyweight knockout artist Lavar Johnson.

Johnson most recently suffered his first loss in the UFC when he was quickly armbarred by Stefan Struve at UFC 146, but that loss followed a pair of stunning first-round knockout victories against Joey Beltran and Pat Barry. While Brendan Schaub may carry a slightly more varied arsenal than Johnson, Schaub’s main weakness (his chin) matches up terribly with Johnson’s main strength (his big-ass fists). And the Hybrid needs to find a solution to that problem, because a third straight KO loss could mean the end of the line for his UFC run.

In other UFC on FOX 5 news…

(Just so you know, Rolles is the one on the bottom.) 

Sad news for those of you who were still clinging to the insane hope that Fedor Emelianenko would be the man to challenge Junior Dos Santos for the UFC Heavyweight title –all six of you– as the rumor currently circulating the MMA blogosphere has “The Last Emperor’s” potential opponent bar set a little…lower. Go figure.

Yes, according to none other than Rolles Gracie himself, via his Twitter, it looks like the other member of the Gracie clan to go one-and-done in the UFC is currently negotiating with M-1 Global to put the fight together this summer, stating:

 Where there is smoke there is fire. My manager is under negotiation with M1. We’re really close to make this fight against Fedor to happen.

Don’t get too excited, Rolles, we all know how tasking the typical M-1 negotiation can be.

(Dude. Don’t even get me started about mustard water. / Props: hypeordie)

After knocking out Christian Morecraft at UFC on FX 1 last month, Pat Barry has booked his next fight. The heavyweight kickboxer will face Lavar Johnson on the main card of UFC on FOX 3, May 5th in New Jersey, which will officially be headlined by a five-round lightweight contest between Nate Diaz and Jim Miller.

Lavar Johnson scored the Knockout of the Night during last weekend’s UFC on FOX 2 card, by smashing Joey Beltran in the first round of their preliminary card meeting. The win snapped a two-fight losing streak that Johnson had carried over from his stint in Strikeforce. His upcoming scrap with Barry seems like a way for the UFC to guarantee some much-needed excitement for their next FOX broadcast. As for Barry, it’s an opportunity to bump his UFC record over .500 and secure back-to-back victories for the first time in his UFC career.

In other May booking news…

Swanson vs. Roop provided an early candidate for Side-Punchface of the Year. Props: UFC.com

Remember how last night, you invited your non-MMA fan friends over to introduce them to our sport? You spent the past week talking about how Chael Sonnen is one of the best trash talkers in professional sports, and how technical and talented these fighters were. You figured that after three fights that were guaranteed to be exceptional, your friends would be won over to MMA fandom. Then you’d continue to drink and be merry all night, and we’d all meet up here today for our traditional post-UFC event GIF party where we all high five over how awesome the fights were.

Well, it didn’t quite work out that way. Instead, you found yourself doing damage control as you watched three fights worth of sloppy brawling, wall and stall and Chael Sonnen’s blatant swaggerjacking of homage to “Superstar” Billy Graham. You tried to convince them that the fights are usually nothing like this, and that these guys gassing out and the end of the first round are world class athletes. Eventually, one of your friends said “I bet Pacquiao would destroy ANY of these guys” as the rest of your friends grabbed their coats and said they’d call you next time they wanted to watch the fights.

Okay, so last night sucked. But we’ve been planning this party all week, and we’ll be damned if we cancel it at this point. So grab an alcoholic beverage, put on your gaudiest Affliction shirt and join us for our traditional post-UFC event GIF Party.

As always, praise be to Zombie Prophet at IronForgesIron.com for the GIFS.

(DON’T MOVE ROB! There is the biggest hornet on your nose right now!) 

A battle between undefeated heavyweights Stipe Miocic and Philip De Fries has recently been booked for the UFC’s upcoming debut on FUELTV, which transpires February 15th at the CenturyLink and Cornmeal Center in Omaha, Nebraska.

After starting off his professional career with five straight (T)KO victories, all coming within the first two rounds, Croatian-born Stipe Miocic scored a second round leglock submission over Bobby Brents to earn himself a call from the UFC. In his debut, Miocic would handle tough veteran Joey Beltran with a deft combination of leg kicks and takedowns en route to a unanimous decision victory. Though his choice to sport the same checkerboard trunks as the legendary Mirko Cro Cop would earn him the ire of many keyboard warriors across the nation, a win over De Fries, specifically a head kick KO, would certainly give him some breathing room. De Fries, on the other hand, had finished all of his opponents (excluding a No Contest against Dave Wilson) via submission before making his UFC debut, where he scored his own unanimous decision win over Rob Broughton at UFC 138.