If you’re curious, this is how we look without a shirt. Just take our word for it. PicProps: FiveKnuckles

We had a bit of a “WTF?” moment as we perused the card for this weekend’s Strikeforce Challengers card, and not because we fell for “Fedor is on the card!!” again. No, we were a little confused to see that an intriguing welterweight matchup between world-tourist Jason High and KOTC-standout Quinn Mulhern was relegated to the preliminaries of a Challengers card, which is sort of like Cam Newton and A.J. Green playing catch in the parking lot outside a Kansas City Command game. (To our international readers: sorry, we hope you followed that.)

Well, someone obviously heard that we were confused. After middleweights Antwain Britt and Danillo Villefort both suffered injuries, their fight was scratched and High-Mulhern was promoted to the main card. We didn’t realize we had that much pull, but it’s good to know for future reference.

(Props: MMA Scraps)

Those of you who had your FightPicker pools ruined by Rich Clementi’s second-round TKO loss at King of the Cage on Saturday night may have found yourselves drinking stale coffee in your squalid apartments on Sunday morning, staring out the dirty window at the stray cats stalking the dumpsters in the alley and wondering aloud, ‘How the hell did Clementi get beat by Quinn Mulhern? Who the hell is Quinn Mulhern, anyway? And why is my life so horribly depressing?’

The answer to at least one of those questions can be found in a UG post by “No Love” himself, who explained his sub-par performance thusly:

The UFC’s most promising (and most eerily emotionless) welterweight prospect has just experienced an important rite of passage — his first injury withdrawal. As confirmed by UFC officials, Icelandic grappling phenom Gunnar Nelson will be unable to meet Mike Pyle at UFC 160: Velasquez vs. Bigfoot 2, scheduled for May 25th in Las Vegas. According to Gunnar’s father/manager Haraldur Nelson, it’s a knee injury that will require surgery. A timetable for his return hasn’t been announced.

Injuries have actually plagued both of Nelson’s previous UFC fights. His first win in the Octagon came against DaMarques Johnson, who was replacing the injured Pascal Krauss. Nelson’s second win came against Jorge Santiago, who was replacing the injured Justin Edwards. And now, the UFC Injury Demon has gone from teasing Nelson to actually taking a chunk out of his ass, so to speak.

Replacing Nelson against Pyle at UFC 160 will be Rick Story, who most recently TKO’d Strikeforce/KOTC standout Quinn Mulhern at UFC 158 last month. Pyle is coming off a superb 2012 during which he scored first-round KO/TKOs of Ricardo Funch, Josh Neer, and James Head. Pyle vs. Story is expected to be on the FX portion of the 5/25 card.

(One day left to wait, folks. Just one day. Photo courtesy of MMAMania.)

The UFC 158 weigh-ins have just finished wrapping up from the Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. And since we’ve…you know, recently been inspired to cut through the bullshit for once in our lives, we’ll skip the bullshit introduction or whatever and get right to the bullshitty video and pampered, bullshit results, which await you after the jump. WHERE YOU AT, GEORGES?!

Sure, regional events like King of the Cage and Rage in the Cage don’t have the same big-name caché as UFC and Strikeforce shows, but let’s be serious — it’s still dudes beating each other up. If you don’t find that entertaining, feel free to spend your weekend catching up on old episodes of Private Practice, you sick freak.

Where were we? Oh right, the fights this weekend. Set your DVRs, folks, because this Friday’s King of the Cage card — which is providing us with the first seven questions in our current FightPicker pools — will be broadcast on HDNet, starting at 10 p.m. ET. The show promises three title fights (at heavyweight, bantamweight, and flyweight), plus appearances by UFC vets Rich Clementi, Travis Wiuff, and Mike Kyle. Watch it live and you can be the first person to gloat when your picks come in. As for the BAMMA and RITC events, you’ll just have to trust us when we tell you the results later. Not to sound like a broken record, but please join FightPicker if you haven’t already, and if you’re one of the 1,660 people who have started FP accounts but haven’t entered any pools yet, it’s this kind of indecision and lack of follow-through that’s taking our once-proud country straight to hell.

Very important note: Even though KOTC has been advertising a featured matchup between submission artists Rich Clementi and Anthony Lapsley, "No Love" has announced that he’ll actually be fighting Quinn Mulhern instead. If you’re playing the game this week, please re-visit your pools and edit accordingly.

These guys know what I’m talking about.

With all of the MMA available this weekend, you had to expect to sit through at least a few decisions. Maybe even a few overreactions to a subpar performance. Last night, Strikeforce Challengers 16 delivered on your expectations. Fans at the ShoWare Center in Kent, Washington sat through six straight unanimous decisions, with every fight on the televised portion of the card ending this way. Yet despite the lack of stoppages, most of last night’s fights were still pretty entertaining.

Fodor vs. Terry was a very entertaining scrap, with both lightweights landing hard shots throughout the fight. However, whenever the fight went to the ground, Caros Fodor clearly controlled the action, earning him the decision. The AMC Pankration prospect improved to 11-3, with four consecutive victories under the Strikeforce banner. Excuse me for pointing out the extremely obvious, but Fodor really deserves a step up in competition.

That’s right, JZ. Dress for the job you want to have.

Joe Silva isn’t the only matchmaker working overtime lately. Strikeforce matchmaker Rich Chou Sean Shelby has been as busy shoring up the organization’s upcoming June cards.

The second leg of the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix (June 18^th-Dallas, TX) will also feature the return of Gesias “JZ” Cavalcante, who will be climbing into the cage for the first time since his October fight against Josh Thomson, a loss that everyone but the judges thought was close as hell. His opponent will be AKA’s Justin Wilcox, who bludgeoned Rodgrigo Damm in a first round stoppage at Strikeforce Challengers 15 last April.

Two more match ups after the jump.

(Video via YouTube.com/AllElbows)

It may have lost some steam along the way, but the Heavyweight Grand Prix, Strikeforce’s little engine that could, is pulling into the station this evening. Tournament finalists Daniel Cormier and Josh Barnett will slug it out to decide who rules the now-defunct Strikeforce Heavyweight division and get their face plastered on one of those cheesy motivational office posters. Cormier, the two-time Olympian, tipped the scales at 238lbs; his opponent, Josh Barnett, will enjoy a 10lb advantage when they climb into the cage. Those of you ballsy enough to bet “other” as the tournament winner way back in January ’11 are on the verge of a mega-payout this evening.

Strikeforce Lightweight champ Gilbert Melendez will defend his title in a rubbermatch against Josh Thompson. Rumors swirled online that a serious knee injury would sideline “The Punk” from tonight’s bout, but he was able-bodied enough to step up on the scale. Both men tallied a weight of 153lbs and will look to settle the score in San Jose.

We’re liveblogging the crap out of this thing tonight, so join us back here for the festivities.

Full weigh-in results are after the jump.

(Barnett has his throat-slash. Roy Nelson has his belly-rub. Lorenz Larkin just stands there and poops in his diaper. Props: Strikeforce)

Tomorrow night, Strikeforce returns to the ShoWare Center in Kent, Washington for one of the most compelling ‘Challengers’ events in recent memory. “Fodor vs. Terry” kicks off on Showtime at 11 p.m. ET, and features a pack of exciting prospects. Here’s a quick rundown of the five-fight main card, plus videos of some of their recent performances…

Caros Fodor (10-3) vs. James Terry (10-2)
Fodor is a Washington native who trains under Matt Hume at AMC Pankration. Eight of his ten victories have come by way of submission, but he was able to score his first stoppage-via-strikes in his last fight, battering a worn-out David Douglas until he earned a standing TKO in the third frame. He’s a perfect 3-0 in the Strikeforce organization, and will be looking to move another rung up the lightweight ladder against Cung Le protege James Terry, who has won his last three fights, two by first-round knockout.

(Caros Fodor’s TKO of David Douglas, 4/1/11)

(James Terry’s KO of Josh Thornburg, 4/1/11)

Rousey vs. Budd. Things get ugly about thirty seconds in. Props: IronForgesIron.com

Heading into last night, many people were calling Ronda Rousey the new face of women’s MMA. And why not? She is a decorated judoka who has finished all three of her professional fights in less than one minute. Rousey was given a step up in competition against Julia Budd at last night’s Strikeforce Challengers 20.

If you’ve followed Ronda Rousey’s MMA career at all, then you probably knew how the fight would look even before watching it. For those of you who are new to WMMA: Rousey quickly got Julia Budd to the ground. She established mount, and worked for an armbar. Julia Budd tried to fight through it, and got her arm snapped as a result. Total time? Thirty nine seconds. Forget the second round- Ronda Rousey is yet to see the second minute of a professional fight, having armbarred all four of her opponents less than one minute into the opening round.

Let’s be honest — trying to predict the results of fights between guys you don’t really know is a fool’s errand. But we appreciate those of you who set aside logic and participated in MMA FightPicker last week anyway. I placed a respectable third in my pool (Contender Pool 10 #308 represent!), but was ultimately sunk by the upsets at King of the Cage: Vengeance. UFC vet Rich Clementi did his career no favors by getting TKO’d by young upstart Quinn Mulhern (video here), while Mike Kyle wore down the much larger Travis Wiuff with strikes until an exhausted Wiuff collapsed against the cage at the end of the second round. In the event’s title fights, KOTC heavyweight champ Tony Lopez picked up his 16th-straight win by finishing Tyler East with a triangle choke, while bantamweight champ Abel Cullum subbed Joe Coca via kimura in the first round.

As for the other action in last week’s pools, Alan Omer proved his status as a featherweight to watch by sinking a triangle choke on Paul Reed in the fourth round of their title fight at BAMMA 2, and dangerous Icelander Gunnar Nelson kept his undefeated streak alive by finishing Sam Elsdon in the first by rear-naked choke. Don’t ask me about the fights at Rage in the Cage; a couple dudes won by decision, and that’s all you need to know.

The top three players going into last week failed to pick up any chips (LOSERS!), allowing some new names to storm up the leaderboard. Currently in first place with 385 chips is Steffmeister, who must be a die-hard King of the Cage fan with at least a working knowledge of the British featherweight scene. Rounding out the top 5 are…

2) brade1584: 355 PotatoChips
3) Ciarán Parnell: 350 PotatoChips
4) Jokulgoblin: 275 PotatoChips
5) Aaron Rampey: 270 PotatoChips


They’re up there, but you can still catch ‘em if you beat some ass in this week’s pools, which focus on UFC 110 in Australia. Take a look at the questions after the jump, make your picks at fightpicker.cagepotato.com, and stay tuned because our first prize pools are launching this week. Thrilling details to come…

With a chest like that, Shawn Jordan deserves a special place in our hearts

Let’s pretend that you’re a novice MMA fan. You just started watching the sport after being at a bar that was showing “one of those UFC events”, and you want to follow this sport more closely. Specifically, you want to be able to watch the sport’s brightest prospects fighting on the same card while it’s still mostly for recognition. Then let me tell you everything you need to know: The UFC 135 Facebook prelims begin at 5:30 ET. You’re welcome.

For those of you who really want to be hardcore fans, and want to know about the brightest prospects of the minor leagues fighting to be somewhat more famous minor league prospects, we got your back, too. Strikeforce Challengers 19 went down last night in Las Vegas last night at the Palms Resort Casino. While most of the fighters were pretty rough around the edges, the crowd was still treated to some decent fights.

In the main event, light heavyweight prospect Lorenz Larkin remained undefeated by edging out Nick Rossborough for a unanimous decision victory. Despite accepting the fight on short notice, Nick Rossborough kept the fight close throughout the first round by utilizing the clinch against the shorter Larkin. However, Larkin managed to wear Rossborough down with leg kicks throughout the second round, and opened up a cut on Rossborough’s forehead with elbows in the third. Lorenz Larkin is now 12-0 in his MMA career, while Nick Rossborough falls to 20-15.

Come on Internet, where are all the awesome fan-made promos? VidProps: mleqs

Damn, we’re glad we didn’t make plans this summer, because we’re going to be typing our hands off over the next few weeks. After the warm up-act of the TUF 13 Finale, we enter one of those fun times when there’s always another show coming up to talk about: we’ll have some big MMA event every weekend. That’s good for you, since we’re less likely to try something new and different. Also good for us, because ideas are hard.

This Weekend

Friday, 10 June — MFC 30: Up Close and Personal The biggest MMA promotion in Canada returns for action, featuring Drew Fickett vs Brian Cobb, Marcus Davis vs Pete Spratt, Thomas Denny vs Sheldon Westcott, and the other Lima brother in welterweight action. Stay tuned for a full preview of the card.

Saturday, 11 June — UFC 131: Carwin vs Dos Santos. More like UFC 131: Snakebit, right? (Just kidding. But seriously.) Carwin vs Dos Santos; plus a pretty nice list of compelling names, but not a lot of intriguing matchups (Poirier vs who?) On the other hand, we couldn’t agree on many predictions while discussing this for the Bum Rush, so no telling how the card goes. Plus, Nick Ring vs James Head jokes will write themselves for a week, easy. Success!

(Mike Guymon highlight reel, courtesy of JokersWildFA.)

Two promising welterweights will be making their Octagon debuts against each other at UFC Fight Night 20, which goes down this coming Monday (1/11) at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia. Allow us to introduce you to…

MIKE "Joker" GUYMON (WW)
Experience: 11-2-1 record (all wins by stoppage), primarily competing in King of the Cage, where he is the reigning welterweight champion. Last fought in October, when he earned a fourth-round TKO over Quinn Mulhern. Hasn’t lost since a split-decision against Pat Healy at an IFL event in June 2007.
Will be fighting: Rory Macdonald (see below)
Lowdown: With a decade of experience in the game, Mike Guymon has been one of MMA’s most respected ambassadors, serving as one of the original members of the TapouT crew and running his own fight school in California. In December 2008, the 35-year-old captured KOTC’s welterweight title with a fifth-round submission victory over Anthony Lapsley; Guymon has successfully defended his belt twice since then. In August, he made news for a near-tragic suicide attempt/armed standoff in Orange County following troubles in his personal life, but has found peace through re-committing himself to the sport that he loves: "I wanted to prove to people that it’s possible to get in the ring after trying to commit suicide. I sometimes need 16 hours a week of therapy to deal with this thing. But this is living proof not to give up and that good things will happen.”

Some of you will look at the above image and start doing joyous cartwheels around the room. Some of you will just see a poster for a local MMA card held at a county fair and say “I don’t get it.” And that’s because you haven’t been introduced to the prophetic glory of Dan Quinn.

For the unfamiliar, Quinn is a 4-4-1 professional fighter who’s had the dual honors of being choked out by Frank Mir and going three rounds with Jason Lambert. As a linebacker at Notre Dame, he once picked Iron Head Heywood out of the air at fourth and inches; it was, in Quinn’s estimation, the greatest stop in college football history. (Quinn was later kicked off the team amid allegations of sexual assault.) He once knocked out five men in one night at Juanita’s in Encinitas, California. He’s discovered the secret of weight loss and tumor-melting, via Stevia and cold fission. And oh yeah, he’s preparing for his first fight since a January ’05 TKO loss to Dan Molina, and will be facing Dave Huckaba, who has knocked out Bo Cantrell twice, once in 26 seconds and once in five seconds.

But those are just facts, and statistics, and they don’t really tell the story of a man. To understand who Dan Quinn really is, you’ll have to watch his shirtless mirror-rants on YouTube.

Mauro haters, hit mute now. Actually, everyone hit mute and read what I say about the fights below. (Video: YouTube/ShoSports)

Bruised and battered. Cut and bloodied. Josh Barnett’s face wasn’t one of a man who got out-wrestled last night. Olympic-level or not, wrestling doesn’t leave you looking like you put your head through a meat grinder. Don’t get me wrong, he did get out-wrestled last night, he just got out-struck as well. He got out-everythinged, if you want to get technical.

It didn’t have to be that way, of course. A lot of men would have wilted earlier–much earlier–in the onslaught of Daniel Cormier’s attack. But Barnett never thought of taking the easy way out, and today his face testifies to the evolving game of Cormier. The AKA product showed great versatility in his striking, staggering Barnett with heavy hands, head kicks, and knees. His combinations come fast, hard, and often, which explains why his hand surgeon is on retainer (yeah, he broke his hand again last night). When he did grab hold of “The War Master”, his grappling pedigree shone as well. He sent Barnett stumbling across the cage from the clinch and dolled out single-leg frequent flier miles, at one point flipping the former UFC champion in the air before slamming him to the mat.

(We’ll always have South Bend. VidProps: YouTube/Marijuana Muscle)

Well, for once it turned out Dan Quinn wasn’t just bullshitting us. The World’s Most Craziest Man really did fight UFC vet and former reality TV star Aaron Brink in some kind of bizarre-o “striking only” bout last night. Not to ruin it for you, but the results are sadly predictable for anyone who knows,  in general, what a bad idea it is to sanction a fight featuring A) A crazy man or B) A guy who just got out of jail. In this case, Dan Quinn falls into both categories. (Ed. Note: Somewhere in the bowels of the San Diego lock-up, I hope you’re paying attention, War Machine. This is your future.)

Perhaps the California State Athletic Commission has some kind of minimum required amount of mental illness that must be present in the cage at all times, because some genius opted to let our man Sensei Cecil referee this bad boy. Homey plays it pretty straight during the first round, but then breaks out his patented karate chop to begin round two.  If you don’t want  further spoilers, don’t follow the jump until after you’ve watched the “fight.”

(Video courtesy YouTube and stevia)

There’s something reassuring about watching a Dan Quinn video. I don’t know if it’s knowing that no matter how crazy I may get as I get older, there’s no way I’ll ever claim that I’m a self-trained scientist who has discovered that the cure for every disease known to mankind is drinking a mixture of a sugar substitute and water. Or maybe it’s the fact that every time he posts another one of his more increasingly psychotic rants, my original inclination that he was a character attempting to pull off the ultimate troll-job evaporates more and more, like the soap floating on top of pure H2O and I realize that he is a legit whack job, which gives me faith that not everyone on the Internet is lying about who they are.

As many of you know, gone-before-his-time super-heavyweight Ross Clifton was a friend and training partner to batshit Stevia spokesperson Dan Quinn. We decided to cruise over to Quinn’s YouTube channel to see if he had released a statement about Clifton, and sure enough, there’s this 11-minute missive that he recorded last night. Quinn describes Clifton as an angel who was already penciled in as the Little John to his Robin Hood. Then, he shows us a strange Craigslist w4m ad that he came across, and the even stranger 5,000-word manifesto that he wrote in response. (The best part comes at 5:58: "I’m thinking this is definitely worth the price of admission to a cool coffee place of your choosing. Multiple exits, tons of people, as safe a coffee date as there ever was one." Note to Craigslist surfers: Trying to reassure your prospective hookups that they will definitely not get fritzl’d usually has the opposite effect.) Later, Quinn’s tough-guy facade begins to crack, and he tries to bury the hatchet with arch-nemesis Cal Worsham, and vows to avenge the wife and children of Clifton, should they ever come to harm. Sorry for your loss, Maitreya.

Previously: WAR QUINN!!!

(Mike Tyson‘s first night as Dana White’s bodyguard was also his last. / Photo via the UFC 160 weigh-in photos gallery on MMAFighting.com)

The FX Prelims broadcast for UFC 160 kicks off tonight at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT, and our man Anthony Gannon will be laying down live round-by-round results after the jump. So will Khabib Nurmagomedov redeem himself after shitting the bed at yesterday’s weigh-ins? Can Mike Pyle enter the four-fight win streak club? And which obscure TUF winner will we have to start caring about, Colton Smith or Robert Whittaker? Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest updates, and use the comments section to let us know you’re here.

(Video: TMZ.com. Props to reader Jeff Willson–Salem Oregon–for the tip)

If you haven’t followed Dan Quinn‘s insanity over the years, you’ve been missing out. The man may very well be MMA’s most tortured mind, and that’s seriously saying something. Things started off simply enough with him issuing YouTube challenges to the UFC’s best, bragging about his hands and his accomplishments in college football. Then he, along with Diego Sanchez, discovered the healing power of Stevia, nature’s answer to Sweet’N Low

For years he’s been preaching the Stevia gospel, claiming it ‘melted a tumor’ out of Octagon girl Ali Sonoma, but recently things have taken a turn for the (more) bizarre. He’s posted conversations with a mysterious caller who loosely claims affiliation with both the UFC and some sort of global power/secret society, offering him hush money and power in exchange for his silence. Another recent YouTube video of a conversation with police regarding threats of violence toward a veterinarian has since been deleted.

Things get crazier after the jump…

(Props: DanQuinnSteviaFan)

Yes, I know it seems like Dan Quinn is off his lithium. Real talk: He’s simply expressing deep rage in a civilized manner. In this recent rant, Quinn curses out his mom for evicting him because she can’t accept the fact that he was tied to a tree by Fred Reeva for four and a half hours when he was eight years old and abused pretty much his whole childhood, and also because she didn’t have his back when he was accused of attempted rape at Notre Dame, ruining one of his several shots at becoming a millionaire, considering he was a white outside linebacker that could cover black running backs downfield, and she even went to town on his body with Hot Wheels tracks when he was a kid (by the way, check out his wrist-vein at the 6:58 mark — what’s up with that?), but it’s understandable because she was hit in the head with a baseball bat when she was a child and still has a dent in her forehead and is hypoglycemic on top of that, but nevertheless, there’s a lot of people who would let him stay in his car in front of their house and take showers. And then, with the timing of a veteran comedian, he rear-ends a parked car. File the papers, bitch.

We’re just hours away from UFC 152, where we will be treated to great fights between our sport’s top athletes. So, to get us in the mood for tonight’s action, let’s take a look at something completely different. Before establishing himself as the destroyer of Tater freakin’ Williams, top XARM heavyweight* Bond Laupua made his MMA debut against renowned crazy person Dan Quinn at Gladiator Challenge: First Strike in October 2009. And despite everything about pitting a future XARM athlete fighter competitor against a wild-eyed Stevia enthusiast seeming legitimate, the fight quickly turned into a bizarre freak show.

(Video courtesy YouTube/steviaplaya)

After spending 45 days in county jail, Dan Quinn is a free man and he’s wasting no time getting his blood saturated with  lines of Stevia and homemade weed butter while rehabbing his injured shoulder with an electronic muscle stimulator.

In this segment, the inventor of Pure H₂0 ^tm addresses President Obama (because we all know Barack subscribes to Dan’s YouTube page), talks about how the drink crystals in jail gave him receding nipples and mutters something about wanting to be like TimeCop so he can go back and fight Jack Dempsey, but for the most part he didn’t have anything interesting to say except that he’s planning on fighting stoned in his upcoming stand-up only superfight with Aaron "the fighter-turned-pornstar-turned-junkie on the" Brink.

All I’m saying is somebody better film it, because it’s going to be awesome if it happens.

^{Disclaimer: Dan was unable to consume any Pure H20 tm while in prison, and as such, put on a bit of weight since he did not have the benefit of stevia to melt away fat. Do not be alarmed by his lack of abs in this video)} 
(Video courtesy YouTube/Cold fission, playa)

Dan Quinn posted a new video on his YouTube channel last night and in typical DQ style it doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense, but like any train wreck, I’m compelled to watch it.

He’s worse than two girls one cup.

In this clip, he talks about his 45-day stint in "a level 4 prison," the fact that he would beat Randy Couture in a pure striking MMA match-up with no kicks or takedowns and weighs in on the Sandra Bullock/Jesse James divorce.

The best quote from the video: "When I get fucking spun spun on stevia and weed — because I use Pure H20 ^tm and stevia to rid my body of all toxins…um…you know what? I kind of become a version of Iron Man."

For the record, when Dan shouts out his prison homies, Spencer, Patrick and "that stud from Canada," he was not referring to me.

I’m going to have to try his money saving suggestion to use stevia in place of cocaine at my "Scarface coke parties." Remind me, though, when I start doing my whacked out shirtless video blogs for CP to tidy up my room a bit.

(Props: jay2005us)

Last night at a Gladiator Challenge event at the Shingle Springs Rancheria — near the Red Hawk Casino in Placerville, California — Dan Quinn harnessed the combined power of the White Cure and all his departed angels to knock Bond Lapua‘s teeth down his throat. Lapua, who may have been making his MMA debut, came out like a house on fire, snapping some nasty leg kicks and landing a crushing right hand that almost ended Dan’s night, then beating him up a bit in the clinch. I dare you to guess what happened next, player. After a few well-placed power punches, Lapua Cro-Copped out of the fight, a thoroughly broken man.

The TKO over Lapua was Quinn’s second straight victory. Remember when we used to laugh at this dude for even suggesting that he could take out Kimbo Slice? Quinn vs. Slice, October 2009, no leg kicks, no takedowns, just throwin’ hands: Who takes it?

(Props: MMA Scraps)

With Dana White laying low for a while, Chuck Liddell has been recruited to handle video blog duties in the days leading up to UFC 97 — and the Iceman quickly proves that he can be just as boring as his boss. Watch as Chuck does a radio appearance, hangs with boxing coach Howard Davis, defends Dana’s recent controversial vlog (without actually having seen it) and gets his toenails did.

Below: What, you thought the White Cure was just smoke-and-mirrors, player? News flash — it’s manna straight from heaven. After preparing for a fight by smoking weed and snorting Stevia, poet-warrior Dan Quinn taps out some guy at some show last week. Somebody tell Quinn’s cornerman Ross Clifton to join the pound-a-month club, stat…

Above: MMA/video-game mashup artist lookoutawhale created this Dana White/Super Mario Bros tribute for a UG contest to win tickets to DW’s St. Patrick’s Day party in Boston, and it’s pretty Fuk’n amazing. If only dealing with your rivals was as simple as jumping on their heads.

Below: The more I watch Dan Quinn‘s videos, the more I’m convinced that he’s not a real person, but a highly trained actor playing a character named "Dan Quinn," and the whole YouTube video thing is just a brilliant guerilla marketing campaign for Starwest Botanicals. Because honestly, how can this person not be in on the joke? Yes, that’s his mom who comes by to bust Dan’s weed party at the 4:44 mark, and remind him that "that thing is still simmering." So yes, he lives with his mother. He also alludes to a knowledge about methamphetamine that rivals his knowledge about marijuana and stevia. Why are we not surprised?

After the jump: Some lucky dickhead teaches you how to reverse guard, with the help of two very sexy girls. The last shot = possibly NSFW, totally OMFG.

(Watch the UFC 154: St-Pierre vs. Condit weigh-ins right here, starting at 4:00 p.m. ET / 1 p.m. PT. Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

- UFC 154 Fight Week Notes, Quotes and Stats (MMAFighting)

- Georges St-Pierre: ‘I Have A Hard Time Watching Girls Fighting’ (Fightline)

- Carlos Condit and 9 UFC Fighters Who Are Unfairly Criticized (BleacherReport)

- Fighter/pimp Shonie Carter with one of his investment-properties, circa 2001 (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

- For the Hardcore MMA Fans Out There, Check Out This Amazing Dan Quinn Compilation (MiddleEasy)

- Dana White: Silva vs. St. Pierre Superfight Could Happen In May (HeavyMMA)

- Bulk Up Without Lifting a Weight (MensFitness)

- 20 Awkward Things Women Do After Sex (Complex)

- 5 Reasons Modern Horror Movies Suck (EgoTV)

- Turkey Tits? Turkey Tits. (WorldWideInterweb)

- Razor Tales: Legends the Barbershop (MadeMan)

- The Fleshlight Box Incident (HolyTaco)

- The Fleshlight Box Incident: Aftermath (HolyTaco, again)