(Kampmann does some of his best thinking on the streets, right around dusk, wearing his UFC sweatshirt.  You wouldn’t understand, man.)

You have to love it when an MMA fighter explains why he turned down a fight that the UFC offered him and begins with the phrase, ‘No disrespect to [name of fighter he is disrespecting], but…’  It’s as smooth a move as saying, ‘Don’t take this the wrong way,’ right before you say something that you know will be taken the wrong way.  That’s basically what Martin Kampmann is doing while explaining to Versus.com why he turned down a fight with T.J. Grant that has been all over the internets the last couple days as if were totally official:

“No disrespect to T.J. Grant, but I don’t think it’s a fight that makes any sense for me at the moment,” Kampmann said. “I want to fight some higher ranked guys. I never even knew who the guy was, and he’s probably a tough guy. But I want to fight guys who make sense for me and who can escalate me up the ladder more, so I didn’t accept that fight. I don’t know what happened, but apparently some miscommunication somewhere because I saw it all over the internet.”

(Ah, the Rumbleweight Diet, or as it’s known to the general public, the Fatkins diet. Well, played, Mr. Guida.) 

Just a reminder to make sure and swing by CagePotato at 4 p.m. ET/1 p.m. PT to catch the live weigh-ins and results for tomorrow night’s UFC on FX 4: Maynard vs. Guida event, which goes down from the Revel Casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

Although the card may be somewhat lacking in terms of drawing power, it does feature some top to bottom great matchups that are sure to entertain. And let’s be honest, it’s more stacked than any pay-per-view event you’ll be purchasing stealing this weekend. Aside from the five round main event between perennial lightweight contenders Clay Guida and Gray Maynard, we will be treated to the anticipated trilogy bout between Spencer Fisher and Sam Stout, which may very well be Fisher’s last in the octagon, as well as a pair of great contests between Muay Thai “Bad Boy” Brian Ebersole and submission whiz T.J. Walburger and featherweight sluggers Ross Pearson and Cub Swanson. The undercard kicks off with the long-awaited return of our boy Dan Miller, who will be taking on Brazilian Ricardo Funch.

We will be liveblogging all of the action starting tomorrow at 9 p.m ET, so if your Friday is looking less than spectacular, why not spend an evening with your favorite drunken slobs?

Video and full results after the jump. 

(If this is what’s going on inside a T.J. Maxx, why would you even need to go out back to get into a fight?)

Several of you alerted us to this story from the Kitsap Sun in Washington about a twenty-two-year-old man who provoked a fight with a group of people because he was “preparing for the Ultimate Fighting Championship and ‘he needed to practice getting knocked out so he could prepare.’”  Normally we’d just point and laugh and move on, but this story has so many terrific details that you simply couldn’t make up.

For instance:

- The man started this fight by throwing rocks at a group of men who “ranged in age from 15 to 50,” who were all, for some reason or another, hanging out behind a T.J. Maxx at 7:40 pm on a weeknight.  Guess their fathers never told them that nothing good happens behind a T.J. Maxx, ever, to anyone.

(I tell you what, if Maynard is able to catch Grant in his patented Indian rug burn, this shit is gonna be all over.) 

Figuratively speaking, Gray Maynard has not been involved in a UFC fight since he came up short against Frankie Edgar at UFC 136 in October of 2011. Sure, he did his best to nullify the “offense” of Clay Guida at UFC on FX 4 last June, but that exercise in tedium was less a fight and more like watching your cataract-stricken friend try to wrangle up all the cuccos in Kakariko Village on The Legend of Zelda. Although ”The Bully” was expected to face Joe Lauzon at UFC 155 last December, he was forced out of the bout with a knee injury that has sidelined him ever since.

But if the above gif is any indication, Maynard has been staying quite active on the sidelines and will be more than ready for his return to the octagon on May 25th at UFC 160, where he will face the streaking veteran T.J. Grant in a battle of top contenders. Grant has been on something resembling a killing spree lately, collecting four straight wins including a first round annihilation of Matt Wiman at UFC on Fox 6 last month. The far-and-away most impressive aspect of Grant’s recent wins has been the drastic improvement to his stand up game, an attribute he credits to the time he spent training in Thailand.

In a way, this fight is kind of a lose-lose for Maynard, at least by Ed Soares’ concept of the term.

Going somewhere with “Mayhem” Miller is in many ways like going somewhere with a live chimpanzee.  He can act human-like for extended periods of time, but there’s always a chance that he’s going to throw his poop at someone, probably at the exact worst moment.  The designers of the EA Sports game must have been feeling that way when they showed Mayhem his character in their video game.  Turns out they didn’t give him a very high skill rating, and he’s not going to be content to just boycott the game like T.J. Houshmandzadeh.  AllElbows.com captures his reaction in this video (for the full video of Mayhem and King Mo hanging out at EA Sports, go here) which is fun if only because it’s probably going to provide these video game designers with interesting stories to tell over dinner for the next six months.  Then their friends will all get tired of them again and everyone will go back to talking about TV shows in between bouts of uncomfortable silence and chewing.

 
(Okay, Nate Diaz is somewhat recognizable other than the fact that he’s as big as Carwin, but the others aren’t even close.)

If your only job was to create plastic facsimiles of MMA fighters for the action figure company you worked for, you’d think you might want to do it with at least *some* accuracy.

I’m guilty of owning a vintage Ken Shamrock WWF and a handful of Zakks Pacific figures that I bought spruce up my office a bit, but I’ve never seen a Round 5 model that I’ve had the desire to purchase.

They just seem like the design team is just phoning them in. The fact that they advertise them with a photo of the real fighter in the background which doesn’t even look a little bit like the toy version is somewhat odd.

(Beltran, as re-imagined by Sega.)

Last weekend’s Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman card was easily one of the most entertaining top-to-bottom cards in recent memory, providing us with a lightning quick (also, completely predictable) finish in the main event and an even quicker knockout in the co-main. But as is typical for a Strikeforce event, the night was not without controversy and a few judgmental errors. Herb Dean went completely against character when he botched the call in the Adlan Amagov/Keith Barry fight, and the decision to place former title challenger Meisha Tate’s comeback bout against Julie Kedzie on the prelims was nothing short of baffling.

But greater than witnessing Ronda Rousey‘s sixth straight first round armbar, greater even than OSP’s one-punch knockout of T.J. Cook, was that of referee Mike Beltran’s epic mustache. An “epistache” if you will. Why Beltran decided to become a referee instead of claiming his place atop the Whisker Wars podium is beyond us, but his hard work and dedication can not and will not be overlooked by us here at CagePotato. So join us after the jump for a brief GIF tribute to Beltran’s glorious stache, along with several gifs from the night’s fights, courtesy of the UG.

(Where’s a chaperone when you need one?)

Preliminary results from UFC 107 in Memphis, TN await you after the jump.  If you need someone to tell you that these may be spoilers, you should probably go ahead and let yourself freeze to death outside the Greyhound station right now.  No one will miss you.

Two dudes known for throwing bombs, and the only guy trying to look tough is the promoter in the background. (Pic: @danawhite)

Tomorrow night Dan Hardy could be fighting for his spot in the UFC, but he came up just a little short in his battle with the scales. Ditching the shorts brought him within a half pound of the 171lb Welterweight limit, but additional time will be needed to shed the excess weight. A quick rinse should take at least a few ounces of mousse out of his mohawk. (Update- the rinse worked! Hardy made weight).

Ben Henderson was the only other fighter to make use of the towel, though he made weight without the need for additional time. The only real heat from the event surfaced when Cole Miller and T.J. O’brien got to jawing during their tense staredown. Based solely on the weigh-ins, I’m going to make a bold prediction for the Jason Reinhardt-Edwin Figueroa bout: Reinhardt will piss hot for crystal meth.

Gifs of those two staredowns and full weigh-in results are after the jump.

(One day left to wait, folks. Just one day. Photo courtesy of MMAMania.)

The UFC 158 weigh-ins have just finished wrapping up from the Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. And since we’ve…you know, recently been inspired to cut through the bullshit for once in our lives, we’ll skip the bullshit introduction or whatever and get right to the bullshitty video and pampered, bullshit results, which await you after the jump. WHERE YOU AT, GEORGES?!

(Props: AllTheBestFights)

Ronaldo Souza‘s recent fights have proven that his standup skills are catching up with his tremendous ability on the mat — and his striking improvement reached an important milestone on Saturday night, when he scored the first lights-out K.O. of his nine-year fight career.

“Jacare” faced 9-1 Jackson’s MMA product Derek Brunson on the main card of Strikeforce: Rousey vs. Kaufman, and in Liddell-esque fashion, Souza found his opponent’s chin with a back-pedaling counter-right that dumped Brunson on his face. A few more follow-up shots, and it was all over. Even more impressive than Souza’s finishing power was the fact that he stopped throwing as soon as he saw that Brunson was unconscious — even if referee Mike “Stache God” Beltran clearly wanted the fight to keep going.

But Souza vs. Brunson wasn’t the only great knockout from this weekend’s Strikeforce card. After the jump: Ovince St. Preux’s one-punch shutoff of T.J. Cook.

(Who did this to my brother? I WANT HIS NAME!!) 

Another pair of interesting matches at 170 lbs. have recently been added to UFC 143′s already welterweight-stacked card. If you are anything like us, then you likely expected Matt Brown would receive his walking papers after dropping his fourth loss via submission (and second via guillotine) in his past five fights to Seth Baczynski at UFC 139. Well, it turns out Brown will be given another shot at UFC glory, and will be fighting for not only his Zuffa contract, but the chance to keep his record above .500 when he takes on TUF 13 cast member Chris Cope.

Cope will be looking to rebound from the devastating 40 second TKO loss he suffered at the hands (and more specifically, knees) of Che Mills in Mills’ UFC debut back at UFC 138.

And if neither pulled out? My God what a beautiful baby!

The fight cards for UFC 130 and UFC on Versus 4 are undergoing some minor renovations. It was announced yesterday that both Matt Riddle and Cody McKenzie have sustained injuries forcing them from their respective bouts.

The UFC will be conducting a pre-fight press conference today from Montreal ahead of their UFC 113 "Machida vs. Shogun 2" event at The Bell Centre Saturday night and Cage Potato will be broadcasting the event in it’s entirety live here at 2:00pm EST.

The fight card for the event is as follows:

UFC 113: Machida vs. Shogun II

The Bell Centre
Montreal, Quebec, Canada

MAIN CARD
Lyoto Machida vs. Mauricio "Shogun" Rua (Light Heavyweight Title Bout)
Paul Daley vs. Josh Koscheck
Jeremy Stephens vs. Sam Stout
Kevin "Kimbo Slice" Ferguson vs. Matt Mitrione
Alan Belcher vs. Patrick Cote

PRELIMINARY CARD
Joe Doerksen vs. Tom Lawlor
Marcus Davis vs. Jonathan Goulet
T.J. Grant vs. Johny Hendricks
Joey Beltran vs. Tim Hague
Mike Guymon vs. Yoshiyuki Yoshida
Jason MacDonald vs. John Salter
—–

Just a reminder that you must have Microsoft Silverlight installed on your computer to be able to view video on the web player that will appear after the jump.

(It’s particularly disappointing because Thiago’s face had just returned to normal.)

When it rains, it goddamned pours. The latest big-name UFC fighter to be scratched from an end-of-year card is Thiago Alves, who just went down with a knee injury — most likely a torn posterior cruciate ligament, if you want to get specific. Alves was scheduled to rematch Jon Fitch at UFC 107, and was coming in as a replacement for Ricardo Almeida, who suffered his own knee injury last week. No word yet on how long this will keep Alves sidelined, or if Fitch will be getting a replacement-replacement opponent for the December 12th show in Memphis. Matt Hughes, if there was ever a time to shut AKA’s collective mouth, it’s now. As it stands, UFC 107′s lineup looks like this:

(Now all he needs to do is fight CB Dollaway with one boxing glove. Photo courtesy of the UFC 100: Weigh Ins set on Combat Lifestyle.)

Spoilers after the jump…

(Photo courtesy of this set on CombatLifestyle.com)

Spoilers after the jump…

(“Do I *look* like I want to try on some slim-fit jeans today, you son of a bitch?!?” / Photo via FightDay)

After being hassled by The Man for two weeks due to a decade-old arrest, UFC heavyweight slugger Mark Hunt has successfully obtained his visa to travel to the United States for UFC 160 on May 25th, and will be departing from New Zealand sometime today. The UFC confirmed the news yesterday, and Hunt relayed the message himself with a quick tweet thanking God.

And so, Roy Nelson no longer needs to be hastily photoshopped into the poster. But the problem remains that Hunt is making the long trek to the States with less than a week to acclimate to the time-difference, which could hinder his performance. Will jet lag be the difference in this fight? Shoot us your predictions, and check out the complete lineup of UFC 160 after the jump…

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

We know it’s confusing, so we’ll try to make this as clear as possible…

- The weigh-ins for tomorrow night’s TUF 16 Finale are scheduled for today at 5 p.m. ET / 2 p.m. PT, and you can watch them live in the player above. We’ll be liveblogging the FX main card broadcast tomorrow night beginning at 9 p.m. ET.

- The weigh-ins for tonight‘s UFC on FX: Sotiropoulos vs. Pearson card went down yesterday in Australia, and we’ll be liveblogging the main card tonight beginning at 9 p.m. ET.

- The TUF 16 Finale, which features Roy Nelson vs. Matt Mitrione, Pat Barry vs. Shane Del Rosario, Melvin Guillard vs. Jamie Varner, and Dustin Poirier vs. Jonathan Brookins, is a pretty badass card. Honestly, if you only have time to watch one UFC event this weekend, make it this one — by which I mean tomorrow’s.

- Fun fact: Melvin Guillard plans on getting the lightweight title when he’s 35 or 40, so that he can retire shortly afterwards, rather than fade into obscurity like other guys who have fought for the title. It all makes sense now.

- We’ll be putting today’s weigh-in results after the jump. You’re welcome.

(“It looks like this artist…*puts on sunglasses*… finally got his SHOT at fame. YEAAAAHHHH!!!) 

There is perhaps no fighter in MMA history who has looked more deadly in victory and more broken in defeat than former WEC featherweight champion Urijah Faber. After dropping his umpteenth title bid (albeit one of those pesky interim ones) to Renan Barao at UFC 149, many MMA pundits were calling for “The California Kid’s” retirement, because in their eyes, being able to beat 98% of your division just isn’t good enough to warrant your existence.

Yet for some reason, it appears that Faber still wants to continue making boatloads of cash in this thing called MMA, and will return at UFC 156 to face off against Vaughan Lee.

Who in the blue Hell is Vaughan Lee, you ask? Good question.

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

The 24 fighters on tomorrow night’s UFC 152: Jones vs. Belfort card will be hitting the scales today at the Mattamy Athletic Centre at the Gardens in Toronto, and if you want to see what they look like surly and dehydrated, you’ve come to the right place. Watch all the face-offs, forehead-smushing, and possible weight-botches live in the player above, beginning at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m. PT. And come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow night at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT for our liveblog of the pay-per-view main card!

Update: The UFC 152 weigh-in results are now after the jump.

(I don’t see any braids, homeboy.) 

Tonight, the UFC makes its ever glorious return to FX, and if the undercard is any indication, we are in for a night of action packed goodness, Potato Nation. Clay Guida and Gray Maynard will battle for a spot amongst the endless string of lightweight contenders, and Spencer Fisher will be battling for his dignity against Sam Stout. Our very own Jared Jones will be liveblogging everything as it goes down, so join him as he recaps all the action as it plays out, won’t you?

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

UFC on FUEL TV: Korean Zombie vs. Poirier goes down tomorrow night at the Patriot Center in Fairfax, Virginia, and the weigh-ins are scheduled for today at 4 p.m. ET. You can watch the hot feet-on-scale action in the player above. Though we don’t foresee any hat-smacking or face-squishing, Tom Lawlor did promise to arrive with the most obscure MMA reference in UFC weigh-in history, so there’s that. [Photo is at the end of this post.] The full UFC on FUEL 3 fight card is after the jump, which are now updated with weigh-in totals. Come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow evening for our liveblog of the FUEL main card broadcast, which kicks off at 7 p.m. ET/4 p.m. PT.

(Diego Sanchez is like the movie Inception: A dream inside of a nightmare inside two more dreams which are actually nightmares. Photos courtesy of MMAJunkie.com)

All fighters made weight at yesterday’s UFC on FUELTV weigh-ins, which seemed to sail by at a faster pace than normal. Maybe it was the lack of name power, or perhaps it was the absence of the usual drama and near brawls that we have become accustomed to over the past few weeks. In either case, it was a reserved, quiet evening for all participants involved. Except Diego Sanchez. He doesn’t do “reserved.”

Instead, we were treated to what appeared to be a night of MMA fighters mimicking the looks of pseudo-celebrities. Sean Loeffler came out posing as the singer from Crazy Town, making it rain on the audience like they were the 2 a.m. shift at Scores, and Jonathan Brookins stuck with the Geico Caveman look that has gotten him some fine honeys up to this point. But the most bizarre shift in appearance undoubtedly went to Dave Herman, who pulled off Neil Fallon TO PERFECTION.*

(BANG BANG BANG BANG! VAMANOS VAMANOS!)

Join us after the jump for the full weigh in video and results.

(Success: Getting paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to do something you’d gladly do for free. Photo via UFC.com)

It wasn’t enough that Michael Bisping scored a mouth-shutting TKO victory over Jason Miller at the TUF 14 Finale, in which he out-struck Mayhem 150-38. Bisping also had the pleasure of earning nearly ten times as much cash as his rival. MMA Junkie released the salary list from Saturday’s TUF 14 Finale, which shows that the Count’s paycheck ate up 49% of the card’s $868,000 payroll (including disclosed bonuses). The numbers are below. According to our sources, Marcus Brimage already spent his sixteen grand on revolting sex acts.

Michael Bisping: $425,000 (includes $150,000 win bonus)
def. Jason “Mayhem” Miller: $45,000

Diego Brandao: $16,000 (includes $8,000 win bonus)
def. Dennis Bermudez: $8,000

(Props: Heavy via Cagewriter. / Bisping addresses his supporters at the 5:50 mark. )

At yesterday’s weigh-ins for the Ultimate Fighter 14 Finale, Michael Bisping did nothing to support his claims that there’s a somewhat decent person hiding underneath that bristly persona. The UFC middleweight contender missed weight by a quarter-pound — which he shed later — inviting boos from the crowd at the Palms in Las Vegas. After his opponent Jason Miller goaded the crowd further, telling them to “boo this man,” Bisping took the mic:

“I could give a fuck about getting fucking love. All I care about is smashing this dickhead’s head in. Tomorrow night, that’s gonna happen. Fuck you all.”

Our liveblog of the Spike TV main card kicks off at 8 p.m. ET. Check out the full weigh-in results from the TUF 14 Finale after the jump…

(Props: TheAzyunyh3)

This Saturday, the UFC lands at the Verizon Center in Washington D.C. for UFC Live: Cruz vs. Johnson (Versus, 9 p.m. ET). In the main event, bantamweight champion Dominick Cruz — who has virtually swept the 135-pound division with eight consecutive victories dating back to his time in the WEC — will take on wrestling specialist Demetrious Johnson, whose four-fight win streak includes recent decisions over Miguel Torres and Norifumi “Kid” Yamamoto. Their styles may be different but they both bring a relentless pace for every minute of their fights. Will Mighty Mouse be able to hang with the world’s best bantamweight in the first five-rounder of his career?

After the jump: The full lineup of UFC of Versus 6, which features a do-or-die fight between heavyweight strikers, the next appearance of a rising welterweight star, a rematch of a fight that ended in a controversial stoppage, and the Sassangle.

(When Donald was finished with his country-glam-rock version of “Home Sweet Home,” there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Mostly because the audience had all left by then. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.)

It’s kind of a long story, but due to a series of injuries and replacements, a lightweight prelim between John Makdessi and Paul Taylor slated for UFC on Versus 5 (August 14th, Milwaukee) eventually morphed into an even more compelling matchup between lanky cowboy-hatted veteran Donald Cerrone and young submission ace Charles Oliveira. That’s the good news. The even-better news is that Cerrone vs. Oliveira has been bumped to the event’s main card due to its awesomeness.

Cerrone is on a four-fight win streak, which includes submission victories over Chris Horodecki and Paul Kelly, but caught some criticism in his last outing — a lopsided decision victory over Vagner Rocha at UFC 131 — for arguably playing it safe rather than going for a finish. Meanwhile, Oliveira’s last victory was recently overturned to a no-contest due to the fact that he set up his rear-naked choke submission against Nik Lentz with a very blatant illegal knee, which everybody in the building spotted except for the referee.

After the jump, the full lineup for UFC on Versus 5, which looks pretty damn entertaining for a free card.

(Damn it, if you’d only told us this 15 minutes ago, we wouldn’t have eaten that Hot Pocket. Photo courtesy of the UFC Fight Night 24 Weigh In Pics gallery on CombatLifestyle.com)

All fighters hit their marks last night at the weigh-ins for UFC Fight Night: Nogueira vs. Davis, which goes down this evening at the Key Arena in Seattle. Despite the recent rumors of Anthony Johnson swelling up to 230 pounds before his training camp, Johnson arrived at 171 pounds and looked perfectly healthy in the process. Afterwards, an elated Rumble jumped on Twitter to share the good news: “I made weight so all u fuckin haterz can eat a mutha fuckin dick. Never doubt ME!!!”

Thanks for thinking of us, AJ! Full UFC Fight Night 24 weigh-in results are after the jump…

 
(A Croat, an asshole and a Brazilian walk into a bar…)

Frank Mir weighed in 25 pounds heavier than opponent, Cro Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic at today’s UFC 119 weigh-ins, dispelling any rumors that he is over his loss to Brock Lesnar and he will drop to light heavyweight any time soon.

Making weight, Filipovic got the final stamp on his Indianapolis fight license, which made him breathe a sigh of relief after an eye injury he sustained earlier this week in training left the bout in jeopardy.

Shortly after he weighed in, Croatian news outlets who had been asked by the fighter to not release the photo until after he was given the go-ahead to face mir by the commission printed this shot of Mirko’s injury taken immediately after the eye poke occurred.

Amazing how much he has healed in less than five days.

(Amazing what the power of Stevia can do for healing.)

Every fighter on the card checked in at their respective weight limits, thus making all of their fights official for tomorrow night.

Check out the official weights and the replay of the weigh-ins after the jump.