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Abe Wagner Kicks Tim Sylvia’s Fat Ass

(VidProps: YouTube/ZPsBackUp)

Tim Sylvia showed up at Titan Fighting Championships on Friday night looking very much like a 311-pound man who knew he had to get this over with in a hurry. Unfortunately for the rotund former UFC champ, Abe Wagner had the same idea. Both guys came out of their corners throwing heavy leather and it was Wagner – a +355 underdog despite appearing to have trained at least one day for this bout – who got to Sylvia first. He clipped the “Maine-iac” with a right hand above the eye in the early going and drove him across the cage flurrying punches (that mostly missed) before Sylvia ran out of real estate on the other side. There he was felled like a giant, flabby redwood by a left to the jaw and another right. When referee Jason Herzog jumped in to call a stop to the action, then hesitated, Wagner responded exactly as a fighter should in that circumstance: He walked away and started celebrating, creating such an awkward situation that Herzog had no choice but to wave things off.

Sylvia tried to protest the stoppage, but you could tell he was on wobbly legs. And not just because they were covered in cellulite, either.  The end came in just 32 seconds which – to answer Michael Schiavello and Frank Trigg’s question – is four seconds fewer than it took Fedor to topple Sylvia. The current part-time cop said prior to this bout that he believes police work will “help fill the void” when the time comes for him to retire from MMA. That time may be now. Fill the void, Tim. Fill it with something besides ice cream sandwiches.

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LOKI- January 31, 2011 at 9:28 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
dflash- January 30, 2011 at 1:23 pm
You would think Tim would have a better chin, considering he has 3 of them.
fatbellyfrank- January 29, 2011 at 4:59 pm
Wagner " you stole my bong dude"
Sylvia "i'd kick your ass Dawg but I cant breafe"
jzen555- January 29, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Cage Potato... Dedicated to talking shit!
Dick Renegade- January 29, 2011 at 2:39 pm
This is the most accurate headline for an article that I have ever seen.
busted_cranium- January 29, 2011 at 1:38 pm
@ Lysol:

*in Bruce Buffer voice*

Tim "The Graaaaavy-ac" Syllllviiiiia!

Fuck, does that have a ring to it or what? That should be put on a t-shirt with a gravy boat and a head shot of Timmy boy himself.
DangadaDang- January 29, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Tim your chin sucks and you crush women during sex. Roasted!
RaginAsian- January 29, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Timmy's torso looks like the puddle of silly putty you find behind the couch.
Lysol- January 29, 2011 at 11:41 am
@busted_cranium

Too late, I'm calling him "The Gravy-iac" until he stays under 300 lbs. So basically forever.
Horror Fighter- January 29, 2011 at 11:25 am
I hope they piss-tested Tim before the fight. From the look of his ripped physique, he's obviously on 'roids again.
myklhoey- January 29, 2011 at 11:22 am
I think the reff called that shit way to quik, sure tim was on rubba legs, but we have all seen people get rocked and come back. Not that i think he would have i just think it was premuture.
Syvia looked fuckin horrible, i mean like a fat fuckin webbel wobble, but that shit fell down, he should be ashamed comin out lookin like that, not just the weight, cause big counrty can handle with the tummy, but with the proformance.
Lol did the annoncer say" it is a battle of the giants, hell no", thats what it sounded like
DARKHORSE06- January 29, 2011 at 11:08 am
Fucking Tim! Me and the other guy in your fan club quit! Part time cop full time punching bag. Hang it up and spend more time getting your self respect back by working the reality dating circuit.
djp1988- January 29, 2011 at 11:05 am
Anyone else notice at the 38 second mark, announcer (and Paul Heyman lookalike) Justin "Ozone" Orndorff says "HELL NAW, BUDDY!"?
jimbonics- January 29, 2011 at 10:55 am
Maine is officially out of athletes.
Prometheus- January 29, 2011 at 10:48 am
That was just sad. Like everyone's saying, yeah, Tim needs to hang 'em up.

Also, ice cream sandwiches...mmm
just some dong- January 29, 2011 at 10:42 am
"Sylvia tried to protest the stoppage, but you could tell he was on wobbly legs. And not just because they were covered in cellulite, either."

Meh! Awesome.
Shatski- January 29, 2011 at 9:44 am
Former UFC champ beaten by a firs round TUF washout? My, how the (once perceived to be) mighty have fallen. I think that's the most we've seen of Wagner other than getting held down and bled out like a pig.
DangadaDang- January 29, 2011 at 9:14 am
Tim has already booked his next fight: Coney Island, July 4th. His opponent...diabetes.
RearNakedSpoon- January 29, 2011 at 9:09 am
It's a hexagon?

When I went back to count the cage sides I noticed the announcers nickname is "Ozone"...wtf?
Goog- January 29, 2011 at 9:05 am
I agreed with Tim's strategy of letting Wagner punch himself out. His only flaw was guesstimating that the cage was 200 feet wider than it actually is.
MMAINMYBLOOD- January 29, 2011 at 9:02 am
@ goog I think if you count the sides thats not an octagon... im just sayin...
MMAINMYBLOOD- January 29, 2011 at 8:59 am
Jesus Christ...if that guy pulled me over I would be like ok before you mace me.... lol Fedor......36 seconds...lol and then abe wagner beats his time!!! LMAOROFL WTF!!!! Honest Abe Wagner might get into the ufc if he puts a few of these together... I can hear Joe Rogan now saying how he destroyed Tim faster than Fedor.
RSparrow- January 29, 2011 at 8:39 am
That guy was the UFC heavyweight champ.

That guy was the UFC heavyweight champ.

THAT... GUY....
RearNakedSpoon- January 29, 2011 at 8:33 am
Lucky for the ref Tim was really done.

Loved how Wagner was doing a bit of a Belfort style running flurry to Sylvia even if it was a slowmotion and sloppy version, just need to see Belfort do it to Silva now ;)
cecils_pupils- January 29, 2011 at 7:27 am
Ray Mercer called and said he can do it better than that.
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