(Just try and ignore it, passing motorists.)
Today is my lucky day, Potato Nation. Here I am in Vegas for UFC 94, and it’s the grand opening of the Tito Ortiz Punishment MMA Store. What are the odds!? Even better, the store is conveniently located inside the Hooters Hotel and Casino across from the MGM Grand, where the fights will take place tomorrow night, so naturally I had to drop in and see what kind of sweet Team Punishment gear I could pick up.
A sign informed me that Justin “The Insane 1” McCully and Tiki Ghosn would be signing autographs tomorrow afternoon, thus completing what is perhaps MMA’s greatest D-list event.
The store itself is tiny, and filled with exactly the kinds of clothes you’d expect. Almost every t-shirt featured either a fist or chains, sometimes a combination of both. Despite today being the grand opening, however, I was the only person in the store. Well, aside from the three teenage girls working there, who were all fairly brimming with excitement (see below).
(“Pretend like you’re really proud of it,” I told her before snapping this picture. She did her best.)
What you see above is one of several fashion options for infants that Team Punishment offers. They also have stuff for the ladies, like the garish wifebeater that I pointed out to another store employee and asked, “Do you think my mom would like this?”
“Um, I don’t know,” she said, looking at it as if this was the first time she had really seen it for what it was. Maybe her future isn’t in sales, after all.
(There’s just no way to ask a guy if you can take a picture of the back of his shirt without it seeming weird.)
After I’d had enough of Punishment gear I headed over to the MGM Grand, where you can hardly take a step without seeing one of these B.J. Penn t-shirts. If fights were determined by sheer number and visibility of one’s supporters, Penn would have this in the bag.
Among the places I’ve spotted these Penn supporters so far: shooting craps at the Tropicana, smoking a cigarette outside the airport, paying some guy at Excalibur five dollars to guess his weight, arguing with a girl who looked suspiciously like Daisy from “Rock of Love” outside a CVS, and in the sportsbook at the MGM Grand.
This last location is where I ended my afternoon excursion, checking out the lines for UFC 94. Since opening at -175 on January 15, Georges St. Pierre has since come down to -155, whereas Penn is now going off at +135. I guess I don’t have to tell you what I did next.
(Look who stands to make a cool $12.90, suckers.)
A twenty spot on St. Pierre seemed more than justified with odds like this. But I couldn’t walk away without betting on an underdog. Preferably a big underdog. Just to get the old adrenaline flowing. So then I did something kind of stupid.
(You should see the look the lady at the sportsbook gives you when you butcher Dong Hyun Kim‘s name before eventually giving up and just pointing at it like a Japanese tourist in a Denny’s.)
Did I immediately feel like I’d made a bad, impulsive decision? Damn straight. But that’s why they call it gambling. And what with the good luck I’ve been having today — you know, the Team Punishment store opening and all — how can I lose?!
Now it’s off to the weigh-ins. Check back later for a full report.
(BF)
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Comments
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:29
dude ben folwks is the funniest fuckin dude
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:31
Silva and Jones are the underdog bets to go for, go ask for a refund.
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:33
Hey CP, I'm surprised you wanted to throw money on that bet because of the story you just posted about Karo possibly not showing up. Doesn't he have to show in order for your bet to be valid?
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:34
hey does anyone know where i can catch the weigh-ins online?
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:34
What do you call that hairstyle that chick has where it's a big wall of hair on the top of her head? I hate that.
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:35
OMG! I can't wait till someone gets me a giftcard to the "Punishment Store"!
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:35
"..... I pointed out to another store employee and asked, “Do you think my mom would like this?” Ben, if you want to know what your mom likes, just ask me. Although, the answer might shock you
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:39
Nothing says I beat my kids like a Team Punishment onesy.
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:41
I like how theres a nice big jizz stain under the RVCA on that guys penn shirt... real classy las vegas did you rub one off on that guy just for the photo
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:43
You should have posted more of the girls workin the store to help poor poor Tito out !
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:44
Punishment Baby Clothes? Take it from a dad, never, I mean NEVER, buy baby clothes from anyplace but WalMart and Target type stores; the cheaper the better. Baby clothes serve two purposes and two purposes ONLY: 1.) To keep the food, vomit, urine and feces off the baby as well as possible. and... 2.) To eventually become a reciptical for the food, vomit, urine and feces. But I'm sure some dope will be crying his eyes out trying to remove protien stains from his $50 pink Punishment one-zee... ...jackass...
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:47
Ben, enjoy the fights! I'll be checking thelive blog.
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:47
I hope you're joking... but I can't tell by your tone of type. I'm pretty sure those would be the islands of Hawaii
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:54
That's Hawaii you tool! Ever seen a map?
Fri, 01/30/09 - 11:58
I think that's a spurt of Hawaii.
Fri, 01/30/09 - 12:07
i dont know it does kinda look like jizz too though. perhaps its one of those "my toast is burnt to look like the face of jesus" moments. so maybe someone jizzed on his back and it "just so happens" to look like hawaii.
Fri, 01/30/09 - 12:12
Ah the old map of Hawaii joke...never gets old.
Fri, 01/30/09 - 12:15
Ben....thanks for the vegas adventure update....all us broke chump-mma-phene-fans are living vicariously thru you, and wishing we had our own mma blog. I have to take this time to throw in one more small piece of food for thought bout the fights your about to enjoy IN PERSON...I loved your anylisis of bjpenn/gsp, but something never mentioned is how very little damage penn took from gsp in there first meeting, and how little he could do against penn. He scored and won essentially on takedown points. Penn's face was as clean as a vic.secret model, where as GSP looked like he had been thrown down the beat-the-fuck-up-tree. Furthermore about the Silva/ san"Witch-Cheeto"..Machida match, Silva will probably take his first loss by way of a split decision against the best "point for point" fighter in the world....unless he bypasses cheetos' strength on his feet and rushes his fellow brazilian to the ground....bbw love the sight and have been with ya for the durration....its allways fun to wake up to witty mma news and laugh coffe thru your nose....
Fri, 01/30/09 - 12:17
you guys have never jizzed hawaii?? what n00bs.
Fri, 01/30/09 - 12:22
@ Greenseed "I like how theres a nice big jizz stain under the RVCA on that guys penn shirt... real classy las vegas did you rub one off on that guy just for the photo" Oh you mean the picture of Hawaii... O.o
Fri, 01/30/09 - 12:30
yeah 30 different styles of baby bullshit and 1 style of rashguard... i declare it lame
Fri, 01/30/09 - 12:47
Did you ask the girls at the Punishment store if they had any Affliction shirts?
Fri, 01/30/09 - 01:18
Ok, the "Look who stands to make a cool $12.90, suckers." caption had me dying. Small bets on low odds is what me and my gambler friends call a tax for the mathematically challenged.
Fri, 01/30/09 - 01:29
@ Fowlkes You can count on me, little buddy. You lobbed it up there, and I tried to fight it. Really I did. But in the end, how could I not swing at it?
Fri, 01/30/09 - 01:34
Do they sell Jenna Jamison worn out pussies by any chance?
Fri, 01/30/09 - 01:37
That bitch looks good!
Fri, 01/30/09 - 01:53
Ah OBandI, it's nice to see comments from someone of "a certain age" with an actual life, experience, and some sensibility. We don't always agree about the fight game, but your baby comments are TRUE! Hell, I couldn't say how many outfits you just say " F cleaning this shit..." and just toss! Keep those kids as Hawaii shaped jizz stains as long as you can youngsters! I gave my wife a trip to Hawaii... on her back last night as she slept!
Fri, 01/30/09 - 02:11
I got 350 on Nate Diaz,100 on Bj, and for gambling purposes I have 50 on Jon Jones... I hope Bonnar's knee are shit!!
Fri, 01/30/09 - 02:25
I'm sorry but you need to get past this 4th grade "I hate Tito" stuff. Yes, it's not hard to make fun of someone that you don't like. Whether what they're doing is stupid or not. We get it. Everything he does is automatically bad. It's almost like a republican talking about a democratic candidate or a democrat talking about a republican candidate. It's not hard to take a contrary view to anything you want and make negative comments about it. It's just immature. It's ok to be even slightly unbiased. You might actually enjoy the experience.
Fri, 01/30/09 - 02:41
Awesome comment right here.... "Keep those kids as Hawaii shaped jizz stains as long as you can youngsters! I gave my wife a trip to Hawaii... on her back last night as she slept!"
Fri, 01/30/09 - 04:12
Oh Snap! Ditto to "mayhem420" on "Bootylam!"'s comment! Bootylam!, I laughed out loud on that one. And I didn't spell 'LOL' 'cause I fuckin' mean it! Bootylam!, kids formula drool is like fuckin' primer paint: it ain't coming out without HEAVY DUTY chemicals. This, is just one of the many reasons that convinced me that one "Baby Irish" is enough. "One and done. I got it right the first time." That's my motto!
Fri, 01/30/09 - 04:40
Tito is a fuckin' tool.
Fri, 01/30/09 - 04:41
Dude, lame. I was about to drop some $ on 'Stun Gun' today, but now you've made me doubt myself. Stun Gun is Definetally a good value bet, but then again, so was Zenko.......:(
Fri, 01/30/09 - 05:03
Holyshit... What a turn of events in my life. Because of you guys and these brilliant postings, I have came to the realization of 3 things. 1) The Island (s) of Hawaii look like Jizz 2) Jizz is meant to be shot on the back 3) Babies are shitting, puking and pissing machines And now I understand what my dad meant when he said, "the best part of you is still running down your mothers leg" That asshole!!
Fri, 01/30/09 - 05:16
gey, good news, Karo may have the flu going into his bout with Kim
Fri, 01/30/09 - 05:25
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Sat, 01/31/09 - 03:36
The fist in that poster is the only one in North America big enough to punch Tito in his whole head.
Tue, 12/13/11 - 05:39
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