(In his own words: “Tattoos are my hobby. That is that.” Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

While you’re trying to figure out what witty zingers might pass between Aleksander Emelianenko, Vladimir Putin, and Jean-Claude Van Damme in our latest caption contest, you might be wondering to yourself, what ever became of Aleks after he was kicked off the Affliction event amid rumors that he may or may not have Hepatitis B? Well don’t worry. According to Aleks, it was all just a paperwork issue, as he explains to The Fight Network:

“I came late, couldn’t get my Visa in time and I was not allowed to fight. I’m healthy.”

That’s weird, because just last week M-1′s Raimond Joost said you had “medical issues.” Granted, he also expressed optimism that they could be resolved, but he sure as hell didn’t try and chalk the whole thing up to Visa troubles. Not to mention, if it was just a paperwork snafu, why would the CSAC’s Bill Douglas say this:

“The one thing that I can absolutely say is that he (Emelianenko) was not and will not be cleared to fight in California. He is officially denied a license and that will stand for all of the United States of America.”

Aleks, I’m getting the sneaking suspicion that you are lying to us, and doing a really bad job of it. Couldn’t you at least think of something more plausible? The strangest comment of the interview, however, was this one:

“I have never taken painkillers, I am healthy, and I am preparing for my next fight.”

We have no idea what question he is answering here, because The Fight Network doesn’t tell us, but I’d like to assume it was something along the lines of, ‘how are you doing?’ I know that’s how I usually answer that question. I start by denying accusations that have not yet been made, then launch right into what I’ve been up to. You should try it. Really puts you on a whole new level of intimacy with the checker at the supermarket.