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Ask Don #2: Fighting Satan, Tits on a Belly, And Marijuana in MMA


(Don Frye is holding a revolver. Your argument is invalid.) 

These days, Don Frye is less an MMA fighter, more a philosophizer on facial hair, poontang, and the keys to being an alpha male in every given situation that life presents. Don’t get us wrong, Frye will still lay the boots to any hooley-hoo punk-ass jabroni who’s asking for it at the drop of a hat, but thanks to our recent “Ask Don” mailbag column, we’ve been lucky enough to set Frye’s legendary MMA status aside and simply pry into his mind in the hopes that maybe some of it will rub off on our measly, pathetic lives. So check out his latest dose of sagacity below, make sure to leave your own questions in the comments section, and then visit DonFrye.com to buy some stuff that will instantly skyrocket your popularity with the ladies.

bgoldstein asks: Don, I heard you were doing some stunt-work recently for a movie. Like, you weren’t in the movie, you were just stunt-manning for some other actor. The fuck is up with that?

I enjoy stunt work. I am paid extra by the theatrical community to do the stunt work instead of acting work. Due to my extraordinary talent, all would forget about Brando, Olivier, and DeNiro when I am performing dialogue and emotions in front of the camera. Can you imagine Don Frye performing emotions in front of the camera? (Ed note: No. No I can not.) 

alank asks: If you were given the chance to kick the living shit out of anybody, living or dead, who would you pick and why?

It would be Satan because he has caused all the tribulations in my life.

MoirningwoodII asks: Don, where are the best strip clubs? Don’t reply Thailand, cuz it was probably a dude that danced for you.

Iowa because of the number of tits on a belly, you get more for your money (cows).

2DaDeath asks: Roy Nelson thinks winning is the only thing that matters and Dana White thinks you should take risks so that you’re remembered (more or less). Who’s right?

In PRIDE you were paid to first entertain the crowd and second to win the fight. Roy Nelson is correct due to the “dictorial bullying” of Dana White… that if you loose two fights you are fired. So Roy Nelson is correct by default of the King’s Declaration.

crappieflopper asks: Mr. Frye, How do I convince my wife’s two sisters to have a three way with me? Please note, I am unable to grow an epic stash, or I would ask for advice on a four way with me, the wife, and her two sisters. Thank you.

Without the stash, you have no chance so just let it go and stay under the covers with your magazines.

Loki asks: My buddy Stephen ordered a shirt from you some time back and at the time you were out of stock, you called him personally to appologize and explain that your wife ran the site and didnt have all the kinks worked out yet: “Stephen. Hey there partner this is Don Frye…Its uh…7 o’clock…my time. etc.” That was pretty cool of you. My question is; were you drunk at the time? Because you sounded pretty drunk.

Apparently your friend had his phone in his front pocket when he played the message for you and the proximity made you too dizzy to hear the message correctly.

fake joe silva asks: What are your thoughts on fighters using marijuana? Should it be allowed? Do you use it?

Yes it should be allowed. If it’s not tested for the welfare class, why should it be tested for the people who work for a living?

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hitekredneck- October 19, 2012 at 5:07 am
One question: Did you take Maz's stache when he shaved, or were you born with it?
J.Jones- October 18, 2012 at 9:21 am
If you were given the chance to avenge one of your losses, who would it be against?

What do you think of Ken Shamrock's latest foray into the world of impromptu mini-mall MMA matches?

Who could drink more, you or Tank Abbott, and would you be willing to prove this on camera or in front of an audience?

What was it like fighting Minowaman? Is he as sneaky a bastard as he comes off?
bgoldstein- October 18, 2012 at 7:29 am
What's the craziest thing you ever saw backstage during a PRIDE event?

Of all your fights, which one do you most regret taking?
Richard Fitzentite- October 17, 2012 at 1:27 pm
If Democrats would throw in Don's last argument into the "legalize marijuana" debate. I believe that any such measure would pass easily.
IronClad- October 17, 2012 at 1:11 pm
Donny, cut that fucking brillo pad you call hair. It takes away from the magical dick broom you got sittin on top of your lip.
2Dogs- October 17, 2012 at 6:46 am
"Without the stash, you have no chance so just let it go and stay under the covers with your magazines." awwwwwww phuk! I am literally trying to control my bowels from laughing so hard...you rock Mr. Frye...you rock!
Alan K- October 16, 2012 at 4:59 pm
You messed up my fake name slightly but I got a question answered by Don Frye. Neato.
danomite- October 16, 2012 at 3:42 pm
have you sued the tv show 'parks and recreation' yet for royalties for blatantly basing the character Ron Swanson off of you?
danomite- October 16, 2012 at 3:40 pm
how does this sound for a movie idea: Don Frye is a small town sheriff. Bas Rutten is a former member of the Dutch Mafia now in witness protection, and Rob Schneider is a stapler. When the mafia come to settle the score with Bas, he must do everything in his power to save his family, even if that means he has to team up with his least favorite sheriff. I see it as a modern day "Odd Couple" but with much more violence.
danomite- October 16, 2012 at 3:16 pm
why are mustache rides so cheap? when obamacare goes into full effect will you have to start charging more for mustache rides or are you exempt because you have less than 15 employees?
Mr_Misanthropy- October 16, 2012 at 3:14 pm
Finally a source of wisdom I can apply to my own life!
danomite- October 16, 2012 at 3:11 pm
when can we expect a book of fryeisms?
Mr_Misanthropy- October 16, 2012 at 3:29 pm
The Fryema Sutra
BaghdadBob- October 16, 2012 at 1:43 pm
@pen fifteen. Wow. Frye really got you butt hurt. Maybe the election has you about to crack. You sound hysterical.
Pen Fifteen- October 16, 2012 at 1:31 pm
This is why I've started giving one-month gym memberships certificates to homeless people instead of cash, which they'll invariable spend on cigarettes or drugs. I figure if they have the gumption to use that card, one day they could become a rich and successful cagefighter, just like Don Frye.
Pen Fifteen- October 16, 2012 at 1:27 pm
Indeed, everyone in America is poor because they didn't try hard enough or wasted all their money on drugs/alcohol/gambling/porn, not because they went to a shitty school, or grew up with few resources, or experienced structural discrimination. Fuck collective responsibility.

Of course, this is why when we do drug test people on welfare, the results are just as we expected. Oh, wait, that's not the case at all. People on welfare test positive for drugs at a far lower rate than the average citizen.

http://www.aclu.org/blog/criminal-law-reform-racial-justice/just-we-suspected-florida-saved-nothing-drug-testing-welfare
Fried Taco- October 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm
Ha-ha, nice Tom Selleck photoshop!!
ArmFarmer- October 16, 2012 at 12:47 pm
Well if they are in such a dire situation that they need my money to survive, I'd just rather know they are spending it on things like food and shelter instead of drugs. But who are we kidding, fuck personal responsibility.
Pen Fifteen- October 16, 2012 at 12:30 pm
Good point, Don. They don't test people on welfare for steroids, so fighters should be able to use those too I guess.

But who are we kidding, fuck poor people. If they all weren't so god damned lazy, they'd be billionaires like Mitt Romney, amirite?
ArmFarmer- October 16, 2012 at 10:11 am
That last answer was one of the best arguments I've ever heard on the subject. This was a thoroughly enjoyable read start to finish, good stuff.
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