Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

Ask the Potato

(‘Hey there, sailor.’)

You people and your damned questions.  Everything from a rules clarification on the pick-em contests (how lame a question is that?) to an attempt at making us choose between Octagon girl Edith, Jenna Jameson (above, yikes!), and a microwaved Barbie doll (1. Edith 2. Barbie 3. Jenna, obviously!).  But for those of you who asked real, probing questions that deserve more than a one-sentence answer, we’re fixing to drop some answers on you.  

Got a question of your own?  Head on over to the forums and put it in this thread right here.  If we like it, we’ll answer it.  If we don’t, we may make fun of you in public.  Either way, something good happens for somebody.  And if you’re complaining about our ads, that’s not really a question.  We have to get paid somehow or else it’s back to giving out massages down at the docks for us, and we really prefer this job.

Cagepotato gets to pick the rules for MMA forever and eternity. What does it pick for rounds/elbows/kicks to the head/every other difference between UFC and DREAM/PRIDE/every other damn promotion? – Pingu

Finally!  It’s about time we got to have the final say over universal MMA rules for all of eternity.  You have no idea how long we’ve been waiting for this day.  

All right, we like the way the UFC does rounds (three five-minute rounds for non-title fights, five rounds otherwise), so that can stay.  Elbows on the ground have to go.  They only serve to cause cuts and allow the guy on top to appear to be working more than he is.  You can use them standing, but not on the mat.  Knees to the head on the ground, however, are in.  No more dropping to the mat to avoid them, or staying down after failed takedowns, or arguing over whether a guy was down or up.  Just suck it up and deal.  Kicks to the head of a downed fighter, sorry, but we can’t do that and still get on ESPN.  Somebody will get head-stomped to death and then it’s all over.  

One other thing, grabbing the cage/ropes to avoid a takedown is an automatic one-point deduction.  No warnings, because you already know not to do it when you get in there.  The enforcement of this rule varies too much in MMA right now, which makes it worth a shot for some fighters (isn’t that right, Karo Parisyan?).

If a tag team match with BJ Penn & Fedor on one team and GSP & Anderson Silva on the other, who would win?  Tank Abbott would be the ref of course.  The ring announcer would be Bob Sapp.  The ring girl would be Paris Hilton, you know to keep it classy. – Polish

Good question, Polish.  Naturally, we assume that GSP & Silva would be a tentative partnership that could easily be torn asunder should one of them accidentally hit the other with a folding chair, while Fedor and Penn would show up in full Demolition attire, face paint and all.  

As for how the match would go down, Penn would start off against GSP and take a serious mauling for about six minutes.  But when Silva gets tagged in he makes the mistake of showboating and lets Penn crawl over to the corner and tag in Fedor.  Silva immediately tries to beg off, ala Ric Flair, but gets knocked out anyway.  Afterwards GSP blames Silva for the loss and a feud erupts between the two.

Tank Abbott would be drunk, Bob Sapp would appeal only to the Japanese segment of the audience, and Paris Hilton would bore the hell out of everyone with her too cool for school act.  Which is why you should have chosen Amy Adams, Polish.  You just know she’d do something both weird and hot.

Why doesnt the UFC add the lower weight classes to the roster? Dont get me wrong i like the WEC but there is so much talent in the feather and bantam weight divisions that it puts out some of the most exciting fights ive ever seen. I would order payperview anytime to see Miguel Torres or Urijah Faber fight. – Russ

Good point.  The UFC might do well to fold the WEC into the UFC completely at some point.  And you know what?  We wouldn’t be terribly surprised to see them do just that.  The WEC has not been tremendously profitable for Zuffa, and if they figure out that fans won’t shell out in droves for a WEC pay-per-view event, they may very well say ‘screw it’ and absorb the little guys into the big show.  

As much as we love watching the WEC for free on Versus, we wouldn’t complain about Urijah Faber and Miguel Torres in the UFC.  Making us pay to see WEC cards, which just don’t have the depth or production value of UFC events, however?  That we would complain about.

Whens UFC coming to Japan? Im here in Osaka and they show all the UFC fights on the movie channel here for free, but they never follow the fighter interviews after the fight, they only cut to the next fight or follow Satoshi Ishii around and its lame. – Popeye

You’ll be happy to know, Popeye, that Dana White addressed this question at the UFC 94 press conference.  While he acknowledged that it’s very difficult to break into Japan as an MMA company, he added, “But fuck ‘em.  We’re going to do it anyway.”

Rest assured, Dana is working on it.  He seems to have a healthy regard for the Japanese MMA culture and is intent on getting there eventually.  New York is just a slightly bigger priority at the moment.

But what are you doing sitting around at home and watching the movie channel in Japan, Popeye?  Don’t you know there are Japanese chicks all around you!?  Good God, man.  Get out and mingle!

Why do a lot of fighters feel the need to do stupid shit with their hair right before they fight? I see alot of up and coming fighters that dye their hair yellow with like pink stars, and stuff like that….I can’t really take a guy serious when I see that stuff. I’m really sort of confused as why this is, please help me? – Rokabee

You answered your own question there, Rokabee.  Up and coming fighters.  Those are the guys most likely to do weird hair shit, because much like the girls who put glitter all over their breasts, they desperately want to get noticed.  They need to find some way to stand out, and it’s a lot easier to dye your hair weird colors or shave an ill-advised pattern into it than to actually get attention for your fighting.  There’s a reason you don’t see Anderson Silva doing that stuff.

My question is – Is Sherdog the UFC and Cagepotato the Affliction? Before we had no advertisements, now we have advertisements… Are the advertisements to make money to keep the site alive, or to pay for Thai hookers for the staff? I work for a company that always looks at the bottom line… Is the bottom line green or red before / after advertisements?
– Kadumel

Did you just compare us to Affliction?  Get the fuck out, Kadumel.


Cagepotato Comments

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Jeff- February 9, 2009 at 11:51 pm
CagePotato is to Affliction? Really? I'd say it's more comparable to underground monkey fighting--it's entertaining to watch the little guys go at it, but it leaves you with the distinct feeling that you just paid a homeless guy $5 to lead you to an alley in Chinatown to watch two opium-crazed primates leap and swat at each other with miniature boxing gloves until the little bastards decide it's time to hump each other or fling feces at the crowd of curious onlookers.
Anonymous- February 3, 2009 at 11:08 pm
blech... sorry I'm... blech... still heaving... blech.... from... blech... that...jenna jameson photo... blech
Ozone- February 3, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Get rid of inside leg kicks!
Lysol- February 3, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Good call on the hair dye and shit. That's one of my BIGGEST pet pieves: When I'm grappling with a mediocre fighter, and then hear him in the locker room talking hair dye and entrance music. *HINT* Better fighting= Better odds at getting matches.
Yo yo- February 3, 2009 at 5:28 pm
is your name real ????????????????
cpanger- February 3, 2009 at 4:43 pm
@ Kadumel

dude, you just can't win out there.
Jenoir- February 3, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Is it just me, or does Jenna resemble beef jerky? Anyone?
Pingu- February 3, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Fuck yes, my question got answered. Win. Please tell me I get a hall of fame shirt for this shit because I am NEVER going to beat my Affliction predictions where I got 16 or something, I think. Come on, help a fat dude out.
dude guy- February 3, 2009 at 3:35 pm
is that a man in drag?
Kadumel- February 3, 2009 at 1:32 pm
And in my defense my question was dated prior to all of the "Affliction is going to fail monetarily" hype. I was asking if it CP was on the rise like Affliction, set to take over the top if they do things right.

I have no problem with ads provided that they don't take over my screen and don't block you from doing anything else.
FreddyFangers- February 3, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Kadumel had the most interesting question. It went unanswered for some reason, BUT the Affliction comparison was uncalled for
Anonymous- February 3, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Thanks for the apology. I get frustrated with some of the ads, too, especially the ones that move or make noises. But if that's how CP needs to roll to stick around, I'll deal. I guess it's no worse than watching endless energy supplement and beer ads every two minutes during UFC Fight Nights on Spike.

... and I'm just anonymous right now because I'm on my work computer. Though I don't really comment regularly anyway.
Snake Plissken- February 3, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Yes, we need knees to the head to keep the wrasslers honest. Keep the elbows though, there are some real elbow artists out there, lookin at you Kenflo.
fuck that- February 3, 2009 at 1:04 pm
elbows on the ground gotta stay, there would be even less strikes on the ground from even talented fighters and make all the ground and pound fighters even more boring, bitch
Kadumel- February 3, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Sorry you're right Anonymous. I do have anger issues. I apologize for talking shit, I was just pissed at being the one to take all the blame for asking the ads question.
Farthammer- February 3, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Completely disagree with Bootylam. I think cutting someone either means you put the damage on them...or you hit them once in a bad spot with a rubbing elbow and opened them up. Like the Lewis/Klitchko fight. Lewis was getting smoked but opened up a cut with one hit and won. Klitchko was fine but the doctor stopped it.

I like all the rules CP laid out. Knees to a downed opponent will stop a lot of wrestlers from strictly trying to shoot it and LnP.
Jay- February 3, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Now that is some freaky disturbing shit right there.
Anonymous- February 3, 2009 at 12:49 pm
kandumel, I just tried to answer your question since you seemed to genuinely want to know whether or not the site needed ads to exist.

Also, it seems like you might have some anger issues.
Bootylam!- February 3, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Sorry guys, got to disagree with allowing knees to the head of a down opponent. That's streetfighting 101, it'll never fly. The elbows gone? Please. Cutting someone so bad they have to stop is a true way to win a fight, it means you put the damage on them. What's wrong with that?
HillBilly- February 3, 2009 at 12:15 pm
I'll give you weird on that Adams girl.

Timbo Slice- February 3, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Why do they dye their hair and do crazy ish with it? Hmmm, I think it has to do with the story of Samson and how his power came from his hair. Then came along the mythical hero known solely as Seth, who one day took his hair and dyed it a magnificent pink, the least manly of all colors just to show how BA he was. On that day he took on the mythical tyrant beast known by only one name... Kimbo. This beast was 15 feet tall with a 3 foot beard, hands of stone, lightning quick reflexes and a chin made of iron. He was unstoppable. The strongest force MMA has EVER seen. This beast made hall of famers look like mere mortals! But Seth came along with his pink hair and stood up to this beast. With the strength of his dyed hair he knocked out the invincible beast with a single off balance jab... and you wonder why fighters mess with their hair?
Kadumel- February 3, 2009 at 12:10 pm
And hey Anonymous, before you run your mouth, how about you choose a name douchebag.
Derekrva- February 3, 2009 at 12:07 pm
So no elbows on the ground but knees are cool? Gotta say the nayno my dame'. I can see your argument for no elbows, but if you are worried about brutality, knees to the dome on the ground look a lot worse. If I were a fighter (I'm a lover) I'd prefer to get cut about the face and forehead, rather than risk a concussion via knees from some wrestler who just stuffed my take down attempt.

Also, is that really Jenna Jameson? Are you sure someone didn't just throw a wig, boobs and the husk of Charlton Heston on a Terminator skeleton?
Kadumel- February 3, 2009 at 12:07 pm

First off, you f'kin idiots, I wrote :

Kadumel Says:
Tue, 01/13/2009 - 18:19
I am sorry. I shouldn't have ranted... But...

At least give us a heads up the adverts are coming... i have been watching for years, and I found out about Cagepotato through that site, since I have not visited Break at all because I am hook on Cagepotato.

I am going to pose another question on the Ask Potato Heads thing. Make sure to answer it !!!!


Turd Ferguson

responded with

suckmycock Says:
Fri, 01/16/2009 - 12:37
yeah she's a nice addition. its good to hear that shes not a total airhead either. and i am sick an tired of that "my bloody valentine" ad popping up out of nowhere you cagepotato bastards! i am specifically not watching that movie because of how intrusive those ads are you motherfuckers!

Turd Ferguson Says:
Wed, 04/23/2008 - 03:26
Hey CP, dont put stupid fucking loud ass ads on your page.


halfbreed23 Says:
Wed, 04/23/2008 - 03:33
Those loud ass ads like Turd's hollering about are annoying enough to cause me never to come back :(

shitwhistle Says:
Tue, 11/25/2008 - 05:45
I'm outta here CP.
It's been real..... boring.
Not diggin the new stuff, what with the emails and homepages... and especially the giant pop up ads.
Site's blowin up and you guys are getting too big for your britches. Plus, I'm easily intimidated.


Calling bullshit Says:
Tue, 11/11/2008 - 01:35
"In this case we want to believe it’s true."

im calling bullshit because this topic wouldnt be very intresting if there was nothing to dispute. leading to less viewers reading (and not noticing the nicely place ads around the page). and in the end leading to less money.

so again, i call bullshit.

Anonymous Says:
Sun, 02/01/2009 - 13:08
This website is horrible. I can't believe I have to listen to this terrible beeping sound pop up advertisement while trying to read the articles.

walrus Says:
Tue, 01/13/2009 - 20:05
Jesus Christ CP, I know you got to make money, or whatever, but take that damn My Bloody Valentine audio advertisement off the frontpage. I'm tryin to listen to music.

There is just a short list of the complaints....
Wyatt- February 3, 2009 at 12:06 pm
I once cornered a fighter who fought a guy that shaved his head up except two patches of hair that he spiked up to look like devil horns. Thank God my guy won the fight or I would've had to kill myself probably. Anyway, his two little gelled up devil horns were all mangled and just hanging on the side of his face like sad puppy dog ears. The crowd just ate it up because they all hated that guy and his stupid cry for help hair.

Lesson of the story: If you're going to do something with your hair, you'd better win or you just look like a dumbass.