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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Ask the Potato


(Look dude, if you can’t pull off the somersault into heel hook, don’t even try it.)

Now that you people are finally done bitching about another contest you didn’t win, we can finally move on to the pressing issues addressed in your questions.  Like which MMA fighter we would like to have for a father.  Thank God we’re finally getting serious around here.

Who do you guys see as the Best and Worst Referees of UFC, and any other big Organization, and why? Thanks sirs.  – Rokabee

Steve Mazzagatti took some heat from Dana White for his late stoppages, and while he’s not the best he certainly isn’t the worst.  That’s a toss-up between Dan Miragliotta and “Regional” Donnie Jessup.  Miragliotta screwed up the Kimbo Slice-James Thompson fight something awful, but bless his heart, he seems like he’s doing his best.

Jessup, on the other hand, seemed like he had no idea what the ground game was when he worked “Fight for the Troops.”  He called for action while one fighter had another’s back and forced stand-ups like he needed to hurry up and get the fight finished so he could run and put money in the parking meter.  And let’s be honest, the Southern accent never helps the perception of anyone’s intelligence.  It just doesn’t.  Worst ref around.  No question.



Do y’all ever feel uncomfortable when ya’ll actually see or talk to a fighter that y’all have bashed on the website? Or is it weird when y’all run into them (now that y’all are actually going to live events)? Do y’all even care? – Markdog

Short answer: yes.  Long answer: sometimes, but it depends on the fighter, what we’ve written about them, and whether they have a sense of humor about themselves.  Fortunately for us, most fighters don’t read about MMA on the internet all that much.  Which is a good idea.  If you’re a pro fighter and you’re reading this right now, stop!  It doesn’t matter if the stuff you read about yourself is positive or negative, none of it is going to do you any good in the long run.

As for the last part of ya’lls question, Markdog, do we care?  Shiiiieeet.  If you’ve been reading this site for any length of time you ought to know we’re like O-Dog.  We don’t give a fuck.  Okay, no, we really do.  But it sounds a lot cooler if we say we don’t.

When are the Bens going to have a pickem contest against each other?!?! I mean with real consequenses on the line? Ipacac, shave head, show up to the next UFC in a dress. COME ON GUYS! Pride is one thing, humiliation now that is where it is at!  Any chance of seeing that?! –  Artigale

Let me get this straight.  You’re asking when we will both agree to engage in a pick-em contest that ensures one of us gets severely humiliated and possibly harmed by uncontrollable vomiting?  How about never, Artigale, because that would be stupid.  Those are the kind of bets you make with other people.  When other people who are not your friend or co-worker are humiliated, it’s fun.  But this is in-house humiliation you’re talking about.  Us trying to humiliate each other would be like me trying to steal money from my wife.  Wait a minute.  That’s a brilliant idea…

If you could pick any MMA fighter to be your dad, who would it be? – Jewjifshoe

The easy answer would be Randy Couture, but that’s too easy.  Instead we’ll say Tank Abbott.  Not only would it be pretty easy to do better than him in life, but something tells me the simplest way to ensure you never have to see Tank Abbott again is to be his biological child.

Who do you think is the most unstoppable one-dimensional fighter there is?  i.e. someone who shines in one aspect and uses that single skill to neutralize everyone else’s multifaceted offense/defense….clay guida (wrestling) gilbert yvel (stand up (not so much anymore)) shinya aoki (jiujitsu) – LuketheDuke

I’m sorry Luke, you were trying to think of a one-dimensional striker and Gilbert Yvel was the guy you came up with?  So I guess you’ve never heard of Melvin Manhoef then?  Dude has 23 wins in MMA, and 22 of them came via TKO.  The other one was a decision.  Yvel actually has 5 submissions.  Which is, you know, more than zero.

But to answer your question in earnest, Shinya Aoki is a good choice, but right now Demian Maia seems like the more dominant and effective one-dimensional fighter.  He’s so dominant, in fact, we don’t really know for sure if he is one-dimensional.  He rarely has to do anything but submit people, and unlike Aoki, he’s undefeated.  

What are the chances realistically of Fedor coming to fight at UFC 100? – T Rex

Honestly, T Rex?  Not good, bro.  Not good at all.  There are two reasons for Fedor to give in and sign with the UFC right now: 1) money, and 2) to prove unequivocally that he is the best heavyweight in the world.

Both of those would be good reasons, but the UFC has already offered him boatloads of cash, and he doesn’t really seem to care about proving anything to anyone.  So why sign now?  

Affliction is still reasonably solvent and hasn’t ruled out a third show.  The Josh Barnett fight is still an interesting match-up that people will pay to see.  The UFC hasn’t changed their stance on one-off fights.  In other words, the motivation isn’t there for Fedor to change his mind or for the UFC to ramp up their pursuit.  Sorry, man. 

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blarglemesh- March 5, 2009 at 11:40 pm
*teehee*
The Truth- March 5, 2009 at 11:22 pm
"The easy answer would be Randy Couture, but that’s too easy. Instead we’ll say Tank Abbott. Not only would it be pretty easy to do better than him in life, but something tells me the simplest way to ensure you never have to see Tank Abbott again is to be his biological child."

You should win a t-shirt for that comment.
mma-pro- March 5, 2009 at 7:38 pm
fuck a yall
BrianW- March 5, 2009 at 7:15 pm
"If you could pick any MMA fighter to be your dad, who would it be?"

Brock Lesnar, and then I'd tell him I was gay just to piss him off.
MMA Wannabe- March 5, 2009 at 5:04 pm
@ Asparagus

That "cartoon boy" is usually Calvin from, FUCKING CALVIN AND HOBBES!

Recognize!
Asswhole- March 5, 2009 at 2:26 pm
"The easy answer would be Randy Couture, but that’s too easy. Instead we’ll say Tank Abbott. Not only would it be pretty easy to do better than him in life, but something tells me the simplest way to ensure you never have to see Tank Abbott again is to be his biological child."

LMAO
Markdog- March 5, 2009 at 2:07 pm
@ WAR MACHINE

I do motherfucker! Who the fuck uses the name War Machine, loser?
Fedor a million ankles- March 5, 2009 at 12:59 pm
That Tank Abbott comment about his biological child made me laugh out loud very fucking hard. I think that's the funniest thing I've ever read on CagePotato, and that's saying something.

You guys never fail to replenish my faith in your humor and keep me coming back atleast a dozen times a day.
Dyph- March 5, 2009 at 12:17 pm
"...possibly harmed by uncontrollable vomiting?"

This is a preposterous idea, nobody in their right mind would do something stupid like stake chemical body evacuating agents in a bet, let alone would they do something utterly humiliating like tape it and post it on cagepotato. Oh, wait a second...now where did that video go?
Asparagus- March 5, 2009 at 11:33 am
@ Armbreaker

Why don't you put on your favorite chaps, suede vest, denim dress shirt and cowboy hat. Get in your Ford F150 that is raised an extra 2 feet with the sticker on the rear windshield of a cartoon boy urinating on a Chevy. Put on your favorite Toby Keith track and blast it as loud as you can, and drive off a cliff. You'll be doing the rest of the world a huge favor.

Choke on 1000 uncircumsized penises, cowboy.
Dmonicideals- March 5, 2009 at 11:26 am
The reason the screen is fucked is because the "Cool!" retard can't go 5 seconds without seeing a dick big enough to fill his ass, so he draws them with huge numbers and symbols to intentionally fuck up the programming of the site.


A "8=======D" that is 6ft around and 56 ft long is the only thing that could even graze the rim of his asshole.

Man, he is cool.
Benseatshit- March 5, 2009 at 11:07 am
@ MrObvious
why are you dickriding two guys who dont give a shit about you? Be a leader not a follower you douchebag
Douchey McDoucherton- March 5, 2009 at 11:00 am
To answer "ya'lls" question:
A person becomes a "retard" when they have a slowed mental or physical development. Some are funny, others not so funny.
El Famous Burrito- March 5, 2009 at 10:58 am
My question is: what the Hell is wrong with the bottom of the comments area? After a certain amount of comments the page goes into this impossible-to-read, alternating black-and-white format. This, of course, sucks balls.
Armbreaker- March 5, 2009 at 10:57 am
Pardon my Southern accent while I say, "Fuck Asparagus." That applies to both the blogger and the vegetable.
Fenix- March 5, 2009 at 10:56 am
"Instead we’ll say Tank Abbott. Not only would it be pretty easy to do better than him in life, but something tells me the simplest way to ensure you never have to see Tank Abbott again is to be his biological child."


LMFAO!!!!! Go to the box of CP shirts and take one. That shit was TOO fucking funny. Good show! :)
Clark Kent Jab- March 5, 2009 at 10:47 am
It's so funny when these idiots attempt to insult each other and end up looking like what they're calling the other person. Retarded. Too bad Cage Potato doesn't have a spelling and grammar option for some of these retards.

Mister Obvious- March 5, 2009 at 10:33 am
@ Benseatshit

Why are you so fucking retarded?
Benseatshit- March 5, 2009 at 10:30 am
I have a question, why are you guys so fucking retarted?
C-los- March 5, 2009 at 10:24 am
AAhhhaaa do we feel bad about meeting some one that we bashed (not only bashed but made some awesome pieces of poetry about.(example, actually not an example true story) Juanito's deep dive into the pool of scumbagness.wink wink) I saw him at Affliction DoR and my brother was like "oh ish, there's Juanito" and I couln't help but to feel bad for the guy (my brother) for making that unintelligent comment about Juanito been such a celebrity (wheeling his own cornerman equipment) oh he yearns that RAMPAGE juice... (I almost paid him to tell me the secret on how to beat my brother at scoring "broads" but he said that he would write me a letter to make it official) actually that never happened but it would of been funny...actually on second thought it wouldn't...I almost forgot he's pure evil...
LukeTheDuke- March 5, 2009 at 10:19 am
Wow you actually answered my question. Thanks.
And to be honest Melvin didn't come to mind as per his recent lay off. But good thinking I like where your head is at.
Hick Machine- March 5, 2009 at 10:19 am
I reckon Englishman don't like our kind y'all. And by our kind, I mean the kind that is turned on by our sisters and mothers.
Why, we oughta have him move away and live with them colored folk.
Englishman- March 5, 2009 at 10:14 am
@ Justin

That's because you're a retarded hick who enjoys butchering the English language.
Douchey McDoucherton- March 5, 2009 at 10:14 am
Cap'n I believe they're pulling down your mom's panties monthly from this site alone, and since they claimed your ass on the tax returns they're getting a bump up from last years and will finally be able to afford that herpes medication your mom told them about.
Justin- March 5, 2009 at 10:13 am
1) I say "yall". 2) Fuck a WAR MACHINE.
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