Steroids in MMA
Which MMA Fighter Will Test Positive For Steroids Next?

Ask the Potato

(Lesnar’s fighting style is truly an inspiration to asshole big brothers everywhere.)

Gather round, Potato Nation.  It’s time to sort through the latest batch of your Ask the Potato questions and see what kind of pointless queries have been bouncing around in your precious little heads.  If you  have a question of your own, by all means, let us know in the forums.  If you already asked a question and we still haven’t answered it, we’re probably not going to.  Ask a better question.

Which fighter as of right now has the most drawing power, and why?? – Rokabee

The difficult part about answering this question is correlation vs. causation.  How do we know it’s any one guy drawing huge numbers, and not the timing or the overall card?  The best we can do is look at the highest performing pay-per-views and sell-out events and try to figure out which fighter consistently shows up on those cards.  When we do it that way over the short term, the answer is Brock Lesnar.  Every pay-per-view he’s on does better than the last one.  Thing is, he’s only been on three so far.  If we were fucking doctors or scientists or something, we’d probably say that was too small a sample size.  But we’re not, and you did say, “as of right now,” so there’s your answer.  His pro wrestling fanbase, the sheer curiosity as to what he might become in MMA, plus his volatility make Lesnar a consistent draw.

Are knees to the body on the ground the single most destructive and under-used strike in MMA? You wouldn’t figure it would take too many well planted knees to just ruin an opponent, but you don’t see many guys in side control try it. Wassup wit dat!!! – Dmonicideals

Obviously you’re not familiar with the foot stomp, Dmonicideals.  Just devastating.  But seriously, if you’re kneeing the guy while on top in side control, yeah it hurts.  But in order to really get a lot of force behind it you end up compromising your positioning somewhat.  If you use the knee closest to your opponent’s hip you risk letting him escape or recover guard.  If you use the other knee you risk hitting his head and getting stood up.  In other words, the risk to reward isn’t as good as you might think.

So what is the most destructive and underused strike, then?  We’re going to say knees to the thigh in the clinch.  A good knee in your quad or your hamstring while you’re being pressed against the cage can really slow you down.  If you take two or three of those in the first round, there will be considerably less pep in your step come round three.  Plus it’s relatively low risk, unless you wind up hitting the other guy in the junk.

What’s the most absurd reason you have for liking or disliking a fighter? – Jewjifshoe

Now that’s a good question, Jewjifshoe.  When you get down to it, most of the reasons we have for disliking fighters seem irrational and absurd.  Either we think they’re “boring” or a jerk or they have hair like Josh Koscheck or they are Josh Koscheck.  It’s always something.  

But for me, it’s C.B. Dollaway, who strongly resembles a guy I worked with during college who was probably the dumbest and yet somehow also the most arrogant person I’ve ever known.  That’s a rare combination, but the way this guy expressed his arrogance despite his struggles with basic concepts and sentence structure was to do the CB Dollaway lip thing.  I look at CB now, and all I can see is that guy.  It’s completely unfair, but it is what it is.

As for absurd reasons for liking fighters, “Babalu” Sobral seems like he likes to party.  I like to party, too.  That’s all.

What do you think White, Fertitta, & Co. would do to me if I was to say… Start a fighter’s union? You know for them to have benefits, i.e. health/life/403(b)s and such? – My Fight Wiffa Cheeto

They probably wouldn’t do anything to you, because you probably don’t have a realistic chance of making it happen.  At least, not unless you happened upon a magical monkey paw which gave you special magical powers.  In that case they’d probably do anything they possibly could to stop you, up to and including sending Georges St. Pierre into the African jungle to find their own magical monkey paw.  

He’d face many challenges and setbacks along the way, but a ridiculously attractive, kind-hearted English missionary woman would tell him about local legends surrounding a super-magical gorilla paw hidden in a remote cave.  The dangers in reaching it would be many, but the rewards would be beyond his wildest dreams.  After doing battle with giant scorpions and outsmarting a pride of albino lions, he’d finally find the gorilla paw in room of solid gold, and only his pure heart would allow him to claim it and bring it into the light of day.

“Excellent,” Dana White would say over the satellite video phone as GSP sailed back to America on an oil tanker.  “Now bring the paw to me.”  

Only then would GSP realize that the power of the magical gorilla paw was too much for any one man to possess.  With a sigh, he’d lean over the railing of the ship and toss it into the sea, watching with sad satisfaction as it disappeared into the abyss.

Does CP hate Clay Guida as much as I do?

Nate Diaz, is that you?  Look man, you gotta let this go.

Sup dudes … wonderin who u think is has the best camp? ATT??, AKA?? MFS?? Extreme Couture??, Jacksons MMA?? – Barry Mckockenner

If you mean best as in, has the most quality fighters flooding the MMA marketplace, it’s probably Xtreme Couture or ATT.  But if you mean best as in, any one of their fighters is someone you would not want to fight solely because of the training, teammates, and strategy he has at his disposal, it’s got to be Greg Jackson’s.  Those guys always show up in shape, with a great gameplan, and with the support of an actual team behind them.  There may not be as many of them as there are in a fighter factory like Xtreme Couture, but all of them are dangerous dudes who tweak their nipples before they beat you up.

This is an economic question.  I work for a construction company that does consulting to people building custom homes, I currently draw the blueprints for the homes. As the people are going through me to get blueprints the other part of the company is helping them get a construction loan, ever since this damn economy went south we have not been able to get people funded, now we have about 10 clients that are ready to build right now but can’t get a construction loan for shit, as you may have heard, Wamu went under, they don’t do construction loans no more, Citi doesn’t do construction loans, and now as of today Chase stopped doing construction loans, they were our saviors because their rates were incredibly low. What I am asking is, does Cage Potato do construction loans? Is there hope? We have 60 clients, but if they can’t get funded we can’t build their house. If anyone can change this economy its gotta be CP right? right? – Rokabee

[Sigh] Spare us the song and dance about the “construction company” you "work for" and just tell us, Rokabee, how much do you need this time?

Cagepotato Comments

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Kimbo's Bread- April 24, 2009 at 5:04 pm
This photo proves that Cotoure is ticklish.
Dmonicideals- April 24, 2009 at 4:38 pm
That last thing you said OBI, was 100% dead on.
Wrestling Im wrong- April 24, 2009 at 11:38 am
I dunno, I never suspected Lesnar of steroids. Maybe HGH? Painkillers and alcohol, yeah, since I think he admitted as such from his pro wrestling days. Besides, they're all tested, so I'm sure he's clean now.
Judo Im right- April 24, 2009 at 10:35 am
Any title Lesnar ever has will require an asterisk

but I guess they put coleman in the "UFC Hall of Fame."

So, I guess it's not as big a deal to the UFC as it is me. Anyone else agree?
Anonymous- April 24, 2009 at 10:26 am
I get dumber every time, for some momentary lapse of reason, I scroll down to read comments. Why Why Why.
Anonymous- April 24, 2009 at 9:30 am
Cup the balls CP Cup the balls
Anonymous- April 24, 2009 at 9:23 am
you are a moron
dirty south- April 24, 2009 at 9:19 am
bill and ted are in an alternate timeline now...
Anonymous- April 24, 2009 at 8:19 am
What is up with the names of the people asking the questions? Whatever happened to names like Bill, Ted or Anonymous?
Old, Bald and Irish- April 24, 2009 at 8:16 am
Look, CAPS LOCK HAL is not nearly as annoying as the jerk who kept doing the "COOL" HTML-thingy. I really hope that somebody stomped his head while he was biting a curb....
LMH- April 24, 2009 at 8:13 am
Does everyone hate Clay Guida??? yes... but not as much as we hate CAPS LOCK HAL
rokabee- April 24, 2009 at 8:10 am
Lets do it.
Cap'n- April 24, 2009 at 7:54 am
Hey Rockabee

Im a real estate appraiser, I want to learn to be a draftsman.

I have a certain client (bank) that sends me about 80% of my work, about a third of that is new construction. They seem to be doing ok.

If you teach me to be a draftsman, let me use your software, then I'll introduce you to this wonderful client.

Bas- April 24, 2009 at 5:08 am
The liver shot is the most under-used strike followed by real outside low kicks. If you are a striker learn some takedown defense and punish those ground guys for trying a takedown.
Patrick- April 23, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Clay Guida is a turd. (the real Clay Guida, I mean)
My Fight Wiffa Cheeto- April 23, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Soooooo I can't start a fighter's union... even with this Gorilla paw?
Justme- April 23, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Yeah!!! Fuck that Used Q-tip named Koschek
As for CB "Launchpad McQuack" Dolloway lets see him and Chael Sonnen scrap that would be a good one cuz both are arrogant jocks
The Juice- April 23, 2009 at 8:47 pm
I call knees to the thighs "theese." remember that when Rogan steals it from me. LOOK AT HIS LEG TWISTED UNDERNEEEEATH HIM!
Anonymous- April 23, 2009 at 8:46 pm
@Rokabee - could it be that the people that can't get the money to build the houses might be getting in over their heads and shouldn't be building a house they can't afford? draw them plans for a smaller house and knee them in the thigh until they agree to'll make less, but you'll make something...
Anonymous- April 23, 2009 at 7:56 pm
caps lock hal's arch nemisis smokes nugg
Dana White- April 23, 2009 at 7:53 pm
You're a fucking idiot CP. I would say thats's "fucking excellent GSP"
CAPS LOCK HAL'S ARCH NEMESIS- April 23, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Dmonicideals- April 23, 2009 at 7:45 pm
HAL, you are special.
CAPS LOCK HAL, - April 23, 2009 at 7:35 pm
CAPS LOCK HAL- April 23, 2009 at 7:19 pm