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Ask the Potato


(Un-freaking-canny, isn’t it?)

It’s been too long since we’ve answered all your stupid questions.  For that, we apologize.  For the smart-assness of the answers we offer here, we shall never apologize.  If you don’t like it, go ask your own incredibly important question right now in this forum thread.  Otherwise, read on and be amused.

If you were to break it down per minute, who is the highest paid fighter? I’m not talking about all the training and everything that goes with fighting, just the fights themselves. – Shagen

Why settle for breaking it down per minute, Shagen?  Why not per second?  The three top contenders for this title would appear to be Andrei Arlovski (who made $1.5 million to get knocked out by Fedor in 3:14), Tim Sylvia (who made $800,000 to get submitted by Fedor in 0:36), and Kimbo Slice (who made $500,000 to get knocked out by Seth Petruzelli in 0:14).


You break that down per second and Arlovski made $7,731.96, Sylvia made $22,222.22, and Slice made a whopping $35,714.29.  That makes Kimbo the highest-paid fighter per second in MMA history.  Of course, what complicates this are “undisclosed payouts.”  There’s no way Fedor only made a couple hundred grand to beat Sylvia and Arlovski, as reported to the CSAC in both instances, so we may never know how much he ultimately pocketed for two high-profile fights that lasted a combined 3:50.  One thing we can be sure of, Kimbo straight-up robbed EliteXC.

I have heard a few different people blame Rashad Evans‘ loss to Lyoto Machida on a poor game plan from Greg Jackson. Can it really be that Jackson developed the seriously flawed game plan of standing and striking with Machida, while avoiding wrestling all together or should Rashad’s loss be attributed to a weak execution on the part of Rashad? I understand that Machida is a tough opponent to figure out, but I just cannot accept that Jackson proposed such a weak game plan. Say it isn’t so Bens. – CWR

We know, it’s hard to believe that Greg Jackson wouldn’t instruct Evans to go in there and put Machida on his back at least once, just to find out how he reacts.  But as we noted before the fight, there was some talk from the Jackson camp about countering Machida’s counters, which we thought was a horrible idea.  Judging by Evans’ performance, though, that’s exactly what he tried to do.  He kept his back to the fence, circling and waiting and then getting picked apart by Machida.  Obviously, it was a mistake.

The real question is, now that we’ve seen how ineffective it is to chase Machida (see: Machida vs. Tito Ortiz) and how painful it is to wait for his attack (see: Machida vs. Evans), what’s next?  “Shogun” Rua will try and come up with an answer, but when we think about “the old Shogun” that people seem to be hoping for, we recall a dude who was 70% aggression, 25% speed, and 5% strategy.  Should be interesting to see how that pans out.

What President/World Leader (new or old) would you compare to Dana White? – Rokabee

If we disqualify Lex Luthor for being fictional, the obvious choice seems like Vladimir Putin.  He also fancied himself a fighter/tough guy and also had some serious contempt for the media, though he was a considerably bigger dick about it.  Neither of them are big fans of compromise or transparency, but both oversaw economic booms for their respective organizations.  One big difference, however, is that Putin was in the KGB prior to assuming his big leadership role.  Dana White…well, let’s just say he wasn’t doing anything quite so cool.

Does anyone really find women’s MMA entertaining? To me it’s like destroying a piece of art bit by bit, just for the sake of saying you did it.
– Kadumel

(Sigh) You know, Kadumel, sometimes the things we say in an attempt to be semi-positive reflect values we hold that are at least semi-negative, and it isn’t until we’ve said them and can’t take them back that we realize it.  It’s sort of nice that you’re comparing women – even “Cyborg” Santos” – to works of art.  It’s also sort of insulting to them, since art is something that you look at and aren’t allowed to touch unless you want that MoMA security guard all up in your shit.  

Women are people, not art.  They exist for their own sake and not simply to be enjoyed aesthetically by dudes.  Because of this, if they want to fight and possibly mess up their faces, that is their right.  Do we enjoy watching women’s MMA?  When it’s done well, definitely.  When it isn’t, not so much.  In other words, we enjoy it in much the same way we enjoy men’s MMA.  If you don’t, that’s cool.  You know who else has a big problem with women hitting each other?  Bob Reilly.  Think on that.  

Do you think that the ufc should/will come up with a ranking system so the fans have a better understanding of the pecking order of each division? – The Ox King

Should they?  Yes.  The Lyoto Machida/“Shogun” Rua title fight situation is just the latest example of the need to establish who the number one contender is at any one time and how one might go about attaining that number one contender status.  That way maybe Yushin Okami can find out exactly what he’s been doing wrong.

Will the UFC ever do this?  Probably not, and the Machida/Rua situation is a good example of why.  If they establish a documented number one contender then it becomes difficult to make title fights of convenience, which are sometimes necessary to keep the wheels of the money machine moving and the title in regular circulation.  From the UFC’s perspective, it’s easier to keep people guessing.

Who is making worse career decisions, Jose Canseco or Tim Sylvia? And quantity does not outweigh quality (or complete lack of). – Lysol

What an intriguing, depressing question.  But there’s no contest, Tim Sylvia has definitely made the worse career decisions of late, mostly because he still has something to lose.  Canseco’s been a joke for years.  He’s not to be taken seriously and everybody knows it, so it’s not as if he’s tarnishing his image by fighting Hong Man Choi.  He’s also not a real fighter, so nobody expects anything out of him.

But Sylvia was a UFC heavyweight champ not too long ago.  Now he’s showing up fat and out of shape to get KO’d by Ray Mercer, and then whining about how he wants to fight his high school bullies on MTV.  Not that he was ever a really popular fighter, but that’s still a huge fall from grace.  All we can do at this point is await the tell-all book and the unintentionally hilarious sex tape.  Shouldn’t be long now…

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Jeffro- June 30, 2009 at 9:42 am
I don't like seeing women get punched in the face...unless, of course, they deserve it.

Just kidding. I have never really enjoyed watching womens MMA. But I am kind of warming up to it. The Gina vs. Cyborg will be a spectical in itself, but it won't really go anywhere. Kind of like WNBA. Does anyone really watch that shit? I mean, besides lesbians.
J-Dog- June 30, 2009 at 9:19 am
Kadumel was definitely comparing MMA to art, saying women are destroying the piece of art with their shitty fighting... not that women are art and are being destroyed by punches. Don't know how you came to that conclusion. You totally missed the comparison and question.
Lysol- June 30, 2009 at 7:15 am
"dude, I saw Time Sylvia on his episode of Blind Date... and the Maine-iac will need about every dollar he's never made if there is gonna be a sex tape... that guy seriously could fall into a room full of titties and come out sucking his elbow..."

HA! The sex tape will be Sylvia sucking his own elbow while a uncomfortable, concerned looking girl watches. It is obvious to all that the girl didn't want to be there, but kind of felt bad for Tim, and figured she'll be able to tell her friends she hung out with "like, some ultimate figher", so she agreed to watch poor Timmy in hopes that "like, if he ever gets famous with his ultimate fighting or whatever, maybe I could get famous by proxy"
xocgx- June 30, 2009 at 6:26 am
"All we can do at this point is await the tell-all book and the unintentionally hilarious sex tape. Shouldn’t be long now…"


I have to hope he is long......even a raging Dirk Diggler on that frame would look tiny!
Kadumel- June 30, 2009 at 5:02 am
Funny I dont remember submitting that question.
Dojima- June 30, 2009 at 1:45 am
dude, I saw Time Sylvia on his episode of Blind Date... and the Maine-iac will need about every dollar he's never made if there is gonna be a sex tape... that guy seriously could fall into a room full of titties and come out sucking his elbow...
rokabee- June 29, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Thanks dizzle.
Chri534.- June 29, 2009 at 11:39 pm
...I'm sure someone is going to say it soon, but wtf bens?
Chri534.- June 29, 2009 at 11:16 pm
cafepress.com/cagepotato.209081126

There ya go...
rokabee- June 29, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Hey Im with cwr here, if he gets a shirt than I want a damn shirt! DOOOOOO IT. whats the link to buy them again?
Chri534.- June 29, 2009 at 10:46 pm
I want to see Sylvia vs. Sapp...it would be the saddest sickest NYE event ever!!
maxwell- June 29, 2009 at 9:53 pm
yes, comparing dana white to putin is a completely fair and understandable comparison.

in other news, bob sapp and idi amin have similar outlooks on pong grand strategy.
Che Guevara's grandson has just published the ultimate Zerg rush tactics;
and Katie Couric and Mir-Hossein Mousavi Khameneh were neck and neck forerunners in the Irani Federal Elections.
robthom- June 29, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Pootin is a pimp!


I'd take him over dubya anyday!
cwr- June 29, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Oh and btw, Putin looks like the love child of Matt Serra and Dana White.
cwr- June 29, 2009 at 7:45 pm
So does this mean I get a HoF t-shirt right before they become outdated? If so I am super excited. If not I am let down.
Seoul Brother- June 29, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Very well said, Krazy Kracker, except I think you meant East Berlin.
Bob Reilly- June 29, 2009 at 6:11 pm
I enjoy watching women hit each other!
Macro- June 29, 2009 at 5:52 pm
This is as close as anyone ever wants to be to a Tim Sylvia sex tape!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=euRNF_WN6iw
ihateemo- June 29, 2009 at 5:32 pm
to his *girlfriend

Assuming she hasn't left him for being fat. If he can't hang with a 40-something boxer in the cage I doubt he can hang with a 20-something chick in the sack.
Krazy Kracker- June 29, 2009 at 5:32 pm
I think Dana is more like Nikita Khrushchev, Bens. He runs the UFC like west Berlin. Once you're in you can't get out or he will see you suffer. He talks a lot of shit and tries to pick fights with everyone, but is never going to do anything. Did someone say Cold War? Plus, he's a short bald irate man who grows increasingly more chubby and hostile.... it's creepy-similar!
ihateemo- June 29, 2009 at 5:31 pm
@mayhem

"NO!!!! It would not be funny... AT ALL.... EVER!"

Haha, I can just imagine Sylvia saying to his in bed "how taste my beep beep beep???!!!!".
UFC fan- June 29, 2009 at 5:11 pm
"sometimes the things we say in an attempt to be semi-positive reflect values we hold that are at least semi-negative, and it isn’t until we’ve said them and can’t take them back that we realize it."

probably one of the best written, worded and well thought out statements I have read in along time. That is education speaking right there. No one Ignorant of journalistic skills talks like that......well played sir.
raspberrymight- June 29, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I remember seeing clips from Putin's instructional karate dvd, that was a rib tickler
common sense- June 29, 2009 at 5:05 pm
^^ i think that would be even worse
Perdew- June 29, 2009 at 4:12 pm
can't help but think kadumel was comparing MMA to art.
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