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Ask The Potato


(Nothing says, ‘I regret that gang rape now that I’ve been arrested for it almost two decades later,’ quite like this mug shot expression.)

Gather ’round, Potato Nation.  It’s question and answer time.  We’ve got some good ones and some positively awful ones this time around, and we’re equally excited about both.  But don’t just be a selfish consumer of questions.  Head on over to this forum thread and ask a query of your own.  If you don’t, we’ll never forgive you.  Sure, we’ll pretend to have forgiven you, but really we’ll just be holding on to that hurt, waiting for the right time to use it against you.

I’m sure this opinion question has come up before, but I’m too lazy to check past posts. Besides, I have a timely reason for asking…I like Florian, and I still think he has a good chance tonight [ed. note: Geez, we gotta answer these more often] against BJ. But whenever I watch Kenny’s "dressed as a samurai" entrance, I cringe. He looks like he bought the costume in the bargain box of the children’s section of Halloween Adventure.

Lots of fighters try to come up with outfits and special routines for their ring entrances. Sometimes they work. Sometimes they don’t. But I can’t think of any worse than Kenny’s.  Can you top it? What would you say is the most embarrassing ring entrance? – Horror Fighter 

It’s interesting that you use the word ‘embarrassing,’ Horror Fighter.  Seems to us that the best way for a fighter to embarrass himself after an elaborate entrance is to lose, while if he wins it usually comes off okay.  For example, when Dave Kaplan came bopping out to the sounds of “Tenderness” by General Public, that seemed kind of cool.  Then he got his ass kicked by Junie Browning and suddenly it seemed way less cool.  Of course, a really ballsy, well-planned, and clearly rehearsed entrance like Akihiro Gono’s Rockettes routine has the ability to surpass victory or defeat. 

But pound for pound, we have to say that old school MMA dufus Joe Son was the absolute worst.  He once carried a giant wooden cross to the cage, perhaps overstating his own importance while also foreshadowing the beating he was about to take.  He also once fought in a leopard print thong that was smaller than his jock strap, and let’s just say he didn’t have the body for it.  In addition to all that, he is alleged to have participated in a gang rape, so there’s a very good chance that he’s also a really bad person.  Maybe that shouldn’t color our view of his entrances, but it does.  That’s also why Sakuraba could make any of those entrances work. 

Do you guys think Silva’s KO of Griffin is the best display of striking you’ve ever seen in an MMA match? If not, who has done better? I’ve watched the Silva-Griffin fight like 4 times now — and in slow motion — and I’ve never seen anything more amazing.

Perhaps you’ve done this before, but if you haven’t please consider making a Top 10 Striking Clinics post (with clips from each fight). I think people would eat it up; I definitely would. – Art Gibs

That’s actually a really good idea, Art.  We’ll get our intern on it immediately.  By immediately, I mean whenever he returns from the “Rampage” Jackson interview we sent him on.  We thought it would be funny to put make-up on him and dress him up in a skirt and padded bra, but he’s been gone almost a week now and we can’t help but run through some worst-case scenarios in our minds.

On to your actual question, though.  Was that the best display of striking we’ve ever seen?  I don’t know, if we tell you now, what’s that going to do to the list you just suggested?  You’ll already know what number one is, and then all the air is sucked out of the thing.  See, that kind of forward thinking is why we get paid while that intern is off doing God knows what with Rampage for course credit. 

I have a friend that won his first fight by an armbar six seconds in the first round. I’ve been searching for a faster submission than that on the web but can’t find one. Do you know of anything faster than that? – MSCaGeFreaK

First off, this is the internet so we’re required by law to say this: video or it didn’t happen.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, is your friend Rumina Sato?  He beat Charles Taylor via flying armbar in six seconds back in 1999.  That was pretty fast, but assuming that you and/or your friend aren’t despicable liars it would really just be a tie for first as far as we know.  Then again, we’ve already seen the video of Sato doing it. 

Looks like you gotta come up with video of this mysterious “friend” and his armbar, otherwise your lies will shame the MSCaGeFreaK family name forever.  Thank God your great-grandfather, EBeNeeZeR MSCaGeFreaK, isn’t alive to see that.

Does the UFC have scouts that look for young talent in other organizations and even in amateur wrestling, kickboxing, and bjj competitions etc?? Most major sports will start scouting athletes at a young age, is this true also for the UFC? or is it if you think you are good enough than send a tape in? – Rokabee

That’s actually a good question, Rokabee.  The way the UFC generally hears about quality fighters is through managers and coaches.  Of course, that only gets you so far.  Someone with a reputable gym might be able to call up Joe Silva and tell him he’s got a fighter that deserves a look, but as Silva has said in past interviews, being a gym hero doesn’t land you in the UFC.  They take a hard look at a fighter’s record, his opponents, and video of his fights before they talk about a contract. 

As for whether the UFC is scouting high school wrestlers or teenage kickboxers, the answer is, not really.  They don’t have to.  What you’re forgetting is that it isn’t major sports that scout talent, it’s major sports teams.  They do it because they want to get an edge on other teams by being the first to form a relationship with a young prospect.  No one gets a visit from Major League Baseball; they get a visit from the Chicago Cubs.  Then they’re convinced to forego a college scholarship to enter the draft, and end up tearing their rotator cuff in their first season in the minors.  Afterwards they go back home to live with their parents and can be found drinking in the garage most nights.

How come no fighter has ever had a Cage Potato logo on their trunks during a fight? Plenty of fighters come and do exclusive interviews, but to my knowledge nobody has ever given us any logo love. Is their some rule against it, or are fighters simply under the misguided presumption that CAGE POTATO.COM is not worthy of being enblazened across their ass in giant bold lettering? If I was a fighter, you better believe I’d rep CP. – LargeMidget

The main reason we don’t get any “logo love,” as you put it, is that we don’t want to pay for it, and that shit costs money.  We’d much rather spend that money on our salaries or sweet co-sponsored parties at UFC events. 

Good question, Midget. We all ought to start a fund with the object of getting Old, Bald and Irish’ s name on some fighters shorts or shirt. Now that would be some insider love to the CP clan. OBI ! – Jesus Frijoles

Now that’s a good idea.  Not just the OBI part, but also the part where someone who is not us pays for it.  But who?

I might have to empty my savings account to make the OBI add happen…don’t hold me to that. – Perdew

Fuck it, we’re holding Perdew to that.  Perdew, if you’re reading this, we already made some calls on your behalf and, well, maybe we jumped the gun a little bit but it was too good a deal to pass up.  Long story short, you owe Jon Jones $10,000.  Don’t worry though, we got you the coveted ass space.  Those jokers at Condom Depot are going to be pissed.

Who chooses which video you plug for Nothing Toxic?  I only ask because you offer a link for them pretty much every Friday, and I check their site daily. Almost every week I have like 5 fight related videos from there that I liked better than the one that was recommended here. – Chri534

Let me get this straight, you check Nothing Toxic every day anyway, regardless of what we say, but you’re bitching about which video we plug on Fridays?  Dammit, we do not have time for this.  Some people have serious questions they need answered.  Now who’s next?

Hello there cage potato. – pa99ortiz

I quit.

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Jesus Frijoles- August 27, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Watch what you ask for Midget, next thing you know we'll get a shout out from Lesnar.
LargeMidget- August 27, 2009 at 7:55 pm
I can't believe not one fighter has ever shown us logo love free of charge.
Jesus Frijoles- August 27, 2009 at 7:55 pm
Joe Son Do sure swept the martial arts world didn't it.
Horror Fighter- August 27, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Yay, Cage Potato still likes me! You know I can't stay mad at you guys. Thanks so much for the Joe Son memories. To add to his list of douche-bag moments: When Hackney tried to shake his hand, Joe Son gave him the ol' face palm. Of course, I'd have the same reaction to a guy who repeatedly nailed me in the nuts.

And just to clear one thing up: "I like Florian, and I still think he has a good chance tonight" -- that's a typo. I really meant to type: "I like Kenny, but BJ will beat him by rear-naked choke in the fourth round." You can see how I could make that mistake while typing. All those letters are so close to each other on the keyboard.

P.S. Where can I send my CV for a CP internship? I want to put the stipend toward the OBI sponsorship fund. You're missing the obvious fighter though: Marcus Davis.

(Speaking of sponsorships, I was watching Unleashed reruns on Spike and I noticed that they aren't blurring out the Affliction logo anymore. Maybe they can go back and re-edit the episodes of the top 100 UFC fights so Tito doesn't come across as a cowardly loser.)
Jesus Frijoles- August 27, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Perdew, never ever give your account number to the Bens. Oh sure they say they "NEED" it so they can send you that hall of fame t shirt, but it didnt show up and now look what they did.
UFC fan- August 27, 2009 at 5:07 pm
"being a gym hero doesn’t land you in the UFC. They take a hard look at a fighter’s record, his opponents, and video of his fights before they talk about a contract. "

did you read this 831 son? this means you...just because you clean jocks at a small gym in gay ass cali doesn't mean you are fighter. Just because your alligator cocksucking mouth overloads your stupid hummingbird ass, also doesn't make you a fighter.
Being a punchline of the Ben's on a caption thread ALSO doesn't make you a fighter.
see how this works bud?
Now go fuck yourself...or die......or fuck yourself AND die, whatever suits ya.
Bloodlust- August 27, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Genki Sudo's entrances were the best. Buckethead ftw
Barc- August 27, 2009 at 1:52 pm
@ Mr. Carter
To get me to tap from strikes to the balls, you'd have to hit my wife in the purse... repeatedly. Which group does that put me in?

@Mr. Emo
I second the Phil Baroni stripper entrance. He was there with more than a handful of girls, and only ended up getting pounded by a dude. I burned all of my glittery robes, and threw out my sweet sunglasses that I used to wear indoors. I saw what they'll do for me, and I'll have none of it.
Barc- August 27, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Deleted because I'm retarded
ihateemo- August 27, 2009 at 12:26 pm
*over a minute. I just Googled the fight video (but couldn't find the entrance, dammit!).
ihateemo- August 27, 2009 at 12:25 pm
"What would you say is the most embarrassing ring entrance?"

My vote for this one (and I'm surprised you didn't mention it) is Phil Baroni's entrance for EliteXC: Primetime. Showed up in his glittery sleeveless robe, flexing his muscles and accompanied by a bunch of EliteXC stripper chicks...then gets TKO'd in a little under a minute on national TV.

I think it took him longer to walk to the cage and disrobe. I had a good laugh at that one.
portland mma- August 27, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Joe Son was also the little asian dude in Austin Powers too isn't he? Yeah that dude is a fucking disgrace though he deserved all the nuts shots.
KidDinomite- August 27, 2009 at 12:17 pm
99% of men that get hit in the balls would tap, yes, but they would also try and avoid getting hit in the balls in the first place. Joe Son looked like he was laying there, not even trying to not get hit.
NECROPHYTE- August 27, 2009 at 12:14 pm
This forums shit never works for me! Doesn't allow me to post stuff. It says that i have to activate the acct. How do i do this? Help Ben I've e-mailed you asshole!
Old_Bald_and_Irish- August 27, 2009 at 12:13 pm
HA!

I didn't even know about this thread!

Ya man! Get the OBI on someone's butt right next to Condom Depot!
Perdew- August 27, 2009 at 12:10 pm
thanks CP
Perdew- August 27, 2009 at 12:09 pm
i have a surplus of 10k in the checking acct. FML.
NECROPHYTE- August 27, 2009 at 11:57 am
@JAy Smith

Yeah and after the fight Joe Son cheerfully hugged Hackney. Maybe Joe Son is into S&M?
MyFightWiffaCheeto- August 27, 2009 at 11:49 am
I thought Kimo used to carry a cross to the Octagon with him?
Just A Wrestler- August 27, 2009 at 11:43 am
@walrus. this doesnt involve you!
ccarter- August 27, 2009 at 11:38 am
Kid dinomite... 2 things... 1 if you got repeatedly hit in the nuts... 99% of all men would tap... the 1 % that doesn't have any balls probably woudln't...

2. Of course UFC will co sponsor parties, they are getting their name out there for half the cost... co promoting events means theya re getting someone else's name out there for half the profit...
Walrus- August 27, 2009 at 11:29 am
It was a joke, Just a Wrestler.
Chri534.- August 27, 2009 at 11:18 am
Haha, there's just too many white trash chick fights that get passed up...
danomite- August 27, 2009 at 11:14 am
I think you made a mistake with that link you had to Joe Son's man thong. It's supposed to say "The nine BEST fighting get ups ever", not the nine WORST fighting get ups. All of those outfits were awesome, except for Joe Son of course. that guy can go to hell. It seems you guys have a serious dislike for the man tights, while I on the other hand do not. Here's the real question, are you guys hating on them because you are insecure with your sexuality or am I a gay for liking them? I'm going to say D, all of the above.

Just A Wrestler- August 27, 2009 at 11:02 am
@LAS. so you used to eat jizz and think it was cool?
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