(I’m not sure I even want to see the g-string he’s planning to stuff that into.)

Your first grade teacher used to say there was no such thing as a stupid question. She was an alcoholic who dropped out of law school and became a teacher so she’d could get to the bar by 3 pm everyday and have all summer to drink herself into a stupor. Bet you didn’t know that, did you? Well, we thought you should hear it from us. Here are some other answers you aren’t going to like. Got a question of your own? Ask it here.

What happens if Money Mayweather vs. Pacquiao gets made for May 1? Does Dana White move Machida vs. Rua II off of that date? Let’s face it, a man in his position can’t afford to be made to look ridiculous……the smart business move is to move off of that date, but avoiding competition from Boxing is unlike anything Dana has done in the past. Thoughts? – Operation Shutdown

First of all, Pacquiao-Mayweather seems now like it will happen on March 13, which will probably be the same date as UFC 111, the event where Georges St. Pierre and Dan Hardy will throw caution, common sense, and health codes to the wind simply by traveling to Newark, New Jersey. But your point remains, if they’re on the same night, should the UFC pull out of a date simply to avoid a head-to-head showdown with a huge boxing event?

If you were to put that question to Dana White, our guess is he’d respond with a torrent of expletives followed by the word ‘no.’ Aside from practical considerations (booking the Prudential Center isn’t like reserving a table for a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, OpShut), DW isn’t the type of guy to cut and run.

Yeah, UFC 111 would probably get smoked by Pacquiao-Mayweather in terms of PPV buys, but so what? This will be a huge night for boxing, but it will only be one night. After Pacquiao and Mayweather have gone home, the UFC will be back a month later with 112 in London, and then back again on May 1 with Machida-Shogun II. Meanwhile, where does boxing go after March 13? Bob Arum will never admit it, but he has no freaking clue. The UFC can take it on the chin for one night if they need to. That’s the benefit of having a roster full of fighters fans want to see.

Out of all the fighters you have met who was the oddest? – Ballentine

Without a doubt, it’s Diego Sanchez. I realize that sounds like the obvious answer, but it’s true. When it comes to weird, there are a few different varieties. There’s crazy weird, like “Mayhem” Miller. There’s silly weird, like Kazushi Sakuraba. And then there’s disarmingly sincere weird, which is what Diego Sanchez is. He’s totally serious about everything, not putting up any type of front, and yet the things he says and the intensity with which he says them sometimes make you want to slowly back away, being careful to make no sudden movements.  It’s basically the same reaction you’d have if you walked into a Subway on your lunch break and a fully-clothed Bigfoot was working there, calmly putting on his plastic gloves and asking you what kind of bread you’d like. 

I hear Joe Rogan say it all the time, so and so is in such great shape they recover from getting rocked quickly. How exactly does being in great shape help a fighter recover after getting rocked? – Nicer

Joe Rogan says a lot of stuff that isn’t always strictly backed up by scientific evidence. He also has millions of dollars and yet only appears to own about two collared shirts, so we can chalk some of that up to him being a good old American iconoclast who’s high on both life and weed (but mostly weed). In this case, I think what Joe might be talking about is not so much pure cardiovascular conditioning as mental and physical fight conditioning.

Guys who train hard, past the point of exhaustion every day, they get used to fighting without thinking. It’s kind of like how we’ve gotten used to writing without thinking. They can get rocked by a punch and their bodies instinctively pull guard and go into defense mode. Just like we can get rocked by several whiskeys and our fingers still hammer out fairly obvious jokes. That’s the benefit of soul-deadening repetition.

HELP! I can’t seem to log in on the main pages. I have multiple times asked for a new password to be emailed to me, but nothing ever comes through. What can I do? – Scrambled Eggs

Yeah, we hear that a lot. You know what we do when we hear that? We tell our tech guys. Then we resume not knowing a goddamn thing about why this happens or how to fix it. Somewhere in there we also find time to eat lunch.

Why the fuck dont you guys ever post in the forums???? huh why?? Is it something we did well we are sorry ok dont be like that….If there is someone eles just tell us…..we miss you’s. – The Ox King

We’re not sure how to say this, Ox, but yes, it is something you did. By that we mean you specifically. That’s probably not easy to hear, but we aren’t going to sugarcoat it like your parents did when they got a divorce. That was your fault for crying and screaming and throwing up at strange intervals as a child, and our reluctance to post in the forums is a result of you continuing to do those things as an adult. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have to get back to the forum we do regularly post in.

When are you going to ask Shane Carwin what his real height is. It’s just getting ridiculous now. He’s gotta be 6’2" at best and has been listed at 6’3" or 6’4" but I just saw a commercial for 106 that said he’s 6’5"! If he wins the belt he’s gonna be taller than Tim Silvia. – Danomite

Let us ask you a question, Danomite. What’s with your obsession with Carwin’s height? You seem to take it as a personal affront that he might be getting an extra inch or two on the UFC website or elsewhere. Carwin himself has said that he’s 6’2”. We’re not sure where you’re getting this 6’5” nonsense, but we’re also not sure why this seems to be such a big deal to you. He’s a big dude, okay? Brock Lesnar is also a big dude. When they finally fight, it will be two big dudes fighting one another. An inch or two in height one way or another probably isn’t going to decide the outcome.

When you guys do Ben vs Ben, who comes up with the questions? A one word answer will suffice. – Rokabee

Your mother. Damn, that’s two words. And they aren’t true.

The fact is, we don’t know who comes up with the questions, and it’s important that we never find out. We receive them by climbing up to a mountain cave several thousand feet above sea level and there they are, carved into a wax tablet and handed to us by a trained monkey that was blinded many years ago to keep him from learning the secrets that lay within that cave. A former Cage Potato editor once tried to venture farther inside to discover the source of the questions. He emerged a week later and his hair had turned completely white. He hasn’t spoken a word since. The doctors say he now has the internal organs of a 150-year-old man. He never sleeps, and yet he cannot seem to die.