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Ask the Internet Comment Section Fight Expert

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By 420fighteXXXpert69, Freelance Contributor

As the world’s foremost authority on mixed martial arts, 420fighteXXXpert69 has been trolling comment sections and lurking chat rooms since dropping out of high school back in 2005. After earning his GED, he’s now pretty sure he owns the most impressive collection of MMA T-shirts at his online community college. Seriously, ask him fucking anything, you fucking noobs …

What’s up, fags?!?! Welcome to another cacophony of fistic entertainment known to you fuckin’ cock gobblers as “Ask the Internet Comment Section Fight Expert.” Once again I’d like to thank CagePotato.com for letting me write this shit (Except for the edits! Fuck those!) and for paying me only in free MMA schwag. Except last week when they mailed me a fucking book! I did not read that shit … because I don’t suddenly want to start feeling hungry for dicks!!!

All eight of my Twitter followers have been straight BLOWIN ME UP this week with questions about everything UFC, so I better drop a knowledge bomb on your fucking lardasses before you get your panties in a wad and start a flame war YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO FINISH! Remember, if you have a question for future articles hit me up on Twitter, cuz my cell phone is shut off right now (Fuck you, Verizon!). Or you can call the house, but you have to speak slow cuz my grandmother is part Korean. OK, let’s see what you morons want to know this week …

What up 420fighteXXXpert69! Dude how stoked are you for Brock on Tuf?? — RadSk8rDude@hotmail.com

In a word: Fucking stoked! It’s pretty queer that some of my readers hate on Brock so much, since he most defiantly has a chance to be one of the greatest of all times in MMA. We’re talking right up there with true old school WARRIORS who first started the sport like Forrest Griffin, Steven Bonner and Rich Franklin. Respec!

Dear 420fighteXXXpert69: Isn’t this Jon Jones fellow a great fighter and a fine role model for the young people of today? – Pastor Leonid Marshall, Baltimore, MD

Thanks for the question, Pastor. I was watching UFC the other night, hanging out in the comments of my favorite live blog making sure the dude writing it knew how bad I thought it sucked. Then my mom was all, “Bobby 420fighteXXXpert69, turn that crap down!” and I was all, “Fuck you, bitch!” Anyway, main fight was black dude against kind of a brown-looking guy. Black dude won. Pretty sure it was Jon Jones He looked aiight, I guess. Not as cool as CHUCK or anything. CHUCK is the man! My main beef with Jon Jones is he was wearing these fucking stupid pink homo shorts in his fight. I didn’t look too close because I ain’t no meat-gazer, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t like it. Also, I heard that dude was a snitch. Fuck a snitch!

Mr. 420 Fight Expert 69, esq., Do you share my concerns that continued consolidation of power by Zuffa, LLC. could result in a dangerous competitive imbalance in the market and that, in the struggle between labor and capital that has largely defined the modern history of our nation, now more than ever workers need to protect and seek out their rights to collectively bargain in the face of the growing homogenization of the MMA industry? – Albert Foxelton, Cambridge, MA.

Bro, what the FUCK is a Zuffa LLC?

Cagepotato Comments

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ArmFarmer- April 3, 2011 at 10:53 am
"the old school WARRIORS who first started this sport, forrest griffin, stephan bonner, and rich franklin."

I lol'd.. article wasn't that bad, unless you couldn't tell it was satire in which case you are a fucking retard and you can't blame the writers for your own stupidity.
not_himpressed- April 2, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Hah! This is great. Nice attention to detail.
RwilsonR- April 1, 2011 at 9:38 pm
Wait a minute... what's the date today? Hey.......
mma samurai- April 1, 2011 at 8:19 pm
Guess you can't please them all. Oh well I thought it was pretty funny CP
Frank Mur- April 1, 2011 at 5:59 pm
I lol'ed, but it should've been in CAPS LOCK!
BigShig- April 1, 2011 at 4:05 pm
Is he rocking the Apple IIe monitor? I bet if you turn that monitor toward the camera you will find that the screen is black and the font is green.

Is that Nick "The Very Douchy Ear" Ring in the orange?
Ninjanate- April 1, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Wow. Trying too hard
Mofo- April 1, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Lesnar - thas right muthafucka you should shut your whiny little traps and learn to enjoy life! This site is funny. If you are not, fuck off and die.
MentalyptiC- April 1, 2011 at 1:56 pm
lol! dude's rockin a tube monitor
Lesnars_tiny_pecker_says- April 1, 2011 at 1:41 pm
so MOFO we shouldn't make comments?
like you just did telling us not to.
is this guy your boy friend? HUH
it's ok just do't bite down or drag teeth and he will still love you.
bitch
Mofo- April 1, 2011 at 1:35 pm
YOU COMMENTERS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR

Wow I like this site but it's so hard to enjoy these days because of every pissant little bitch who only comes here to wine about their bloody tampons. Fuck off somewhere else already, all of you!

This shit was HILARIOUS. Whoever wrote this, you're making the normal CP writers look lazy.
PurplePancake- April 1, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Was this written by karmaatemycat?
Fedor Penn- April 1, 2011 at 1:02 pm
This site blows today and so does the chive. What is going on?
rcj5019- April 1, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Putting words into a coherent sentence and posting it on the internet.... does not make you an expert.
Uppercut Magnet- April 1, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Really slow news days...
joe sons balls- April 1, 2011 at 12:32 pm
i thought it was funny. which means it cant possibly have been written by one of the regular cp writers.
Mad_Max- April 1, 2011 at 12:13 pm
soooooo, pink homo shorts... phil davis? not jon jones.
cecils_pupils- April 1, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Dear 420 fightXXXpert 69,

Will Dana White ever let Cage Potato back into it's good graces or has Ben Goldstein done gone and screwed the pooch with this whole "Free Cage Potato" campaign?
macreadysshack- April 1, 2011 at 12:06 pm
This wasn't ultra worthwhile but it wasn't so bad. I think it just reminded me of that Houston dip-shit from yesterday.
DootDaGod- April 1, 2011 at 11:58 am
I know more about mma in my tiny dick then this fuckehad will ever know, send me a G and ill write about what ever you want until Edwin Dewees becomes champ (that means ill work forever if yah numbskulls dun know) Anyone could say obvious shit and put a dumbass comedic twist on it, cant beleive this douche got his own spot, sheesh, anyway this dude drinks wine of his daddys asscrack, peace.
FeelDaRiddum- April 1, 2011 at 11:41 am
this guy is a homophobic
keepyahguessing- April 1, 2011 at 11:27 am
a good april fools woulda been sending dana white a assortment of roses from CP an you showing us the reciept but instead you clowns decided to let your local-yocal starbucks coffee maker write shitty articles for you....hats off on a great job
BuckWild- April 1, 2011 at 11:21 am
Is this some reincarnation of TuffGuy ?
pooflinger- April 1, 2011 at 11:14 am
poo
yanktonirishred- April 1, 2011 at 11:11 am
Hilarious.
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