By 420fighteXXXpert69, Freelance Contributor
As the world’s foremost authority on mixed martial arts, 420fighteXXXpert69 has been trolling comment sections and lurking chat rooms since dropping out of high school back in 2005. After earning his GED, he’s now pretty sure he owns the most impressive collection of MMA T-shirts at his online community college. Seriously, ask him fucking anything, you fucking noobs …
What’s up, fags?!?! Welcome to another cacophony of fistic entertainment known to you fuckin’ cock gobblers as “Ask the Internet Comment Section Fight Expert.” Once again I’d like to thank CagePotato.com for letting me write this shit (Except for the edits! Fuck those!) and for paying me only in free MMA schwag. Except last week when they mailed me a fucking book! I did not read that shit … because I don’t suddenly want to start feeling hungry for dicks!!!
All eight of my Twitter followers have been straight BLOWIN ME UP this week with questions about everything UFC, so I better drop a knowledge bomb on your fucking lardasses before you get your panties in a wad and start a flame war YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO FINISH! Remember, if you have a question for future articles hit me up on Twitter, cuz my cell phone is shut off right now (Fuck you, Verizon!). Or you can call the house, but you have to speak slow cuz my grandmother is part Korean. OK, let’s see what you morons want to know this week …
What up 420fighteXXXpert69! Dude how stoked are you for Brock on Tuf?? — RadSk8rDude@hotmail.com
In a word: Fucking stoked! It’s pretty queer that some of my readers hate on Brock so much, since he most defiantly has a chance to be one of the greatest of all times in MMA. We’re talking right up there with true old school WARRIORS who first started the sport like Forrest Griffin, Steven Bonner and Rich Franklin. Respec!
Dear 420fighteXXXpert69: Isn’t this Jon Jones fellow a great fighter and a fine role model for the young people of today? – Pastor Leonid Marshall, Baltimore, MD
Thanks for the question, Pastor. I was watching UFC the other night, hanging out in the comments of my favorite live blog making sure the dude writing it knew how bad I thought it sucked. Then my mom was all, “Bobby 420fighteXXXpert69, turn that crap down!” and I was all, “Fuck you, bitch!” Anyway, main fight was black dude against kind of a brown-looking guy. Black dude won. Pretty sure it was Jon Jones He looked aiight, I guess. Not as cool as CHUCK or anything. CHUCK is the man! My main beef with Jon Jones is he was wearing these fucking stupid pink homo shorts in his fight. I didn’t look too close because I ain’t no meat-gazer, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t like it. Also, I heard that dude was a snitch. Fuck a snitch!
Mr. 420 Fight Expert 69, esq., Do you share my concerns that continued consolidation of power by Zuffa, LLC. could result in a dangerous competitive imbalance in the market and that, in the struggle between labor and capital that has largely defined the modern history of our nation, now more than ever workers need to protect and seek out their rights to collectively bargain in the face of the growing homogenization of the MMA industry? – Albert Foxelton, Cambridge, MA.
Bro, what the FUCK is a Zuffa LLC?