This week’s Ask The Potato is too hot to handle.

Ask the Potato is back and as credible as ever- which is almost an accomplishment worth bragging about. This week, while coming up with the smartass quips that you’ve come to expect from us, we noticed that even some minor celebrities have taken notice of this feature and submitted their own questions. Naturally, we’re handling this development the way you would expect us to. We’re placing their questions before your (somewhat) serious questions in order to address people with more clout than you. Just remember, guys: We didn’t sell out: We bought in.

So let’s get to it, shall we?

@JerryMillen asks: @cagepotatomma how do u guys make money? Seriously u have 0 journalists! Must be a bunch oh HS kids. Need to fact check ur stories

We make money just like every other legitimate businessman in the sport, Jerry. After involving ourselves with shady business partners in a disappointing venture, we login to Ebay under a fake name and try to sell off the master tapes to their entire video library.

Like any respectful entrepreneur, when that doesn’t cover the bills we travel across the continental US interviewing the loved ones of our more-successful enemies then post video footage of the character assassination on the internet.

@JuneWhiteMMA asks: @cagepotatomma U know absolutely nothing about me why would u make personal comments like that about me?

It’s interesting that you equate knowing someone well with trashing them publicly, June.

Actually, we owe you an apology. It was improper of us to sneak into your home and eavesdrop on what was obviously a private, personal conversation between two concerned friends. Oh, wait, that’s not what happened at all. You got together with your son’s worst enemy—MMA’s version of a snake oil salesman—to launch a smear campaign against your own flesh and blood. Now you’re mad because we were supposed to write terrible things about him, not you, right?

To be fair, we write awful things about your son all the time and we don’t know him either. Sure, we spoke on the phone once, but largely we judge him by what he says and how he comes across in interviews. That’s what we did with you, which is why we find you to be deplorable.

RwilsonR asks: If BJ had any work ethic at all to train his cardio, would he have beaten Nick Diaz?

This question seems to get asked every time BJ Penn loses a fight. In this case, the answer is obviously no. Let’s face it, BJ Penn was taking his training seriously before this fight. Besides, it’s not like Diaz’s cardio is at backyard brawler levels. If your game plan revolves around having better cardio than Nick Diaz, you’re setting yourself up for failure. And possibly a spot on this list.

Chri534 asks : Over/under $500k: What do you think Nick deserves as a ‘locker room bonus’ for that post-fight press conference appearance?

You do realize that you’re asking this question to a group of guys who actually expect to be paid for this column, right? Perhaps we have skewed expectations of how much compensation (if any) one should receive for doing a basic part of his or her job, but we feel that if Nick Diaz wasn’t paid at least twenty million dollars for showing up to the press conference, it’s a downright shame.

We’ll keep it short and sweet this week, everyone. Tune in next week as we answer even more of your (hopefully at least kind of) MMA related questions. You know the drill: You can send us questions through our Facebook page. You can tweet them to our Twitter account. You can register for our forums and post your questions there. Or you can just post them in the comments section of this article. Not to mention any names, but you have no idea how disappointed we are that some of you have been ignoring this feature. We’re at “Spending Friday nights crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and wondering why he’s ignoring us” levels of disappointment. How about changing that, okay?