We’d tell you how we can do this to that poor girl, but it’s already been asked.
We’re back with yet another installment of Ask the Potato. You know the drill by now. You ask us somewhat serious questions. We give you bitter, sarcastic responses. Those Black Friday discounts we got yesterday have us feeling pretty stoked, so we’re not going to be nearly as facetious as usual. Sarcasm? Only one way to find out…
RSparrow asks: Who’s the black guy that’s always at the weigh ins? Like some kinda hype man, wtf?
That’s a pretty vague question, RSparrow. You could be referring to just about anybody. We’ll go out on a limb here and assume you’re talking about Burt Watson. If you’re unfamiliar with UFC’s “babysitter to the stars”, do yourself a favor and check out Ariel Helwani’s in depth interview:
RwilsonR asks: What is the best fight that was never made?
It depends on what you mean by “best”. Do you mean what duo would have produced the most exciting scrap? Do you mean the fight that would have mattered most in the rankings? Or do you mean what fight would have meant the most to the overall landscape of the sport? There are plenty of correct answers to your query, but we’ll start the conversation with two:
Three years after his departure from the UFC, Royce Gracie signed to put undefeated record to the test at Pride 2 against the Mark Kerr. “The Smashing Machine” had yet to taste defeat and was in his prime, and a pairing against the sport’s first hero would have been a blockbuster. Weeks away from the clash, Royce would pull out of the fight citing back issues. A win for Royce would have further cemented his legacy in the sport and quelled talk of him departing when tougher competition emerged. A victory for the hulking Kerr would have served as a true passing of the torch moment in MMA.
When Affliction tossed their gaudy, skull-clad hat in the promoters ring, they used their foothold as sponsors to secure the best free agents available. Though they signed several respectable Octagon outcasts, their crowned jewel was undoubtedly Fedor Emelianenko. In late 2007 Randy Couture broke free from the UFC in a heated dispute, and a dream match-up with Fedor teetered on the brink of reality. Serious talk of the bout began and commercials were even shot before the UFC filed an injunction to silence that noise. It was then that the words “champions clause” first entered into our vocabulary. The bout would have been a coup for Affliction, who hosted two financially crippling events before folding up shop on the heels of a busted Fedor-Barnett headliner, which for that reason alone could qualify as an answer to your question.
Look, we hate to be like that NFL fan who boldly predicts that the Packers will win every week. Even that guy’s mom hates that guy. But sometimes that jackass makes a good point. What we’re getting at is this: Until Anderson Silva loses, we’re going to keep predicting that he wins.
RwilsonR asks (again): Which fighter is the biggest letdown in MMA history? Is it Paulo Filho?
Call us crazy, but no- It isn’t Paulo Filho. Sure, he’s now famous for having stupid tattoos, (allegedly) doing a lot of Roofies and pulling out of fights. But back in his WEC days, he was a legitimate top five middleweight who many were saying could beat Anderson Silva. Even though those days are in the rear-view mirror, he can’t be the biggest letdown to us because he actually did live up to the hype surrounding him at one point in time.
Rather, our pick is Satoshi Ishii. Remember when the decorated judoka was one of the hottest free agents in MMA, despite never having competed? Well, Ishii has parlayed that into a decision loss to forty year old Hidehiko Yoshida, getting disqualified from an exhibition bout, “notable” victories over Minowaman and Jerome Le Banner and a draw to the aforementioned Paulo Filho. He’s now rumored to be Fedor’s opponent for his (somewhat annual) New Year’s Eve freakshow fight. Definitely not the career trajectory we were predicting for Ishii.
We’re actually a little surprised by this too. We don’t mean that in a “I can’t believe that selfish prick isn’t going to pay for this!” kind of way; we mean it in a “Dana’s actually proven to be rather generous in these situations before” kind of way. We’re the first ones to point when Dana’s horns poke out of that beautiful bald head, but he’s been known to cover them up with a white hat on multiple occassions. Not long ago, he ponied up to help a young girl get life saving surgery. He didn’t send out a press release to toot his own horn, either. He just did it. The truth is, we’re just guessing that he hasn’t already contributed. Dan says that someone already made an incredible $20,000 donation. Were not saying it came from Dana, but we can’t rule out him stepping up to the plate either.
The more important question, readers, is have YOU donated yet?
That’s all for now, folks. Tune in next week as we answer even more of your (hopefully at least kind of) MMA related questions. You know the drill: You can send us questions through our Facebook page. You can tweet them to our Twitter account, as well as hashtag questions with #AskThePotato. You can register for our forums and post your questions there. Or you can just post them in the comments section of this article. Hopefully, you haven’t been asking us questions on that Google+ page we set up, because we still haven’t figured that thing out.