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Aussie Official Bodges McCall-Johnson Decision, Absolutely Hangy-Dunked About It

In the Southern Hemisphere, decisions go down the opposite way.  PicProps:  MMAJunkie

Despite the most carefully laid plans of UFC officials, a rematch will be necessary to determine a finalist in the UFC’s tournament to crown its first 125 pound champion, and an Aussie official has stepped up to take the blame.

Demetrious Johnson and Ian McCall battled to a draw through three rounds, and would have gone to a sudden victory fourth-round because Zuffa was Batman-prepared and made sure they had a way to settle such an unsatisfying outcome.  But a tabulation error by Craig Waller — the Executive Director of the Combat Sports Authority of New South Wales — mistakenly crowned Johnson the winner, “and turned the whole banger right poofter-saucy,” according to Waller, adding that he felt like “a right frumious Bandersnatch.”

It’s unclear what was written on Bruce Buffer’s cards, but he initially announced ”29-28 McCall, 29-28 Johnson, and 29-28 for the winner by majority decision,” Johnson.  McCall lost his shit and ran out of the cage, and Johnson screamed like a virgin, touched for the very first time.

Now, those announced scores would equal a split decision victory for Johnson — a majority decision would have meant two judges for Johnson and one judge seeing a draw.  And it turned out that one judge did see it a draw.  Then it turned out that, in fact, two judges (Sal D’Amato and Anthony Dimitriou) had seen the fight a draw after three rounds, and had wanted to see a fourth round. Waller had managed to miss a 10-8 round for McCall on D’Amato’s card, even though paying attention to such things is kinda important.

The third judge, Kon Papai [Ed Note: actually his name] scored the fight 29-28 for Johnson.  That’s what you call a “majority draw”, and “let’s get ready to sudden death, bitches”, but somehow Johnny Koalapunter over here managed to screw up his main job of transcribing and tabulating scores.

“I feel like a right dinkie-donger,” said Waller.  ”Make no mistake, Sal’s score was a kinky dingo’s breakfast, but it was my mullyshonky.  And that Buffer bloke is jakes to a kookaburra, as far as I’m concerned.”

Dana White was understandably upset by the outcome, saying “[Expletive] this [expletive], I [expletive]the whole[expletive] [expletive],” and explained that a rematch would happen at a date to be determined soon, saying they’d “[expletive] that [expletive] when they [expletive] [expletive].”

Zuffa has tended to avoid the tournament system in the UFC due to just these kinds of snags, but had elected to hold a four-man bracket to inaugurate its first flyweight champion, signing two of the top-ranked fighters in the weight class (McCall and Yasuhiro Urushitani), and inviting two top-flight bantamweights to drop down (Johnson and Joe Benavidez).  It was the first time that the UFC has put on a tournament since 1982, when Jean Claude van Damme won the whole thing via flying holy shit did you see that bro.


Cagepotato Comments

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Australian Mantis- March 9, 2012 at 5:16 am
Ive seen alot of gay fucked up decisions given out over the years from ufc officials in different countries including U.S.A. but im not butthurt by this. Everyone fucks up from time to time but the stereo type thing is funny about Australia because its soooo far fetched like our stereo type of Americans. Australia supports alot of American products and organisations like other countries do and will continue to enjoy and follow them. You do know that dingos kill all our babies except the clever ones and if i invented something id call it a chaz wazzer ha ha. We love you coz you dont love those towel head cats so love us back..... a little.
macreadysshack- March 6, 2012 at 12:13 pm
It's CageOnion!
dranokills- March 4, 2012 at 9:46 am
Ron boy you just hang with FBF for awhile and you will learn to UNbutthurt yourself.
Peace to my other brother from an aussie mother :)

Yeah Karma I'm gonna come see you over on your blog brutha man.
fatbellyfrank- March 4, 2012 at 12:46 am
@ Ron, dont sweat it mate, drano and rex are cool guys with a lot of respect for us and our country, I just go with the flow and have a laugh, I must admit Big rexy let his creative licence run wild on this one, and I'm gonna try and introduce "mullyshonky: to our vernacular, I can hear them on the footy Show already
fatbellyfrank- March 4, 2012 at 12:40 am
@ Rexybaby,a couple of technical irregularities,but you get the gist, Coooeee, fair suck of the sav cobber, who was the flippin drongo judgin, Ned flippin Kelly,got the eyes of a fruitbat, stone the flamin crows, well,hooroo, I'm off for a beer at Woolloomooloo,gotta make sure the Roo's are ready for this arvo's paper run past the Steak'n' Kidneys rubbitty dubs,only costs an oxford for tomorrow's fish n chip wrappers
ronburgundy- March 4, 2012 at 12:31 am
Yes i am australian drano, like i understand the funny shit about other countries. I honestly dont mind too much about the stupid overexageration of our accent, but like if you lived here for say 6 months, its nothing like americans make it out to be, and while its funny to make fun of others accents, the way it's its over done is really silly, the entire time i was reading this article, i was like wow are these guys serious who the fuck gave them the impression that people talk like this. Perhaps i am butthurt.
intercept440- March 3, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Caption: listen asswipe of course i can here you ....LOOK AT MY FUCKING EARS MAN...I PICK UP BAT RADAR FOR GODS SAKES!!!!"
AndyInflammatory- March 3, 2012 at 4:02 pm
Yeah we all talk like that here. After all, if it was on the Simpsons it must be true.
KarmaAteMyCat- March 3, 2012 at 3:38 pm
shits pretty crazy
Drano get at me sometime soon dude
dranokills- March 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm
are you Australian ronburgundy?
ronburgundy- March 3, 2012 at 2:29 pm
who the fuck speaks even close to that, the way americans see australians is really weird, i guess you can blame that dundee bullshit for that, or the overload of mcdonalds is clouding your judgement
dranokills- March 3, 2012 at 2:14 pm
Good job Rex buddy, but if you have fucked up at all FBF will correct ya.
tp24890- March 3, 2012 at 1:22 pm
"McCall lost his shit and ran out of the cage, and Johnson screamed like a virgin, touched for the very first time."

theothermatthughs- March 3, 2012 at 1:05 pm
that was hilarious ... thanks
Kimbos Bread- March 3, 2012 at 12:31 pm
All we need now is a short clip of a reporter interviewing a fat old
Aussie lady regarding her reaction to the situation, which'll undoubtedly be "I was quite frightened".
Frank Mur- March 3, 2012 at 12:25 pm
My Uncle is Austrailian, he draws all the time.
Motivated Penn- March 3, 2012 at 12:07 pm
Awesome article. I laughed out loud, repeatedly.
PurplePickle- March 3, 2012 at 11:11 am
That was pretty fucking funny,Rex . Even funnier five years from now when some half assed MMA blogger finds this piece on a 'majority draw' google search and cites the quotes.
Jason Moles- March 3, 2012 at 11:02 am
(in my best Crocodile Dundee voice) That's not a draw. Now HERE's a draw!
Anhonestmoose- March 3, 2012 at 10:49 am
Mr. Richardson, I have a wicked hangover. I didn't eat much yesterday and spent most of the night at the bar(s). What I'm trying to get at is this: still drunk, will try to read again later.
ThePeoplesTroll- March 3, 2012 at 10:34 am
thx for a waste of time.. on to a mma site with real news!
Sopapo- March 3, 2012 at 9:54 am
Hahahaha i loled at this.
skeletor- March 3, 2012 at 8:35 am
I thought the fight was close enough going into the third that if you were to declare a winner it would have been Uncle Creepy. But I do think a fourth round was in order.
ReX13- March 3, 2012 at 8:21 am
my apologies to fatbelly frank and all our friends down under.
HardKnockLife- March 3, 2012 at 8:20 am
Lulz indeed, well played! That damn dinkie-donger!