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Barnett Beats That One Guy in Australia; Parisyan, Sokoudjou, Monson Also Win

("I’m sorry, what was your name again?" PicProps: Sherdog)

Thank God that Josh Barnett only did a couple of the things he threatened to do to Geronimo dos Santos at Impact FC in Brisbane last night.  Despite his threats to the contrary, reports from Sherdog’s Jordan Breen – who was cageside for the event — indicate that Barnett’s short-and-sweet win over dos Santos in the main event of the upstart Australian promotion went strictly according to the unified rules. And no, that is not a euphemism.

The former UFC heavyweight champion took his enormo Brazilian opponent down and achieved full mount twice during the 2 minute, 45 second contest and eventually used a barrage of strikes from behind dos Santos to force John McCarthy to call the fight. Dos Santos attempted to protest the stoppage, but reportedly failed the “What the fuck is your problem?” test with his unsure, rubbery legs.

Fellow UFC castoffs  Karo Parisyan, Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou and Jeff Monson also recorded wins, while former champion Carlos Newton lost an ugly fight to Brian Ebersole.

For Parisyan, it was his first win since 2007 and his first appearance since a public grappling match with drug addiction, injuries and panic attacks led to his UFC dismissal last year. Parisyan’s bout was originally supposed to be the “co-main event” of Impact FC, but Breen reported that the fighter requested to be bumped up to the first fight of the night in order to relieve the apparent suffering of his family.

"This was my first fight that I was away from my family, and I knew they were freaking out at home," Parisyan told Sherdog. "My sister was at home throwing up. I felt like it would be better for them, and for me, if I fought first, and I could get it over with so they could stop worrying."

Uh, sure, nothing weird about that. Parisyan also reportedly did not look in great shape en route to a second-round submission win over Ben Mortimer. Baby steps, Karo, baby steps.

Meanwhile, Sokoudjou battered Joaquim "Mamute" Ferreira both on the feet and on the floor before a stoppage 1:20 into the first round, while Monson ended a two-fight losing streak by overcoming some initial struggles with the height and reach of 6-foot-4, 250-pound Ubiratan Lima Marinho to earn a unanimous decision win.

After weighing-in four pounds over the 170-pound limit, Newton by all accounts looked thoroughly done as a fighter in the latter stages of his bout against Ebersole. For much of the final two rounds, Newton appeared spent and served as a glorified punching bag for Ebersole, who has now won five in a row.

This was the first of a pair Impact FC shows scheduled just a week apart. Next Saturday, the promotion will stage a card featuring both Ken Shamrock and Paulo Filho.

So, you know, nothing could possibly go wrong with that.

Cagepotato Comments

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Under Banga- July 12, 2010 at 6:41 am
Sorry Dick musta missed the tute on that shit ??
Dick_Gozenya- July 11, 2010 at 6:34 pm
Nazxul, Destroyer 666, Abominator, Bestial Warlust, Psychrotic!

Oi oi oi!
Under Banga- July 11, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Ozzie ozzie ozzie ,OI, OI Fucking OI.
By the way kangaroos are lovers not fighters.
Dick_Gozenya- July 10, 2010 at 7:18 pm
The Kangaroo had to check out of the Daley bout due to a rumored case of the hepatitis C. They are currently trying to sanction Daley to fight a drunken pair of aboriginal siamese twins, connected in the torso-ish region, but the commission is too busy quibbling over the number of corner men they will be allowed to have.
TheArtof8Limbs- July 10, 2010 at 2:50 pm
I thought Paul Daley was fighting on one of these Impact FC I mistaken?
Tai-Pan- July 10, 2010 at 1:59 pm
Either that or get some Ambie... oh right....
just some dong- July 10, 2010 at 1:03 pm
Jeez, Karo's whole family is fucked. Buncha worry warts! Take a toke and chiiiiiiiiill... you obviously need it.
Seoul Brother- July 10, 2010 at 12:32 pm
@cecils_pupils: Taking any sort of recommendation for therapy from Karo Syrup is not exactly a wise course of action.
cecils_pupils- July 10, 2010 at 10:06 am
Yeah, Karo, baby steps. How about getting your sister in some therapy while you are at it... weird.