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Bas Rutten Knows How to Tell a Good Story

(Props: Fight Magazine)

Most of the time when people begin sentences with the phrase, "Funny story…" the one thing you can count on is that you’re about to hear a story that is only funny in the eyes of its teller.  That is, except when the teller is Bas Rutten.  When "El Guapo" begins sentences that way, what usually follows is a story about someone getting badly beat up, and usually that story will be oddly funny in a violently bizarre way

For instance, in this case Rutten tells a tale about how he went from being a sickly kid who got picked on to a neighborhood terror who hunted down former bullies in order to give them their comeuppance.  Then he and some friends are hanging out at a bar where a strange woman gets knocked unconscious into Rutten’s arms and, as it often does in these situations, hilarity ensues.  You know, after somebody punched a woman.  Don’t worry, I’m sure she was okay.  Well, not okay, but you get the point.

Barely related: Ten Things "Roadhouse" Taught Us About Fighting

Cagepotato Comments

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Robocop Didnt Tap- December 15, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Imagine if your mom was Lenne Hardt and you let Bas get randy with her? The awesome meter would flip over and burst into flames!
RustyShackleford- December 15, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Bas Rutten is the fuckin man dude
831 Son- December 15, 2009 at 2:18 pm
You are an idiot bogrog.

bogrog- December 15, 2009 at 1:50 pm
i love(d) all of the shit Bas has done but it's hard to believe a fuckin word of this. also, ever since he became aware of his hilariousness/badassishness, he plays into it way too much.
Sully- December 15, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Bas Rutten is a fag, he fucked my mom and didnt even have the decency to give me 20 bucks to go to the mall. He just pushed me out the front door, put a gun in my hand and told me to go out there and be somebody.
provrorsbarn- December 15, 2009 at 1:32 pm
sf should sign the hdnet team to comment......(bas, kenny, ron)
Kimbos Bread- December 15, 2009 at 1:32 pm
@ Robocop Didnt Tap

Oh hell, to keep with the spirit of the day, I'd let Lenne Hardt ride my brother from here to kingdom come.
meanfinger- December 15, 2009 at 1:32 pm
@ kimbo's bread: (streetfighting) its only illegal if u get caught, or if u dont beat his ass good enough, so then they go and talks to the queers with badges.
OH YEAH.....and quit being upset that your mom give up the pussy to tim sylvia.. i'd be happy if bas was bonin a family member.. even if i never met the guy, and he came to thanksgiving wearing a cagepotato t-shirt
Robocop Didnt Tap- December 15, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Is it me, or is Bas one of those things that the old school fans seem to love more than the newer generation of fans? I have friends that watch Inside MMA and say "that bald foreign guy is weird".

Same w/ Lenne Hardt. A lot of people mistake her for a wailing banshee. One time, I was walking through the woods and thought 'Holy crap, it's Lenne Hardt!" Turns out, it was a real banshee. Talk about a buzzkiller. :(
CAP10- December 15, 2009 at 12:45 pm
If Bas screwed your mom then that would sort of make him your dad, and that would be one of the coolest things possible.
Kimbos Bread- December 15, 2009 at 12:38 pm
You know you're in Cagepotato when:

You read posts of members expressing a desire to have their family members sexually ravaged (3 days from Sunday) by an MMA star they've never met.

...followed by other members promptly supporting the notion.

: /
PurplePickle- December 15, 2009 at 12:18 pm
I think I paid for that video with the DVDs and CDs I bought from his site over the past years. I even wear his fight club t shirt even though it is in those shitty Cleveland Brown colors. Bas and Quadros are my absolute favorite announce team and always will be.

Bas, fuck the shit out of Goat and Smitty's family members you badass motherfucker you.
Smitty- December 15, 2009 at 11:07 am
@ Goat
That's some beautiful shit man. Fuck it.....he can hit moms too
nicey- December 15, 2009 at 10:46 am
strikeforce needs this guy!! put him anywhere and he's sure to help out
Goat- December 15, 2009 at 10:33 am
Bas Rutten can fuck my sister any day.
Flotsam- December 15, 2009 at 10:28 am
Hey Bas. If you are reading this, I think you're awesome. I watch you on Inside MMA all the time. Hey, I was thinking that maybe we could hang out sometime, or maybe go have dinner. You know, two dudes just having some laughs. Nothing weird. And maybe, if you are cool with it, afterward we could go back to my place and you could let me shave my name into your chest hair. Or maybe just watch some old UFC videos. You know, whatever. Let's just play it by ear.
Kimbos Bread- December 15, 2009 at 10:25 am
@ skeletor

Those aren't street fighting techniques. They are the"Quick and easy ways to get yourself in jail for manslaughter" techniques.
NECROPHYTE- December 15, 2009 at 10:23 am
He needs his own fkn reality show!!!!!
Wouldn't you numb nuts watch it!?
One Two- December 15, 2009 at 10:14 am
bas might be the coolest guy in MMA he occasionally busts out some gems on inside MMA which is one of the main reasons i watch it. he had one story about getting hit with a bat with a nail in it pretty crazy. he apparently dislodged it from his head and beat the crap out of the guy and i think he triangled some dude at randlemans wedding and took on some bouncers in holland.

i call for a top ten bas Rutten awesomeness videos get it done bens.
Smitty- December 15, 2009 at 10:10 am
I love it when someone posts "first", but aren't really first by the time they hit the send button. It's icing on the cake when I'm the one that beats em.
skeletor- December 15, 2009 at 9:54 am
Thanks fr posting this CP. I've been watching Bas videos on youtube for the last 45 minutes now. Love the street fighting techniques.
Yves Latrine- December 15, 2009 at 9:50 am
"So then I saved the orphanage from some greedy developers and chopped down the tallest tree in the forest with my penis..."
mthomas- December 15, 2009 at 9:36 am
Bas is the motha 'uckin MAN!
meanfinger- December 15, 2009 at 9:29 am
strikeforce needs this guy!! put him anywhere and he's sure to help out

meanfinger- December 15, 2009 at 9:28 am
strikeforce needs this guy!! put him anywhere and he's sure to help out