(I don’t know, this song seems oddly appropriate.)
Let me ask you something, Potato Nation; after the unstoppable killing machine that is the 2012 injury curse claimed Tim Means via sauna room KO yesterday, did you think there was any possible way it could get worse? I may not know what your answer is, but I’m going to go ahead and declare you DEAD F*CKING WRONG. Last night’s Bellator 83 main event was supposed to determine the winner of the Season Seven Featherweight Tournament, pitting Shahbulat Shamhalaev against Rad Martinez. But oh, if only life were so simple. Not content with claiming fighters in the days before a fight, the injury curse struck down Shamhalaev with food poisoning during the God damn broadcast last night, forcing the bout to be shuffled to next week’s Bellator 84 card, where one of these two will probably obliterate the testicles of their opponent with a low kick and we can start this tragic experiment all over again.
Now without a main event, the co-main event matchup between former Bellator bantamweight champion Zach Mackovsky and Anthony Leone was bumped up to top billing. But I don’t want to talk about that fight (which Leone out-grappled the undersized Mackovsky en route to a SD victory). I want to talk about the flyweight matchup between Jessica Eye and Bellator 115 pound champ Zoila Gurgel, which despite lasting less than a minute was easily the highlight of a night filled with decisions.
We know that Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney reads CagePotato, like, religiously. We know this. Yet for some reason, he refuses to heed our advice about having his promotion’s champions fight in non-title fights. Granted, Bellator’s relationship with 115 pound female champion Zolia Gurgel is rocky to say the least, but the fact that she’s fought two non-title flyweight bouts since winning the belt is a little puzzling to say the least. In either case, you knew it was going to catch up to her eventually, but not many knew it would come in such quick, violent fashion as it did last night.
Squaring off against the 8-1 Jessica “Evil” Eye (official CP nickname “Easy On The“), Gurgel looked to establish her dominance on the feet early. Unfortunately for her, Eye ate her early shots and delivered some better ones of her own, dropping Gurgel mere seconds into the fight. In the scramble that ensued, Eye latched onto a standing arm-triangle ala Matt Riddle vs. Chris Clements that seemed ambitious at best at first. However, Eye made the correct adjustments and simply thrashed Gurgel against the cage until she collapsed in a heap, unconscious and pale faced. Referee Bill Bookwalter called an end to the contest just 58 seconds in. If there was ever an indication that Gurgel should stick to the class she’s the champion of, that was it. Then again, she told ReX that she plans to stay at 125, so I guess it’s back to the drawing board. A great win for Eye, though.
Full results from Bellator 83 are below.
Rad Martinez vs. Shahbulat Shamhalaev (fight postponed to Dec. 14, Shamhalaev withdrew due to food poisoning)
Anthony Leone def. Zach Makovsky via split decision (29-28, 29-28, 28-29)
Jessica Eye def. Zoila Gurgel via arm triangle choke submission, Rd. 1 (0:58)
Darrell Horcher def. Chris Liguori via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)
Mike Wessel def. Alexei Kudin via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)
Jimmie Rivera def. Jesse Brock via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)
Terrell Hobbs def. Brylan Van Artsdalen via rear naked choke submission, Rd. 1 (3:07)
Tuan Phan def. Matthew Lozano via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 29-28)
Claudio Ledesma def. Bo Harris via unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)