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Bob Sapp, Start Working on Your Oscar Speech!

(Props: Fightlinker)

Bob Sapp has lent his hulking, cartoonish presence to such critically acclaimed films as Big Stan and Elektra, but his next movie, titled Frankenhood, could be his biggest challenge yet. DreadCentral (via Fightlinker) gots da synopsis:

Motown (DeRay Davis) and Darius (Jasper Redd) work in a morgue, trading put-downs and toiling among the most undemanding of customers. But outside of their decidedly dreary jobs, the two dream of bigger and better things. If only they could win the $25,000 prize that will go to the winners of the upcoming 3-on-3 Streetball Tournament. One night, having been demoted to graveyard shift, they run into their semi-sane colleague Franklin (Charlie Murphy) in a dark alley outside the morgue. They find Franklin using the auto battery of Motown’s precious Gremlin to bring to life a monstrous dead man (Bob Sapp) whose heart Franklin has just replaced. That 3-on-3 basketball tournament isn’t looking so bad…if they can just get their new mutant friend to play basketball!

Holy Fucking Shit. It’s like a Tracy Jordan movie, but real. It’s also worth mentioning that the director of Frankenhood is a man named Blaxwell Smart, which I’m convinced is just a pseudonym for Ron Howard.

You have to give Bob credit — the man has never been afraid to humiliate himself for money. But here’s the problem: Who would look at Sapp’s dead body and think "basketball ringer"? He’s about as tall as a shooting-guard, and on the wrong side of 350 pounds. When Michael J. Fox put on the fur suit in Teen Wolf and started dunking on fools, I was like, "yeah, I can see that happening." Now cut to the set of Frankenhood, where a dangerously winded Bob Sapp is sucking an oxygen mask after doing one take of a scene where he has to zombie-walk downcourt.

Another question: What are Motown and Darius going to do with that $25,000 prize to turn their lives around? (Don’t say "scratch tickets.") And what will happen to their mutant friend after they’ve achieved their goal? Are they just going to rip out his battery and shove him in the dumpster? Can JB Smoove possibly save this wreck? Will Tyler Perry direct the sequel? Is it weird that I kind of want to rent this movie to see how it plays out?

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metergoose- December 29, 2011 at 1:41 am
Read a lot of similar articles, but only found this article to my taste, thank you cheap womens uggs
yuntian- November 13, 2011 at 5:17 pm
speculation that Coach Outlet France could soon senior credit strategist at Bank investors are increasingly concerned
Jay- March 27, 2009 at 5:33 am
When Ben wrote "Holy Fucking Shit". I was in total agreement.
subwayy2sallyy- March 26, 2009 at 9:17 pm
I couldn'ty finish My Boss's Daughter it was pretty brutal
I would know- March 26, 2009 at 8:34 pm
I bet this movie has a big-ass dick.
RED- March 26, 2009 at 8:34 pm
I watched Big Stan on the internet a while ago and it was actually pretty funny.
Douchey McDoucherton- March 26, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Maybe the directors meant to get Terry Crews but misread the credits in The Longest Yard.....yea that must be it.
Michael W.- March 26, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Seeing how much potential this movie had, Bernie Mac went ahead and removed himself from the cast.
Maud- March 26, 2009 at 4:33 pm
The best part is, the size of the upper bodies on the poster are all scaled equally. Bob Sapp just has a giant head
Anonymous- March 26, 2009 at 4:04 pm
When Michael J. Fox put on the fur suit in Teen Wolf and started dunking on fools, I was like, "yeah, I can see that happening."

wow, funny
Thaigger- March 26, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Jesus Christ who the fuck actually pays to put movies like this on the screen and think its gonna make money ? this shit is probably going straight to dvd
Long Nuts Himself- March 26, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Some silly Af- March 26, 2009 at 3:11 pm
All the niggaz say yeahhhhhhh
NateGetsIrate- March 26, 2009 at 3:04 pm
So who's the bad guy gonna be? Ross Clifton?
breeze- March 26, 2009 at 2:54 pm
i aint worried, it's got charlie murphy.
Angled Dangle- March 26, 2009 at 2:49 pm
@ drew
because they don't need a token Asian guy.
drew- March 26, 2009 at 2:42 pm
how did they miss the obivious MMA fighter
hong man choi

better frankstein fit
and is big as fuck
NinJay- March 26, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Charlie is staright up hilarious...even though thats from chapelle making fun of charly...he is still funny. He is the only bright spot in a otherwise dull dull story here.
kimbo stole my shoes- March 26, 2009 at 2:32 pm
critics proclaim, "it's a movie....... it's freaking terrible, and you'd rather take a nut-shot than watch it; but, it is, by definition, a movie!".....
rokabee- March 26, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Deray davis is a funny mother fucker, and so is Charlie Murphy.
Angled Dangle- March 26, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Dr.- March 26, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Yeah, the part where Sapp's acting consists of laying on a table.
PurplePickle- March 26, 2009 at 2:29 pm
If I wanted to win a street hoops tourney, an ex-lineman/super heavyweight feakshow brawler would be my first pick. Then I would write a script about it and bring in mo' money. But in my movie Eddy Murphy would wear a latex Bob Sapp suit and play all of the other characters except for Charlie Murphy's role.
hotsaucemonster- March 26, 2009 at 2:23 pm
at leats this movie will be great for the first 25 seconds
Mantooth- March 26, 2009 at 2:22 pm
3 Words: Straight to Video