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Bold Insane Statement of the Day: Cub Swanson Could Beat Jose Aldo “10 Out of 10 Times”…In a Rematch

I’m a bit puzzled, Potato Nation.

You see, when I sat down at my computer after lunch, I was under the assumption that I was still participating in this thing we call Planet Earth. Little did I know that, while reheating the few scraps of ground beef that managed to survive Meatloaf Monday, I had apparently been thrust into some sort of magical UNICEF fantasy world in which everyone was twelve stories high and made of radiation and Cub Swanson can claim that he would kick Jose Aldo‘s ass 10 times out of 10.

Confused? Well just listen to what Cub told Sherdog’s “Beatdown” radio show and prepare to be even more bewildered:

I know that I could win that fight 10 out of 10 times if we did it again. It’s not even an issue to me anymore. I’d actually like my brother — would love for my brother — to fight him, who’s an up-and-comer, which I feel is more of a fair fight. I don’t really feel like [himself vs. Aldo] would be a fair fight at all.

Call me old fashioned, but when I make some contrived, ridiculous, he’s-got-to-be-joking statement, I’d like to think I did the math right when making said statement. This isn’t Vietnam, Cub, there are rules here. AND YOU CAN’T JUST START THE FIGHT COUNTER WHENEVER YOU WANT.

But since you’re a man of numbers, allow me to throw one at you. Eight. You lasted eight seconds with the dude the last time around. According to Michael Bisping, that is 14 minutes and 52 seconds less than a typical virgin lasts on prom night. And now you want your brother to be next in line at the slaughterhouse? It looks to me like somebody completely missed the point of The Hunger Games. 

Honestly, I don’t even know what to make of a notion so ridiculous, except to say that I now sympathize with Mitt Romney more than I previously thought possible. At least he didn’t attempt to open a window on a plane — coincidentally causing that plane to crash into a mountain — and then declare that opening a window on a plane would definitely never cause a plane to crash into a mountain. Yeah, I know that makes no sense, but apparently we’re living in a world where we can make these kind of logical leaps without repercussion.

And while there’s little denying that Swanson has clearly elevated his game since the loss to Aldo at WEC 41, we can’t exactly condone the spewing of such mathematically retarded points as the one he is trying to make. We’ve heard of poking the bull, but Swanson sounds like he’s trying to jam his thumb right up the bull’s butt hole

But on the off chance that Swanson is not next for a featherweight sacrifice title shot after his beatdown of Charles Oliveira at UFC 152 (because who really knows what the hell is happening at 145 anyway), he has offered up several options for Sean Shelby to consider.

The Koch fight, I think he’s a real tough kid. I was supposed to fight him twice and I feel terrible that I wasn’t able to follow through with that for the fans and for him. That’s something I want back. The Zombie is just somebody who everybody loves. Everyone thinks he’s the best up-and-comer, and I don’t think so. That’s somebody I would love to throw down with. Lamas, he’s a stud and I felt like that was my fight and I messed up and I would like to give it another shot.

Well, for once we’re in agreement. Swanson has more than earned a shot at some top-level competition, the question is, who would you like to see him fight next?

-J. Jones

Cagepotato Comments

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smellypiratehooker- October 3, 2012 at 7:28 am
I could be just sitting at home with pee stains on my rug
J.Jones- October 3, 2012 at 12:38 pm
Mission accomplished then.
Inigo Montoya- October 3, 2012 at 7:22 am
I literally LOL'ed at this article, which is rare... but I HOWLED at the image of Aldo deucing 10 times on an unconscious Cub!!!
Pen Fifteen- October 2, 2012 at 8:25 pm
Cub Swanson probably also thinks he could take 9 out of 10 from a wood chipper or 3 out of 5 from a Sherman tank.
Mr_Misanthropy- October 2, 2012 at 3:05 pm
I do give him credit for being on the receiving ends of one of the most bad ass flying knee KO's in the history of fighting. Aldo hit him so hard and so fast they had to slow the footage down like four times so that you could clearly see both knees landing. The pool of blood flowing out of the gaping axe wound on his forehead was just icing on the cake. For this we thank you Cub Swanson.
Buster Hyman- October 2, 2012 at 3:00 pm
jose aldo, he should fight jose aldo. and when he is laying lifeless on the ground again, aldo should take ten dumps on his face, and try to go 10 for 10 on how many logs he lands in cub swansons shit hole of a mouth.
The12ozCurls- October 2, 2012 at 2:46 pm
Smokey, you are entering a world of pain . . . . . .
Fried Taco- October 2, 2012 at 2:27 pm
So is there anybody Cub lost to that he wouldn't beat 10 times out of 10?