(“Oh God! His tiny, shriveled balls are digging into my back!” / Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly)
After taking his third-straight loss against a bitch-slappin’ Thiago Silva at UFC 125 on New Year’s Day, light-heavyweight Brandon Vera was given his walking papers by the promotion. But according to FiveOuncesofPain and MMAJunkie, the UFC has had a change of heart, and has reinstated Vera’s contract. The reason for the flip-flop seems to be Silva’s mysterious drug test from that fight, which is still under scrutiny by the Nevada State Athletic Commission. The result of the Vera/Silva bout is expected to be changed to a “no contest,” and Silva will be facing a fine and suspension if the reports are accurate.
“I roll with Phil Davis,” Vera said. “I roll with Travis Browne. I roll with Junior dos Santos. I roll with the Nogueira brothers. When I’m in the half guard underneath somebody and I have their leg, and my other leg’s half-cocked up on their arm pit, I can rock people back and forth. I can rock you and either stand back up or get the sweep.
I remember when I was underneath [Silva] and I was pushing him back and forth. I was thinking, ‘What the hell? Why is this guy so damn strong?’ And I remember thinking during the fight, ‘Yo, I gotta start lifting weights again.’ He was one of, if not the strongest dudes I ever rolled with in my life. Strong bastard…
I didn’t know he was (patting my back) until the crowd started booing and cheering. I remember I looked back and was like, ‘What the hell?’ And I elbowed him in his face. I don’t know what he was doing that for. Kind of excited, I guess, because he knew he was winning the fight.
There’s stuff I want to say about you, Thiago. You know, I’m glad you were happy winning the way you were. It’s cool, man. It’s cool. If this thing comes back and you did do whatever you did and I make it back to the UFC, on your welcoming back party, I want to make sure I’m the one you get to fight.
And I promise if you take me down, I’m going to get back up. Then I’m going to punish you on the feet just like I did while we were fighting, until you took me down. Then you gave it to me, but you won’t take me down next fight. So I’m glad you got to showboat. I’m glad you got to win, kind of. But I’m gonna see you again soon, bud.”
We’ll update you when Silva’s test results are announced — so place your bets on which ridiculous excuse he’ll use if his urine comes back dirty.